Monday, September 14, 2015

One For the Money S3E2

Synopsis: Sophia ponders selling their hose water as bottled water as the girls recall previous money-making schemes including a misguided stint as caterers and participating in a dance marathon.

80s Flashback
Sophia: “How gullible do you think I am? Do I look like Donna Rice?”

Let's Get Political
Blanche: “Well, have yourself a good time and try not to overdo it.”
Dorothy: “Blanche, what is that supposed to mean?”
Blanche: “Oh, nothing. It's just that these things can be a little strenuous for a woman of your years.”
Dorothy: “Who am I, Mamie Eisenhower?”

Musical Moments
Rose’s stuffing chicken work song:
“Gonna stuff a chicken/ Like my momma taught me/Gonna take the chicken/Down to Mississippi”

That’s What She Said
Blanche: “I think I have a little more endurance than you.”
Dorothy: “Blanche, we are not dancing on our backs.”

Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “We brought dinner.”
Rose: “What’d you get?”
Dorothy, carrying a pizza box: “A bucket of chicken Rose. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.”

Insult Watch
Rose: “You're wasting your time. 'Cause that thousand dollar prize is gonna be mine. When I was younger, I was known as the Dancing Fool.”
Dorothy: “How old were you when they dropped the 'dancing' part?”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Move over Perrier, Petrillo Water is on the way!”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “You know, this reminds me of the big dance back in St. Olaf to kick off Pretzel Week. My Uncle Gunther, after the great beer nut shortage of '21-”
Dorothy: “Foul! Foul! Send a judge over here. This woman is trying to put us to sleep!”

Picture It
Rose: “I'm a little nervous about tomorrow. I've never cooked for 300 people.”
Sophia: “Please, in Sicily, we did it all the time. And we didn't have the modern conveniences you have today. We had to slaughter our own meat, prepare our own seasonings, and, if the food wasn't perfect, after cappuccino they shot the cook.”

Sassy Sophia
Rose: “Maybe we should have a weapon?”
Sophia: “Please, the three of you without makeup is enough to scare anyone.”

Best of B.E.D.
Marty: “You said we're going dancing tonight. You failed to mention it was a dance marathon.”
Blanche: “Well, the first prize is $1000 and I have to have that money. I'm in desperate need of medical attention.
Marty: “Is it serious?”
Blanche: “Very. If I can't afford a new fall wardrobe, I'll never land myself a doctor.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “Ma, if you had your choice of a spaghetti sauce with your picture on it or Paul Newman's picture on it, which would you choose?”
Sophia: “Back to square one.”

The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “Ma, we have a perfectly good TV set in the living room.”
Sophia: “Yeah, but you never let me watch what I like. And I wanna make sure I don't miss that final episode of MASH I've been hearing so much about.”

Golden Quotes
[doorbell rings]
Blanche: “Who on Earth could that be at 3 o’clock in the morning?”
Dorothy: “Maybe it’s a Jehovah’s witness with a caffeine problem?”


Rose: “Hi, girls.”
Dorothy: “Et tu, Judas?”
Rose: “No, it's me, Rose, I'm just wearing my hair a little different.”

Critique: “Maestro!” How on earth could Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy – who live together – not know they were all going to the dance marathon? Did they get dressed in their cars beforehand?? Anyways, this delightful episode works because of two words: Dance. Marathon. It’s such a classic Golden Girls sequence that you could show it to literally anyone and they’d think it was hilarious. The dance marathon truly is a downright sidesplitting segment of clever dialogue, comic performances, and perfectly timed sight gags. The screeching sound effect when the guy dumps his partner for Blanche is subtle but hilarious. Rose's cartwheel dance, performed by an obvious stunt woman, is one of the funniest moments of the entire series. This vignette is so great I’m surprised the writers couldn’t build an entire episode around it. Even the first sequence, where they stuff chickens, is filled with line after quotable line. Dorothy’s Jehovah’s Witness quip is arguably a Top Five line. The less said about the logistics of the girls “cooking for 300 people” with their one oven is beyond ridiculous even by this show's preposterous standards, but I digress. The segment that flashbacks to Brooklyn with younger Sophia and Dorothy is nice but these scenes are always more cute than funny. I still maintain that Lyn Greene is perfectly cast as young Dorothy. The framework around these great vignettes is ultimately really silly, but this one is still a keeper. A-

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