Friday, July 7, 2017

High Anxiety S4E20

Synopsis: The girls learn Rose has been hooked on pain meds for years and help her kick the habit; Sophia and Dorothy are going to star in a pizza commercial.

Crazy Continuity
Rose: “Because tonight is the anniversary of the death of my beloved cat Fluffy.”
Dorothy: “You have never had cats. You're allergic.”
Ahh, how soon we forget about poor Mr. Peepers in "The Way We Met."

St. Olaf Vocab
Humpaflagel cake – a tall Scandinavian cake that's extremely sensitive to noise and movement
G├╝genspritzer – a Monopoly-like board game that uses St. Olaf geography

That’s What She Said
Dorothy: “Rose, spit it out! Right now Rose!!”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Rose: “Look, the truth is I can't stop tonight because I'm afraid. I don't know if I can.”
Dorothy: “That's because you're hooked on these, Rose. But honey, there's a place for people with this kind of problem.”
Sophia: “Please, what is she gonna do in the NBA?”

Lewd Ladies
Dorothy: “OK. OK, Ma. Where are you going to shoot this commercial?”
Sophia: “Well, we discussed many exotic locations, and we settled on right here.”
Blanche: “Oh, now hold on here. I don't want a TV crew coming in here, messing up my kitchen, setting up all that video equipment.”
Rose: “Well how about shooting it in your bedroom, Blanche? The equipment's already set up there.”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “One thing, do I look at my mother or at the camera?”
Sy: “Look at the camera, and here's a little tip. Look at it like you're making love to it.”
Sophia: “It might help if you give her a reference she's more familiar with.”

Product Placement
Dorothy: “This is Fred Flintstone. His nose is dissolved, but it's definitely Fred Flintstone.”
Rose: “They're my vitamins.”

Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “Ma, what are you doing out? I thought you were in your room.”
Sophia: “I whittled a gun out of a bar of soap and overpowered the guards.”

Back in St. Olaf
Blanche: “I didn't know you'd hurt your back.”
Rose: “Oh it's an old farm injury from St. Olaf. Oh I'll never forget when it happened. It was time to plant the crops, but after 17 years of pulling the plow, poor old Bessie was worn out.”
Dorothy: “Well why didn't you just get another mule?
Rose: “Oh Bessie wasn't a mule. She was a big fat lady who pulled farm plows for a living… Anyway, we had to till the soil, so I volunteered to pull the plow, and I hurt my back.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Barely a month had gone by before I started feeling those awful stirrings and urgings. I was like a spring-bloomin' peach bud just ripened to dewy fruition, waitin' to be plucked by the first handsome man to come my way.”
Dorothy: “You were looking for some nooky.”
Blanche: “Exactly.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “I'll never be cured, but I know now I can live without drugs my whole life, one day at a time.”
Sophia: “I'm just glad you got that monkey off your back.”
Rose: “I never had a monkey on my back, Sophia. Although, when I was a child, I had a chicken named Gordon...”

Reel References
Dorothy: “What is there to be ashamed of? You have a medical problem. Was Betty Ford embarrassed?” Was Liza Minnelli embarrassed?”
Sophia: “She shoulda been. Did you see 'Arthur 2?'”

The Boob Tube
Sy: “Miss, this'll only take a second.”
Rose: “Oh yeah, It'll only take a second to knock you on your keister, buddy. Now what's it gonna be?”
Sy: “Look, if I wanted this kind of abuse, I'd be directing The Roseanne Barr Show.”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Dorothy, I didn't know you were good at making malts.”
Dorothy: “Good? I'm an expert. Didn't I tell you I used to work in a malt shop when I was in high school?”
Blanche: “Soda jerk?”
Rose: “No, thanks. I'll have a malted.”

Sophia: “Forgive me, my memory's not as good as it used to be. Nothing on me is as good as it used to be. Once upon a time, I had a butt you could bounce a quarter on. Now you could lose a Krugerrand in the creases.”

Dorothy: “Ma, what are you doing up?”
Sophia: “I've got an hour till my paper route starts, so I thought I'd do some chin-ups.”

Blanche: “There was a time in my life when I tried quittin' something.”
Dorothy: “Blanche, you don't mean?”
Blanche: “Sex, Dorothy. I tried quittin' sex.”
Dorothy: “Obviously you fell off the wagon.”
Sophia: “And onto a naval base.”

Dorothy: “How odd. I can either buy the library or the phone booth in the center of town. I'll buy the library.”
Rose: “If I were you, I'd buy the phone booth.”
Dorothy: “Why?” 
Rose: “People use the phone booth!”

Sy: “Little Slice of Sicily is a family restaurant, and a mother-daughter commercial would be great. How'd you like to be in it?”
Dorothy: “I don't know. I mean I'd have to check my schedule. You see, I'm a substitute teacher.”
Sophia: “Please! So someone else sets up the driver's-ed cones.”

Dorothy: “There's something wrong with the line. That's why I can't say it.”
Sy: “There's something wrong with the line?
Dorothy: “Yes, you see, I'm an English teacher. I should know. The reason I can't say it is because the line itself is not grammatical. See, it should be 'real-LY good pizza,' not 'real good.' 'Perfect pizza with pizazz.' Even better. Hey, I can act and write! Gee, I love this business!”

Sophia: “You can't pay me enough to endorse that slime on a shingle.”
Dorothy: “Ma, this is a nationwide commercial. There is a lot of money involved here.”
Sophia: “Sorry Dorothy. There are two things a Sicilian won't do: lie about pizza and file a tax return.”

You know it's a good episode when it opens on one of my all-time favorite lines. Obviously, the girls are such dicks to Rose that she'd actually think Blanche was calling her a jerk. Even if I love when the girls are insulting each other, I also love it when they band together to solve a problem. Especially when it involves playing bizarre board games from St. Olaf. The real comic highlight here however is the B story involving the pizza commercial. First Rose bitches out the director in a delightfully awkward scene and later watching Bea Arthur pretend to act like she can't act is simply priceless (“Boy do you stink.”) And the way Dorothy slams the pizza on the table after being forced to switch roles is the definition of rewatchable. But finally, two things, first, what shady pharmacy fulfills a prescription that's over thirty years old? And why exactly is Rose swallowing Flintstone vitamins with water? They're chewable. I mean I know she's not always the brightest color in the box, just something that always bugged me. Still, this is a classic episode all around. GRADE: A


  1. This reminds me of when Dorothy had chronic fatigue syndrome. No issues or symptoms before this episode & no issues or symptoms after. And how long was Rose in the drug treatment program? I get the meaning of the show, I just think drug addiction takes more than 20 minutes to solve.

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  3. Too funny. Rose said she needs 1 more pill because it's the anniversary of the death of her cat Fluffy. Dorothy said, you never had cats. You're allergic. Someone forgot to watch the very 1st show.. .

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