Synopsis: Two police detectives, thinking it's a good idea to put gorgeous private citizens in jeopardy, stakeout at the girls' house to investigate suspected jewel thieves living next door.
Blanche says she worries about her son Matthew (even though he's only a CPA) but why doesn't she seem concerned with her other sons Biff, Bud, and Skippy? Especially since we know Skippy has asthma.
Let’s Get Political
Dorothy: “I'm worried about tomorrow. I don't know whether or not I should go on that mission.”
Sophia: “Dorothy, for 50 years you've come to me with all your problems. Who should I take to the prom? Where should I go to college? Do you think I should I marry Stan? These were things I could help you with. 'Should I go on this mission?' is out of my area of expertise. Who do you think I am, Oliver North?”
That’s What She Said
Blanche: “My pulse was racing, my heart was pounding! I could barely get my breath! I think that's the most fun I've ever had standin' up!”
Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Sophia: “I don't believe it. I'm dry! I got nothing!”
Dorothy: “It's OK, Ma.”
Sophia: “No, it's not. I feel like Tommy Lasorda should be standing by the bed, waving to the bullpen.”
Dorothy, to Mullins: “Would you also try to remember to put down the toilet seat after you use it??”
Sophia: “Sorry, that was me. I was experimenting with something new but it didn't work out.”
Mullins: “Let's go over the plan one more time.”
Rose: “Check. At 1800 hours, we enter the suspects' domicile. At 1830 hours, we sit down to dinner. After wine is poured at approximately 1840 hours, I begin telling the story about Uncle Hertis and the three skunks and the fountain, which should last about-”
Dorothy: “1900 hours.”
Dorothy: “Well if anybody's going to do it, it should be me.”
Mullins: “Why you?”
Dorothy: “Because I am the best under pressure.”
Sophia: “And she bears a striking resemblance to Barnaby Jones.”
Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Rose: “They keep talking about that Noodle Head in the red dress. Could that be code language??”
Dorothy: “Only to the Noodle Head in the red dress.”
Rose: “You won't believe what happened to me at the store. I saw the McDowells. Luckily, they didn't see me, so I followed them all through the store and I wrote down everything they bought.”
Rose: “For evidence, silly!”
Dorothy: “Rose, they steal jewels, not Jeno's Pizza Rolls.”
Mullins: “Don't worry, you won't have to change your lifestyles because of us. All we'll need is a bedroom, a bathroom, we'll use the kitchen as a base.”
Sophia: “Fine. We'll just cook in the fireplace and pee in the broom closet.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “Oh I just love to welcome people to the neighborhood. In fact, back home, I used to run our town's Välkommen Wagon. Oh boy, was that fun! Whenever a new family would move in to St. Olaf, we'd all hop on the tractor and ride out to the new neighbors' farm, thirty or forty of us, carrying vats of smoked fish, and big pitchers of freshly-squeezed potato juice. While Cousin Dat played 'Getting To Know You' through the hole in his windpipe.”
Dorothy: “Tell me Rose, did you ever accompany him through the hole in your head?!”
Sophia: “Don't you know you're supposed to duck a bullet. In Sicily, they don't let you pass kindergarten until you learn that!”
Rose: “Really? In St. Olaf we just had to promise not to eat paste.”
Best of B.E.D.
Sophia: “They hate each other. They fight all the time.”
Blanche: “Very passionate fights. Oh it has all the signs of a classic love/hate relationship. And from the sparks of that conflict rise the flames of desire. Flames that ignite in an uncontrollable frenzy of lust, passion, and ecstasy!! I'm sorry. Where was I?”
Dorothy: "Oh I don't believe this. Hey Dick Tracy."
Mullis: "What's your problem now?"
Dorothy: "I thought I asked you to move this equipment someplace else where it would not be in the way."
Mullins: "I said I'd try. I tried."
Rose: “Gee, it's a shame we have to plant that transmitter at the McDowells' tonight. There's a great movie on TV.
Blanche: “What is it?”
Rose: “'In Cold Blood.' It's about... this innocent family is brutally murdered when these two...”
Dorothy: “May I see that Rose...” *SMACK*
The Boob Tube
Sophia: “You're looking at a woman who lived through two world wars, 15 vendettas, four major operations, and two Darrins on 'Bewitched.'”
Dorothy: “You'll have to excuse my mother, she's a little upset. She just found out she has the same hairdresser as Whoopi Goldberg.”
Mullins: “Come on, Dotty!”
Dorothy: “What do you mean, come on? If you want me to do you a favor, you ask me.”
Mullins: “Alrighty I'm asking, you don't have to bite my head off!”
Dorothy: “You're a real charmer, you know that?”
Mullins: “Oh who are you, Lady Di?? Come on!”
Dorothy: “Do me a favor and join the bomb squad…. Oh God, I am crazy nuts about this guy!!”
Critique: Let's get this out of the way first. This episode is ridiculous. Not as ridiculous as some of the stuff from the later seasons but it's ridiculous. But it's an 80s sitcom so there's no arguing it. Now that that's settled. Holy moly this episode is fun and exquisitely written. There are so many good lines here. And Detective Al Mullins is probably one of my favorites of all of Dorothy's beaus. It's disappointing that he never returned. And yes here's an early George Clooney before he was the Oscar-winning celebrity he is today. The performances here are really good. The highlights include Rose's delightfully goofy reaction to Mrs. McDowell showing up at her door. And then Blanche gets lots of opportunities for her Blanchisms, like “And I can arch my back until my head touches my heels” or spritzing herself in the face with a spray bottle after getting herself worked up from a typical Blanche monologue. Dorothy gets some great moments in her scenes with Al. She also has a nice moment with Sophia while they share a bed at night. Those are some of the best scenes of the series. If you can stand the silly premise this is overall an outstanding episode, or maybe it just seems great because the last episode was so dull by comparison. Note: There are so many good TV references throughout the series that I'm introducing a new category called “The Boob Tube” for any television related quotes. GRADE: A