Family Affair (S2E7)

Synopsis: Rose's daughter Bridget and Dorothy's son Michael come to visit and end up sleeping together; Blanche throws her back out in aerobics class.

80s Flashback

Rose: “I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.”

Dorothy: “Believe it, Rose.”

Rose: “I can't. You know how it is when you can't believe something?”

Dorothy: “Yes I can't believe Alan Thicke has a hit series but that doesn't mean it isn't so.”

Crazy Continuity

Does Michael look familiar? The actor Scott Jacoby is the real life brother of the actor who played Blanche's grandson David (Billy Jacoby).

Musical Moments

Bridget and Michael go to the symphony to see Henry Mancini's tribute to “The Pink Panther.”

Rose: “Bridget packed a delicious meal and drove me to the country for breakfast. Oh we took a walk and picked wild flowers. We rolled up our pant legs and waded in the creek and then guess what?”

Dorothy: “Julie Andrews showed up, you all fed deer from your hand, and sang 'If I Had A Hammer.'”

Let’s Get Political

Dorothy: “Bridget isn't his type.”

Rose: “Of course she isn't, she's too good for him.”

Dorothy: “What do you mean she is too good for him?”

Rose: “Well he doesn't even have a job.”

Blanche: “Well neither does Henry Kissinger really but he's still very highly regarded.”

That’s What She Said

Bridget: “Thank you for having me.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Dorothy: “Face it Rose, you're daughter moves faster than Marcus Allen.”

Rose: “I can't face it, I don't even know who Marcus Allen is.”

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “He said no physical activity for a week. I have to wear a corset and stay on my back with my legs elevated.”

Sophia: “That's the same thing you did last Saturday.”

Picture It

Sophia: “In Sicily, everything is set up. Dates, marriage, death. Especially death. That's why whenever I go into a restaurant, I sit with my back to the wall. Except any diner in Newark, where if you're against the wall, you stick.”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “Maybe what Michael needs is a little exposure.”

Rose: “Exposure to what?”

Dorothy: “To plutonium, Rose.”

Insult Watch

Rose: “Where do you go to school, Michael?”

Michael: “Well college isn't really my style. I attend the school of life.”

Bridget: “Really? A lot of people go there when they can't get accepted anywhere else.”

Tales from the Old South

Blanche: “These things do happen. Why, the same thing happened to me in my early 20s.

I was taking some classes at Miss McGyver's finishing school. And one night, Bobby Jo Springer had escorted me back to my dormitory after the annual Fine Manners ball, when an innocent good-night kiss developed into an evening of passion. But at 3am, the door flung open and there stood Miss McGyver, making one of those bed checks she was famous for. Well, I tried to handle the whole thing like a lady. I waved politely over Bobby Jo's shoulder with my foot. She was unmoved. Next day, she sat me down, gave me a stern lecture and kicked me out of school. Only, I didn't care. I knew what ecstasy was. All she could do was walk around with a dictionary on her head.”

Product Placement

Rose: “Wait a minute, where are the little wooden shoes I carved out of chehese?”

Dorothy: “My mother spread them on the tiny windmill you built out of Triscuits.”

Sassy Sophia

Dorothy: “It's only natural that, as you're growing older, your body changes.”

Sophia: “It falls apart.”

Dorothy: “Oh it does not fall apart.”

Sophia: “For 50 years, I had the body of Chita Rivera. One morning, I woke up, my butt looked like the neck of a bulldog.”

Best of B.E.D.

Dorothy, about Michael: “I'm worried about him. He's always been a little flighty.”

Blanche: “Oh I wouldn't worry about that. Grandma Hollingsworth always said I was a little flighty.

Or was it a little floozy?”

Blanche: “I was in my aerobics class when I noticed this gorgeous man checking me out. So during the buttocks lifts, he motioned for my phone number. Well I didn't wanna appear easy, so I rolled over on my back and flung my legs over my head.”

Reel References

Michael: “Mom, I'm not a child anymore I wish you wouldn't treat me like one.”

Dorothy: “Oh don't be ridiculous. I don't treat you like one. Here's $10. Go take your grandmother to see The Journey Of Natty Gann.”

Golden Quotes

Rose: “It's like that old Scandinavian saying, 'You can lead a herring to water but you have to walk really fast or he'll die.”

and

Blanche: “Dorothy, do you realize it has been four days since I've enjoyed the company of a man? I dont think I can stand it much longer. My body feels like a Corvette up on blocks with its engine racing and the wheels just spinnin' and spinnin' with nowhere to go. I feel like I'm gonna explode. Dorothy, you have to help me. You have to do something!”

Dorothy: “Honey, there's nothing I can do. So get that look out of your eye and let go of my hand.”

and

Michael, in bed with Bridget: “Grandma, this isn't what it looks like.”

Sophia: “Please! I'm 80 years old. I may not remember what it feels like, but I sure as hell remember what it looks like... How dare you come into our home and act like a gigolo? You've embarrassed me, your mother, and our friends. Not to mention that poor, stupid, flat-chested girl.”

Critique: Okay, two things. One, this is the rare episode where Dorothy, in one scene, is seen not sitting in the middle seat at the kitchen table. And two, can anyone explain to me how someone like Rose's daughter is smart enough to get into Oxford? Do you think it skips a generation like hearing loss in Sophia's family? But I digress. I never thought this episode was particularly that memorable, but when I rewatch it I slap myself for not remembering how many good, quotable lines it has (enough for two blog posts for sure). The storyline about Michael and Bridget sleeping together itself isn't all that interesting, but the conflict that arises between Rose and Dorothy is great (though I hate how prudish Rose still is), with Blanche sort of playing the role of mediator/guilty party (and Sophia dressing in black is a funny physical bit). The insults fly around quicker than Bridget and Michael can hop into bed together. (Dorothy calls Rose's daughter a tramp several times, yikes). Michael and Bridget seem like the complete opposite of their mothers but I guess those apples fell really far from the tree in their cases. And Blanche is particuarlly horny this episode. This is a GG quote gold mine, so don’t be naive and skip over it like I've done in the past. Fun fact: Scott Jacoby who played Michael, was in the cult 80s horror-comedy “Return to Horror High,”which also starred former GG alums Alex Rocco (from “That Was No Lady”) and George Clooney (from “To Catch a Neighbor”). One final note: I'm introducing a new quote category called “Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley” for any sports related quotes because that Marcus Allen line is one of my favorites. GRADE: A-