Wednesday, March 1, 2017

The Custody Battle (S1E12)

Synopsis: Dorothy's wealthy sister Gloria visits from California and asks Sophia to move in with her; Blanche and Rose audition for a community theater production of “Macbeth.”

80s Flashback
Dorothy: “I've always wondered about the same thing Rose, that, and what Jane Pauley looks like standing up.”
Rose: “Maybe she can't stand up, maybe Willard has to carry her around the set.”

Crazy Continuity
We will see Gloria again.. but she'll go through a huge growth spurt.

That’s What She Said
Sophia: “Call this number.”
Dorothy: “What is it?”
Sophia: “A phone number, I met him at the supermarket, he asked me to squeeze a melon for him.”

Lewd Ladies
Dorothy: “Wait, Blanche honey, aren't you forgetting something?”
Blanche: “Oh, no, I never wear underwear.”

Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “He actually picked you over me, I do not believe this. I have been had.”
Dorothy: “I know, and you still didn't get the part.”

Insult Watch
Sophia: “Can I make a little suggestion when you go for your makeover?”
Dorothy: “Sure, what is it?”
Sophia: “Don't expect a miracle.”

Tales from the Old South
Blanche complains that her parents liked her sisters more than her because at their childhood birthday parties her sisters had magicians, tons of presents, and clowns, but Blanche didn't get a clown til she was “much older.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Here, she brought you something.”
Gloria: “It's a gift certificate for a complete makeover at Elizabeth Arden's.”
Sophia: “Maybe now you can get a date.”

What Do I Look Like a Cross Dresser?
Sophia: “I love all my children” 
Gloria: “Even Phil?” 
Sophia: “Sure, but don't tell him. He'll want to borrow money.”

Sassy Sophia
Rose: “Lets put on our happy faces, it's a beautiful day and Gloria's coming. What don't you just kiss and make up?”
Sophia: “Why don't you just blow it out your ditty bag?”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “My parents always made each of us feel like we were the favorite. They loved all nine of us equally. We used to have the best Christmas Eves. Daddy'd sit at Grandma's old player piano and he'd play Christmas carols and the children would sing along, then Mother'd bring in some homemade eggnog and snickerdoodles. And then we'd decorate the tree. And after Daddy'd hung the star at the very top of the tree, we'd all join hands and pray, and then Daddy'd tell us a story and tuck us into our feather beds...”
Dorothy: “Who was your father Rose? Michael Landon?”

Best of B.E.D.
Dorothy: “Come on now, Blanche, you're not just using this guy to get a part in a play.”
Blanche: “Of course not, Dorothy. I'm gonna let him use me to get a part in a play.”

Reel References
Rose: “Well, what about us? Who's gonna keep after us, make us linguine, and tell us stories about Sicily?”
Dorothy: “I don't know, Rose. Maybe Mary Poppins has an Italian cousin?”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Trust me I got this part in the sack.”
Rose: “She means in the bag.”
Dorothy: “No honey, she means in the sack.

Critique: Does anyone find it annoying that Gloria tells Sophia and Dorothy what their WRAPPED gifts are before they have chance to open them?? But I digress. Oh Gloria, Dorothy's only sister; she's kind of a stuck-up bitch huh? This is the first of two times we'll see any of Dorothy's siblings (And strange mentions of Dorothy's brother Phil seem to begin here). The drama of Sophia possibly moving out is good, though, let be honest, no one actually expects Sophia to go through with it. Rose and Blanche's side story isn't very interesting but it gives them something to do while the Gloria drama rages on. Rose tells another long-winded story from her childhood, so you can tell the writers were really feeling things out with her stories. There are some good lines here; the episode is solid if unspectacular. Doris Belack who plays Gloria #1 was also in “Tootsie” in which Estelle Getty made an appearance. She also showed up in “The Naked Gun 33 1/3” with her Golden Girls brother-in-law Leslie Nielsen. And lastly, if you're keeping track of Rose's strange family, she has 8 brothers and sisters. GRADE: B

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