Crazy Continuity
Dorothy's high
school time-line is probably one of the most hotly debated of all the
girls' pasts. Here she said she went to the prom in her tennis outfit
(with her brother) but in a later episode she was supposed to go to
the prom with John Noretti but ended up with Stanley because he
didn't show up.
St. Olaf Vocab
Eggs gafloofen, Ham
and gunterhoggins, Pigs in a svenkabluden – traditional
Scandinavian appetizers
That’s What She
Said
Trudy:
“How does it feel to have your butt whipped??”
Blanche:
“Well sometimes I find it strangely titillating...”
Take Me Out to the
Ballgame, Stanley
Dorothy: “Trudy,
how about if tomorrow we play a real game? Something that requires
real skill.”
Rose: “You mean
like midget ice bowling?”
Dorothy: “I'm
talking about tennis, you doofus.”
Lewd Ladies
Blanche: “I'm
afraid you'll have to excuse Sophia, Jack.”
Sophia: “Oh you
heard that? I thought I was safe backed up against these pillows.”
Picture It
Sophia: “Picture
it, Sicily, 1852.”
Dorothy: “Ma, I am
in no mood. And besides, you weren't alive in 1852.”
Sophia: “What? We
can't learn from history? It was mid-century and a disillusioned
Italy looked to the house of Savoy for leadership. Giuseppe
Garibaldi, our courageous leader, and not a bad dresser, thought,
'Let's regain some national pride and jump into this Crimean War
thing.' Of course, there was a big kickoff party at Giuseppe's beach
house, and everyone came. Coincidentally, this was also the night his
wife Rosa hit her sexual peak.”
Dorothy: “Ma, I am
in here because of guilt. This is not a story about guilt.”
Sophia: “This is a
story about being a bad hostess. While Rosa had Giuseppe in the
bedroom with his saber around his ankles, two hundred hungry guests
were strip-searching mice for a piece of cheese.”
Dorothy: “Ma, so
what's your point? That Rosa and I throw bad parties?”
Sophia: “That's my
minor point. My major point is that, like Rosa, you're screwing
around in the bedroom when there are important things to do outside.”
Zbornak Zingers
Trudy: “Boy, I
envy you your gumption.”
Dorothy: “And I
your breast implants.”
Insult Watch
Trudy: “It's been
so long. Boy, you look- It's been so long.”
Dorothy: “I know,
and you, you look exactly the way you did at our high-school
graduation. Course, rumors were that you were three months pregnant.”
Trudy: “You're on, you pathetic middle-aged cow.”
Dorothy: “I am looking forward to it, you miserable sack of cellulite.”
Dorothy: “I am looking forward to it, you miserable sack of cellulite.”
Tales from the Old
South
Blanche: “I
remember I was a blossomin' belle who had just won the Little Miss
Magnolia Pageant.”
Dorothy: “Blanche,
before you start, realize I am very vulnerable now and in no mood to
hear a story about you and some yahoo cracker with four first names
pawing at each other under a magnolia tree.”
Dorothy: “Well,
pardon me Dorothy, but we can't all come from places as socially
acceptable as Brooklyn.”
Dorothy: “I'm
sorry, Blanche. I'm sorry. Go on with the story. Just try to shy away
from words like 'tarnation' and 'catfish.'”
Blanche: “Fine.
Anyway, I was about eight years old when I first met Cathy Lee on the
playground. We became fast friends, just as thick as Louisiana
blackstrap molasses on a stake of johnnycakes as high as an
elephant's knee-”
Dorothy: “On a
riverboat floating down the Mississippi delta. Finish the damn story,
Blanche!”
Blanche: “Anyway,
it was at a Southern seafood fry that I proudly dragged Cathy Lee
over to meet my folks. Well my mama took one look at Cathy Lee and
forbade me ever to see her again.”
Dorothy: “Why?”
Blanche: “Because
her mother was not in the Daughters of the Confederacy. Oh! How my
heart went out to little Cathy Lee, standing there while our servants
snickered at her servants. But Mama insisted I break off the
friendship, or I wouldn't get brand-new riding boots for Christmas.
So I did.”
Dorothy: “Blanche,
why is this a story about acceptance?”
Blanche: “Oh,
because years later, to get back at me, Cathy Lee slept with my
daddy. That was something I had to accept.”
Product Placement
Rose: “Oh, I was
the butt of all kinds of jokes growing up. Actually, it ran in the
family. In our breakfast room, we had one whole wall covered with
"kick me" signs we had collected. Oh, there was a story
attached to each one of them. And in some cases, the original Scotch
tape.”
Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “Ma, how
many times do I have to tell you not to listen in on my
conversations?”
Sophia: “About
twice a year. Like your phone is ringing off the hook. Like you got
such a full social calendar. You're the only person who ever got a
refund on call waiting.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “You know,
back in St. Olaf, I ran for president of the Bull Castration Club.
There is no sound in this world sweeter than a bull's moo as it
climbs an octave.”
Jack: “Did you
win?”
Rose: “No. Lost by
a hair.”
Best of B.E.D.
Trudy: “Come on!
It was just a practical joke like we did in high school.”
Blanche: “Some of
the things we did in high school are not necessarily appropriate when
we're adults. Like staying up all night and carousing around, dating
every other man you meet. I'm losing credibility here, aren't I?”
Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Trudy: “Are we gonna play, or do you wanna forfeit?
Dorothy: “No way. No, Dorothy Zbornak doesn't know the meaning of
the word 'forfeit.'”
Rose:
“And she's a teacher too. No wonder the Japanese are ahead of us.”
Reel References
Trudy: “Mrs.
Petrillo, is that you??”
Sophia: “No, it's
Jane Fonda.”
The Boob Tube
Jack: “Were they
like that in high school Mrs. Petrillo?”
Sophia: “Oh, no
her breats were actually a lot smaller back then.”
Jack “I meant were
they rivals.”
Sophia: “What is
this 'Nova?' I don't have all the answers.”
Golden Quotes
Sophia: “In
Sicily, women compete for everything. The most famous example is the
Great String-Cheese War of '47. But why should I bore you with that?
You all have college credits. You took history.”
Blanche: “Sophia,
have you been out in the hot sun too long?”
Sophia: “It's a
possibility. Is there wax running out of my ears?”
Sophia: “There are two things in this world a Sicilian knows. When pasta sticks to a wall, it's done. When a body sticks to cement, it's dead.”
Dorothy: “We might as well take down that banner and put up one that says, 'Welcome to the Dorothy Killed Trudy Part!'”
Rose: “At the Center, Dorothy, we teach acceptance. In life, some things are inevitable, and you just have to accept them.”
Blanche: “She is right, Dorothy. I know because I've been there myself.”
Rose: “You killed your best friend, too, Blanche??”
Critique:
The exposition dialogue between Rose and Blanche as Trudy trips,
falls, and has a “heart attack” on the tennis court is
hilariously corny. “Trudy tripped!” “And she's not getting'
up!” And there's a perfectly rational reason why we don't see Trudy
hit the ground. Because there's no way in hell anyone in real life
would ever buy someone “fake” having a heat attack and dying.
This is the most preposterous situation to happen on this show since…
since… oh since the last episode when they bought a Cuban boxer who
pretended to only know Spanish because he really wanted to be a
violinist. But I digress. I've always been quite fond of this
episode, the same sort of fondness that Jean had for Rose. I love the
bickering between Trudy and Dorothy, they were the original Blair and
Serena. I've never been shy about discussing my love for the insults
that fly around constantly at 6151 Richmond Street. And here they're
turned up to eleven. There are so many bizarre things about this
episode that make it memorable. Like why the hell is Dorothy's high
school reunion not only in Miami (She's from Brooklyn in case you
forgot) but in her own house? And the logic of Trudy faking her death
is beyond ludicrous it could only happen in an 80s sitcom. And when
and how exactly did Dorothy “cook up this topper” with Trudy's
husband in the 10 seconds she left the party crying? Bravo Tracy
Gamble and Richard Vaczy, bravo; this episode makes no real sense but
it's delightfully hilarious. GRADE: A
People often attend more than one prom. You get a junior prom and a senior prom, and if you're popular, you can attend either of those as a freshman or sophomore as the guest/date of a junior or senior. Theoretically, one could attend up to eight proms during high school.
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