Thursday, June 28, 2018

Miles to Go S6E15

Synopsis: In one of the more outlandish storylines, Miles reveals to Rose that he’s been in the witness protection program. Meanwhile, back on Earth, Blanche wants to wear a dress and return it and Sophia’s friend invites her to see Tony Bennett.

Lewd Ladies
Sophia: “Can you believe it? Tony Bennett. What that man does to me with his voice your father couldn't accomplish with his hands.”
Blanche: “Oh I know what you're talking about, Sophia. There are men's voices that get me going like that, too.”
Dorothy: “Blanche, there are men's socks that can get you going like that.”

Brooklyn: A Fairy Land
Sophia: “You know, I once prepared a six-course meal with what I thought was chicken. But it turned out to be a—”
Dorothy: “Ma!! Rose, in my heart, I cannot believe that Miles is a rat. He just fell in with the wrong people, that's all. Now look, I know you have a date with him tomorrow night. Keep it. I'm sure you'll find he's the same caring, sensitive man you've known all along. My God, it wasn't my confirmation dinner, was it?”
Sophia: “Your pop sure made everyone laugh when he made the little feet dance.”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “Gee, Ma, I think it's nice how things are working out for Rose and Miles.”
Sophia: “It had to happen sometime, Pussycat. Rose found a man. And pretty soon, Blanche will find a man. And before you know it, you - You should buy a parakeet or something.”

Blanche: “He's alive? And he knows that Miles is seeing Rose, and Rose knows me, and they always hold the prettiest one hostage. Oh, if I could just do something to make myself less attractive.”
Sophia: “Try soap and water.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “I won't have to spend that evening with Dorothy. No offense, my little Scrabble-holic, but there's more to life than a double-word score. “
Dorothy: “Strange attitude coming from a woman who tried to choke me because I challenged the word ‘flot.’”

Sassy Sophia
Miles: “You know what, ladies? What do you say we take a rain check on the poetry reading?”
Sophia: “I'd say no dice. Doesn't a rain check mean we'd have to come back??”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “I don't know what to say. I can't believe this story you're telling me.”
Dorothy: “But you can believe the story about Henrik Felderstuhl, St. Olaf's half-man, half-grasshopper??”
Rose: “Dorothy, I'm telling you, when he rubbed his legs together, you'd swear you were on a camping trip.”

Rose: “Now I know how my friend Mary Jane von Helfenpfelfer felt.”
Blanche: “Oh well. Considering what you've been through, go ahead, Rose.”
Rose: “She took a vacation to Mexico and she found this poor, scrawny, helpless little Chihuahua puppy on the street and she brought it home to St. Olaf with her, and she nursed it back to health. She loved it. She took it to bed with her. She taught it to fetch. She'd throw a ball, and he'd bring it back, and she'd throw a ball, and he'd bring it back. Well, I guess I don't have to tell you that's pretty much what fetch is.”
Dorothy: “How much longer are we gonna circle the airport, Rose? You wanna bring this baby in?”
Rose: “Well when she took the puppy to get his shots, the vet told her the bad news. He said, ‘Mary Jane, this is no Chihuahua, this is a rat!’”
Dorothy: “And the point, Aesop?”
Rose: “I thought Miles was a Chihuahua. It turns out he was a rat!”

Best of B.E.D.
Dorothy: “You're going to wear a dress, and then return - Blanche, that's illegal.”
Blanche: “Oh, it is not illegal. It's just wrong. See, I love the dress, but I can't afford it, not $300 worth. And I have a late date tonight, so I wanna look stunning for it. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna wear it all that much. I'm just gonna put it on and take it off. Then put it on and come home and take it off again.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Miles, I thought you were grading papers.”
Miles: “No, I wasn't. I lied.”
Rose: “Oh my God. What were you grading?”

Rose: “I can't believe this is happening. Maybe we better try Springfield. He'd never find us in Springfield.”
Miles: “Which Springfield?”
Rose: “Aha!”

From Feud to Food
Dorothy: “Now, look, we're all very fond of Miles. Besides, a little culture wouldn't hurt any of us.”
Sophia: “All right, we'll go. But I'd rather stay home and eat flot.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Blanche: “How was school today?”
Dorothy: “Ah, pretty good. Almost half the class came back after the fire drill.”

Dorothy: “Oh, Rose, this is terrible. You have been robbed of the most basic sense of security. You know no matter what else is happening, at the very least, I know that when I come home at night you are you, Blanche is Blanche, and Ma - if she's taken her medication - is my mother.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?
Rose: “It's the 117th anniversary of the birth of Robert Frost.”
Sophia: “I love him. Always nippin' at your nose.”
Rose: “That was Jack Frost. Robert Frost is the guy who interviewed Richard Nixon on TV. Who's the dumb one now??”
Dorothy: “Ah, you're still the reigning champ, Rose. That was David Frost. Robert Frost was a famous American poet.”
Sophia: “And when I was with him, he was always nippin' at my nose.”

Sophia: “Gladys, you yutz. These aren't for Tony Bennett. They're for Tony Martin.”
Gladys: “Of course they're for Tony Martin. You think I'd camp overnight for tickets to Tony Bennett? Tell you what, sweetheart. Take Milton. Have a swell time. Only this time, don't throw your underwear on the stage.”
Gladys: “Then why go?”
Sophia: “Oh, why couldn't they put Tony Bennett and Tony Martin on the same bill? Ah, who am I kidding? There’ll never be another Woodstock.”

Literary Intelligentsia
Miles: “So overall, then, what I'd say Frost is most significantly remembered for is his simple, clear use of language and uncomplicated imagery to express the quiet values of a rural New England life.”
Sophia [waking up]: “Are we home yet??”

Rose: “Miles, your poetry book.”
Miles: “Keep it, and when you read page 73, think of me.”
Rose: “’And when to the heart of man was it ever less than a treason to bow and accept the end of a love or of a season?’”

The Boob Tube
Sophia: “Hey, look, there's a black guy doing the news, and it isn't even the weekend!”
Dorothy: “Ma, did you turn that on”
Sophia: “Poltergeist.”

Golden Quotes
Rose: “Do we all remember what today is?”
Sophia: “I'll go out on a limb and say Thursday. But you can't go by me. I'm in and out on my children's first names.”

Blanche [looking at a globe]: “My oh my oh my. Just look at all the other places to be.”

Blanche: “Oh, Sophia, calm down, honey. It's all right if you want to drop your girlfriend because a man asks you out. That's the law of the jungle.”
Sophia: “Thank you, Sheena, Queen of the Slut People.”

Dorothy [having knocked a drink on Blanche’s dress]: “I told you before, you can't return something after it's been worn.”
Blanche: “I certainly can't now after your little spasm. I wanted to wear something tonight that Duane's never seen me in.”
Sophia: “Maybe you should try underwear.”

Rose: “You mean - did they - have you been to prison?”
Miles: “Oh, no. I couldn't let that happen. Can you imagine what my life would've been like if the other inmates found out how much I love to dance?”

Sophia: “You mean to tell me you are personally acquainted with men who do bodily harm to private citizens for money?”
Miles: “I can't deny it, Sophia. Yes.”
Sophia: “Then take down this address. Gladys Goldfein, 326—“
Dorothy: “Ma!”

Rose: “How can I believe you? How can I believe anything you've ever said to me?”
Miles: “Look, I know it sounds awful, but it's not. I can be free. I can go back to Chicago. And, sweetheart, I want you there with me.”
Rose: “Chicago?? Go to Chicago!? I don't even know you!!”

Rose: “I don't know what's real anymore. When I think of the things I've told Miles, the things he's told me. The things we've told each other. Things we've said in a restaurant. Things we've said on our way to a restaurant. Things we've said on the way home from a—“
Dorothy: “The two of you shared! We get it!!”
Rose: “But who was I sharing with? If you say something to somebody who isn't really who he is, have you actually said anything or not? And if he's heard it as someone he really isn't, has anything you've said actually been heard?”
Sophia: “Sorry, I wasn't listening.”

Dorothy: “Oh, Rose, I'm so happy everything worked out.”
Sophia: “Rose, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm gonna miss ya. Your laugh, your smile, your St. Olaf stories… OK, I'm over it now.”

Blanche: “I've never been so humiliated in my life.”
Dorothy: “What about the time you lost the key to your handcuffs and had to go with that guy on his mail route?”

Dorothy: “Blanche, it's only fair. You tried something crooked, and you got caught. Now you're gonna have to scrimp and cut corners and find some way to pay for it.”
Blanche: “I already have. The rent increases go into effect tomorrow. All except Sophia.”
Dorothy: “Why not her?”
Blanche: “The rent increase was her idea.”
Sophia: “So I'm the one musketeer. I'll make new friends.”

Rose: “You won't believe the horrible thing I just heard on the radio!”
Dorothy: “Oh Rose, we go through this every time. ‘This is merely a test. In the event of an actual emergency—’”

Sophia: “Can we get this guy outta here? I don't wanna be killed at my age. That would be like getting tackled on the one-yard line.”

I’d like to think the reason there WAS another Woodstock was because Sophia said there wouldn’t be. I think they were just big GG fans. But I digress. I can’t even begin to fathom the sheer lunacy that is this episode’s main story line. Miles is actually an accountant from Chicago who is now living in Miami in the Witness Protection Program? Yeah, and I wear a D cup. It’s so ridiculous it’s almost magical. The series’ story lines were really getting crazy by this point. I mean think about it. How exactly does an accountant pull off posing as a college English professor? I actually really want to know what exactly Miles was grading. But let’s stick with the positives. In terms of the lesser B stories here, I like the idea of not knowing whether Dorothy’s “little spasm” was on purpose (for the record I think it was). And does anyone want to think about the logistics of Gladys throwing her underwear on the stage? Do you think she pulled them off in front of everyone or went to the bathroom first? According to Sophia it takes most old ladies an hour just to roll down their stockings. She probably just brought an extra pair and stuffed them in her purse. And lastly, we don’t even have to get into the fanfic idea of Arnie (who Harold Gould also played in “Rose the Prude”) actually being Miles’ real identity. God this episode is bonkers, though just wait until Samuel Plankmaker shows up... GRADE: B

Monday, June 18, 2018

Sister of the Bride S6E14

Synopsis: Blanche’s gay brother Clayton returns and brings along his partner Doug; meanwhile, the girls attend yet another awards banquet where Rose is nominated for Volunteer of the Year.

That’s What She Said
Clayton: “Blanche, we don't have to worry about what the world thinks about our relationship. It just doesn't matter, because we're there for each other. I'd do anything for Doug, and he'd bend over backwards for me!”

Lewd Ladies
Dorothy: “Rose, Doug is not a cab driver.”
Doug: “No, ma'am. Actually, I'm a policeman.”
Rose: “Oh. Well, what's a policeman doing bringing fares from the airport? I know! I bet you do undercover work.”
Sophia: “And I'll bet he does it damn well.”

Dorothy: “I just had the strangest crank call. Some man wanted to know if I owned a riding crop and a leather bra and if I could lick my eyebrows.”
Sophia: “What did you say?”
Dorothy: “I said no.”
Sophia: “I guess we're paying full price for the cocktail franks.”

Picture It
Blanche: “It's easier for you to say that, Sophia. It's not your brother who's getting married to a man.”
Sophia: “Hey, it's not like the guys in my family never kissed a man. Of course, that was business. Although there was that one hit man who always had to have a flower in his lapel and would hold the kiss of death a little longer than he had to.”

Insult Watch
Sophia: “Dorothy, stand up and take a bow.”
Dorothy: “If I'm not mistaken, all the waiters were whistling at me.”
Blanche: “Maybe they never saw anyone eat a steak that fast.”

Sassy Sophia
Doug: “Say, have you ladies known Blanche for a long time?”
Rose: “Oh, yes. You're in luck. She just loves policemen.”
Sophia: “Apparently, it's a hereditary trait.”

Blanche: “Sleeping arrangements!? What in hell am I gonna do about the sleeping arrangements??”
Dorothy: “Well, honey, why can't you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?”
Blanche: “Are you crazy? What will the neighbors think if they see two men in my bedroom??” Sophia: “They'll think it's Tuesday.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Dorothy: “Oh, Rose, honey, I think you're putting the cart before the horse.”
Rose: “And that's bad?”

Clayton: “Blanche, we're getting married.”
Rose: “But that's impossible, Clayton. Brothers can't marry sisters! Oh that's right, you're from the South.”
Dorothy: “Blanche and Clayton aren't getting married, you airhead. Clayton and Doug are.”
Rose: “Oh. Ohhh! Oh??”

Clayton: “Ladies! I think a toast is in order. Here's to the woman of the hour. A woman whose grace and kindness and warmth and concern for others is an inspiration to us all. Here's to [seeing Blanche] Blanche!”
Rose: “And he's mad at her. Think what he's gonna say about me.”

Lesbian. Lesbian? LESBIAN??
Blanche: “I think I did a great job covering up how upset I am.”
Dorothy: “You mean, like how you started sobbing when Clayton asked for more fruit cocktail?”
Blanche: “I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual. I just don't like him dating men.”
Dorothy: “You really haven't grasped the concept of this gay thing yet, have you?”
Blanche: “There must be homosexuals who date women.”
Sophia: “Yeah. They're called lesbians.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Blanche: “Clayton!”
Clayton: “Blanche!”
Blanche: “Oh! You're still the handsomest man I know.”
Clayton: “And you're still the prettiest thing I ever did see.”
Dorothy: “Now I know why they call it the ‘Deep’ South.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “I'll say this for Clayton, he has great taste. Doug is absolutely charming.”
Sophia: “And funny. It's not every cop who can do a good Bette Davis impression.”

Sophia: “So, Butch, Sundance, who gets to throw the bouquet?”

The Boob Tube
Rose: “Hot damn! It's happened! It's finally happened! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes!”
Dorothy: “I take it we now get The Disney Channel.”

Neiman Marcus Marker: 7
Clayton: “It'll be a simple ceremony, just exchanging rings and affirming our commitment to each other in front of our friends. I mean, it's not like it's gonna be a big, fancy wedding.”
Doug: “Although we are registered at Neiman Marcus.”

Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “Honey, your brother is gay.”
Blanche: “Dorothy, I think that gay thing was just a phase he was going through. You know, like, when Clay was in high school, all he ever wanted to do was go see gladiator movies. It's the same kind of thing.”
Dorothy: “Almost exactly.”

Rose: “Seven years I've been nominated for the Volunteer Vanguard Award, and seven years I've had to watch Agnes Bradshaw snatch it away from me. Well, she's not gonna do that this year. This year, I'm finally gonna beat her. I'm gonna win!”
Dorothy: “Why? Because you worked harder than Agnes?”
Rose: “Because she's dead. Yep! As a doornail. Dead, dead, dead. Coffee?”
Blanche: “Rose, how can you be so cheery? It's a terrible thing.”
Rose: “Come on, she was 89, and she died in her sleep.”
Blanche: “She fell asleep driving the bookmobile.”
Rose: “It was a tragedy. She was my only real competition. Dead, dead, dead. Muffin?”

Blanche: “All right now, baby brother, I've waited all week. Where is it? Where's my surprise?” Doug: “Hello, everyone!”
Sophia: “Surprise...”

Dorothy: “You'll have to excuse my mother. She, uh, survived a slight stroke, which left her, if I can be frank, a complete burden.”

Dorothy: “They can sleep in Ma's room and she'll sleep with me.”
Sophia: “Oh, Ma doesn't get a say. It doesn't matter what Ma thinks. Ma's a piece of furniture who has no feelings or opinions.”
Dorothy: “Nonsense, my little hat rack.”

Clayton: “Blanche, honey, it's such a beautiful night, Doug and I are gonna go out for little a walk.”
Blanche: “OK.”
Doug: “Don't wait up.”
Blanche: “Well, enjoy your walk. I'm fine. I'm OK. I can deal with this.”
Sophia: “Oh, look. They're skipping.”
Blanche: “Oh, God!”
Sophia: “Joke! Joke! Just a joke!”

Sophia: “The winner of this year's Volunteer Vanguard Award is Rose...”
Rose: “YES!”
Sophia: “...hand me that glass of water, please. Wow what a surprise! Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in history, we have a posthumous winner - Agnes Bradshaw!”
Rose: “It's a fix!! She's dead! She doesn't need that on her mantel – SHE’S ON HER MANTEL!”

Susan Dodd: “So good to see you again, Blanche. And who have we here? Hello, I'm Susan Dodd.”
Clayton: “I'm Clayton, Blanche's brother. And this is Doug, he's my--”
Blanche: “FIRE! FIRE! Everybody out!!! Small fire. It's out now…. so, who's for decaf?”
Sophia: “Smooth!”

Sophia: “Blanche, I've been thinking about Clayton and Doug, and I have a question.”
Blanche: “What?”
Sophia: “Why do men have nipples?”
Blanche: “I have no idea.”
Sophia: “You think it's because God has a sense of humor and isn't as uptight as the rest of us?”

Rose: “I've made a decision. I'm gonna throw myself into charity. I'm gonna spend all my free time making other people's lives better. I lost sight of the real goal. It isn't about fancy banquets. It isn't about getting your name in the paper. It isn't about winning the award next year.”
Blanche: “There now, that's the spirit.”
Rose: “It's about getting that dead woman's name off of this one.”

Fun Fact: Men have nipples because they form on the fetus before the sex organs develop and then don’t go away. But I digress. Hot damn, I love the Clayton episodes. It’s so nice to see the return of a well-liked relative, played by the same actor no less. Unlike Becky 1 and Becky 2 and Big Daddy 1 and Big Daddy 2 or Kate 1 and Kate 2 there is no Clayton 1 and Clayton 2. In “Scared Straight” Blanche comes to terms with her brother being gay, somewhat. Even if it made mildly offensive jokes here and there, it was a rather progressive story for the era. This time the writers explore Blanche’s reaction to Clayton bringing home a partner. Of course Rue herself had issues playing this aspect of Blanche’s character because she was nothing like a stubborn, close-minded, conservative, Southern traditionalist. But it’s fun to see her obvious concern aboout being judged for just having a gay brother. The way she screams FIYAH to interrupt Clayton introducing his partner Doug to her friend is both hilarious and sad. But like most late 80s/early 90s sitcoms everything works out in the end. The B story about Rose’s obsession with winning the Volunteer of the Year award is classic, competitive Rose which we haven’t seen much of since the earlier seasons. This episode gives me a warm tingleh feelin’ all ovah. GRADE: A

Thursday, June 7, 2018

The Bloom is Off the Rose S6E13

Synopsis: Rose and Miles need more adventure in their relationship so Rose signs them up for skydiving lessons; Sophia muddles in Dorothy’s love life for the millionth time; Blanche is an abusive relationship. Fun fun fun!

90s Flashback
Radio Host Dr. Kelly: “Hi, you're on the air with Dr. Kelly. I need your first name only.”
Sophia: “My name is… Cher.”
Radio Host Dr. Kelly : “And your problem, Cher? I have a 55-year-old daughter named Dorothy, Dorothy Zbornak. She's got problems.”
Radio Host Dr. Kelly: “First names only, please.”
Sophia: “I told you, it's Cher!”

Musical Moments
Rose [listening to jazz music]: “Oh, hi, Miles. I was just listening to a song Charlie and I used to dance to.”
Miles: “We've danced to it too.”
Rose: “Not around a campfire, hoping for rain.”

That’s What She Said
Sky-diving instructor: “Now, all you have to do is relax and enjoy the view.”

Lewd Ladies
Rose: “I hate to admit it, but my relationship with Miles is really getting boring. We even make love the same.”
Blanche: “How?”
Rose: “Well, first he says, ‘Let's go watch TV in the bedroom.’ And then I think, Wait, he doesn't have a TV in the bedroom. And then he says, ‘Come lie down. I won't try anything.’ And then we have four hours of the most boring sex you've ever had in your life.”
Blanche: “Four hours??”
Rose: “I guess it could take less if I stopped playing hard to get.”

Brooklyn: A Fairy Land
Dorothy: “I mean, I was once in an abusive relationship.”
Sophia: “Hey, Stan was a yutz, but when was he abusive?”
Dorothy: “Not Stan. I've had relationships with other men.”
Sophia: “Oh yeah, the evil pen pal. So, what did Koo Duk Kim say in his letters that hurt my little girl?”
Dorothy: “No, it was in high school. Michael Tortelli, remember? Captain of the football team. Oh, he was beautiful. “Black wavy hair. Strong Roman nose. And he could read.”
Sophia: “Oh, him.”
Dorothy: “He was always putting me down. Made me feel like I had no self-worth.”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “It's 10:00, and I've been stood up again. I feel totally unattractive, undesirable and ignored. Oh, Dorothy, you explain it to 'em.”
Dorothy: “Well, Blanche feels the way any one of us would feel if we were stood up three times.
(chuckles) Three whole times…”

Dorothy: “Listen, you know it could've been a lot worse. Most people in an abusive relationship have to hit bottom before they can get out. You were lucky.”
Sophia: “Your bottom’s a lot higher than most people's.”

Product Placement
Miles: “I'm over 60.”
Rose: “Well, so is Paul Newman, and he still races cars.”
Miles: “Rose, I don't want to be compared with Charlie, and I sure as hell don't want to be compared with Paul Newman. Although I gotta tell you, I do make a better salad dressing.”

Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “So that's a typical date with Blanche. I mean, after you cut out all the dirty parts.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “I don't think I was ever bored for one day when I was with Charlie. He had a theory – ‘Even a trip to the bank can be exciting, if you wear a ski mask.’”
Dorothy: “He would say that often?”
Rose: “Almost as often as he'd say, ‘Don't shoot. It's me - Charlie Nylund!’”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: Well, I have everything I need for the fishing trip. Plenty of suntan lotion and a string bikini. I don't want the fish to be the only things nibblin'.”
Sophia: “Or floppin' around in the boat.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Are you excited?”
Miles: “Dumbstruck.”
Rose: “Oh, I know that feeling.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Rex: “Do you want to go light a fire under her?
Dorothy: “No, I don't think so.”
Rex: “Why not?”
Dorothy: “Because I think she's getting burned enough as it is.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?
Dorothy [working on lunar module puzzle]: “Ma, you you put Buzz Aldrin's head on Neil Armstrong's body.”
Sophia: “I did?”
Dorothy: “Yes, Ma, you did.”
Sophia: “I'm so ashamed. I wouldn't blame you if you sent me to bed. Now, right now!”

Reel References
Sophia: “Boy, he makes Wallace Beery look like Adolphe Menjou.”
Dorothy: “Has been a long time since I've taken you to the movies, hasn't it?”

Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “Blanche, honey, are you OK?”
Blanche [holding a laundry basket]: “Never better. Why?”
Dorothy: “I've just never seen you do anything domestic.”
Blanche: “Dorothy, I've done the laundry thousands of times. Oh, by the way, we're out of ble-ock.”

Dorothy: “You kids have fun tonight?”
Miles: “Oh, did we ever. There's this sewing shop on Fourth Street. And in the back they've got a thimble museum I've wanted to go to. You could put in a thimble what most people know about thimbles. Well, no, that's not mine. They tell that one down at the thimble museum.”
Dorothy: “You actually had a good time at a thimble museum?”
Miles: “Well, sew-sew. No, again, that was not mine. They sell bumper stickers down at the thimble museum.”

Dorothy: “You know what the joke going around the teachers' lounge was today, Ma? Me.”
Sophia: “I know that joke.”
Dorothy: “Everybody heard on the radio that some anonymous Ma was complaining that her dependent daughter Dorothy doesn't have a life of her own.”
Sophia: “What, you think you're the only gray-haired spinster substitute teacher named Dorothy wasting her life away in Miami?”
Rose: “I'm sorry, Sophia, but in Dorothy's defense, that sure does sound a lot like her.”

Rose: “Oh, there is nothing like skydiving. I mean, soaring through the air the freedom of it, the whole idea of plummeting toward a pasture and watching a cow get bigger and bigger. It's just something we should do together before we die.”
Miles: “Rose, could-couldn't I just run toward you yelling, Moo?”

Dorothy: “Oh, this guy Rex is ruining your self-esteem. Did he say that you're fat??”
Blanche: “Not in so many words. But I am starting to wonder whether ‘barrel-butt’ is really a term of endearment.”

Dorothy: “Sea of Tranquility, come to Mama. Lunar module, you're out of here! Yeah! That's it! Yes! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ho-ho.”
Sophia: “It's just a puzzle, Dorothy. You didn't make this much noise on your wedding night.”

Sophia: “You’re going skydiving??”
Rose: “Mm-hmm.”
Sophia [wide-eyed]: “A room with a view. A room with a - I mean, good luck!”

Sophia: “I went by that thimble museum and I got him a thimble from France. See, it's got this little man on it, and when you turn it upside down— [chuckles] I think I'll keep this one for myself.”

Rose: “You don't realize how much you care for a man until you see him streaking toward the earth trying to grab a bird.”

Zippertown. I wanna know more. But I digress. What can I say about this episode except that my favorite part is watching Dorothy practically have a full body orgasm as she finishes the lunar module puzzle. The rest is sew-sew. Why exactly is Rose so bored with Miles and his trips to thimble museums? She has cheese making and stamp collecting on her job resume for god’s sake. Abusive relationships are one of many serious subject matters the show tackled over its seven year run and there are plenty of laughs to be had though I generally find “The Bloom is Off the Rose” to be a rather mellow affair. There are a handful of classic lines but we don’t really get any funny St. Olaf stories, wisdom from Sicily or tales of Blanche’s sinful past. Just a lunar module puzzle that doesn’t even have a lunar module on it. Come on props people try harder!! Fun fact: If you listen closely you can hear a woman in the audience chuckle and laughingly repeat “barrel butt” after Blanche says it. GRADE: B-