The Bloom is Off the Rose S6E13

Synopsis: Rose and Miles need more adventure in their relationship so Rose signs them up for skydiving lessons; Sophia muddles in Dorothy’s love life for the millionth time; Blanche is an abusive relationship. Fun fun fun!

90s Flashback

Radio Host Dr. Kelly: “Hi, you're on the air with Dr. Kelly. I need your first name only.”

Sophia: “My name is… Cher.”

Radio Host Dr. Kelly : “And your problem, Cher? I have a 55-year-old daughter named Dorothy, Dorothy Zbornak. She's got problems.”

Radio Host Dr. Kelly: “First names only, please.”

Sophia: “I told you, it's Cher!”

Musical Moments

Rose [listening to jazz music]: “Oh, hi, Miles. I was just listening to a song Charlie and I used to dance to.”

Miles: “We've danced to it too.”

Rose: “Not around a campfire, hoping for rain.”

That’s What She Said

Sky-diving instructor: “Now, all you have to do is relax and enjoy the view.”

Lewd Ladies

Rose: “I hate to admit it, but my relationship with Miles is really getting boring. We even make love the same.”

Blanche: “How?”

Rose: “Well, first he says, ‘Let's go watch TV in the bedroom.’ And then I think, Wait, he doesn't have a TV in the bedroom. And then he says, ‘Come lie down. I won't try anything.’ And then we have four hours of the most boring sex you've ever had in your life.”

Blanche: “Four hours??”

Rose: “I guess it could take less if I stopped playing hard to get.”

Brooklyn: A Fairy Land

Dorothy: “I mean, I was once in an abusive relationship.”

Sophia: “Hey, Stan was a yutz, but when was he abusive?”

Dorothy: “Not Stan. I've had relationships with other men.”

Sophia: “Oh yeah, the evil pen pal. So, what did Koo Duk Kim say in his letters that hurt my little girl?”

Dorothy: “No, it was in high school. Michael Tortelli, remember? Captain of the football team. Oh, he was beautiful. “Black wavy hair. Strong Roman nose. And he could read.”

Sophia: “Oh, him.”

Dorothy: “He was always putting me down. Made me feel like I had no self-worth.”

Insult Watch

Dorothy: “It's 10:00, and I've been stood up again. I feel totally unattractive, undesirable and ignored. Oh, Dorothy, you explain it to 'em.”

Dorothy: “Well, Blanche feels the way any one of us would feel if we were stood up three times.

(chuckles) Three whole times…”

Dorothy: “Listen, you know it could've been a lot worse. Most people in an abusive relationship have to hit bottom before they can get out. You were lucky.”

Sophia: “Your bottom’s a lot higher than most people's.”

Product Placement

Miles: “I'm over 60.”

Rose: “Well, so is Paul Newman, and he still races cars.”

Miles: “Rose, I don't want to be compared with Charlie, and I sure as hell don't want to be compared with Paul Newman. Although I gotta tell you, I do make a better salad dressing.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “So that's a typical date with Blanche. I mean, after you cut out all the dirty parts.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “I don't think I was ever bored for one day when I was with Charlie. He had a theory – ‘Even a trip to the bank can be exciting, if you wear a ski mask.’”

Dorothy: “He would say that often?”

Rose: “Almost as often as he'd say, ‘Don't shoot. It's me - Charlie Nylund!’”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: Well, I have everything I need for the fishing trip. Plenty of suntan lotion and a string bikini. I don't want the fish to be the only things nibblin'.”

Sophia: “Or floppin' around in the boat.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Rose: “Are you excited?”

Miles: “Dumbstruck.”

Rose: “Oh, I know that feeling.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal

Rex: “Do you want to go light a fire under her?

Dorothy: “No, I don't think so.”

Rex: “Why not?”

Dorothy: “Because I think she's getting burned enough as it is.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?

Dorothy [working on lunar module puzzle]: “Ma, you you put Buzz Aldrin's head on Neil Armstrong's body.”

Sophia: “I did?”

Dorothy: “Yes, Ma, you did.”

Sophia: “I'm so ashamed. I wouldn't blame you if you sent me to bed. Now, right now!”

Reel References

Sophia: “Boy, he makes Wallace Beery look like Adolphe Menjou.”

Dorothy: “Has been a long time since I've taken you to the movies, hasn't it?”

Golden Quotes

Dorothy: “Blanche, honey, are you OK?”

Blanche [holding a laundry basket]: “Never better. Why?”

Dorothy: “I've just never seen you do anything domestic.”

Blanche: “Dorothy, I've done the laundry thousands of times. Oh, by the way, we're out of ble-ock.”

Dorothy: “You kids have fun tonight?”

Miles: “Oh, did we ever. There's this sewing shop on Fourth Street. And in the back they've got a thimble museum I've wanted to go to. You could put in a thimble what most people know about thimbles. Well, no, that's not mine. They tell that one down at the thimble museum.”

Dorothy: “You actually had a good time at a thimble museum?”

Miles: “Well, sew-sew. No, again, that was not mine. They sell bumper stickers down at the thimble museum.”

Dorothy: “You know what the joke going around the teachers' lounge was today, Ma? Me.”

Sophia: “I know that joke.”

Dorothy: “Everybody heard on the radio that some anonymous Ma was complaining that her dependent daughter Dorothy doesn't have a life of her own.”

Sophia: “What, you think you're the only gray-haired spinster substitute teacher named Dorothy wasting her life away in Miami?”

Rose: “I'm sorry, Sophia, but in Dorothy's defense, that sure does sound a lot like her.”

Rose: “Oh, there is nothing like skydiving. I mean, soaring through the air the freedom of it, the whole idea of plummeting toward a pasture and watching a cow get bigger and bigger. It's just something we should do together before we die.”

Miles: “Rose, could-couldn't I just run toward you yelling, Moo?”

Dorothy: “Oh, this guy Rex is ruining your self-esteem. Did he say that you're fat??”

Blanche: “Not in so many words. But I am starting to wonder whether ‘barrel-butt’ is really a term of endearment.”

Dorothy: “Sea of Tranquility, come to Mama. Lunar module, you're out of here! Yeah! That's it! Yes! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ho-ho.”

Sophia: “It's just a puzzle, Dorothy. You didn't make this much noise on your wedding night.”

Sophia: “You’re going skydiving??”

Rose: “Mm-hmm.”

Sophia [wide-eyed]: “A room with a view. A room with a - I mean, good luck!”

Sophia: “I went by that thimble museum and I got him a thimble from France. See, it's got this little man on it, and when you turn it upside down— [chuckles] I think I'll keep this one for myself.”

Rose: “You don't realize how much you care for a man until you see him streaking toward the earth trying to grab a bird.”

Critique:

Zippertown. I wanna know more. But I digress. What can I say about this episode except that my favorite part is watching Dorothy practically have a full body orgasm as she finishes the lunar module puzzle. The rest is sew-sew. Why exactly is Rose so bored with Miles and his trips to thimble museums? She has cheese making and stamp collecting on her job resume for god’s sake. Abusive relationships are one of many serious subject matters the show tackled over its seven year run and there are plenty of laughs to be had though I generally find “The Bloom is Off the Rose” to be a rather mellow affair. There are a handful of classic lines but we don’t really get any funny St. Olaf stories, wisdom from Sicily or tales of Blanche’s sinful past. Just a lunar module puzzle that doesn’t even have a lunar module on it. Come on props people try harder!! Fun fact: If you listen closely you can hear a woman in the audience chuckle and laughingly repeat “barrel butt” after Blanche says it. GRADE: B-