Friday, November 10, 2017

Twice in a Lifetime S5E20

Synopsis: Rose’s old boyfriend Buzz from St. Olaf returns which strains her relationship with Miles; Sophia moves out when Dorothy doesn’t approve of the new crowd she’s hanging out with.

90s Flashback

Sophia: “Oh my God. Now she's with the other boyfriend. It's like living with Cher.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Malcom [to Dorothy]: “You must be Tommy's boy. How's the team look this year?”

That’s What She Said

Rose: “To this day, whenever I see a man drop his pants, some little part of me wants to go whoooop!”

Blanche: “I know what you mean.”

Lewd Ladies

Dorothy: “What happened to the money I gave you last night?”

Sophia: “Let's see. Ten bucks went for cover charge, ten bucks went for a round of drinks. And the other ten went into the G-string of a very cute male dancer named Mr. Big.”

Blanche: “I know that guy. That's just a stage name.”

Insult Watch

Buzz: “Rose, how about some ice cream? You ladies care to join us?”

Dorothy: “No thanks. We don't wanna spoil our dinner.”

Sophia: “Not that that outfit hasn't done a good job already.”

Tales from the Old South

Dorothy: “Rose, quite frankly, I don't get it. What is this hold that Buzz has over you?”

Blanche: “Oh I know exactly what she's going through, Dorothy. First love can be very powerful. I felt the same way about Hayward Boyle, the star pitcher on our high school baseball team. An amazing athlete. That boy had exceptional control. He was always up for extra innings. And his delivery. Oh!--”

Dorothy:  “All right, Blanche. Enough!”

Rose: “Yeah, we get it. So what was he like in bed?”

Product Placement

Rose: “I was looking for someone more exciting. That's when Buzz came along. He was St. Olaf's heppest cat. A musician - you know the type. He once put a whole box of Chiclets in his mouth on a dare.”

Dorothy: “Cool.”

Sassy Sophia

Dorothy: “Ma, we need to talk. I waited up for you until two in the morning. And you still weren't home.”

Sophia: “Oh, yeah. Gertie and I and some of the girls went to Wolfie's to pick up guys.”

Dorothy: “I called Wolfie's at 11. You weren't there.”

Sophia: “Guess who got lucky?”

Dorothy: “Oh, God!”

Back in St. Olaf

Blanche: “Rose Nylund! You were in a love triangle and never told us!”

Rose: “Well I didn't think you'd be interested.”

Dorothy: “Oh but you were certain that we would be interested in the story about little Yimminy, the boy who was raised by a wild moose?”

Rose: “May I remind you, Dorothy, that moose didn't just raise little Yimminy, he put him through medical school!”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “Good morning, Miles. How was the bird-watching?”

Miles: “Oh, Blanche, it was thrilling. Have you ever seen a purple martin early in the morning?”

Blanche: “Yes, I have. Martin Gelman. Mr. ‘Watch me leapfrog over this parking meter.’”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Rose: “Charlie liked to do all the typical teenage things. When we'd go to a drive-in movie, he'd hide me in the trunk so we only had to pay admission for one. And after the movie he'd drive me home, let me out of the trunk and tell me all about it.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?

Blanche: “Oh, Dorothy, the art in this room is magnificent. I know. I work in a museum. I'm an art expert. Ooo, look at this Renoir.”

Maria: “Actually, that's a Seurat. His signature style was pointillism. Notice how the little dots of color seem to blend together from a distance.”

Blanche: “Oh. Yeah.”

Maria: “You wanna see the Jackson Pollock in the john?”

Blanche: “I'd love to.”

Maria: “Come on. I gotta scrub the toilet anyway.”

The Boob Tube

Dorothy: “You went to my mother's room in the middle of the night?”

Blanche: “Many, many times. Two or three times a week. And she was always so kind and comforting.”

Sophia: “I don't understand. Every time I'd knock on her door late at night, she'd say, ‘Not now.

I'm watching Bob Costas.’”

Blanche: “Sophia doesn't have a TV in her room.”

Dorothy: “I know.”

Reel References

Miles: “It's too bad. I was gonna take you to see Henry V.”

Rose: “It's just as well. I always think by the time they get to number five, those sequels get pretty predictable…”

Dorothy: “I can't believe you told him that.”

Rose: “But it's true. Did you doubt for a minute Rocky was gonna beat that Russian??”

Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “Ma, I don't like this new crowd that you're hanging out with. Now why are you with these people?”

Sophia: “They're the in-crowd. Look, the Senior Citizens' Center is divided into three cliques: the hip group, the not-so-hip group, and the broken hip group.”

Sophia: “What can I tell you? A couple of egg creams, the fluorescent lights, and a retired jeweler named Schlomo all conspired to make a night of enchantment.”

Blanche: “I never tell men about my past.”

Rose: “Why?”

Blanche: “Takes too long.”

Buzz: “Everybody in my family is named Buzz.”

Rose: “Buzz and I are going out to lunch.”

Buzz: “You're kidding? Buzz is here too??”

Rose: “Sorry, girls. This one's mine.”

Rose: “I've never done anything like this before. Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time?”

Blanche: “Set the scene. Have we been drinkin’?”

Buzz: “Rosie, I never should have left you 40 years ago. I can still see you standing on the platform as the train started to roll by. Remember, Rose? You were walking alongside, tears rolling down your cheeks. When the train picked up a little speed, you started to run. Suddenly you were out of sight. It was very painful for me.”

Rose: “For me too. I ran face first into the crossing signal.”

Sophia: “Ciao, auf Wiedersehen, arrivederci and sayonara.”

Rose: “Gee, she could have at least said goodbye.”

Dorothy: “Ma, he's a man. I didn't know you moved in with a man.”

Sophia: “What difference does it make? He's over 100 years old. I'm not sure he knows I'm a woman.”

Malcolm: “I think Amos and Andy are on the wireless tonight. What do you say we stay home and laugh our asses off?”

Dorothy: “You had late-night talks with my mother?”

Rose: “All the time.”

Dorothy: “And she gave you hard candy?”

Rose: “No. I'd ask, but she was always afraid I'd choke on it.”

Blanche: “Sophia, you're here. And you have your suitcase. Does that mean you're moving back?”

Sophia: “I don't get it. I'm gone a few days and the dumb one's in there acting like a slut, while the slut's in here being stupid.”


ROSE JUST HAD AN AIDS SCARE DOES NO ONE REMEMBER?? But I digress. Another episode, another moron from St. Olaf. I actually really love when people from St. Olaf show up (unless it’s one of Rose’s glaringly unmoronic, bitchy sisters or daughters) because the insults come fast and swift. Ok let’s get into it. I’m sure most viewers don’t really buy Rose having to choose between Buzz and Miles. Would Rose realistically leave Miami and her roomies for this dweeb? Just because they both have matching plaid outfits doesn’t mean they were meant to be together (just like Blanche’s thighs of course). No one would pick Buzz over Miles just like no one would vote for Min-ne-sota over Harvard. Also, the writers must really be into conservation because they pretty much recycled Sophia’s B story from the episode where Rose moves out because she’s annoying everyone ("Before & After"). This time it’s Sophia who has fallen with a crazy crowd of people (who we still never get to see). It’s really just an excuse for a hilarious scene in which Sophia’s nearly 100 year old male roommate keeps mistaking Sophia and Dorothy for men. If Malcom looks familiar it’s because he played Sophia’s terrible magician boyfriend Seymour in “You Gotta Have Hope.” Buzz of course has been in movies like “National Lampoon’s Vacation” and “Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.” And finally, if you need to make a chocolate egg cream for the Schlomo in your life click here. GRADE: B+

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