Synopsis:
Sophia’s priest brother Angelo comes to visit she makes Dorothy and
Stan pretend to be still married. Meanwhile, Rose and Blanche
audition for a local production of The Sound of Music.
80s Flashback
Dorothy: “Phew,
it’s really coming down out there.”
Rose: “What’s
coming down?”
Dorothy: “The
Liberace marquee at Caesar’s Palace.”
Musical Moments
Stan: “I've got a
crush on you/Sweetie pie/All the day and nighttime/Hear me sigh.”
Dorothy: “Oh
Stanley Zbornak, I don't believe that you're trying to charm me.”
Stan: “Is it
working?”
Dorothy: “I don't
think so...”
Stan: “Embrace
me/My sweet embraceable you/Embrace me/You irreplaceable you.”
Crazy Continuity
This is the first
episode where Sophia's brother Angelo appears and from now on, her
sister Angela (who made two appearances in Season Two) seems to have
never existed.
Let’s Get
Political
Sophia:
“Stanley, think of me as the Berlin Wall. Try to climb over me, and
you'll know what barbed wire between your legs feels like!”
That’s What She
Said
Stan: “You leave
me no choice; I’ll have to pull out the big gun.”
Dorothy: “You’re
wasting your time Stanley, I’m familiar with the big gun.”
Picture It
Uncle Angelo:
“Picture it: Sicily, 1914. I promised our dear sainted mother on
her deathbed I'm-a gonna join the priesthood. On my way to the
seminary in Palermo, I stop off at a local trattoria for a glass of
Chianti. The waitress bring drink to the table is a vision. Luscious
lips, full bosom and a behind so round, so firm, you got to fall down
on your knees and cry out at its magnificent regal beauty. I'm-a
butt man. Anyway, my devotion to God doesn't waver. But suddenly,
the idea of living with a bunch of guys in itchy robes doesn't seem
quite as appealing as that tuckus. So I tear up my priest
application, ask Philomena to marry me, and we lived the next 72
years in wedded bliss.”
Zbornak Zingers
Stan: “I was a
little disappointed that Michael didn't want go into the novelty
business with me.”
Dorothy: “Yes. It
was a crushing blow when he decided to join the Boston Philharmonic
instead of selling rubber dog poop door-to-door.”
Insult Watch
Angelo, to Dorothy
about Stan: “He still make you laugh like he used to?”
Dorothy: “Not
really, but then again I haven’t seen him naked lately.”
Product Placement
Stan: “Stan
Zbornak doesn't have to beg a woman to get into bed. Women come to
me!”
Dorothy: “Yeah,
right after they get the approval number on your MasterCard.”
Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Stan: “I'll take a slice, darling.”
Dorothy: “No problem, sweetheart.”
Stan: “Hurry back, dumpling.”
Dorothy: “My feet have wings, barf bag.”
Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “I don’t
know where he is, you know Stan is always late. He was even late for
our first date.”
Sophia: “And then
you were late.”
Take Me Out to the
Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “A gay
theatre director, did you ever hear of such a thing.”
Dorothy: “It’s
absolutely shocking; next think you know they’ll have Black
basketball players in the NBA.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche, on the
phone: “Hello. Hi, Walter. How are you? Yeah, I feel like a caged
animal in heat too. Oh! Walter, you naughty boy! Keep on talkin'.
What am I wearing? Well, to be perfectly honest, a nun's outfit!”
Golden Quotes
Stan: “Hello, Mama
Bear. Papa Bear's back in the cave.”
Dorothy: “I could
vomit just looking at you.”
and of course:
Rose: "I'm Sister Rose."
Blanche, pretending
to be a nun while holding her underwear: “I’m Sister Blanche.
We’re here, uh, collecting lingerie for needy sexy people.”
Critique: You guys, where the
hell is Aunt Angela? She said everyone else back in Sicily
is dead! So, who the hell is this Uncle Angelo? There's something rotten
in the state of Denmark. And I'm not talking about their cheese. But
I digress. This really is a classic episode. It has a totally typical
sitcom storyline with characters pretending to be something they’re
not, but it really makes for some fun dynamics. Stan and Dorothy
pretending to be married is a hoot as is the sight of Rose and
Blanche as nuns. The two stories come together perfectly. Everyone
has a standout moment here. Blanche’s lingerie line is still one of
my all-time favorite Blanche quotes. Sophia getting confused when
Rose runs her Sound of Music dialogue is simply hilarious. Bea Arthur
is particularly strong here as evidenced by her Emmy Award-winning
performance for this episode. A
Next to "Stan Takes a Wife," this might be Herb Edelman's best episode. Both times, we get an idea of how Stan and Dorothy could have lasted decades without her throwing him out, bald head first.
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