Synopsis: After neighborhood boys
move a for sale sign to the girls’ front lawn, Sophia sells the
house to a prospective buyer leading to the dreaded clip show.80s Flashback
Blanche: “Yakamora
decided not to buy the house.”
Rose: “What
happened?”
Blanche: “Well,
he went on a shopping spree and he spent all his money. He bought a
department store in Fort Lauderdale and a condominium in Orlando, a
baseball team in Tampa, and I think one of the Landers sisters.”
Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “I just
love the legitimate theater. You know, I missed Mr. Lee J. Cobb in
Death of a Salesman. I missed Mr. Marlon Brando in Streetcar Named
Desire. Well, I was damned if I was gonna miss Mr. Dick Butkus in Pal
Joey.”
That’s What She Said
Stan: “Is anybody
eating that?”
Shady Pines, Ma
Sophia: “I
couldn't sleep. I had a nightmare.”
Rose: “Tell me
about it, Sophia. Sometimes I can interpret dreams.”
Sophia: “Blanche
sold the house and I wound up back at Shady Pines.”
Rose: “Hmm. This
is a tough one.”
Sophia: “Dorothy,
please don't send me back.”
Dorothy: “Ma, I
am not sending you back to Shady Pines.”
Sophia: “Oh my
God! She found a cheaper home.”
Lewd Ladies
Rose: “What
about that dance marathon? Whose butt got whopped that night?”
Blanche: “How did
you know that Wally- Oh, you mean at the actual dance marathon.”
Picture It
Sophia: “Many
years ago, my father had a similar problem when he was selling real
estate.”
Dorothy: “I
didn't know that Grandpa ever owned any real estate.”
Sophia: “He
didn't. That was the problem. You see, it turned out he really didn't
own the Vatican. Although he did have a very close friend who swore
he was there the night Pop won the deed in a card game from Pope
Ronnie the Magnificent.”
Blanche: “Sophia,
you're not making any sense.”
Sophia: “Excuse
me, Mrs. Kierkegaard, it's 4am.”
Dorothy: “Ma, is
there a point to this?”
Sophia: “And if
there wasn't, what are you gonna do? Put decorative bars on my
window? Yes, there is a point. If you're gonna sell real estate, make
sure you own it.”
Blanche: “Sophia,
I do own this house.”
Sophia: “Oh. Is
anybody else hungry?”
Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “Couldn't
sleep either, Dorothy?”
Dorothy: “No,
Rose.”
Rose: “Are you
upset because Blanche is gonna sell the house and we can't live
together?”
Dorothy: “No, I'm
upset because Joe Piscopo didn't get the lead role in Rain Man.”
Insult Watch
Sophia: “Everyone
around here acts likes a ham. There’s been more bad acting, bad
dancing, and bad singing under this roof than a Suzanne Somers
special.”
Product Placement
Blanche: “I have
relatives scattered all over this country I don't get to see very
much.”
Dorothy: “If it's
relatives you want, you should stay right here in Miami. Howard
Johnson's does less business than this house has over the years.”
Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “Sophia,
honey, you can't just sell my house. Is this in dollars??”
Sophia: “No, it's
in cucumber rolls. Of course it's in dollars.”
Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Dorothy: “It's
gonna be rough if we have to go our separate ways. We've all learned
to depend on each other so much.”
Blanche:
“Especially Rose.”
Rose: “What's
that supposed to mean?”
Blanche: “Oh,
honey, it just means that sometimes you tend to be a bit naive,
simple, childlike.”
Sophia: “She's
calling you a moron. You don't want to live with a woman like that.
Tell her to sell the house.”
Reel References
Dorothy: “Ma,
it's 2am. Where have you been??”
Sophia: “I
stuffed pillows under the sheets so I could fool you during bed
check. What is this, Stalag 17?”
Critique:
I’ve
been absolutely dreading this episode all season. Let’s be honest,
clip shows are the worst. I am of course referring to the episodes
that are so lazy they show better moments from previous, better
episodes. Yes, I get it, YouTube didn’t exist back then. Neither
did Hulu or DVDs. Clip shows existed in every sitcom before the
internet. It’s no less lazy. And to add insult to injury this is
another ENTIRE HOUR of it. I’d take a half hour with Rene and her
empty nest than an hour of clips we’ve seen countless times before
any day of the week (ok ok maybe not). But I digress. There is a bit
of a story here and it’s certainly better than when Sophia was
possibly going to move out and live with Phil. This time Sophia
somewhat accidentally tries to sell the house to an Asian man who
looks suspiciously like the guy who wanted to meet Rose at Benihana
after class in “Yes, We Have No Havanas.” This season began with
Jim Shu and ended with Mr. Yakamora. Unfortunately this won’t be
the last time the season finale will be a clip show. Now, granted
the clips they show are really great: how they met at the
supermarket, the dance marathon, Lucy the slut, etc but I’d rather
just watch those complete episodes. The Suzanne Somers insult is arguably the best (new) line. And finally… why the hell does
Mr. Yakamora want this house so badly and why does Blanche insist at
calling him back at four in the morning? Ugh
what a crappy sendoff to a completely solid season. GRADE:
C
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