Thursday, June 1, 2017

The One That Got Away S4E3

Synopsis: Blanche pursues a man named Ham who remains the only man to ever turn down her advances; meanwhile Rose and Dorothy spot a UFO.

80s Flashback
Rose: “What are you doing, Dorothy?”
Dorothy: “Oh looking at the stars. Pondering the universe.”
Rose: “I've been doing the same thing, thinking how wonderful it would be if there really were aliens. Maybe it'd be just like 'Cocoon' and they'd take us away and we'd never grow old.”

Picture It
Sophia: “I wouldn't be so sure if I were Blanche. Sometimes these things aren't meant to be. Like me and Fabrizio Ribeno. We were on the verge of a passionate love affair when Destiny intervened.”
Dorothy: “Don't tell me. His wife, Destiny Ribeno?”
Sophia: “Right. Boy, did she have a temper. She dragged him away by the hair on his back, smashed his skull with a ravioli crank, and threw his limp body in the river. That's a Sicily you don't see on postcards.”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “Now, look, all this nonsense has to stop, Rose. What we saw was not a UFO.”
Rose: “Well, it wasn't a plane. Planes aren't that thin, or that bright.”
Dorothy: “Neither is Oprah Winfrey, but that doesn't make her a flying saucer.”

Product Placement
Dorothy: “Blanche, are you in a good mood?”
Blanche: “Dorothy, you always could see right through me.”
Sophia: “Keep it up with those Chips Ahoy! and Superman couldn't see right through you.”

Sassy Sophia
Rose: “Hello, so, what exactly is "Ham" short for, Ham?”
Sophia: “My guess would be ham and potatoes.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “It's like there's some kind of wild animal energy in there, pounding pounding and burning, yearning and lusting, just crying out to be released. I've never said this to another man Ham, but I feel a heat between us, kind of a flame cracklin' and hissin'. I want you to put that flame out, Ham. I want you to pluck me like a fruit, and wash me off in your kisses, and sink your teeth into my ripe, juicy flesh.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: "It's like with Santa Claus. The best Christmas we ever had was when all eight of my brothers and sisters, from Lily to Michael, all still believed. That must be ten years ago now."

Reel References
Blanche: “There's only one thing for me to do. I'm going to call him up, and tomorrow night I'm going out with that man again and I don't care what amount of seducing it takes, but as God is my witness, I am not returning to this house until he has begged, beseeched, and pleaded with me to go to bed with him.
Sophia: “You know, that was the original ending to 'Gone with the Wind.'”

The Boob Tube
Rose: “Dorothy, why are you talking that way? I think it's wonderful that there are other beings out there trying to meet us. They might have solutions to all our problems, cures for our diseases, new story lines for 'ALF.'”
Dorothy: “They might also have tentacles on their legs so that they can suck all the blood out of our heads.”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “How do I look?”
Rose: “Great, Blanche.”
Blanche: “Great? Or gorgeous?”
Rose: “Gorgeous.”
Blanche: “Well what about sexy?”
Rose: “Yes.”
Blanche: “Enticing?”
Dorothy: “I'll handle this. Blanche, no woman ever looked better than you look right now, and no one ever will.”
Blanche: “Thank you, Dorothy. Honestly Rose, sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get a little compliment out of you.”

and

Dorothy: “I like my life. I mean, I'm not president or anything. I'm just a teacher. A substitute teacher. A divorced substitute teacher, who can't even afford her own place to live. Beam me up!!”

Critique: What's with the people in Blanche's life ending up fat? It looks like Ham ate her daughter Becky. But I digress. “The One That Got Away” is a fine episode but on my eleventh million rewatch it feels insignificant compared to the best episodes. The two story lines have little in common and the UFO B-story is particularly ridiculous. Sophia's fat jokes come again fast and furious which I think are hilarious because Sophia is at her best when she's insulting people. It's also hard to believe that Ham is the only man who wouldn't sleep with her. Lest we forget that New Years Eve where she tried to devirginize Fred Willard. Overall, the episode lacks extremely memorable lines. Not that there aren't good ones, but again compared to the best episodes it's lacking. The girls take a serious backseat to Blanche because this episode belongs to Rue. She has several noteworthy moments including her blissful giggling as she scarfs down Chips Ahoy! cookies and the great gag in the restaurant that involves half the men in the place running after Blanche. And who knew Virginia was such a lousy lay? GRADE: B

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