Synopsis: In
arguably the worst episode, the girls console an annoying
neighbor who is feeling lonely after her youngest
daughter leaves for college and her busy husband
neglects her.
Crazy Continuity
Apparently this
episode took place in the future: it aired in May of 1987 but A
Nightmare on Elm Street 4 didn't come out until August of 1988! (I'm
pretty sure Susan Harris got her Freddy sequels mixed up)
Let’s Get
Political
Renee: “At 2 in
the morning, waiting for George to come home, I called a radio talk
show I gave them the solution to the crisis in the Middle East.”
Rose: “Giving the
Palestinians Greenland!?”
Dorothy: “Giving
the Palestinians Greenland??”
Renee: “It's a big
place nobody's using it.”
Picture It
Sophia: “In Sicily
we had a guy with a multiple personality. Only they didn't get along.
And one personality put out a contract on the other. You shoulda seen
it, he had a shoot-out with himself in the piazza. He winged a
priest, a waiter, and shot down the Cinzano sign. Fortunately he was
able to beat himself senseless before anyone else got hurt.”
Zbornak Zingers
Jenny: “I went
there to be with my boyfriend, but when I got there I found he was
practically living with somebody else. He'd replaced me.”
Rose: “With what?”
Dorothy: “A hand
puppet, Rose.”
Product Placement
Dorothy: “Oh, come
on. You were never rejected?”
Blanche: “Well,
once. But just once.”
Jenny: “By who?”
Blanche: “Weight
Watchers for being too thin.”
Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “I've
been in that position more than once.”
Sophia: “You've
been in every position more than once.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “I used to
love washing dishes. In Minnesota, the whole family'd get together
and wash dishes. Even Uncle Gustaf, after the giant Swiss army knife
accident, learned to dry dishes with his feet. We used to laugh and
carry on and have such a happy time.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “You
wanna go to college where there are green lawns and willow trees and
young men in chinos and ties and professors with just a touch of gray
at the temple. Wise, learned men who look up your skirt if you're
sittin' in the first row. Meetings with them so they can explain
Plato. And they lean over your books with you and you can smell their
pipe tobacco and their maleness. And then their arm accidentally
brushes against your bosoms and the room is filled with the heat of a
taboo lust.”
Jenny: “Where is
this school??”
Reel References
Dorothy: “Come on,
a movie will cheer you up.”
Renee: “What are
you seeing?”
Blanche: “Nightmare
On Elm Street 4.”
Rose: “Do you have
to see one, two, and three to appreciate it?”
Dorothy: “No Rose,
it stands alone.”
Golden Quotes
Blanche: “I never
had that empty-nest depression. I couldn't wait for my kids to get
out on their own. I got depressed watching them grow older 'cause it
meant I was older. They were like noisy little calendars. The minute
they all entered high school, I told everybody they were my husband's
from a previous marriage.”
Critique: Well
what can be said about “Empty Nests” that hasn't already been
said? Everyone hates it. Sure it's terrible but even the worst GG
episode isn't THAT bad. Ok it's pretty bad. Anytime the girls are
onscreen it's fine. Most of
the writing is still pretty good, Susan Harris wrote it after all.
Though she never wrote many of my favorite episodes. The
episode really suffers because
it spends large stretches
focusing
solely on Renee, her husband George, her multiple personality
suffering brother Charlie, and their weird friend Oliver. There is
literally nothing interesting about any of these people. It's no
wonder the entire “Empty Nest” concept was rehauled. The only
thing that even remained when the actual “Empty Nest” spinoff
series finally aired was the set and the title. Rita Moreno, looking
as bored as the audience, is
an Oscar-winning actress and she gives a completely
dull performance matched
only by
the equally dull Paul Dooley who previously showed up this season as
Isaac Newton. This is such a horrible way to end such a fantastic
season, the writers and producers should be embarrassed (but not as
embarrassed as Liza Minnelli for being in “Arthur 2”). In fact, I
can't believe you've even read this far. You
deserve some Chips Ahoy! Luckily
for you I've already done all of Season Three so make like Blanche
and get crackin'. GRADE: D+