Scared Straight S4E9

Synopsis: Blanche's baby brother Clayton visits and struggles with coming out to her. Meanwhile, Sophia has a death dream and thinks she only has two days to live.  

Crazy Continuity
Anyone else notice the magical peephole that shows up in the front door when needed for a joke/gag or story element?


That’s What She Said

Clayton: “But how do I keep from chickening out?”

Rose: “By telling her. Tonight, while you've still got your dander up.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Sophia: “Put out your hands, Dorothy.”

Dorothy: “What for?”

Sophia: “So I can say hello like Magic Johnson. So I'm gonna give you some of my personal things.”

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “Rose, honey. There's something I have to say to you. It's just two little words, but they are the hardest two little words in all the whole world for me to say.”

Rose: “'Not tonight?'”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “Both Dorothy and I know how much fun the single life is. Many's the night Dorothy has sat here alone in this room watching me go out on dates.”

Dorothy: “Sometimes I watch her go from the kitchen window. It's easier to bay at the moon from there.”

Insult Watch

Blanche: “Butt out, Clayton. This doesn't concern you.”

Rose: “Well it most certainly does concern him.”

Blanche: “Why? Because he was seduced by a bubble-head whose hair looks like it was colorized by Ted Turner?”

Tales from the Old South

Blanche: “You know what that popcorn reminds me of? Rex's Drive-In out at the lake. You remember the night my date and I parked right next to you and your date? Pretty soon it got to be a contest who could fog up whose car the fastest. I think you won.”

Clayton “You weren't doing too badly considering you were in a convertible.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “What's wrong, Ma?”

Sophia: “I got three days to live.”

Dorothy: “Fine, Ma. I'll scratch the Bengay off the grocery list.”

Sassy Sophia

Dorothy: “Ma, what are you doing up?”

Sophia: “Someone left the lock off my cage.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “Clayton, you're not playing fair. That's a man. That's a man and you're a man. You're both men. Clayton, you're that thing that everyone said Olga Larsen's nephew was 'cause he wore paisley clogs and gave out puff pastry on Halloween.”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “Clay, now, we did say we were gonna be honest with each other. All right, now, I can do my part. You just watch this. You all, over at the bar. I just want to say that I would be very proud to have any one of you date my brother.”

Man at bar: “I'd rather date you, lady.”

Blanche: “Sweet Jesus, I've just done the impossible. I converted one!”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Blanche: “Who's that at the door?”

Rose: “It's me Blanche.”

Blanche: “The OTHER side.”

Reel References

Clayton: “I've got to tell her tonight. But it's not gonna be easy. I still haven't told Blanche I was the one who stole the Montgomery Clift poster off her wall when she left for college.”

The Boob Tube

Blanche: “Hi, y'all.”

Sophia: “Oh, fabulous. Roy and Dale are back.”

Golden Quotes

Rose: “We better put out the welcome mat.”

Blanche: “We don't have a welcome mat.”

Rose: “What about the one Dorothy says is at the foot of your bed?”

Clayton: “Oh my, look at you all gussied up. Prettier than a spring-bloomin' peach tree on a dewy April morning.”

Blanche: “Well, you oughta talk, all fresh-scrubbed and rosy-cheeked like a country parson at a September hoedown.”

Dorothy: “Why do I get the feeling they had a maid named Honeybee when they grew up?”

Blanche, to Dorothy: “Did you know that if you blow right on the tip of a man's earlobe, it can drive him absolutely crazy? I'll show you...”

Sophia: “I'm gonna be dead in 24 hours. Couldn't you stay in the closet for one more day!?”

Rose: “Now, at times, Blanche can be very understanding and compassionate and forgiving.”

Blanche: “Get away from my baby brother, you cradle-snatching, empty-headed, two-faced dummy!”

Rose: “And then at other times she can be a real bitch.”

Critique:  Am I the only one who screams “BABY BROTHAH!!” when someone comes to my door? This is one of my all-time favorite episodes because there are so many great things going on here. Clayton is one of my favorites of Blanche's relatives mostly because he isn't a little bitch like Virginia or Charmaine. He doesn't want a kidney or a pocket watch. Having Blanche have to deal with a brother coming out is a fun dynamic and ultimately watching her think she's “converted” a gay man at the bar is a perfect Blanche moment. The scene where Rose tries to tell Clayton's secret to Dorothy is a classic moment including Sophia's brilliant inquisition. Sophia's B story about how she's going to die in three days is less interesting and doesn't really crossover with the main story at all but you could tell the writers were preoccupied with Blanche and her brother. This is the ideal GG episode, it has great lines, good hearty laughs, deals with an important issues without being political or beating you over the head with it, and offers plenty of insults to be thrown around. This episode is prettier than a spring-bloomin' peach tree on a dewy April morning. GRADE: A