Friday, July 20, 2018

There Goes the Bride – Part 2 S6E17

Synopsis: Dorothy and Stan plan their wedding while Sophia still doesn’t approve; Rose confronts her friend’s crazy ex-wife; the girls welcome Truby to replace Dorothy as their roommate.

Musical Moments
Stan: “Dorothy, I vow to you that my love is pure.”
Dorothy: “I do vow too.”
Stan: “I vow that my love is strong.”
Dorothy: “I do vow too.”
Stan: “I vow that I will love no other.”
Dorothy: “I do—My God, Stanley, I feel like one of the Shirelles!”

That’s What She Said
Sophia: “Dorothy, I guess we're sleeping together tonight.”

Animal Alert
Rose: “Oh, Dorothy, push the doorbell. “
Dorothy: “The door's open.”
Rose: “I know, but push it anyway.”
[sounds of dogs barking]
Dorothy: “This is really amazing, Rose. You know, just the other day I was thinking, Why doesn't our doorbell bark?

Shady Pines, Ma
Rose: “I don't want your husband. I never did.”
Myra: “I understand that now. I think I was just afraid of starting all over at my age. My daughter's checking me into a lovely retirement home called Shady Pines.”
Sophia: “That's great. Come out to the lanai, I'll give you the lowdown on Shady Pines. You know, who does what for cigarettes.”

Lewd Ladies
Sophia: “You know, Pussycat, we never had that mother/daughter talk about sex.”
Dorothy: “Ma, I've had sex more years than I care to think about.”
Sophia: “I know. I think you're doing it wrong.”

Brooklyn: A Fairy Land
Dorothy: “Oh when Stan and I were married, Stan was crying, I was crying, Ma was crying. All for different reasons, but if you didn't know us, it looked touching.”

Zbornak Zingers
Truby: “My husband passed just last summer.”
Rose: “Passed what?”
Dorothy: “A slow-moving Winnebago, Rose.”

Insult Watch
Sophia: “Dorothy, he's perfect for you. He knows your shoe size and he doesn't care.”

Rose: “The mind is a powerful thing.”
Dorothy: “Think of the 99% you don't use.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “I'm not living with you and Stan.”
Dorothy: “Yes, you are, Ma. I want you with us, and besides, you can't afford to live alone.”
Sophia: “Blanche is letting me keep my room, and I have an interview at McDonald's today. If I can see over the counter, I'm their new fry girl.”

Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “Stop! As God as my witness and in front of this entire congregation, I call an end to this wedding here and now!”
Blanche: “Sophia, this is only the rehearsal.”
Sophia: “It is? Pretend you didn't hear that. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Back in St. Olaf
Blanche: “Rose, what happened?”
Rose: “My brakes went out, and the car wouldn't stop. My whole life flashed before my eyes and the Nuderflaken twins played a bigger part than I had realized.”
Blanche: “That must've been awful.”
Rose: “Oh it was. I don't know any Nuderflaken twins.”

Truby: “Ah, great day for a wedding. Say, who tied those dead fish to the back of the car?”
Rose: “It's a St. Olaf tradition. You drive until you can't stand the smell and then that's where you live.”
Truby: “Crazy or stupid?”
Blanche: “We think it's a mix.”

Rose: “Let me tell you about a lesson that I learned when I was a little girl in St. Olaf. If you hold a bird gently, the bird will stay. But if you squeeze the bird, his eyes will bug out and Mr. Pet Shop Owner gets very huffy and he won't let you touch the birds anymore. And the mice? He won't even let—”
Blanche: “Rose!! What is eight times six? OK, now that we have a few minutes… I think Rose made two very good points. One: Not all psychotics are dangerous. And two: Honey, you have to let go. Dorothy's capable of making her own decisions. Does any of this make any sense to you, Sophia?”
Sophia: “Not completely. I still think Rose has the capacity to kill.”
Blanche: “Oh, Rose. Sorry, honey. Pencils down.”
Rose: “I could've used a pencil!?”

Rose: “My wedding was outdoors. February 12th. I'll never forget it. I wore the most beautiful white flannel wedding gown. It even had feet sewn in.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “You know, this reminds me of the day I married George. Oh, it was an exquisite wedding.
Five hundred people in that big, old church and I didn't have any underwear on.”
Dorothy: “Why?”
Blanche: “I just felt it was the right thing to do.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Blanche: “Rose, you’ve got to disconnect those stupid dogs.”
Rose: “But it’s working. And besides, I’ve already named them.”

From Feud to Food
Sophia: “Alright. You've got a second chance. But if you hurt my daughter again, I'll make you miserable for the rest of my life. And if I lay off meat and dairy, that could be as much as five years.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Dorothy: “God, this has always been my worst nightmare.”
Truby: “A wedding falling apart at the last minute?”
Dorothy: “No, going on a honeymoon with my mother.”

Reel References
Wedding coordinator: “OK, places! Dah-dah-dah! Duh, duh, duh-dum Dum, dum duh-dum  [To Dorothy] Remember, teeny steps. We're not Godzilla attacking the city.”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “It's late. Why didn't somebody wake me up?”
Sophia: “Because the last time I walked into your bedroom unannounced, some guy missed the trampoline and almost killed me.”

Rose: “I stopped at a gas station and they were nice enough to give me a ride home. Oh, by the way, Chuck says, ‘Yo.’”
Blanche: “Chuck from Arco or Chuck from Shell?”
Rose: “Shell.”
Blanche: “Big Chuck from Shell or Little Chuck from Shell?”
Dorothy: “Blanche, I think you're spending too much time at the full-service island.”

Rose: “I'm afraid to open it. What if it's from Myra?”
Dorothy: “Oh, come on, Rose.”
Rose: “Well what if it's got a deadly black spider in it that's gonna leap out and bite me the minute I open it?”
[Dorothy stomps over letter]
Dorothy: “There you are.”
Rose: “You're wise. Ya just wise.”

Dorothy: “You've already turned down about 12 people. They're either too thin or too pretty or too young. It's as though you only wanna live with a woman who has absolutely no sex appeal whatsoever.”
Rose: “You think we're dogs, don't you?”
[barking doorbell rings]
Blanche: “Now that's too eerie.”
Sophia: “The dogs are on my tail again! Through the river! Run through the river!”
Dorothy: “Oh Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma, we've just put in a new bell. It's to scare people.”
Sophia: “It'll never work.”

Truby: “I always get nervous at weddings. Weddings and funerals. I've been to so many of both that I get mixed-up. Same guest list, same flowers, handful of rice, handful of dirt. The only difference is, after the funeral it's OK to date.”
Blanche: “I'm beginning to like her.”

Rose: “If it's any consolation, Dorothy, I think what there was of your wedding was very beautiful. And the album won't be as bad as you think. I mean the photographer got some great shots of your friends leaving with their gifts.”

Blanche: “Truby, honey, we have to talk. I know you signed a lease, but, well, considering Dorothy's tragic misfortune.”
Truby: “I know, I know, but could I just stay a couple of days? I can't stand another minute at a hotel.”
Blanche: “I know what you mean. If I have to come up with one more fake name.”

Dorothy: “Ma, I have a better idea. In my suitcase there are two tickets to Aruba. I think Stan owes us a little vacation, don't you?”
Sophia: “Aruba?! I love Aruba! Where's Aruba?”

Surprise! Like anyone thought Dorothy would actually end up married to Stan. He’s a yutz. Ok let’s move on to some burning questions. I wonder how long Rose and Charlie drove before they couldn’t stand the stench? I mean in past episodes (like when they play Googenspritzer) Rose says there’s only one street in St. Olaf. I assume the stench was REALLY horrible. Moving on. Did Sophia ever end up getting the job at McDonald’s? I mean she does have relevant work experience from her days at Pecos Pete’s Chow Wagon. And speaking of which…. Does Myra look familiar? She’s also Edna in “Blanche’s Little Girl”…. And Candi  in “Nothing to Fear But Fear Itself” and another upcoming episode.  They must of really liked Meg Wyllie’s spunk. She was the rare guest star to show up four times. Anywho, I just have to stress how much I love this two parter. There are so many great, classic lines (including the well-known “Chuck says Yo” exchange). Debbie Reynolds makes a memorable appearance as Dorothy’s replacement. They should of just gotten her for the 8th season of The GG. Anyone got a DeLorean lying around?  GRADE: A

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

There Goes the Bride - Part 1 S6E16

Synopsis: Dorothy and Stan have been secretly dating and get engaged which Sophia condemns; Rose is seeing a friend of Miles and has to deal with his crazy ex-wife.

90s Flashback
Blanche: “Is that the woman who threatened you with the lobster? Why are you talking to her?”
Rose: “Well she keeps calling. What should I do?”
Blanche: “I'll get you off that phone. Rose, I've fallen and can't get up. Help me!”
Rose: “I can't help you right now. I'm on the phone!”

Crazy Continuity
I love how in the last episode Miles had to flee back to Chicago because The Cheeseman had faked his death and now, according to Rose, he’s in Europe with students. Eye roll.

Musical Moments
Sophia: “Anyway, I can get out of this. The game's not over till the fat lady sings.”
Rose [entering]: “I'm singing in the rain! Hi, girls.”

That’s What She Said
Stan: “Then stick your finger in it.”
Dorothy: “Stan, you pig.”

Animal Alert
Blanche: “What's the matter, honey? Did you have a bad time with Ray?”
Rose: “It wasn't Ray. His ex-wife, Myra, ran into the Chowderhead's, where we were eating, and started yelling at me. And then she grabbed a lobster out of the tank and forced me out of the booth.”
Sophia: “How is the lobster at Chowderhead's?”
Rose: “Scary!”

Shady Pines, Ma
Sophia: “So, as is tradition, I am ready to accept your various gifts and offerings. You may begin, Dorothy.”
Dorothy: “I appreciate your sense of ritual, Ma, but just so you know, I still have Shady Pines on the speed-dial.”
Sophia: “Moving on.”

Picture It
Sophia: “Oh, please, that's no threat. Where I come from, when someone wanted to make a point, they'd tie a string around your finger. Well, come to think of it, it wasn't a string, it was a piano wire. Actually, it wasn't your finger, it was your neck. Anyway, it was very popular. In fact, piano wire was our village's second biggest export. You know what our biggest export was?”
Rose & Blanche: “No.”
Sophia: “Too bad. I don't remember either. My God, I've left brain cells all over the Eastern Seaboard.”

Insult Watch
Blanche: “You are dating a friend of Miles'? You scallywag!”
Sophia: “You skunkweed!”
Blanche: “What's that mean?”
Sophia: “I don't know. What does yours mean?”

Sophia: “Did I sit down? Have I sat down yet?”
Stan: “I'm sorry.”
Sophia: “No, I mean, am I this short? My God, you two are like a couple of redwoods.”

Product Placement
Blanche: “Checkmate”
Sophia: “Checkmate?? I thought we were playing Yahtzee! OK, that's a do-over.”
Blanche: “No, that is not a do-over. You do this every time. Last time you thought it was Checkers, before that it was Battleship, and twice you yelled out ‘snake eyes!’”
Sophia: “No, that was for you. It was a mascara note.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “Everybody, pay attention. New game! [everyone groans] Oh, this is a St. Olaf favorite. Everybody puts on a blindfold and then they choose a partner. And then they think of a number and the other person thinks of an object. And then the bride tags someone and they call out their number and then they switch with her, and so on and so on and so on. And how ever many switches there are, that's the number of children the bride will have. And the numbers have to add up and you can collect the objects. OK, everybody, put on your blindfold. Everybody wearing 'em?”
Everyone: “Yes!”
Rose: “OK, spatula, 11!”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “There's your criminal. Prosecute her to the utmost of the law!”
Rose: “Oh, can you believe this? The stripper's here and we're missing it, all because of these stupid blindfolds!”
Blanche: “OK, Furillo, drop your pants. It's time for a little search and seizure.”
Police officer: “Touch me again and you'll go to prison, lady!”
Blanche [grabbing his butt]: “Honk, honk!”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Dorothy: “Oh, girls, I cannot tell you how nice it is to be with Stan lately. He's fun and attentive and sweet. Oh, even in the bedroom, he's just- well, he's really brought new meaning to the word solicitous.”
Rose: “What was the old meaning again?”

From Feud to Food
Stan: “Don't you see? We belong together. We're an artful complement of individual tastes, enhanced instead of concealed by each other. And served in our natural juices.”
Dorothy: “You got that from the menu.”
Stan: “It was the special. Cajun prime rib. But I think it applies.”

Literary Intelligentsia
Blanche: “Going out with your boyfriend's friend is very exciting. Take it from me. I wrote the book on dating.”
Rose: “Really?? What's it called?”
Blanche: “It doesn't have a title, you twit...”
Dorothy [enterting]: “Hi, oh, sorry. Well, good night.”
Blanche: “Oh, you going to bed already?”
Dorothy: “Well what's so terrible about going right to bed?”
Rose: “Hey Blanche, that's a great title for your book!”

Reel References
Sophia: “Give me the phone. So, uh, you're Myra. Who am I? Some call me Sophia. Others know me as The Terminator. Of course, these people have corneas that look like cotton balls… Is that right? Well, listen, Myra, I'm not afraid of you. I'm from Sicily. You know what the number one export of our village is? Ransom notes… I had a flashback in the can.”
Rose: “She hung up.”
Sophia: “Sure. She's not so tough without her lobster.”

Sophia: “Where I'm from the marriages are arranged by the parents.”
Blanche: “Is that what's bothering you, Sophia? Nobody asked your permission?”
Sophia: “It's the Italian tradition. What do you think Fiddler on the Roof was about?”
Blanche: “That's a Jewish musical.”
Sophia: “What do you mean Jewish? I remember there was Enzo Stuarti, Dom DeLuise. Boy, I've got to stop seeing these things at dinner theaters.”

Blanche: “Maybe you ought to take a different approach with her Dorothy. You know, a more traditional one.”
Dorothy: “Like?”
Blanche: “Ah, I don't know. Like, um set up a meeting and have Stan ask for your hand. You know in an Italian sort of way.”
Dorothy: “Well, what do you want me to do? Go in, bow my head, and kiss her ring? Hey, you know something?” That just might work. I mean, she thinks of herself as the Godfather. I'll just make her an offer that she can't remember.”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “You're in a good mood, Rose. Is someone expecting her ‘special visitor’ tonight?”
Rose: “Oh, don't be silly, Blanche. I haven't had my ‘special visitor’ in years.”
Sophia: “Hey! Neither have I. It's amazing, how when you live with women, you get on the same cycle.”

Dorothy: “I guess I love him. Oh, I can't believe it. Of course I don't love the fact that he still keeps his toupee in the lettuce crisper. But it does look fresher, and you deal with it.”

Dorothy [revealing her dress under her nightgown]: “Ma. I'm not proud of this, but there's something I have to show you.”
Sophia: “Oh, please. I've done a lot worse. I've done panties over pants, bras over blouses. One Easter I wore a shower cap over my bonnet.”

Dorothy: “Girls, girls, guess what happened tonight.”
Rose: “Give us a hint.”
Dorothy: “The best thing that could happen to a woman.”
Rose: “The circus! The circus is in town!”

Rose: “From here on in, I guess I'm going to have to get used to calling you Dorothy Zbornak.”
Dorothy: “Rose, you've always called me Dorothy Zbornak.”
Rose: “I know, but I never really meant it.”

Sophia: “So! Another tenants' meeting I wasn't told about. What's the topic this time? How to lose the old lady?”

Dorothy: “Ma, Stan gave me an engagement ring.”
Sophia: “I see. Excuse me.” [sticks head in microwave]
Dorothy: “Ma, that's a microwave!”
Sophia: “I know. I wanna get this over with as quickly as possible.”

Dorothy [opening her shower gift]: “To keep Stan warm on those cold winter nights: a head cozy. Lois, this is just too much. Where'd you find such a ridiculous thing?
Lois: “I make them myself.”

Rose: “Oh Dorothy, you crossed your legs. You lose another sticker.”
Dorothy: “Oh, Rose. Rose, these games of yours are absolutely ridiculous. I mean I can't think of anyone with enough control to keep her legs apart all the time.”
Blanche: [entering with all her stickers intact]: “More chips?”

Blanche: “How's it going out there?”
Dorothy: “The stripper used to be a cop, and the cop always wanted to be a dancer. Now they're wearing each other's hats and it's really getting weird.”

Dorothy and Stan. Arguably the best duo of the entire series that doesn’t include 2 of the main four ladies. Bea and Herb had tremendous chemistry. You could believe they’d be in love and you could believe they’d hate each other’s guts. It’s real love Mr. Benson. But I digress. Can I just say how much I freaking love this two-part episode? Dorothy’s bridal shower sequence is easily a Top Ten© GG scene for me. Everything from Rose’s stupid games that involve not crossing your legs or collecting spatulas (or something like that) and the old reliable sitcom standby of mistaking a real cop for a stripper. It’s all magical. Sure, after six years you’d think Dorothy would be done with Stan and his puka shells. But as intelligent and collected as Dorothy is she still has feelings for the yutz. Other highlights include the visual of Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche toilet papering Harry Weston’s house, Sophia trying to commit suicide in the microwave, and the proposal scene in which Stan asks Dorothy to finger his potato. Who says romance is dead?  GRADE: A