Thursday, April 20, 2017

Dorothy's Prized Pupil (S2E21)

Synopsis: Dorothy accidentally gets her student Mario deported after submitting his essay to a local writing contest and, to add insult to injury, can't even pronounce his name correctly; Rose volunteers to be Blanche's personal servant after she misplaces her earrings.

Let’s Get Political
Sophia: “Blanche, I wanna ask you a question. Who is the President married to?”
Blanche: “Nancy Reagan.”
Rose: “Of course, the thin one he helps out of helicopter. This idiot thinks he's married to Broderick Crawford. Get some help, Rose!”

St. Olaf Vocab
veedeenflügen – a personal servant
Dorothy: “Seems like you've gotten more comfortable giving Rose things to do.” 
Blanche: “Oh, well, deep down it still saddens me, but I think psychologically it's very important to Rose. I'm just careful not to give her anything too demeaning.” 
Rose: “Here it is. Should I read it to you and massage your feet like I did this morning?” 
Blanche: “No. Why don't you just be a good little veedeenflügen and keep your mouth shut!”

That’s What She Said
Dorothy: “Good Lord, how could you fake it every year?”
Blanche: “Well, Dorothy, when I was first married I faked it three times a week.”

Lewd Ladies
Rose: “For one week I am gonna be your personal veedeenflügen.”
Blanche: “Can one woman do that for another?”
Dorothy: “Only if they're the same height.”

Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “What kind of a movie is this, Dorothy??”
Guy in movie: “RIP HIS THROAT OUT!!”
Dorothy: “It's a musical, Rose.”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “I've heard that there's an article in here about Mario's winning the contest. Oh my God, there's a picture and I'm in it...I look terrible!”
Blanche: “Oh Dorothy, come on. You always think you look terrible in pictures, let's see it... Now, that's ugly.”

Tales from the Old South
Blanche: “I know just how Dorothy feels. Now, when I was a young girl, I witnessed a horse theft on my Grandaddy's plantation. Well, I screamed for help. My Grandaddy jumped on his stallion and rode that horse thief down. And then, to teach me about the justice system, Grandaddy dragged that horse thief into court, with me as the star witness. I had to testify in front of a packed courtroom.”
Rose: “You must have been terrified.”
Blanche: “Oh, honey, I was. I didn't know what to wear! I only had two dresses with me. One bright one, suitable for weddings or a cotillion, and one darker one, more suitable for funerals or a hanging.”
Dorothy: “See, my folks were poor. I just had one of those, ya know, reversible hanging/cotillion dresses.” Blanche: “Well, I picked the bright one. Now, when I took the stand, a hush fell over that courtroom. I told the judge exactly what I'd seen, and after my testimony, that horse thief's fate was sealed. Justice won the day!”
Dorothy: “Blanche, what the hell does that have to do with what's going on now?”
Blanche: “Well, like any good story, mine was deliberately ambiguous, thus affording the listener the opportunity to glean from it whatever he may. Besides I just hate it when I'm left out of the conversation.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Girls, how's this dress look on me?”
Sophia: “What's the difference? In a half hour it'll be crumpled on the floor next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose, explaining the origin of veedeenflügen: “We've done it in my family for years. Ever since Uncle Ben lost Lars Olsen's artificial leg. It was the day of the big four-county toboggan race, and without his leg, Lars came in dead last. That was a day to remember.”
Dorothy: “I think every American remembers where he was the day Lars lost that toboggan race.”
Rose: “Well, Uncle Ben felt just terrible. I mean, he tried to make it up to Lars and Lars said he forgave him, but you could tell there were still hard feelings. Lars kept trying to run Ben down with his bicycle. But with only one leg, I mean, now how fast could he pedal? Well, finally, Uncle Ben suggested something to clear the air once and for all. For one week he would be Lars's personal veedeenflügen and do whatever Lars wanted. And Lars agreed and it worked. It always works...”
Dorothy: “Rose, listen. I'm going to ask a question that I know I'm gonna hate myself for asking, but whatever happened to Lars's missing leg?”
Rose: “Oh. They found it at the annual Edelweiss and Jarlsberg Choral Festival. Uncle Ben had used it to beat off the wolves when he was setting up the bleachers.”

Rose: “I've only been to one surprise party in my life, but I'll never forget it. It was for Grandma Nylund's 100th birthday. She was from a whaling village in the old country, so we kinda made that the theme of the party. We all dressed as Vikings, with helmets and spears. And we all crowded into her little room up over the barn, and she walked in and lit a candle. And we yelled, 'Surprise!' And she dropped dead right there. We all thought that was such a nice way to go.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Hmm, veedeenflügens, what a lovely idea. If we'd had them in the old days, we wouldn't of had to fight that disruptive Civil War.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “Arnold Schwarzenegger. He became an American citizen, started a whole new career, married a Kennedy. Right now he happens to be tearing off another guy's arm and hitting him with it, but you do see my point?”

Golden Quotes
Rose: “Dorothy, you've had a rough day. I'll tell you what. You go on and get into bed, and I'll bring you a nice up of hot chocolate... And I'll bring you some cookies and I'll move the TV into your room.”
Dorothy: “You really don't have to bother.”
Rose: “Oh, it's no bother... You heard her, Blanche. Get crackin'!!”

Critique: The timely “Dorothy's Prized Pupil” feels just as relevant today as it did over thirty years ago, but that doesn't necessarily make it a standout of Season Two. Not counting The-Episode-Thou-Shall-Not-Speak-It's-Name, it's probably most fans' least favorite of this outstanding sophomore season. But I'm more of a glass half full kinda guy so let's look at the positives. The veedeenflügen B-story is fun and offers some great moments for Blanche and Rose. I enjoy the third act scene at the movie theater because of how corny it is. (“WHOA! Oh I'm sorry Mario, I just, I never realized that ripping off a nose would leave that big a hole!”) How exactly does Dorothy know exactly what movie theater Mario would end up at? And if he's watching a movie where a guy gets his nose ripped off how did Mario get into the movie? But I digress. If anyone can give me a rational explanation as to why Dorothy pronounces Mario's name the way she does (when every other character pronounces it a totally different way) I'll die a happy person. Mario Lopez, in his pre-Saved by the Bell days, and his dimples are fine here but he was never exactly an amazing thespian. Lets just hurry up and get to the Jake the Caterer episode which thankfully is next. Though any episode that gives us Dorothy screaming WHOA isn't all that bad. GRADE: B-


  1. Why is the government looking for Mario at Blanches house instead of his parents house? Dorothy didn't own 25% of the house yet so there's no reason the government would go there.

  2. In the episode, the officer tells Dorothy the school told him Mario might be there.

  3. The part when Dorothy goes “WHOAA!!” In the theater was hilarious. One of my favorite Dorothy moments

  4. Ok except the "Let's get political" quote at the top doesn't make sense out of the context that comes before it. Not only do the writers get an A for the whole 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon-ish sequence and Rose and Sophia pull it off marvelously, we get references to Jane Wyatt in Father Knows Best, Jane Wyman (the old crow from Falcon Crest!), Bette Davis in All About Eve, Joan Crawford, who beat her kids with wire hangers!, and finally, Roderick Crawford, from Highway Patrol - all in the course of about 30 seconds AND I absolutely love how even in this case, Rose is the one who's 100% correct and she still can't escape a Sophia insult!