Thursday, February 7, 2019

That's For Me to Know S7E4

Synopsis: Blanche must lose a renter or come up with $10,000 in home modifications; Dorothy finds a wedding photo with Sophia with a man who isn’t her father.

Musical Moments
Sophia: “Okay, 1920 it is. The year I sailed for America. Ah, America. The land of opportunity, where the streets were paved with gold, and a young man named Irving Berlin was writing songs like this. Hit it. Dorothy, where's our piano player?”

Let’s Get Political
Dorothy: “Rose, you are not going to move out.”
Rose: “Well, somebody has to. How else are we gonna choose?”
Blanche: “We could do what they do in Russia. We could vote Here, it's the only fair way.”
Sophia: “I would just like the panel to disregard that accident-in-the-hall thing.”

…Until the Buffalo Pooped
Rose: “Oh, Blanche, I'm sorry.”
Blanche: Oh, honey, I'm sorry, too.”
Rose: “Oh, no, but I'm really sorry.”
Dorothy [entering]: “Oh, girls, I am so sorry.”
Blanche: “No, we're the ones that are sorry.”
Sophia: [entering]: “I'm sorry.”
Rose: “Oh, sweetie, get over here. We're sorry, too.”
Blanche: “Yes, we are. We're really sorry. It's our fault, too.”
Sophia: “Hey, how were you supposed to know I had an accident in the hall. Wait, why were you guys sorry?”

That’s What She Said
Blanche: “It's not in yet, Don.”

Animal Alert
Sophia: “What a night. Did you hear that racket out front? I didn't sleep at all. I think Dreyfuss has the hots for our lawn flamingo.”
Dorothy: “Ma, we don't have a lawn flamingo.”
Sophia: “In that case, we'd better tip the paperboy.”

Picture It
Dorothy: “I'm doing a family history. And I'm gonna need your help. You know, I think it's important to tell the grandchildren about their ancestors. Give them a sense of pride in those who came before them.”
Sophia: “Even Uncle Nunzio?”
Dorothy: “Even Uncle Nunzio, but we call the goat a pet.”

Sophia [into recorder]: “It all happened so fast. He grabbed her. She bit him. He stuffed her in his calamari wagon and sped away. And that, dear grandchildren, is how my parents met.”
Dorothy: “How romantic, a roll in the squid. May I remind you, the purpose of these stories is to give the kids family pride.”
Sophia: “Hey, I'll have you know it was my father who single-handedly invented the ransom note.”

Sophia: “Here goes. The man you saw in that picture was Guido Spirelli. He was my first husband through an arranged marriage, which I had later annulled.”
Dorothy: “And?”
Sophia: “And I shot him just to watch him die. What do you mean, ‘And?’”
Dorothy: “I mean, that's all? That's all you're gonna tell me about it?”
Sophia: “We were promised to each other when we were nine. By most Sicilian standards, he was considered quite a catch. And he was supposed to inherit the family business.”
Dorothy: “Oh, what was the family business?”
Sophia: “Getting even.”
Dorothy: “So, what was the problem? What, you didn't love him?”
Sophia: “Nah, he was a workaholic. I had the marriage annulled, and two days after it was official, I left for America.”
Dorothy: “Ma, why couldn't you tell me this?”
Sophia: “Dorothy, I went against centuries of tradition. You don't leave an arranged marriage. I disgraced my family's entire way of life.”

Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “So Blanche, you must be paying extra to get a building permit that quickly.”
Blanche: “Hey, I'll tell you one thing, the damn government isn't gonna see one red cent of my money.”
Rose: “But Blanche, the city requires a permit on any new home construction built within five feet of a standing structure used as a primary dwelling.”
Dorothy: “Rose, all this technical information, it doesn't sound like you.”
Rose: “And if Blanche doesn't get that permit, I think they could make her live in a shoe.”
Dorothy: “Welcome back, sweetheart.”

Insult Watch
Rose: “I am the smartest woman in the whole world!”
Dorothy: “And I am the Pygmy queen.”
Rose: “Blanche, what would you say if I got a permit that would let you have as many people stay here as you want?”
Blanche: “What? Oh that's terrific… Rose, this says I'm gonna turn my home into a halfway house for recently released criminals.”
Dorothy: “Yes Rose, you are the smartest person in the world. Burger World.

Dorothy: “I’m afraid that no one’s leaving. You see, we're a family here. Well, not the conventional one, but we love each other and-”
Sophia: “Excuse me, snoop.”
Dorothy: “Liar.”
Sophia: “Rhino.”
Dorothy: “Lizard. It's real love, Mr. Benson. It's an honest love. And, yes, we might have secrets that we stubbornly try to hide from each other-”
Sophia: “Python.”
Dorothy: “Swamp insect. But we're a family nonetheless, and you can't break us up.”

Oh Shut Up, Rose
Blanche: “You were right about tellin' the truth.”
Rose: “Oh well, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's citizenship. That and guessing the weight of brood sows.”
Blanche: “Shut up.”
Rose: “135.”

Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “Hey, keep away from that.”
Dorothy: “What are you - what's in the box?”
Sophia: “Mexican jumping beans.”
Dorothy: “Ma...”
Sophia: “Sorry, Hispanic jumping beans.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “You know, people in St. Olaf are lucky. We all had the same family tree. You can trace each of us back to the same brother and sister.”
Dorothy: “Well, I think that completes the puzzle.”

Rose: “I know what you're gonna say, Dorothy, you can't stand to see me go. But I've made up my mind.”
Dorothy: “Rose, listen-”
Rose: “Now you're going to tell me, ‘I'll miss you. God, how I'll miss you.’”
Dorothy: “Rose, you have to listen to me.”
Rose: “‘You know, Rosie,’ you're thinking. ‘I sure could use one last St. Olaf story before you leave.’ And then I'd ask, ‘Shall I tell you about how the St. Olafians were one of the original lost tribes of Israel?’” Dorothy: “TAXI!!”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Oh this is just so exciting. I love construction workers! Good with their hands, dumb as stumps, and don't mind showin’ their buns when they bend over.”

Blanche: “Rose, if I use this permit, any kind of scum could walk through the door. Thieves, murderers, men who haven't seen a woman for 10 years, who've been doin' nothin' but liftin' weights and countin' the days…. Dorothy, remind me again why this was a bad idea.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Hey, look what I found.”
Dorothy: “The box! Rose, where did you get it??”
Rose: “Well, I was just under my bed playing, and then there it was.”

Don the Inspector: “I got a call from a Lois Nylund.”
Rose: “Oh, that's Rose Nylund. Rose, as in a series of seats in a movie theater.”
Don the Inspector: “Or the flower?”
Rose: “Well yeah, that too.”

Lesbian. Lesbian? LESBIAN??
Don the Inspector: “Somebody moving in?”
Rose: “Oh, hardly. With the three of us renting from Blanche, we're practically sleeping on top of each other.”
Don the Inspector: “Oh, you can't do that.”
Rose: “Well, we all wear pajamas.”

From Feud to Food
Dorothy: “Ah, here you are, Ma. I still have a couple of questions about our family history, if that's okay.”
Sophia: “Fine. As long as you don't ask me about the box.”
Dorothy: “The box? What bo-? Oh! It completely slipped my mind.”
Sophia: “Oh yeah. That kind of thing happens to me all the uh- all the uh- all the shrimp you can eat.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Blanche: “Dorothy, guess what I have under my robe?”
Dorothy: “That guy from the circus?”
Blanche: “No, Dorothy, my new swimsuit. I'm wearing it to entice the muscular young men who are comin’ over to install my hot tub. Would you like to see it?”
Dorothy: “Is it a two-piece?”
Blanche: “Yes.”
Dorothy: “No.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “Now, if we want to stay together, we're gonna have to raise $10,000.”
Blanche: “Well, I don't see why I should have to raise any money. I didn't create this problem. I think the moronic Scandinavian nitwit ought to pay it.”
Rose: “She's talking about me, isn't she?”
Dorothy: “No Rose, she's talking about Spike Lee.”

Golden Quotes
Blanche: “You can't come in here. This house has been quarantined. We all have, uh, uh... quick, Rose, give me a deadly disease.”
Rose: “Oh I'm sorry, Blanche. I don't have a deadly disease.”
Blanche: “Well, get one.

Blanche: “Look, Rose, I have calculated the cost of this hot tub right down to the last penny. I cannot afford any useless permits. Now, if he insists I have to have them, it's gonna be on your head. Period!”
Rose: “Well, I can't believe she said that. Exclamation point.”
Dorothy: “Well, who's to say? Question mark, new paragraph... What the hell am I saying?”

Rose: “Well, face facts. I mean, we were already roommates when you brought your mother in. So either pay up, or Sophia should move out.”
Dorothy: “Oh thank you very much, but if anybody is going to put my mother out in the cold, it's going to be me. No, Rose, forget it.”
Blanche: “She did sort of just dump the old lady on us, didn't she?”
Dorothy: “Oh, now you're buddy-buddy with the moronic Scandinavian nitwit?”
Rose: “Jealous, are we?”

Blanche: “Okay. Okay. Here we go. Good luck, ladies. [reading the votes] “Dorothy... Dorothy... Dorothy…... Dorothy...”
Sophia: “Well, that's that. Let's eat. I'm starved.”
Dorothy: “Wait a minute. How did this happen??”
Sophia: “We all voted for you.”
Blanche: “Well, Dorothy, it's your own damn fault. Why did you have to vote for yourself?”
Dorothy: “I just assumed that everyone was gonna vote for Rose, and I-I didn't want a sweep to hurt her feelings.”
Blanche: “I guess that would hurt.”
Dorothy: “It DOES!”

Sophia: “Land. I'm a landowner. I've made it. And it only took 80 years. Finally, property. I'll be planting soon.”
Dorothy: “Ma!”
Rose: “Oh, Blanche, this was so generous of you. I'm so touched.”
Blanche: “Well, you know, I just got to thinkin'. Yeah, this house was the home of my family. But you're right, you're family now. So, now it's our home.”
Sophia: “Rabbits. Gonna raise me some rabbits as big as your head.”

Sophia: “Pussycat?”
Dorothy: “Yeah, Ma?”
Sophia: “You make me very proud.”
Dorothy: “No, Ma, you make me proud.”
Sophia: “I hope you're not waiting for a hug.”
Dorothy: “Oh come here, you tramp.”


Critique:
Ten thousand seems to be the magic number. It’s the amount of money they need in order make improvements on the house. It was also the amount of money they needed for a new roof. It was also the amount of their winning lotto ticket. It was also the prize money for winning the Miami song writing contest. The show’s writers must of needed to get naked to count to 21. But I digress. This is a completely fine episode with some particular highlights. One of which is probably a fan-favorite sequence in which Blanche reads off everyone’s vote for who should move out. The way she reads off Dorothy’s names is brilliant and hilarious. And the look on Dorothy’s face is classic Dorothy Zbornak. This episode is notable because it’s when Blanche officially sells the house so that all four women are co-owners. I still don’t quite buy that Blanche would be so hesitant to offer equity to them. There are plenty of other times in the series where the ladies are upset about someone moving out, etc. There were also previous times when the house itself needed fixing (ie, the roof) and apparently it was all of their problem not just Blanche’s. And Dorothy was the slumlord?? (We’ll get there). I also don’t understand how Dorothy could not know all that stuff about Sophia’s past. Sophia doesn’t shut up about Sicily. And I don’t buy that there’s a random box that Dorothy didn’t know about. And finally, after all that, where the hell is that damn hot tub that Blanche wanted so badly?? GRADE: B+

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