Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Whose Face is This, Anyways? (S2E20)

Synopsis: After visiting her college sorority for a reunion, Blanche is jealous of her plastic surgery-enhanced sisters which causes her to decide to have plastic surgery herself; Rose makes a documentary for her video class at the junior college.

Crazy Continuity
Rose says she'd be too scared to have plastic surgery, even segueing into a long St. Olaf story about how she doesn't even like it, but in the “Vacation” episode she admitted to having had her nose done.

St. Olaf Vocab
Alpha Yams – a sorority at an agricultural college in St. Olaf. They're very accepting as long as you can castrate a sheep

That’s What She Said
Sophia: “He should of stuffed the cannelloni in the traditional manner.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Dr. Taylor: “It just so happens that breasts are my specialty.”
Blanche: “You have that in common with a linebacker I know on the Miami Dolphins.”

Lewd Ladies
Rose: “Sophia, how would you like to star in my video?”
Sophia: “Are there any nude love scenes involved? Because if it's integral to the plot I'll be more than happy to do it.”

Picture It
Sophia: “I was the most gorgeous girl in the village and I could have my pick of the town's most eligible goat farmers. Until Anna Maria Alonso Paladino, known to her friends as Muffin, moved to our village. Suddenly, all the men, who were always fighting over who would keep the footprints I left in the mud, were after Muffin. So, I decided...”
“Wait, just a minute. They would fight over who got to kept the footprints you left in the mud??”
Sophia: “It was a poor village, Dorothy. What did you want them to collect, Fabergé eggs? Anyway, I was too vain to be the second-most beautiful girl in the village. So, I went to Muffin and I told her how I felt. That was when I found out that beautiful girl was even more beautiful inside. She offered to move to the neighboring village.”
Rose: “And you felt guilty 'cause you'd been vain.”
Sophia: “Hell, no. I helped her pack! But it all backfired in my face because the next day, all the good-Iooking men in the village followed her. That's how I ended up with your father. Boy, talk about learning a lesson the hard way.”

Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “Oh Dorothy, you cannot possibly begin to comprehend the terrible trauma a gorgeous woman goes through when she realizes her beauty is startin' to fade.”
Dorothy: “And who do you see when you look at me, Blanche? Joe Pepitone??”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “You'll just have to grow old along with the rest of us.”
Blanche: “I couldn't go on if I had to look like the two of you.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Blanche is a vain person and vanity can be a terrible thing. I should know. I used to be vain myself.”
Rose: “You, Sophia?”
Sophia: “What, you think I was born with white hair and a butt like Play-Doh?”

Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “I am gonna be perfect. I'm gonna be gorgeous. I'm gonna have my tummy tucked and my butt firmed and my breasts raised and my face lifted!!”
Sophia: “It's a shame to do all that and keep that hairdo.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “Olga Fetchik was our town beautician, and one of God's most unattractive creations since the aardvark. Anyway, over the years, Olga had been secretly squirreling away money for plastic surgery. Well one day she left without telling anyone, had the surgery, and didn't return for months. Well, nobody could believe their eyes. Olga Fetchik had turned into a stunning beauty. Every man in town wanted her. And she ended up marrying St. Olaf's most handsome and eligible bachelor, dance instructor Adolph Step. The two of them moved back to Norway, decided to get into show business, and they became the internationally renowned Scandinavian dance team of Step and Fetchik.”
Blanche: “Rose, not that I care, but since you've already gone to so much trouble, just how did having plastic surgery ruin Olga's life?”
Rose: “Oh it didn't ruin her life, it almost ruined St. Olaf. I mean after she left, the town didn't have a professional beautician for years. Women started giving each other home perms. Pretty soon, everybody looked like Art Garfunkel. Husbands stopped sleeping with their wives, the population started to go down. Well the town would have gone under if Oslo's most famous hairstylist, Vidal Sassbogadotter hadn't relocated his shop in St. Olaf because of our more favorable tax laws. Now, you see why I don't like plastic surgery?”

Best of B.E.D.
Rose: “Are you saying you're upset because the reunion went great and your sorority sisters looked wonderful?”
Blanche: “Well of course not, Rose. That would be childish. I am upset because I was not the center of attention and nobody said I was the prettiest.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “You know how uncomfortable I am in front of a camera. Besides, I always come out looking like Fess Parker.”
Rose: “Don't worry, this is a documentary. It's OK if you're not good-Iooking.”
Dorothy: “Rose, stop trying to appeal to my ego.”

Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “Ma, why are you dressed like someone who just escaped from 'It's a Small World?'”

and

Blanche: “Seeing my sorority sisters was just dreadful… It was just as if time had stood still for 30 years. Every woman there looked wonderful. They'd hardly aged at all!”
Rose: “I saw a movie like that once. All the women were sucked up into flying saucers. And mechanical doubles were sent back to Earth to take their place. Did any of them mention a leader named Zardoz?”


Critique: For the record, Fess Parker is literally mentioned in this episode 5 TIMES. Overkill much? But I digress. I enjoy this episode because I think it works well with the Season Two opener “End of the Curse.” Both episodes are about Blanche, and her ridiculous ego, dealing with getting older. It features another fine performance from McClanahan. There are plenty of other fun moments one of my favorites being the ending in which the girls mistake a man covered in bandages for a post-op Blanche. (“Diodoro? Funny he didn't look Italian.”) There's nothing particularly outstanding about the plotting of the episode but it provides all the standard good moments we've come to expect at this point in the series. We get a good Sophia story and an all-time classic St. Olaf story. I still have no clue why Rose's documentary rough cut has no soundtrack when she was clearly using a regular VHS camcorder, but what do you expect from a Scandinavian nitwit? GRADE: B+

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