Sunday, January 5, 2020

Old Boyfriends S7E14

Synopsis: An old boyfriend from St. Olaf visits Rose but she can’t remember him; Sophia meets a man in the personals and gets more than she bargained for.

Crazy Continuity
Rose says she wasn’t allowed to start dating until she was a senior in high school, but in an earlier episode she talks about her mother telling her to wait and get sophisticated and get married at 15 like her sisters.
Also, Rose allegedly brought 56 men to a fevered pitch of uncontrollable ecstasy and yet she never saw a man’s penis until her wedding night with Charlie? Sure, Jan.

Lewd Ladies
Dorothy: “Marvin, what the hell is going on here?”
Sophia: “Isn't it obvious? They put an ad in the magazine to lure an unsuspecting cutie like me into their web of sex games. They want me to be their love slave!”

Zbornak Zingers
Dorothy: “Our hearts go out to both of you, and as soon as Ma and I have talked, we'll get back to you.”
Sarah: “So you'll seriously consider this?”
Dorothy: “Well, of course, we will. How could we not? [closes door] WHAT A PAIR OF LOONS!”

Insult Watch
Blanche: “Rose, you remembered. A kiss unlocked your memory.”
Rose: “One doesn't forget a kiss like that.”
Blanche: “Oh, that's so romantic.”
Rose: “No, it isn't. That man didn't know how to kiss 40 years ago, and he doesn't know how to kiss today.”

Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “Play hard to get. Play hard to get. Play hard to get. Take me here. Take me now!”

Rose: “Sophia, don't you think you might be rushing things?”
Sophia: “Please! The man is 86. Right now, it's a race between me and the blood clot in his leg to see who gets him first.”

Best of B.E.D.
Rose: “Blanche, would you mind? We're going to need our privacy.”
Blanche: “Now, Rose, that's not fair. I want to see you dump him. Well, I let you watch when I broke up with my last guy.”
Rose: “No, you didn't.”
Blanche: “Oh, really? Well, I have it on videotape. Would you like to see it?”

Lesbian. Lesbian? LESBIAN??
Marvin: “I know you and your daughter must have a lot of questions.”
Sophia: “You bet we do. And by the way, Dorothy's not my daughter. She's my lesbian lover.”
Dorothy: “Ma!”
Sophia: “See, Marvin? How do you like it? Not a pretty picture, is it?”

Until the Buffalo Pooped…
Blanche: “Okay, here's another good one. ‘Recent widower seeks widow. I am handsome, intelligent, and possess great style. I am also incontinent but have learned to laugh about it.’”
Sophia: “Well, that's a keeper.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Dorothy: [opening the door to Sarah and Marvin] “I'm sorry, but I already know Jesus.”

Literary Intelligentsia
Blanche: “Sophia, listen, how about this one? ‘Elderly white male with broken hip seeks elderly white female. I am into massages, bran muffins, and the book Final Exit. Please respond quickly, or I'll do it, I swear I will!’”
Sophia: “Too much pressure. Moving on.”

Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “What is going on here?”
Sophia: “I'm looking through the personals to find myself a man. Remember what that is, Dorothy? It's an animal, kind of like a woman, except that it's got a-”
Dorothy: “Ma!”

Sophia: “Hey, listen to this. ‘Older gentleman seeks lady of refinement. I like moonlit nights, romantic Italian dinners and waking up in the morning. If you're old enough to remember when Sinatra was skinny, please send letter and photo.’ This is the one. He's perfect. I found myself a man.”

Rose: “Boy, it's finally beginning to happen. I'm getting old and forgetting things, forgetting people who, at one time, were important to me.”
Sophia: “Don't be ridiculous. You're as mentally fit as you ever were. We all are.”
Rose: “Oh, thank you...”
Sophia: “Sophia.”
Rose: “Sophia!”
Sophia: “You're welcome...”
Rose: “Rose.”
Sophia: “Rose!”
Dorothy: “Any wonder we get nursing-home brochures by the truckload?”

Sophia: “The guy from the ad will be here any second. How do I look?”
Dorothy: “Ma, you forgot to zip up your dress.”
Sophia: “I didn't forget. He's probably got arthritis. Why make it any harder?”

Blanche: “All right, now, Sophia, remember, honey, play hard to get. It drives a man crazy.”
Dorothy: “Read that somewhere, did you?”

Rose: “I haven't the slightest idea who that man is.”
Dorothy: “Rose, what is wrong with you? I mean, why didn't you just tell him that you don't know who he is?”
Rose: “And hurt an old friend? Boy, Dorothy, no wonder nobody likes you.”

Sophia: “Are you Marvin from the ad?”
Sarah: “Yes, he is. And are you Sophia?”
Sophia: “Well, he doesn't look like he'll kill me. Yeah, I'm Sophia, and only one little question remains. Who the hell are you??”

Sophia: “No visible means of life support. I like that in a man. Let's roll.”
Dorothy: “You know, I always hoped my mother would meet a nice couple.”

Rose: “What's your definition of a boyfriend?”
Blanche: “Any man you bring to a fevered pitch of uncontrollable ecstasy.”
Rose: “Oh… Fifty-six.”
Blanche: “Excuse me?”
Rose: “I had about 56 boyfriends. Of course, that was before I knew Charlie. I probably would of had more, but I wasn't allowed to start dating until I was a senior.”
Blanche: “Fifty-six? Fifty-six?”
Dorothy: “Oh God, stand back. She's gonna blow!”

Rose: “Hey, you can have a boyfriend without having to go all the way.”
Blanche: “You cannot! If that were true, Rose, that would mean you were a slut.”
Dorothy: “Oh, come on, Blanche, how can you say that? So the woman had 56 boyfriends in one year. She's not a slut.”
Blanche: “Thank you, Dorothy.”
Dorothy: “She is THEE slut. She's the Grand Pooh-Bah of Slutdom. She's the easiest woman in this room.”
Blanche: “Dorothy Zbornak, you take that back.”
Dorothy: “The slut is dead. Long live the slut.”
Sophia, entering the kitchen: “Okay, listen up. I've got man trouble, and I need advice from someone with experience.”
Blanche: “I'll be happy to help-”
Sophia: “I hear you're a tramp, Rose.”
Rose: “Mama was right, word gets around fast.”

Dorothy: “Listen, Ma, I have an idea. Why don't I go and pick up Marvin, bring him here, and that way, the two of you can be alone?”
Rose: “And Blanche and Thor and I will be out on the lanai, so you'll have the living room all to yourselves.”
Sophia: “You're all willing to do this?”
Dorothy: “Well, of course. Now, come on, let's go pick out the teeth you'll wear tonight.”

Sophia: “I just want you to know, Marvin, since this is our fourth date, I wouldn't blame you if you tried to steal a little kiss.”
Marvin: “That's because you're very understanding.”
Sophia: “Maybe I'm being a little too subtle here. Give me your hand, Marvin. Now, what do you feel?”
Marvin: “A MedicAlert tag?”
Sophia: “It's my heart. Can't you feel it pounding?”
Dorothy: “Would anyone here care for an-”
Sophia: “Get out! Get out! Get out!”

Sophia: “Dorothy, you can come in now.”
Dorothy: “I thought the two of you would like some nice, cool lemonade.”
Sophia: “Marvin is married to Sarah.”
Dorothy: “You don't get any lemonade.”

Sarah: “Hi, I've come to pick up my brother.”
Sophia: “Well, if it isn't Mrs. Caligula. Come on in and pull up a whip!”

Dorothy: “Why did you lie to my mother?”
Sarah: “I didn't want to lie. We were going to tell the truth as soon as we were sure that Sophia was the one we wanted.”
Dorothy: “Then it is true! You wanted my mother for sex games! Oh, God, this is so unbelievable.”
Sophia: “It's not that unbelievable.”

Thor: “Oh, I I feel so stupid, so incredibly stupid. Do you know what it's like to feel this stupid??”
[Blanche laughs, Rose pushes the door into Blanche’s face]
Blanche: “Ow!”

Dorothy: “I guess we've all learned something from this.”
Sophia: “Yeah, you can never really replace someone you've lost, and the next time I answer an ad, it'll be from one of Blanche's magazines. Those people know what they want!”

Critique: This episode is hands down an orgy of fantastically funny GG quotes. So as it turns out the big twist in this episode is that Sophia and Dorothy aren’t mother and daughter, they’re actually lesbian lovers! Kidding. Does anyone else just LOVE the way Dorothy says, “SEX GAMES??” I digress. This episode is a delight from start to finish. It’s got enough of season 7’s trademarked zaniness but just enough reality to make it not too outlandish. It’s relatively restrained by season 7 standards. I’m not really sure I buy Rose not remembering Thor but then again we did find out that Rose had 56 boyfriends so who knows! The fact that Blanche has nothing to really do this episode except be insulted when Dorothy says she’s no longer THEE slut is simply too good for words. And another thing, why is it that when the ladies have guests over, they always stop over to say hi to the girls for two seconds and then they go back to the hotel to get settled? Just go to your stupid hotel, call the girls, and then come over. Jesus. But I digress. Sophia’s storyline with Marvin and Sarah is equally cute and weird. But the scene after Marvin reveals the truth to Sophia is so priceless. And watching Dorothy’s eyes cross as she exclaims “What a pair of loons!” is Bea Arthur at her best. I love this episode so much, it’s definitely deserves a glass of lemonade. GRADE: A

Friday, November 8, 2019

The Pope’s Ring S7E13

Synopsis: The Pope is visiting Miami and Sophia insists on trying to get him to visit her sick friend in the hospital; meanwhile Blanche hires a detective to follow Miles for Rose’s birthday.

80s Flashback
Sophia: “No. This is his ring. Look.”
Dorothy: “My God, Ma. This looks.. real!”
Sophia: “It is real. You think he'd wear his fakes in public like Zsa Zsa?”

…Until the Buffalo Pooped
Sophia: “Coming through. The Pope's in town and I've got a bus to catch. Let's see, I've got my binoculars, my lucky rosary. Uh-oh, I forgot my whoopee cushion. Eh, who am I kidding? Everyone on that bus will be over 80. It'd be like getting a dog to bark in a kennel.”

Rose, to Sophia in the bathroom: “Sophia, you won't believe it! You know who's here? The Pope is here! Sophia! The Pope!”
Sophia: “All my life I've been waiting for this!”
Rose: “Oh okay, I won't disturb you.”

That’s What She Said
Sophia: “How good would you consider the Pope's ring?”
Dorothy: “Okay Ma, squirt me in the eye and get it over with.”

Picture It
Sophia: “Picture it. The papal mass. A few hours ago. I wanna cop a blessing for Agnes, so I sneak into the crippled and lame section.”
Dorothy: “Oh Ma, how could you?”
Sophia: “With a pronounced limp. The Pope finally arrives, I bend down to kiss his ring. Just then, security comes and whisks him away. He leaves the ring behind as a memento.”
Dorothy: “Ma, you stole the Pope's ring?”
Sophia: “It slipped off. You know, for God's representative on Earth, he sure has sweaty palms.”
Dorothy: “You're gonna take it right back.”
Sophia: “Dorothy, this is a sign. Maybe I'm supposed to make a miracle. Hey, maybe this is my shot at getting into the Bible.”
Dorothy: “Ma, the Bible is a done deal. Now, you can't keep it. We're talking about a millenniums-old symbol of the Pope's authority. Something so steeped in history and tradition that it makes even you seem middle-aged.”

Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “Besides I can't take it back. I paid in advance.”
Dorothy: “Can't you get a refund?”
Blanche: “Well, no. I paid with nature's credit card.”
Dorothy: “You never leave home without it.”

Insult Watch
Blanche: “Excuse me, Rose, you're about to make a grave mistake. You come to me if you want advice on men. You go to Dorothy if there's grammar you want help with.”
Dorothy: “You ended that sentence with a preposition just to bait me.”

Sophia: “I called the diocese like you told me, Dorothy. The Pope will be here any minute to pick up the ring.”
Blanche: “The Pope's comin' here? This is horrible. What will I wear? I don't believe I have a thing that doesn't call attention to my bosom.”
Sophia: “Try not wearing makeup.”

Tales from the Old South
Blanche: “Look, I know how to settle this. Let me tell you a story of the steamy South. A tale of deception and tragedy.”
Sophia: “Just a second, Uncle Remus. Give me the ring and I'll tell the Pope to give you a blessing too.”
Dorothy: “Ma, Blanche is telling a story!”
Sophia: “Oh, sorry. Go on.”
Blanche: “I was 19.”
Sophia: “Fine. He might have a blessing that gets men.”
Blanche: “Ma!”
Sophia: “What? I thought she was finished.”
Blanche: “She just said she was 19.”
Sophia: “Well look at her now. You don't call that a tragedy?”
Blanche: “Ma, it is going back and that's final. Go ahead, Blanche.”
Blanche: “No! The mood has been ruined. Suffice it to say, it involved a men's club, a vine rope, and a large bottle of Absorbine Jr.”

Back in St. Olaf
Miles: “Hey, I got an idea. I'm-- I'm feeling a little frisky. Did you ever make love in the out-of-doors?”
Rose: “Miles, no. Well, just once. Charlie and I went to St. Olaf's most romantic outdoor trysting place.
Mount Pushover. But that place was sacred.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Miles: “Do you have any idea what it's like working on a college campus?”
Rose: “Well, I've never worked on one, but I was the subject of a lab experiment once.”
Miles: “Wait a minute, you never told me that.”
Rose: “They doubled my IQ. For three days, I was another Einstein. Then they pulled out the IV.”
Miles: “What was in that IV?”
Rose: “Smart juice, I guess.”

From Feud to Food
Sophia: “The Pope came to the hospital and blessed Agnes. He answered my prayers! He answered me! Oh, ye of little faith.”
Blanche: “Oh you must feel special, Sophia. You must feel blessed.”
Sophia: “And hungry. Come on, Rose, let's go into the kitchen and whip up some loaves and fishes.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Blanche: “You hate me 'cause I'm beautiful, don't you?”
Dorothy: “There's a man leaving in 10 minutes. Be under him.”

The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “Honey, before you do anything else I want you to open my gift. I think you're gonna like it.”
Rose: “Oh, isn't that pretty. Oh, Dorothy! Oh, a second-hand sweatshirt with my name misspelled on it. Oh, you're right, Dorothy, I love it!”
Dorothy: “Rose, that is the original Mickey Mouse Club sweatshirt that Roy wore! I got it at an auction.
Rose: “Oh, my God. I loved Roy. Oh, there was something about him. Woof!”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Good mornin'.”
Dorothy: “Oh, how was your date last night?”
Blanche: “Oh it's too soon to tell. I'll let you know when I send him home.”

Blanche: “Look at the ducky wrappin' paper. And the little stick-on bow. Did you get her a Ziggy card?”
Dorothy: “No.”
Blanche: “Oh, my. Not Snoopy?”
Dorothy, ripping up her card: “I didn't get her a card.”

Dorothy: “Oh, the Pope is saying a mass on his stopover here. Ma got two tickets. We're going together.
Oh, a papal mass is something people wait a lifetime for.”
Sophia: “Whoops.”
Dorothy: “‘Whoops?’ Is that Pope-related, or just another bark in the kennel?”
Sophia: “The Pope. I traded our two bad tickets way in the back for one good ticket way up front.”
Dorothy: “Well, Ma, what about me?”
Sophia: “Um, I thought about that. This is the plan. We'll get one of those really long overcoats, I'll stand on your shoulders, and-”
Dorothy: “And what? Blend in with the circus folk??”

Blanche: “Rose, before I give you mine, I just want to ask you one question. It may seem a little odd, but it has a lot to do with your gift. Has Miles started wearing bikini underwear lately?”
Dorothy: “Blanche, please, the Pope is in town.”
Blanche: “I'm serious.”
Rose: “Actually, Miles did buy some bikinis. But just the bottoms.”

Sophia: “Miles, big news!”
Miles: “Later.”
Sophia: “Rose, I've got-”
Rose: “I'm busy, Sophia.”
Sophia: “Dorothy, I can't breathe!”
Dorothy: “Not now, Ma. Okay, but this better be good.”

Sophia: “You're right. I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me. I'll bring it back…. WINE! Worth a shot.”

Dorothy: “Now, take it easy, Ma. Let's retrace your steps. What did you do when you first got home?”
Sophia: “Who knows? Nap on the couch, nap on the bed, nap on the lanai. I do so much, it's all a blur.”
Dorothy: “Then we just have to search room by room.”
Sophia: “It's hopeless. We'll never find it. I say we just wait and pray it turns up, say in the next day or two. What??”
Dorothy: “Those are the exact words you used when my gold bracelet was missing.”
Sophia: “So?”
Dorothy: “So two days later you came back from the dentist saying, ‘Are these fillings or are these fillings??’”

Rose: “Oh he had the most beautiful blue eyes.”
Sophia: “Yeah. All the cute guys are either married or popes.”

Critique: Wow has it really been nearly two months since I last posted? Sorry, I got my heel caught in the carpet. Moving on. Let me just say that I absolutleh love this episode because it’s all about faith and the Pope and yet they still manage to squeeze in lots of jokes about farts and poop. Speaking of Popes… the actor (Eugene Greytak) who briefly plays Pope John Paul II literally made an entire career out of playing the Pope. He appeared in everything from The Naked Gun 33 1/3 to Sister Act. He’s a much better celebrity lookalike than Dorothy and Sophia were when they dressed as Cheech and Chong, but I digress. This episode’s story fits right into the wacky season seven antics. What I wouldn’t give to see Sophia on Dorothy’s shoulders in a long overcoat (or vice versa). Rose’s B story about the detective feels sort of shoehorned in and is really just an excuse to get Sophia to the hospital to meet the Pope but it all culminates with one of my favorite moments when Rose informs that the Pope is there and she thinks Sophia is excited because she just took the crap of a lifetime. Good times! GRADE: A-

Thursday, August 29, 2019

From Here to the Pharmacy S7E12

Synopsis: A soldier who Blanche had dated” returns from the Persian Gulf and she can’t remember him; Rose helps Sophia write her will.

90s Flashback

Sophia: “You try to do right by your kids and you end up as the lead story on Hard Copy.”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “Dorothy, tonight, when I was dancing in his arms, it hit me. One minute I was worried about my hair, the next I was in love. Bill is the most romantic man I've ever known.”

Dorothy: “She always says that when they give her a hat.”

Product Placement

Bill: “I used to put the Haley's M-O on the bottom, nothing. Then I put it eye level. The public went nuts. It was walking out of the store. People will bend for aspirins. They won't bend for laxatives.”

Blanche: “Isn't that fascinating, Bill.”

Sophia: “So, Bill, what's on sale?”

Bill: “Breast pumps.”

Sophia: “What else?”

Bill: “Afro Sheen.”

Sophia: “Movin’ on.”

Bill: “Preparation H.”

Sophia: “Hot damn.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “I, Sophia Petrillo, being of sound mind and body, do hereby leave my daughter, Dorothy Zbornak, nothing!”

Rose: “Sophia!”

Sophia: “It's a joke. I'm kidding. Like when I said ‘sound mind and body.’”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “Sophia, wills are no joking matter. Charlie tried to be funny with his and left everything to Henrietta, our prized cow. Well, some lawyer got a hold of the will and represented Henrietta on contingency. There I was presenting my side to a jury of her peers. It took over six months to get the farm back.”

Sophia: “What a terrible story. I mean it. It's a terrible story. But you must have been relieved when you won.”

Rose: “Oh yeah. We celebrated. With a big, thick steak.”

Rose: “I hated that cow. I still don't think she should have been awarded the car. Not that she got to use it.”

Best of B.E.D.

Bill: “I know we said we wouldn't even look at anybody else. But the first night the sirens went off, I got scared. And there was this nurse that I talked to.”

Blanche: “Oh, how could you, Ben, Bob, uh, Bill?”

Bill: “I swear, it didn't mean a thing.”

Blanche: “Was she beautiful?”

Bill: “Not as beautiful as you.”

Blanche: “Well, I--I, too, have a confession to make. I got scared too. Three, four times a week.”

From Feud to Food

Dorothy: “Rose, it's late. What are you doing up?”

Rose: “I'm just cleaning up some things on your mother's will.”
Dorothy: “Oh you mean the legal language?”

Rose: “No. I spilled some sauce.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal

Sophia: “As you know, my child, I'm getting on in years and I've decided it's time for me to settle my estate.”

Dorothy: “What estate? Your loofah sponge and bus pass?”

Dorothy: “I was up all night thinking of how Ma's been hoarding all those checks from Phil and Gloria, while I've had to go without.”

Blanche: “Well now Dorothy, you really can't blame Sophia for your sex life.”

Dorothy: “That's not what I'm talking about, but since you brought it up, yes, I can. If I'd had the money, I could have been living in a swinging condo, instead of with - I better not say anything till I've had my coffee - A SLUT AND A MORON. I'm sorry, it must be decaf.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?

Bill: “Blanche, I have a confession to make. It's not easy. But something happened over there and I think you should know about it.”

Blanche: “Well, I did keep pretty well up with what went on over there. I saw Schwarzkopf on the Bob Hope special.”

The Boob Tube

Sophia: “Dorothy, Rose is helping me make out an ironclad will.”

Dorothy: “Wait, you're using Rose as a lawyer?”

Rose: “I know what I'm doing. Every Thursday, I watch La Law.

Dorothy: “That's L A Law.”

Rose: “I wondered why Susan Dey didn't have a French accent.”

Dorothy: “Do you have any idea what she's talking about, or do we have to up her medication?”

Rose: “I do know what she's talking about, but I can't tell you. I couldn't violate the attorney-client privilege. Especially when we're talking about a sum as large as $35,000.”

Dorothy: “$35,000??”

Rose: “And four gold teeth. Oops.”

Sophia: “Nice going, counselor. Exactly how close to the television are you sitting when you're watching La Law?

Dorothy: “From now on, I'm not paying for anything. You are on your own.”

Sophia: “You can't do this to me. You never touch the principal. That money's for my old age.”

Dorothy: “Old age? You don't leave fingerprints anymore.”

Sophia: “I'm in my twilight years.”

Dorothy: “You're in The Twilight Zone. Hopi Indians are walking around saying, ‘How does she do it?’ Ma, you're cut off.”

Golden Quotes

Sophia: “Don't forget the four gold teeth when your father worked at the funeral parlor. ‘Perks,’ he called them. That's the stock you come from.”

Dorothy: “I come from grave robbers?”

Sophia: “Grave robber, entrepreneur. Potato, potahto. We had a family to feed.”

Sophia: “Don't fall for it, Blanche. Sal didn't come home from World War II till 1951.”

Rose: “Where was he stationed?”

Sophia: “In the attic.”

Dorothy: “Ma, you told me he was in the arctic.”

Sophia: “The attic, the arctic. Tomato, tomahto. He had a family to feed.”

Blanche: “Well, anyway, this soldier really did go to the war, and he's gonna be here any minute, and I don't know what to do 'cause I can't remember him. All he said on the phone was that he had a great time with me the night before he left.”

Dorothy: “Oh, then it's got to be... anybody.”

[doorbell rings]

Dorothy: “Ah, there's your unknown soldier now.”

Blanche: “Oh Dorothy, would you please get the door? And find out his name.”

Rose: “Blanche, what are you so worried about? The minute you see him, you'll remember.”

Blanche: “Rose, he's gonna be standing up with his clothes on. He could be…”

Dorothy: “Anybody.”

Sophia: “Can I come?”

Dorothy: “Sure, Ma.”

Sophia: “Oh boy. We're going to the living room!”

Bill: “Hello, is Blanche here?”

Dorothy: “Yes she is. Uh, whom shall I say is calling?”

Bill: “This is kind of embarrassing. Would you mind telling her Loverboy is here? 
Dorothy: "Nothing would give me greater pleasure. Uh, Blanche! Loverboy is here!”

Bill: “Blanche!”

Blanche: “Loverboy!”

Dorothy: “Not a clue.”

Sophia: “You know about the will. You know if I die you'll be on easy street. What did you do, Dorothy, slip cyanide into my mouthwash? Ha, ha! The joke's on you, I don't use it.”

Dorothy: “Oh, Ma, come on. You're just being silly. Here, have some tea. It'll relax you.”

Sophia: “Nice try, Dorothy. Rose, you taste it.”

Dorothy: “Rose, don't! That tea was for my mommy.”

Rose: “Good morning, Dorothy.”

Dorothy: “Don't start, Rose, okay?”

Rose: “Oh, I'm sorry. That good morning crack was way outta line.”

Blanche: “My handsome soldier from last night is a pharmacist, a name-tag wearing, pill-counting, ‘Thank you, come again. Sorry, we don't validate,’ pharmacist.”

Dorothy: “Well if he doesn't validate, get rid of him.”

Dorothy: “You know, ever since we've known you, you have never once worked on having a meaningful relationship.”

Blanche: “I have had many meaningful relationships. Many, many, many meaningful relationships.”

Dorothy: “Sharing a worm from a tequila bottle is not meaningful.”

Security officer: “Uh, sir? I caught this old lady assaulting a man over the last tube of Preparation H. The tube broke and it's all over aisle 7. I detained her for scooping up the rest of the ointment and putting it in her purse.”

Blanche: “Sophia!”

Sophia: “Oh big deal. The other guy got away scot-free, and he wriggled in it.”


Anyone else notice the full-on laugh orgasm the woman in the audience has when Blanche says the line “Look who I’m talkin’ to?” And then she screams again when Dorothy offers tea to Sophia. I wonder where that lady is today? But I digress. So my burning question for this episode is, will a pharmacist really just give away medicine to a woman for her son and he doesn’t even know what’s really wrong with him? He tells the lady to give her son this medicine and if it doesn’t work to see the doctor. He’s got the whole thing backwards just like Becky and her wanting to give birth in a bedroom. I digress again. I actually really like this episode even though Blanche is sort of being a dick for being disgusted by Bill’s profession. I mean, it's not like the guy is homeless or anything. Dorothy gets a lot of really funny lines here especially her “slut and a moron” crack which is a classic. There is plenty of good stuff that comes out of the B story about Sophia’s will, though to be honest, why is a woman nearing 90 years old just now writing out her will? I guess better late than pregnant! And finally, who else wants to know whether Preparation H is potent enough to shrink a purse? Paging Mr. Wizard. Note: this is the first time in the end credits scene that we get bloopers which hilariously include Sophia rambling off alternate versions of her "I, Sophia Petrillo, leave my daughter..." GRADE: A-