That’s What She
Said
Blanche: “I'm out
of spit. Can I go now?”
Picture It
Blanche: “Boy, I
tell you, there is nothing more invigorating than spending a little
time on a boat.”
Sophia: “Oh, yeah?
Not when I sailed to America. Picture it. There we were - a tired,
poor, huddled mass eating marinara sauce out of a can. It was hell.
And the entertainment? Some guy from Palermo forgot his accordion, so
he sat around singing "O Solo Mio" while squeezing a
monkey… It was the worst time of my life. If it weren't for pin the
tail on the French, we would've gone stir-crazy.”
Insult Watch
Dorothy: “Hi,
girls. Do these pearls look OK with this?”
Blanche: “Honey,
pearls look fine with everything, from the fanciest dress to…
that.”
Product Placement
Rose: “Don't be
ridiculous, Dorothy. You love the man for who he is. It's not like
he's driving you around in a tiny car with a giant key on the back….
Is he???”
Ken: “Hi,
sweetheart.”
Dorothy: “You are
driving the Lincoln tonight aren’t you?”
Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “I want
you two jailbirds to feel at home. Dinner's at six. Pass it on.”
Best of B.E.D.
Rose: “Twenty
envelopes and you’re ready to quit? Blanche, we joined the ‘Friends
of Sea Mammals’ for a reason. You are so unmotivated!”
Blanche: “Well!
When I joined this ‘Mammals with Blowholes’ thing, I didn't
expect to be carrying picket signs on some grungy dock. I was hoping
more for a fundraiser cocktail party with Chinese lanterns and
Portuguese, no, Hispanic waiters in tight black pants. And we hire a
band to play fish songs in pirate suits with muscles bulgin.’”
Rose: “Your mouth
is watering now, Blanche. Keep licking.”
Blanche: “Let's go
back down to the dock… I know a waterfront bar where a lot of
foreign fishermen hang out.”
Rose: “Do you
think they'd listen to me?”
Sweet,
Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “All
creatures must learn to coexist. Back where I come from, they do.
That's why the brown bear and the field mouse can share their lives
and live in harmony. 'Course, they can't mate, or the mice would
explode. You know what I mean.”
Dorothy: “I think
Rose needs to work on her metaphors.”
From Feud to Food
Rose: “Blanche,
you saw that dolphin. All tangled up in that tuna boat's net.
Thousands of them die that way each year. We have to do something.”
Blanche: “You are
absolutely right. From this moment on, no more tuna fish!”
Rose: “Blanche,
you hate tuna fish.”
Blanche: “All
right, then no more tuna fishermen!”
The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “Blanche,
I am impressed. You have really changed your tune.”
Blanche: “ You
know it's funny how that happened. There I was, staying up last
night, coming up with excuses to get out of this. And then it
occurred to me. I said, ‘Water Lily.’ That's what I call myself
sometimes. ‘Water Lily, you've never done anything like this in
your life. Now, this is important. For the love of mother earth and
the love of mother nature, commit yourself to this, Blanche
Devereaux!’ Isn't that exciting?
Dorothy: “Caught a
rerun of Flipper on cable, did you?”
Blanche: “A
particularly touching one. Where Flipper comes to the rescue. It was
only after that I picked up Rose's pamphlets and read about these
magnificent creatures.”
Dorothy: “That's
beautiful. Water Lily?”
Blanche: “Uh-huh.”
Reel References
Rose: “We may not
agree with the fishermen, but we want this demonstration to be
peaceful. In the tradition of… you know, the short, bald Indian
fellow with the glasses and the diaper. You know the one who didn't
eat and won an Oscar.”
Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Your Ken
is quite a catch, Dorothy. For once I'm a bit jealous.”
Sophia: “What's
not to be jealous about? The man's gorgeous. He's got money and
class. I couldn't be happier for you, Dorothy. I just want to give
you a loving mother's advice: Don't blow it!”
Dorothy: “What
more could I want from a man? Get it out of the gutter, Blanche.”
Blanche: “Just
think of it. Life with a successful attorney: The summer homes, the
glamorous social circles, those impulsive little trips to Europe with
rascally Romans pinching your bottom. You're a lucky girl, Dorothy. I
hate you!”
Dorothy: “This is
just crazy talk. I mean, we've only been seeing each other for three
months. I've never even thought of what it would be like if I were:
Mrs. Kenneth Whittingham!”
Dorothy: “I feel
like a virgin. Where do the noses go?”
Rose: “Sophia, I
don't know what all the hullabaloo is about. Dating a circus clown
would be a dream come true for me.”
Blanche: “Reach
for the stars, Rose.”
Dorothy: “Ken,
could you give up the circus for me? Could you give up the laughter?
The smiles on those children's faces?”
Do you know
something, Dorothy? I don't think I could. Could I give up the fat
lady for you? No. Could I give up the elephants for you? No. The
chimps? The sword-swallower-”
Dorothy: “Ken. I
think I have a grip on this.”
Critique:
Do you think Rose feels EXTRA guilty for eating Blanche's tuna quiche
in the upcoming episode where Blanche goes on a diet to fit into her
wedding dress? Did she not learn anything from this episode?? And
does this episode even remotely attempt to portray the legal system
accurately whatsoever? How does Blanche and Dorothy, and all the
other protesters, get a trial literally an hour or so after being
arrested? That's swift justice if there ever was. But I digress. I've
always really enjoyed this episode even if it doesn't exactly break
the mold. Bea Arthur and Dick Van Dyke seem like the perfect match,
and I'm not just talking about the fact that they're hulking in size.
It's fun to see the A story and B story come together though it's
awfully convenient the moment they need a lawyer Dorothy happens to
be dating one. And is it just me or is Blanche particularly horny in
this one as well? Anywho, there are plenty of great lines to be found
here circus-related (“Call them 'little people'”) and otherwise
(“What did you DO to him??”) and it's a perfectly pleasant
middle-of-the-road Golden Girls half hour. GRADE: B
Also, in this episode Blanche hates tuna fish, but while she's dieting she eats it (or had planned to!).
ReplyDeleteMy understanding is that was a hearing rather than a trial. After arrest, there is a hearing to assess the case and make the judicial decision to proceed to a trial. DVD, Clown Attorney, was making an appeal to dismiss the case.
ReplyDelete