Synopsis: Blanche
dates a local newsman who is having mommy issues;
Dorothy reluctantly attends a therapy session with Stan and is
shocked to learn he’s trying to win her back.
Crazy Continuity
In a rare form of
actual continuity, you can clearly see the monkey traffic cone in Dr.
Halperin’s office which will make its appearance in an upcoming
episode.
Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: [arriving
home after her date] “Ohhhh. Mmmmmmm. Oh, my, my, my,
my, my, my, MY!!”
Dorothy: “Why do I
feel the need to bathe?”
Insult Watch
Rose: “Boy, the
timing of Jerry's visit works out perfectly for me. See, his birthday
is in two weeks, and the office is giving him a surprise roast. So I
have to come up with one or two things that I can kid him about. I
can get away with it 'cause he considers me a good friend.”
Dorothy: “Well,
then why not tease him about his taste in friends?”
Stan: “Dr.
Halperin's working with me on something called ‘closure.’ I'm not
going there to try to win you back. I'm going there to try to get
over you.”
Sophia: “Go around
her, it takes less time.”
Product Placement
Stan: “Dorothy,
I'm seeing a psychiatrist. I've discovered that the old Stan really
wasn't Stan. He was merely a Stan trying to be the Stan that everyone
thought Stan should be.”
Rose: “Hey, I've
been there.”
Stan: “But now,
with a little bit of help, I'm becoming a new Stan.”
Sophia: “Oh,
great. I'll take a People magazine and a Morning Herald.”
Dorothy: “Ma, he
is not a newsstand. He's a new Stan.”
Stan: “Then you
can see the change?”
Sophia: “I'm
waiting for the change. That was a $5 I handed you.”
Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “Ma, as
you know, Stan's been having difficulty making it on his own. Dr.
Halperin believes that you can help him in his struggle to separate
from me.”
Sophia: “Sure I
can. Stay away from my daughter or I'll have your legs broken.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “Oh, I
remember St. Olaf's most famous psychotherapists, the Freud brothers,
Sigmund and Roy. You may have read their bestseller, If I Have All
the Cheese I Want, Why Am I Still Unhappy?”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Oh, why
do these things keep happenin' to me? And why do I let them keep
happenin'? I'm just tired of gettin' all dressed up, lookin'
gorgeous, going out, only to lose out in the end. On the other hand,
I am dressed up, and I do look gorgeous, and it is gringo night at
Hernando's Hacienda. Oh, but I don't think I ought to go. I'm just so
vulnerable. Does anyone know how to say vulnerable in Spanish? Oh,
nevermind, I'll say it with my eyes. Adios.”
Sweet,
Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Jerry: “Well,
maybe I shouldn't, Blanche. I mean, t-this darn girdle is tight
enough as it is.”
Dorothy: “Rose,
did you catch that?”
Rose: “I sure did,
my friend. ‘Darn girdle.’ The man refuses to curse.”
From Feud to Food
Dorothy: “Ma, I'm
making dinner. What would you like to eat?”
Sophia: “A nice
thick T-bone steak, corn on the cob, and pecan pie for dessert. Now
ask me what I can chew.”
Dorothy: “I'll
start soaking the cornflakes now.”
Dorothy Zbornak is
My Spirit Animal
Rose: “So, how was
it, Blanche?”
Blanche: “Oh, you
might as well ask me to describe the glory of the Great Smoky
Mountains as they rise from the mist of a Carolina dawn.”
Dorothy: “They
went to a sleazy motel.”
Blanche: “Or the
colors of the monarch butterfly, spreading its wings as it emerges
from the miracle of the cocoon.”
Dorothy: “She got
him to pay for half the room.”
Blanche: “Or the
sturdy cypress reaching heavenward, tall and mighty and proud!”
Dorothy: “That one
I think is pretty self-explanatory.”
The Boob Tube
Blanche: “Jerry
Kennedy, the newscaster?”
Rose: “Uh-huh.
He's coming over to pick up his daily planner. I took it home from
work by mistake. Boy, was I embarrassed when I showed up for handball
with Walter Cronkite. By the way, if you ever run into Walt, don't
tell him he looks like Captain Kangaroo.”
Golden Quotes
Rose: “Girls, you
will never guess who was just on the phone!”
Blanche: “The real
phone Rose, or your Farmer in the Dell phone?”
Rose: “Oh, please.
I haven't had a Farmer in the Dell phone since I was 50.”
Rose: “Watch this,
Dorothy. He won't even know I'm fishing for info. You know, Jerry,
uh, when I was a little girl, my father misplaced his daily planner,
too. It was when we were on the way to the state fair. Speaking of
state fairs, is it true that you're cheap??”
Rose: “Jerry, I'd
like you to meet my roommate, Blanche Devereaux. And, Blanche, this
is-”
Blanche: “Oh why,
you don't have to tell me. From the Gulf coast to the Atlantic, from
the Keys to the Okefenokee, with the 11:00 news, this is Jerry
Kennedy.”
Jerry: “Well, I'm
flattered.”
Sophia: “From the
pit of my stomach to the porcelain of the bowl-”
Jerry’s mother:
“Did you know that Gerald is afraid of clowns? Or that he can't go
to the bathroom except at home?”
Dorothy: “Oh, so
that's why there's that look on his face right before they get to the
weather.”
Dr. Halperin: “Now,
Stan, what you have to do is ask yourself, why would you want to be
with a woman who so clearly doesn't wanna be around you?”
Dorothy: “Well, I
think I can answer that, Doctor. There's no other kind.”
Rose: “Girls, I
think I have my opening for the roast. Listen. ‘Good evening,
everyone. I hope you enjoyed your Cornish game hen.’ [giggles]
Dorothy: “What
What's so funny about that?”
Rose: “Oh, I
didn't set it up. You see, we're serving Cornish game hen.”
Dorothy: “Oh,
well, now that you've explained it. But this still doesn't say
anything about Jerry.”
Rose: “I know, I
know, but I've drawn a blank. I even called his brother, and they
haven't spoken since Jerry was arrested for public nudity. Damn it,
there is just nothing funny about that clown-fearing, mama's boy.”
Sophia: [wearing a
life jacket] “Wait a minute. This isn't Splash Mountain.”
Dorothy: “Ma,
we're not going to Splash Mountain. I want you to meet Dr. Halperin.
He's Stan's psychiatrist.”
Dr. Halperin: “Mrs.
Petrillo, I've heard a lot about you.”
Sophia: “Lies! All
lies! Yes, I wanted a boy, but slowly I learned to accept her.”
Dr. Halperin: “I
just meant it was nice to meet you.”
Sophia: “Oops.”
Dr. Halperin:
“Sophia, without going into a lot of psychological detail, I
believe Stan's clinging to Dorothy is really a suppressed longing for
his mother's love. Now, my theory is that, subconsciously, he's
transferred that longing to you.”
Sophia: “And if
you're wrong?”
Dr. Halperin: “I
owe the parking guys a round of drinks.”
Dorothy: “You
know, I cannot remember when I had a sponge cake quite so m-moist.”
Jerry: “Extremely
moist.”
Rose: “The
moistest.”
Sophia: “I found
the tea rather moist, as well… What? I can't be uncomfortable,
too?”
Jerry: “Well, all
these raves have put me in the mood for another slice.”
Jerry’s mother:
“Gerald, do you really feel you need another slice?”
Jerry: “Oh, well,
maybe you're right, Mother. The television camera does exaggerate the
pounds.”
Blanche: “Oh, I
don't see where a little sliver would hurt.”
Sophia: “Finally,
some action.”
Jerry: “Well,
Blanche, I really shouldn't.”
Blanche: “Yes,
Jerry, you should.”
Jerry’s mother:
“No, he shouldn't. He's watching his refined sugar intake.”
Blanche: “Yes, he
should. This cake is sweetened with natural fruit juices.”
Jerry’s mother:
“No, he shouldn't. His cross-country skiing machine is in the
shop.”
Blanche: “Yes, he
should. He gets plenty, and I mean plenty, of exercise with me.”
Sophia: “Checkmate.
Hand the guy a fork.”
Sophia: “I said it
before, and I'll say it again. Sluts just heal quicker.”
Critique:
I realize that Sophia is in her mid-80s and she’s not always
altogether “there” but how did she get all the way from the car,
into the office building, through the lobby, up the elevator, into
the waiting room, and finally into Dr. Halperin’s office and then
realize she wasn’t on Splash Mountain? But I digress. It is a funny
joke in an episode full of solid moments but overall “Mother Load”
is arguably one this season’s lesser efforts. Everything with Stan
and his psychiatrist is fine but it’s certainly not as funny as
Blanche’s A story about dating newscaster Jerry Kennedy. The best
running gag of the half hour is certainly Rose trying to find quirky
things about Jerry and not realizing that only being able to go to
the bathroom at home and wearing a girdle are roast-worthy oddities.
The standouts include fantastic uses of the controversial word
“moist” and Blanche’s “my my my my my my my” horny moaning
which I’ve quoted more times that I’m comfortable admitting. Does
Jerry’s mother Millicent look familiar? This is the fourth role
she’s had on The GG, her most memorable is probably Candi in
“Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself.” Fun Fact: for some reason
season 7 is filled with episodes with people who appeared in the 80s
comedy “Airplane!” - my all-time favorite movie - Peter Graves is
the first of three Season 7 actors to appear on the show. GRADE:
B