The Housekeeper S3E4

Synopsis: The ladies hire a friendly but ultimately terrible housekeeper named Marguerite, and get into a bit of a pickle when she puts a curse on them after they fire her; Sophia attends her granddaughter’s wedding.

80s Flashback

Rose: “Look at all the wonderful things that have happened since Marguerite started working here. Blanche is dating Norman, you're sleeping better than you have in years, and Sandy Duncan is finally back on TV!”

Insult Watch

Marguerite, to Dorothy: “I was only trying to be helpful; I figured with those terrible bags you needed the rest.”

Rose: “Dorothy always looks like that.”

Zbornak Zingers

Dorothy: “Listen, I have an idea, why don’t you all take turns hitting me with a two by four?”

Let’s Get Political

Blanche: “I am the most attractive and available woman in all of Miami, now that Miss Donna Rice has moved to Hollywood.”

Product Placement

Rose: “I feel like crawling under the covers and eating Velveeta right out of the box!”

Dorothy: “I hear BB King does that when he’s tired of singing the blues.”

Rose: “I've always wanted a tiara. I mean ever since I was a little girl back in St.

Olaf. Every year I'd blow out my birthday candles and wish for one. And every year I'd get a freshly-carved pair of wooden shoes. Except for one year, during the Depression when I just got a block of coal, which I carved into a pair of high-top Keds.”

Dorothy: “You can do anything you want to her, just don't hurt us.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “What is this, the Miss Black America contest??”

That’s What She Said

Blanche: “She melted my buttons with the iron, now I’ll never be able to open my blouse again.”

Dorothy: “It’s a dark day in the history of mankind.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “We had a similar situation back in St. Olaf, with Mrs. Gunderson, our grade school teacher. Oh, she was the nicest woman you'd ever want to meet, but as the years went by, she got her facts a little confused. In biology class she started telling kids that the human body was made up of 80% Ovaltine. While we were studying WWI, she told us mustard gas was something you got from eating too many hot dogs. That's why to this day in St. Olaf, everyone celebrates the 4th of July with a thin omelet on a bun.”

Musical Moments

Hulking housekeeper interviewee: “San Quentin. Fifteen years I spent in that stinking hole. I saw violence, I saw despair, I saw Johnny Cash eight times.”

Blanche: “Well, I guess that concludes the interview, unless there are any questions.”

Rose: “I have a question. Does Johnny Cash ever wear plaid?”

Dorothy: “It's not her fault. She's from Minnesota.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Crow man: “This isn't the Orange Bowl is it?”

Lewd Ladies

Dorothy: “Oh, Marguerite, I could kiss you.”

Marguerite: “And I don't go for that freaky stuff.”

Rose: “Neither do Dorothy and I.”

Best of B.E.D.

Marguerite: “I don't mean to pry, but maybe I know a way to get Norman's attention.”

Blanche: “If it involves silk sheets and a parochial school outfit, I've already tried it.”

Reel References

Marguerite: “What's the matter with her?”

Dorothy: “She's a little upset. She just found out that Gene Shalit wants his hair to look that way.”

The Boob Tube

Dorothy: “Marguerite, I hate to interrupt your work, but we have to talk to you.”

Blanche: “Yeah but before we do, I just want you to know that Tootie is my favorite on 'The Facts of Life.'”

Golden Quotes

Dorothy: “Why should I be the one to fire her?”

Blanche: “You're the meanest.”

Rose: “Blanche, that's not true. Dorothy just looks the meanest. We hired Marguerite together, we fire her together.

Dorothy: “Thank you, Rose. And by the way, you look the dumbest.”

and

Blanche: “Girls we can't fire her now, she's makin' me an aphrodisiac!”

Dorothy: “Use vodka and black underwear like everyone else!!”

Critique: Wait a minute. Hold up. Why on Earth isn't Dorothy attending her own niece's wedding? They have enough money to hire a housekeeper but she can't go to the wedding of her brother's daughter? Is it because she allegedly looks like Abe Vigoda? Who knows? But I digress. I absolutely love this episode; with lots of great dialogue (“Stay away from me you jinx!”) and some well-timed moments of physical comedy (Rose getting hit with a baseball always makes me chuckle). The housekeeper adds a nice dynamic between the ladies and there’s even a decent level of suspense after Marguerite is fired. Though, it is silly to think that out of nowhere they randomly need a housekeeper, especially since they spend a majority of their free time just sitting around doing nothing. And yes Sophia is missing for nearly its entire run-time, but her lines when she finally returns are simply priceless (“What are we celebrating, did The Supremes get back together?”). A