Monday, October 5, 2015

Dorothy's New Friend S3E15

Synopsis: Dorothy becomes friends with a snobby local author which drives a wedge between her and Rose and Blanche; Sophia woos a man down at the center.

80s Flashback
Blanche: “Now Dorothy, if you’re saying you can’t get stimulating conversation around this house I beg to differ.”
Rose: “I can’t believe it. It says here that since Michael Jackson can’t buy the Elephant Man he’s now put in a bid for the remains of the Big Bopper.”

St. Olaf Vocab
Oogle and Floogle – an adult version of hide-and-go-seek

That's What She Said
Barbara Thorndyke: “A man came up behind me, put something in my hand, and said, 'This is what you need.'”

Lewd Ladies
Blanche: “Offering to make him dinner just made you look too easy.”
Sophia: “Please. Black underwear and pasties couldn’t make me look easy.”

Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “Dorothy, the masquerade ball is Friday night. You know how much it means to me. I’m counting on you to be the rear end of my horse.”
Dorothy: “Rose, sweetheart, this Friday I can choose between rubbing elbows with Norman Mailer or doing the Hokey Pokey in a horse costume with your behind in my face.”

Insult Watch
Blanche: “Rose, what was your first impression of me?”
Rose: “I thought you wore too much makeup and were a slut. I was wrong, you don’t wear too much makeup!”

Sassy Sophia
Barbara Thorndyke: “Sophia, your daughter is one of the most beautiful people I've ever met.”
Sophia: “Boy, you writers never stop using your imagination.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Dorothy: “Blanche, honey, I hope you don't mind. I borrowed your rhinestone necklace.
Blanche: “No that's alright, but I should point out it was designed for a dainty neck.”
Dorothy: “Yes, Blanche, but I don't know Mike Tyson well enough to borrow his jewelry.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “I remember when I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. There was this old lady who lived up the street. She never smiled. I mean she always looked angry. The kids said she'd kill anyone who even stepped on her property. We used to call her Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper.”
Blanche: “Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.”
Rose: “No. That was her name. Mean Old Lady Higgenlooper. She had it changed legally 'cause everybody called her that anyway… One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper and ask her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down. So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave!”

Oh Shut Up Rose
Dorothy: “Why is it so important that I go to this masquerade ball?”
Blanche: “Because it's so important to Rose. Just look at her Dorothy, she's crushed, torn up, devastated by your shocking insensitivity to her feelings.”
Rose: “I don't feel that bad.”
Blanche: “Shut up, Rose!”

Best of B.E.D.
Rose: “Blanche, what's a metaphor?”
Blanche: “It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say, 'Men are blinded by my beauty,' they're not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two.”

Product Placement
Barbara Thorndyke: “I’m just a writer, Malamud’s an author.”
Rose: “I thought malamuds were chocolate cookies with marshmallow?”
Dorothy: “Those are Mallomars, Rose.”

Literary Intelligentsia
Dorothy: “Oh, gee, everything sounds so good. The Crepes of Wrath. The Old Man and the Seafood Salad. I think I will have the For Whom the Stuffed Bell Pepper Tolls.”
Barbara Thorndyke: “And I'll have a turkey sandwich on Catcher in the Rye bread with a side order of George Bernard Slaw.”

The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “I think I saw Jack and Janet give Chrissy this treatment on an episode of Three's Company.”
Blanche: “Oh at last, a reference from Dorothy that even we illiterates can understand.”
Rose: “I guess her well of knowledge has run dry. That's a metaphor, Dorothy.”

Reel References
Blanche: “All right. I don't like Barbara. I think she's a phony.”
Dorothy: “Oh. This from a woman who tells her dates that she was Angie Dickinson's body double in Dressed to Kill.”
Blanche: “That's just a little white lie.”
Dorothy: “Yeah? Then why is it on your job resumé?”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “I once stood in line two hours at a bookstore for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s autograph.”
Dorothy: “You know, when I think of great literary figures of our time it’s usually Faulkner, Fitzgerald, and Schwarzenegger.”

and

Barbara Thorndyke: “I was in Morocco working on a novel, not to mention a dashing young Moroccan. When I had a severe attack of writer's block. My head was devoid of all ideas and thoughts.”
Rose: “That happens to me a lot.”
Barbara Thorndyke: “Do you write?”
Rose: “No. Why do you ask?”

Critique: Who else would of loved to see Rose and Dorothy dressed in a horse costume? Um, everyone of course. And how great could The Mortimer Club's breakfast really be since we know they probably don't serve bagels. That's a shame really. But I digress. There is so much good stuff going on in this episode and way too many good quotes to post here. As you know I tend to enjoy it when the girls are at odds with each other it, the insults usually come swiftly and harshly. Dorothy’s friend Barbara Thorndyke is such a delightful bitch it’s really fun seeing her play against Blanche and Rose. Blanche’s explanation of a metaphor is a gem. A highlight of the episode is Dorothy’s lunch date with Barbara in which the menu items are book references. The writers are really having fun and it shows. The best reveal is when Barbara turns out to be an anti-Semite who despises the surname Guttman. Barbara really lives up to her surname. This is a good one. Dammit, now I could really go for some Edgar Allen Poe-tatoes. GRADE: A

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