Tuesday, January 30, 2018

If at Last You Do Succeed S6E3

Synopsis: Stan becomes a success after inventing “the Zbornie:” a baked potato opener; Blanche buys Rose’s old junk including St. Olaf war bonds which turn out to be worth a lot.

80s Flashback
Dorothy [reading Stan’s letter]: “‘Dear Dorothy, in case you change your mind, here are three things to remember at the cocktail party. Number one, ask for more potatoes. Number two, be appalled that Joe Isuzu wasn't played by an Asian actor. And number three, under no circumstances walk on their backs. Even if they beg you and they will.’”

90s Flashback
Blanche: “I don't wanna have to deal with 400 people in Simpsons t-shirts trying to knock 25 cents off your ‘I lost my ass in Vegas’ cup.”

Let’s Get Political
Blanche: “How'd it go?”
Stan: “Ah, it was great. Those Japanese sure know how to have fun. What was that crazy dance called again?”
Dorothy: “They were bowing, Stanley.”
Stan: “Wild. They were just wild. They loved you, Dorothy.”
Dorothy: “No, they loved you, except, of course, for those Hirohito jokes.”
Stan: “Too soon?”

St. Olaf Vocab
Crapola in a Box – junk one tends to collect over time including but not limited to things that don’t fit right, smell bad, or make strangers look at you and giggle.
Knukendup und schvingle – knocked up and single
That’s What She Said
Sophia: “Pussycat, taste this.”

Blanche: “Oh, my. Is it gonna be a big one?”

Lewd Ladies
Rose: “What's a Zbornie?”
Dorothy: “I put up with it for 38 years, Rose. You don't wanna know.”
Stan: “It’s not that Dorothy, I just used the same name.”

Zbornak Zingers
Stan: “Turn on your TV. It is almost 6:28.”
Rose: “What's happening at 6:28?”
Stan: “You're gonna find out why Stan Zbornak is now a very rich man.”
Dorothy: “What is it this time, Stanley? Whoopee cushions for the hearing impaired?”

Dorothy: “I'll need someone to fasten my pearls.”
Stan: “Aw, babe. The ones I gave you?”
Dorothy: “No, sweetheart. The real ones.”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “Well, Blanche, looks like the splits have it.”
Blanche: “Big Daddy was right. Women should not be allowed to vote.”
Sophia: “Blanche, If it's any consolation, when I wrote down ‘Give it to the old lady,’ I did mean you.”

Blanche: “Oh, Sophia, no bingo tonight?”
Sophia: “I'm staying home, I’m trying to recapture my lost youth. I see you haven't got it.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Oh, Stanley, how nice of you to stop by. Bring me anything?”
Stan: “Of course. Now, who's my gorgeous gray-haired gal?”
Sophia: “It's me, isn't it, Stan?”
Stan: “You're right.”
Sophia: “Wow, a Game Boy! Very nice.”

Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “Ma, where did you get that money? Stan gave it to me.”
Dorothy: “Ma, he's trying to buy your love.”
Sophia: “I'm sellin' it!”

Back in St. Olaf
Blanche: “Now wait a minute. Are you telling me that St. Olaf printed its own war bonds?”
Rose: “Yes. Oh, we were very patriotic. In late '42, we wanted to fund the development of a top-secret weapon that we were sure would end the war: attack cows.”
Blanche: “Take me now, Lord.”
Rose: “No one expects trouble from a cow. The plan was, we would drop these highly trained killer cows behind the enemy lines. It wasn't till they were airborne that we realized a cow can't pull a rip cord. Well, the project wasn't a total failure. If there's one thing the Germans hate, it's a mess.”

Rose: “You're not gonna believe this, but I have a St. Olaf story about this.”
Dorothy: “I believe you. I just hate you.”
Rose: “Well, Gunilla Bjorndunker, St. Olaf's tallest woman, of course, nobody ever made fun of her for that. Anyway, when Old Space Needle was in high school she drank some cherry herring and made love in the backseat of a Fjord Fjairlane. Local car. And she got in trouble, if you know what I mean, Dorothy.
Knukendup und schvingle.”
Sophia: “She knows what you mean.”
Rose: “Anyway, her boyfriend, Yutz Hernsberg, St. Olaf's only bald high school student, had to marry her.”
Blanche: “Well why would she marry a guy like that?”
Dorothy: “Because I was young! I-I'm sorry - I'm sorry, Rose. This is your story. Go, go on. Go on. “
Rose: “Well, anyway, after 38 years of marriage and a painful divorce, he finally came back, having invented Hernsberg's Press-on Warts.”
Dorothy: “Who bought those??”
Rose: “Hags, mostly. Don't you see? He was successful and he wanted Gunilla back.”
Dorothy: “Well, what happened to her, Rose?”
Rose: “Skylab fell on her.”
Dorothy: “What is the point of this story?!”
Rose: “Be thankful for your health!”

Blanche: “Rose, do you think we can go call St. Olaf now, and you can explain it to them the way I explained it to you?”
Rose: “Well, we could try. We might not be able to get a hold of anybody. It's 'Everybody Hide the Corn Day.'”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Stan (in commercial): “Over half a million Zbornies have already been sold. Call this toll-free number now. Remember, with the Zbornie, a day without potatoes is unnecessary.”
Stan: “That's my line.”
Rose (using phone): “Hi, I'd like to order the Zbornie.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Dorothy [reading a letter from Stan]: “’Have a potato day. See you later, tater. Your spuddy, Stan.’ I can't believe it. I just I - one beer. One beer in high school, and my life is ruined.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?
Dorothy: “I have to admit, Stan was pretty amazing today. Did you see the way he stood up for himself? I mean this is not the same guy who screamed, ‘Paint my toenails! We've just invaded Korea!’"

The Boob Tube
Stan: “Dorothy, I need someone who's classy who can handle the rich and powerful. Someone not too obviously sexy.”
Dorothy: “Why don't you ask Merv Griffin?”

Golden Quotes
Stan (in commercial): “I've invented the Zbornie, America's first baked-potato opener. Now you can open potatoes without burning your fingers.”
Rose: “No! It can't be done!”
Stan (in commercial): “It CAN be done!”

Blanche: “Rose, you know all that stuff you sold me? That St. Olaf memorabilia and the things from your childhood?”
Rose: “A lifetime of memories.”
Blanche: “Yeah, that's it. Well, I came across these as I was tossing that junk in the dumpster.”

Blanche: “I paid for these fair and square. You said yourself, all deals are final.”
Rose: “Charlie would want me to have them.”
Blanche: “George would want me to keep 'em. Don't try that with me, Rose Nylund. I'll match you dead husband for dead husband.”

Blanche: “Oh, a new convertible! Oh, it's gorgeous.”
Dorothy: “Stan, I am not driving around with license plates that say ‘POTHEAD.’”
Stan: "It's an abbreviation. I didn't have room for the whole ‘potato head.’” [later]:

Rose: “If we take that money, there won't be any left for the police cars and the fire trucks and the children's Cheese Museum.”
Blanche: “You have a museum where children go to look at cheese?”
Rose: “Hey, it beats learning about it in the streets.”

Rose: “This whole St. Olaf problem is my fault. I can't believe I forgot I had those bonds. How could I be so stupid?”
Dorothy: “Maybe it was something you ate… Like food.”

Dorothy: “Now, look. This is important to Rose, and I think we need to stand behind her. I mean, you're taking away a part of her; her... her home. Granted, it's the cradle of idiocy.”
Rose: “I have a frog buried there.”

Rose: “Blanche, thank you. On behalf of the people of St. Olaf, I'd like to do a thank-you dance. I'll need a pot and a sheet, a rubber band, and a spoon.”
Dorothy: “Making a drum?”
Rose: “I guess you could.”

Dorothy [tying Stan's bow-tie]: “This reminds me of the first time I ever did this. Night of our senior prom.”
Stan: “Yeah, remember? It took so long to get the tie fixed, by the time we got to the drugstore, it was closed.”
Dorothy: “I remember. I remember.” [strangles Stan]

First of all, I don’t understand why Blanche is so against having a yard sale. Maybe she has PTSD from the time that lady tried to buy her Elvis salt & pepper shakers? But I digress. This is a seriously standout episode and sets a trend that will be followed throughout this season. Dorothy begins to fall for Stan all over again. And you know what, as much as she complains about the guy, they actually have tremendous chemistry together. Their jabs are hilarious. This episode is notable for other reasons as well. It introduced so many classic GG phrases and vocabulary, much of which has to do with St. Olaf. There's crapola in a box, the cradle of idiocy, the children's cheese museum, and “everybody hide the corn day” just to name a few. And then of course there's ZBORNIE. A device that needs no explanation. Sure maybe some of the jokes involving Stan's deal with Japanese investors are a tad off-color but this show could pretty much get away with anything. The writing in this episode is fresh and crisp and everyone gets some great, classic lines. Even five seasons this show was white hot. GRADE: A-

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