Synopsis: A distant uncle of Rose’s passes away and leaves her in charge of his prized pet pig; Sophia breaks her glasses.
Sophia: “Oh my god, that's the cutest baby I've ever seen.”
Dorothy: “Ma, it's a pig!”
Rose: “I found out this morning I’m gonna be a mother again.”
Dorothy: “Rose we’ve been over this a hundred times, you cannot get pregnant using the toilet at the mall.”
Rose: “Besides, what does Spock know about raising babies, on Vulcan all the kids are born in pods.”
Let’s Get Political
Dorothy: “How is Baby, doc?”
Sophia: “I read in Newsweek they ran him out of Haiti.”
That’s What She Said
Blanche: “That pig tore up my nightgown last night!”
Shady Pines, Ma
Rose, to Baby: “There you are. You get in the kitchen and eat your slop before I spank that little pink fanny!”
Sophia: “All right, I'm going. I'm going! Oh, sorry, that's the way they used to call us for dinner at the home.”
Dorothy: “Ma, if you couldn't see, why didn't you call me to come get you?”
Sophia: “I tried to, but every time I put in a dime and dialed, a condom popped out. I got five in my pocket. Here, Dorothy. A lifetime supply.”
Blanche: “I never should've let that barnyard beast in my house in the first place. He ruins my clothes, smells up the whole house, and he likes to watch me take a shower.”
Sophia: “He's a pig. There's no accounting for taste.”
Dorothy Zbornak Is My Spirit Animal
Rose: "Girls, my cousin who took Baby just sent us a letter."
Dorothy: "Please let there be cash in it! I can't stand being poor another day!"
Sophia, after mistakenly walking out into the street: “Dorothy, who the hell parked a Buick in my bedroom??”
Blanche mentions her three sons Biff, Doug, and Skippy, but only Skippy is ever mentioned again (he not only has asthma but he supposedly was brought home from the hospital in Blanche's Cabana Club beach towel). She also says she's had four kids. But with Janet and Becky that makes 5. Geez she is a bad mom huh?
Rose: “Baby's a free spirit. A wanderer. A rebel. You know, in a lot of ways he reminds me of Jimmy Dean.”
Dorothy: “The actor or the sausage?”
Rose: “Here's a picture of Baby when he was younger. Wasn't he an impressive sight?”
Dorothy: “Oh, yes, Rose. But then again, who isn't when he's caught relieving himself and eating dinner at the same time?”
Oh Shut Up, Rose!
Blanche: “Oh, girls, we have a big problem.”
Dorothy: “What is it, Blanche?”
Blanche: “Well, we're all women.”
Rose: “Sure we are, Dorothy.”
Dorothy: “Oh, shut up Rose!”
Chester T. McRainey: “Uncle Hingeblotter was a very rich man. And he loved this pig dearly. That's why he left you $100,000 to make sure Baby would be well taken care of.”
Rose: “Well, I'd take care of him for free.”
Blanche: “Oh shut up, Rose!”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “I'm sure not putting my money into stocks and bonds. Hey, this is found money. This is fun money. This is hot beaches and sweaty men money. This is gettin' naked and rolling around on the ground money.”
The Boob Tube
Rose “I'll call the lawyer and tell him to bring the baby as soon as he can.”
Blanche: “Did he say if it's a boy or a girl?”
Rose: “He didn't say, but it must be one or the other.”
Dorothy: “You've been watching PBS again, Rose?”
Dorothy: “Rose, I know this is a long-shot, but did you take much acid during the sixties?”
Veterinarian: “There's really nothing wrong with Baby, physically.”
Rose: “He has a mental problem.”
Dorothy: “Four grown women decide to live with a pig, and he's the one with the mental problem?”
Critique: Can someone explain to me the logistics of Sophia mistakenly poaching an egg in the toilet? If she successfully got an egg from the fridge, how did she go all the way to the bathroom and not realize she wasn't in the kitchen? Even Lily knew what room she was currently in and she's A) legally blind, and B) didn't even live in that house. But I digress. “Bringing Up Baby” is one of my personal favorite episodes. It has everything you want in a solid GG half hour including trademark sassy Sophia humor, mentions of Rose’s crazy family, one of my favorite Dorothy moments (“Welcome Baby!”), a particularly delightful performance from Betty White (her reaction to Sophia's joke about cooking ham is priceless) and a premise that is utterly ridiculous and can therefore only be from an 80s television sitcom. It’s sort of a one joke situation and some may be turned off by how greedy the girls get (I love it) but it has so many great lines and that classic everything-ends-up-the-way-it-originally-was ending that was the standard back in the day. A