Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Even Grandmas Get the Blues S6E20


Synopsis: Blanche pretends her infant granddaughter Aurora is her own child to woo a man; Sophia prepares for The Festival of the Dancing Virgins.


St. Olaf Vocab

Dorothy: “I'm not staying for dinner tonight. There's a meeting at Mensa. That's the organization for people with high IQs like mine.”

Rose: “You know, in St. Olaf we had a chapter of Mensa, and across the room was Girlsa. No, wait, those were the bathrooms at St. Olaf's only Italian restaurant.”



…Until the Buffalo Pooped

Dorothy: “Hello! And how is little Aurora doing today?”

Rebecca: “Oh, what a good girl she was this mornin'. She was just smilin' and smilin' and smilin'. I know sometimes it's just gas, but she was so cute.”

[Sophia smiles]

Dorothy: “Ma, it's not cute once you pass 80.”



That’s What She Said

Jason: “Come, sit on me.”

Blanche: “Ooo!”



Animal Alert

Sophia: “So, what you're telling me is I'm gonna take this recipe with me to the grave.”

Dorothy: “Right along with the secret of why Uncle Gino legally adopted that goat.”



Lewd Ladies

Sophia: “Dorothy, you're gonna have to do the Dance of the Virgins by yourself.”

Dorothy: “Ma!”

Sophia: “You remember. It's like the bunny hop, except you keep your legs crossed.”



Picture It

Sophia: “You shall be the queen of the Festival of the Dancing Virgins.”

Dorothy: “Ma, what are you talking about?”

Sophia: “Once a year, the women of my village threw a festival to recapture their virginity. It gives you a chance to say to the man in your life, What kind of tramp do you take me for?



Brooklyn: A Fairy Land

Sophia: “Dorothy, I'm gonna tell you something I never told you before. When you were about 12 and we lived in Brooklyn, they called me into the school to tell me you had the highest IQ in the borough.”

Rose: “That's a coincidence. I was told I had the IQ of a burro.”

Dorothy: “Ma, I had no ide-- The brightest kid in Brooklyn? Well, that certainly explains the feeling of being right all the time. What is it?”

Sophia: “173”

Rose: “I don't know if you know this, but a burro can find its way back home.”

Dorothy: “Have fun shopping, Rose.”

Rose: “Oh, I'll be back.”



Zbornak Zingers

Blanche [wearing Shakespearean garb]: “Am I convincing?”

Dorothy: “As what, ye olde towne slut?”



Insult Watch

Sophia: “Congratulations. You're the queen.”

Rose: “I'm the quee— I'm the queen?!”

Dorothy: “You're also the fool, so we're saving a lot on payroll.”



Blanche: “Oh, please. I've waited my whole life to play this part.”

Director: “Long wait.”



Product Placement

Rebecca: “I'd love to stay and argue with you, but I have to go.”

Blanche: “Well you know how much I wanna be with Oreo, but— ”

Rebecca: “Aurora, Mama. Aurora.”

Blanche: “I know I just have such a block against that name.”



Sassy Sophia

Dorothy: “Ma, you lied to me.”

Sophia: “Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny. I've been messin' with your head for almost 60 years.”



Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “We had a Festival of the Dancing Virgins in St. Olaf, too. Every year, we'd go down to the lake, and they'd be flopping around on the dock. Oh, no, wait. That was the Festival of the Dancing Sturgeons.”

Dorothy: “What is wrong with you, woman?”



Best of B.E.D.

Rebecca: “Look, I know you don't like the name, and I know you think that I'm bringin' her up wrong.”

Blanche: “No no no, I just don't see why you have to feed her when you come to visit me at the museum. You don't see me taking out my breast in public. A lot.”



Blanche: “There are lots of ways you can trick a man into thinkin' you're younger than you really are. You wear sunglasses, put on a little extra makeup, go to dimly lit restaurants.”

Rose: “We've all done that.”

Blanche: “Fly to Nevada to get a fake birth certificate. Have a phony high school yearbook printed up. Change the dates on your parents' graves.”

Dorothy: “We've all done that.”



Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Sophia: “Come on, it's 6:30. We're already five minutes behind schedule. Rose, before you bring in the sauce, tell us what ingredient you added.”

Rose: “I don't want to spoil the surprise. I'll give you a hint. They're sugary and they're grrrrreat!”



From Feud to Food

Sophia: “OK, Queenie I have to make salsa grandioso again, and this time, I'm gonna teach you how.”

Dorothy: “Oh, Ma. Not the sauce, Ma, no. No I mean that takes weeks. There are 152 ingredients. I just don't have the time.”

Sophia: “Dorothy, for 1400 years  the women in our family have been handing this recipe down from mother to daughter. Each generation improves upon it in some way. Like, for instance, it was my great-grandmother who added heat.”

Rose: “What did you add, Sophia?”

Sophia: “A mouthful of wine. It was an accident. A delicious accident.”



Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal

Rose: “Oh Dorothy, what crossword puzzle are you doing?”

Dorothy: “Sunday, New York Times... IN INK.”



What, We Can’t Learn From History?

Sophia: “We have to get to work on the sauce. We begin by taking a shallow bath in olive oil at 7:34 Sicily time.”

Rose: “Why?”

Sophia: “Originally it was to keep the Visigoths away. But, if ain't broke, don't fix it.”



Blanche: “It's so unfair. We're both about the same age, but he can go on makin' babies the rest of his life. I feel like the Spruce Goose. People may visit, play with the controls, but I'll never really fly again.”



Literary Intelligentsia

Blanche: “It so happens our community playhouse is doing The Taming of the Shrew, and I'm to audition for the role of Kate, the fiery tart of Padua who no man could tame. [doorbell rings] Hark. Perhaps a suitor doth approacheth.”

Dorothy: “Do you think he'll thstay all night?”



Rose: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to tell a fib.”

Dorothy: “Walt Whitman here has a point.”



The Boob Tube

Dorothy: “I'm gonna be teaching that honors program class, and it's going to be a challenge. I'm gonna have students who know that Chekhov is a brilliant Russian playwright, not the guy who was the navigator on the Enterprise.”

Rose: “I didn't know the guy from Star Trek wrote plays.”



Reel References

Blanche: “And your name was?”

Jason: “Jason Stillman. Did you happen to see Breakfast at Tiffany's?”

Blanche: “Yes.”

Jason: “Well, I was in the party scene. Audrey Hepburn spilled a drink on me. But they cut it out.”



Golden Quotes

Sophis: “Dorothy, when was the last time you had sex?”

Dorothy: “That's a very personal question.”

Sophia: “That long, huh?”



Blanche: “Aurora. I just hate that name. Why couldn't you have found something more musical, more - more Southern, more beautiful?”

Rebecca: “Sorry, BLAAANCHE.”



Rebecca: “You have a good time with Grandma.”

Blanche: “Rebecca! Will you stop sayin' that? You keep callin' me Grandma, she's gonna grow up to think that's my name!”



Blanche: “Larry, is that you?”

Director: “No, Larry's not directing this one. He's sick.”

Blanche: “His back didn't go out again, did it?”

Director: “How did you know?”

Blanche: “I performed Annie for him.”

Director: “Really? Where?”

Blanche: “None of your business.”



Sophia: “Pussycat, when you were in junior high school and the kids gave you a hard time, what did I say?”

Dorothy: “Oh you told me I was extra-special and they were just jealous.”

Sophia: “That's right, and if they still gave you a hard time, what did I tell you to say?”

Dorothy: “My mother can have you eliminated with one phone call.”



Blanche: “Listen, I'm warnin' you, if anybody blows the whistle on me, the old lady's out on the street.”



Jason: “Where's the baby?”

Blanche: “The baby's… sleeping...”

Jason: “Let me take a peek.”

Blanche: “At the Greater Miami Baby Sleep Center.”

Dorothy: “It's sort of a flophouse for infants.”



Jason: “Wait. Let me get a picture. Isn't she the most beautiful mother you've ever seen?”

Sophia: “Grand, just grand.”



Dorothy: “Oh, I'm just too smart for my own good. I feel as trapped and isolated as Soren Kierkegaard in his final days. [Rose laughs] What?”

Rose:  “That's such a funny name.”

Dorothy: “Oh, Rose, dear, sweet, single-digit-IQ Rose.”



Blanche: “I don't know what I'm gonna do about Jason. He's reached a point in his life where he's anxious to settle down. And he wants us to have another child right away. Well, frankly, I don't know if I want another baby so soon.”

Dorothy: “I understand. Wait a couple years, and Medicare will pay for it.”

Sophia: “Why wait? Have it now and The Enquirer will pay for it.”



Rose: “I guess you don't feel like Sorden Karbeerdybarden now.”

Dorothy: “That's Soren Kierkegaard.”

Rose: “I got her to say it again!”



Dorothy: “Next year, I want to learn the sauce.”

Sophia: “Deal, Pussycat. It's not that hard. First you get one large pot, a dozen plum tomatoes and one moron to do all the work for you.”





Critique:

Ahh, the end of what I like to call the “Aurora Trilogy.” First there was the conception of Aurora in “The Accurate Conception.” Then Aurora was born in "Blanche Delivers" even though initially Blanche thought she had a grandson. And now we finally get to see Aurora as a real character although she’s only portrayed by a pillow wrapped in a yellow blanket. Not very convincingly I might add. Though in Sophia’s village in Sicily that performance would of gotten three stars. But I digress. This is an utterly fantastic Blanche-centric episode with line after classic line. Her story line about Jason mistaking her granddaughter for her daughter is brilliant. I don’t really know why Jason would assume the baby was her daughter. I mean it's not like he's Lily or something but it does make for some really hilarious moments. (And for the record, Jason is played by Alan Rachins who would go on to play creepy Goddess director Tony “I’m erect, why aren’t you erect” Moss in “Showgirls”). Blanche calling Aurora Oreo is one the best moments of the entire season and an all-time favorite moment for GG fans. I also like the Festival of the Dancing Virgins B story because we get more silly Sicily backstory. Even Rose has some great moments including her hysterical mispronunciation of Soren Kierkegaard. I used to rewind that moment over and over again when I was a kid. It’s sort of funny to me now that Rebecca has moved to Miami because she’s never seen again but that’s how it usually goes on this show (Though she does show up later during “The Golden Palace). Fun Fact: the actor who plays the voice of the Director played the Robber who holds up the dog show in the previous episode.  GRADE: A


                                                          It's still cute when you're 35 right?

Little Oreo

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