Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Where’s Charlie S7E5

Synopsis: As a joke, Sophia pretends to be possessed by Charlie which makes Rose question her relationship with Miles; Blanche dates and coaches a baseball player; Dorothy writes a letter to her father.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “I would like you all to meet Stevie. I'm gonna be coachin' him. He's a professional baseball player.”
Dorothy: “Oh, you got Blanche's number from the wall in the dugout?”
Blanche: “Yes, ma'am. And it sure was right. I am having a good time.”

…Until the Buffalo Pooped
Blanche: “Now, here's the vitamins. Take them when you get up.”
Stevie: “Oh, but sometimes I get up at 4:00 a.m. to uh... well, you know.”
Sophia: “I know. Boy, do I know.”
Dorothy: “Yeah, but I'm sure afterwards Stevie doesn't yell, ‘Help! Come get me. My feet are asleep.’”

That’s What She Said
Miles: “Oh, wait minute. Wait a minute. What's this in my pocket?”
Rose: “That line didn't work last night, and it's not gonna work tonight.”

Shady Pines, Ma
Sophia: “If you could have seen her face when I talked like Charlie. I almost wet myself.”
Dorothy: “Listen, you vindictive little sea monkey, you are going to tell Rose the truth.”
Sophia: “Or?”
Dorothy: “Remember Shady Pines?”
Sophia: “Yeah, it wasn't so bad.”
Dorothy: “I hear they sold it to some Germans.”
Sophia [running into the other room]: “Rose? Rose, sweetheart? Rose?”

Insult Watch
Rose [holding out hand]: “Hi, everyone. If I seem a little giddy, it's because... look what Miles gave me.”
Sophia: “Liver spots??”
Rose: “No, the ring.”

Dorothy: “Blanche, just out of curiosity, why don't you check the fruit salad?”
Blanche: “No way. I'm not goin' anywhere near that refrigerator.”
Sophia: “Wow, two miracles in one day.”

Product Placement
[Rose opens the fridge and screams]
Dorothy: “Rose, the light bulb goes on every time. Doesn't mean someone's living there.”
Rose: “It's Charlie. It's Charlie. He's trying to contact me from beyond the grave. It's a miracle!”
Dorothy: “Look closely, Rose. It's Mrs. Butterworth.”

Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “Now, look, you have to discover the sensuality of baseball. There're just many, many, many similarities between baseball and makin' love. The mental preparation, the rush of adrenaline, the unspecified duration of the game.”
Sophia: “And you should hear the cheers coming from Blanche's room on Old-Timers' Day.”

Blanche: “Oh, you're just jealous because I have a healthy sex life and all you have is your mother.”
Sophia: “Dorothy would rather have me than a healthy sex life. Right, Dorothy?”
Dorothy: “Right….NOT!”
Sophia: “That's how you talk to your mother? Put that in the letter to your father. How sassy you've gotten since menopause.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Ah, girls, what a great night. Stevie went three for four.”
Dorothy: “Oh, you were at the game?”
Blanche: “There was a game??”

Blanche: “Well, then you know what I mean about bein' around athletes. It's fun. And you know what they call ‘em? Jocks. Isn't that simply delicious?”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Before I wear this, Miles, I have to know what it means.”
Miles: “Well, it's a friendship ring, like Abbott might have given to Costello.”
Rose: “I love it. So, now we're... a dead comedy team?”
Miles: “What? It's that sense of humor. Oh, that's why I buy you jewelry.”
Rose: “Good night... good buddy.”

From Feud to Food
Rose: “Before he died, Charlie and I agreed that if he ever wanted to tell me something from the other side, we'd have a signal. All the cantaloupe would be on one side of the fruit salad. See, Charlie liked to eat each type of fruit separately. He hated it when they were all mixed together.”
Blanche: “Then why did you make fruit salad?”
Rose: “That was an argument we must have had about a million times. But he hated cantaloupe. He said he'd rather be dead than eat cantaloupe.”
Dorothy: “Hence, the signal.”
Rose: “Dorothy, it's a miracle.”

Brooklyn: A Fairyland
Blanche: “Remember how you used to feel when your boyfriend was star of the football team? Oh, look who I'm talkin' to!”
Sophia: “My Dorothy knew the star of the football team very well. In fact, she was the head cheerleader. Head cheerleader, listen to me. She was the mascot. They put her in a bear suit with pom-poms. Do the growl, pussycat. Come on, do the growl.”
Dorothy: “Maaaa.”
Sophia: “That's it. That's it.”
Dorothy: “No, it so happens I was their good luck charm. They won a lot of games with me in that suit.”
Sophia: “Sure, the other team was always afraid we'd send in the bear. God, you gave me a lot of laughs.”
Dorothy: “Maaaa.”
Sophia: “That's it. Oh, stop it. Stop it.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Sophia: “Charlie wasn't here. It was me. I was playing a little joke on you. [mimicking Charlie] Hello, Rose.”
Rose: “One second, Charlie. What do you mean it wasn't you, Sophia?”
Dorothy: “Rose, Ma was playing a very mean trick on you. Although now I can see the temptation.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?
Blanche: “Stevie's leavin' me.”
Dorothy: “For another woman?”
Blanche: “Oh don't be ridiculous. He's leaving me for Tokyo.”
Dorothy: “Oh sweetheart. I'm sorry.”
Rose: “What's going on?”
Dorothy: “Oh, Stevie's leaving Blanche for Tokyo, Rose.”
Rose: “Well, I can understand that. She is a big radio personality.”

What Do I Look Like, a Cross-Dresser?
Blanche: “Oh, wait a minute, almost forgot. I want you to put this lingerie on under your uniform for battin' practice.”
Stevie: “I know you said you'd help my game, but do you think this will work?”
Blanche: “Yes.”
Stevie: “I can't wear this. Do you have any idea the kind of teasing that goes on in a locker room?”
Blanche: “Yes.”

Blanche: “Stevie?? What happened to you?”
Stevie: “Blanche, honey, what's happened to me is the most wonderful thing that could happen to a man, and it's all because of you. For the first time in my life, I'm batting .310, and I like myself.”
Dorothy: “Oh Blanche, you really know how to mold a man. He comes in Steve and goes out Edie.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “I just read somewhere that you can settle your feelings about someone even after they're gone, and there were a lot of things I never told Pop while he was alive. I never even got to say goodbye. So, I'm getting all this stored-up emotion out in a letter.”
Sophia: “Good idea, pussycat. I'm gonna write one to Mario Lanza.”

Sophia: “Now, wait a minute. You're a coaching a baseball player by letting him wear your underwear? Didn't I see this movie? A woman helps a handsome ballplayer and he goes off to live with the Indians. What was it called? Dances with Bulls?”
Dorothy: “Ma, you're confusing Bull Durham with Dances with Wolves.”
Sophia: “Ah, what's the difference? You get to see Kevin Costner's buns in both of them.”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Some people are great artists, some are great musicians. I have but one talent.”
Sophia: “Ooo! Ooo! I know.”
Dorothy: “Come on, Ma, too easy.”
Sophia: “That's what I was gonna say.”
Blanche: “My talent is molding men. And I'm not doin' this just for myself, I'm doin' it for baseball. For the fans. The community expects somethin' of me.”
Dorothy [raising hand]: “Ooo! Ooo! I know!”

Sophia: “He was proud of you. I remember him saying, ‘Anyone would want a daughter like this.’ Of course, he was saying it to the gypsies.”
Dorothy: “Look, I don't have to listen to this. Have you any idea how it makes me feel when you say things like that?”
Sophia: “No. After I'm dead, drop me a note.”

Sophia [pretending to be possessed]: “Wait, Rose.”
Rose: “What, Sophia?”
Sophia [pretending to be possessed]: “It's not Sophia. It's Charlie. I'm in the old lady's body.”
Rose: “Come on, Sophia, you're full of... fruit salad. Charlie? Charlie, I want to believe it's you. Tell me something that only the two of us would know.”
Sophia [pretending to be possessed]: “Don't take any wooden nickels.”
Rose: “Oh my god it is you!”

Sophia: “What happened? Why am I standing? When can I get that twenty?”
Rose: “Sophia, the most amazing thing happened. Charlie was here, in your body.”
Sophia: “Really? If I had known he was coming, I would have tidied up a bit.”

Rose: “I heard Charlie's voice coming out of Sophia. He wanted me to give the ring back.”
Dorothy: “You're a horrible little person.”
Sophia: “Come on, like you never pretended to be possessed by somebody's dead husband for a couple of laughs.”

Blanche: “Fine. Fine. You gotta move on? Move on. But let me tell you somethin', mister, I haven't taught you half of what I know. [hits baseball] And I wasn't even wearin' underwear.”

Dorothy: “Ma, don't you have something to say?”
Sophia: “Yeah. [to Rose] How come when your head moves, your hair doesn't?”
Dorothy: “Ma, that's a question. Granted, a very good question, but we're looking for a statement.”

Sophia: “Rose, we have to talk.”
Rose: “Forget it, Sophia. I'm not talking to you. What you did is the worst thing you've ever done to me.
Sophia: “Oh, come on. Worse than the time I buried you up to your neck in sand and let the children throw baseballs at you for 25 cents?”
Rose: “Well I can't hold that against you. That was for charity.”
Sophia: “Yeah, right, charity.”

Miles: “Hey, Rose, come on. Let's go. I've got a great idea. You ever watch that romantic cruise that leaves at 6:00 p.m. from the pier?”
Rose: “Oh Miles!”
Miles: “Let's go watch it again.”

Sophia: “Oh, pussycat. [reading Dorothy’s letter] ‘Dear Ma. Thanks for giving me life and thanks for making it good. I love you.’ And I love you, too, pussycat.”
Dorothy: “And I love you too. And I'm glad you're my mom.”
Sophia: “And I'm glad you're my baby.”
Dorothy: “That's probably the schmaltz police.”

Ok burning question: Why the hell would Rose mail that ring back to Miles instead of just giving it to him in person? I mean what if it got lost in the mail? Hopefully she bought insurance. Was she never planning on seeing him again or something? But I digress. How funny is it to see Sophia pretending to be possessed by Charlie? I love the ridiculousness of it all and I like to think the writers had just watched Ghost and figured a pottery scene was out of the question. I find this to be a relatively low=key episode considering it’s the wacky final season. I mean it is a bit wacky. They obviously take a cue from Bull Durham with Blanche’s storyline and the whole thing feels like a set up for one of the best and most random jokes in whole series: Tokyo Rose. Sophia asking Dorothy to “do the growl” is a great little moment. And lastly, who else wishes Dances with Bulls was a real movie? GRADE: B


  1. I actually hated this episode. I doubt Sophia could be this cruel for $20 bucks. Luckily there were some funny lines as you pointed out. But that was pretty low.

  2. Um - under What Do I Look Like, a Cross-Dresser? - it's Edie, not Eddie. (as in Steve and Edie - Steve Lawrence and Edie Gorme).