Friday, July 28, 2017

Sick & Tired Part 1 S5E1

Synopsis: Dorothy struggles with an illness that doctors can’t quite seem to pin point; Sophia worries Dorothy may be dying. Meanwhile Blanche decides to become a great Southern writer.

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “Listen. Tell me I can't do better than this in my sleep. ‘He grabbed her. She could feel his fingers pressing into her moist flesh. Her heart was pounding, her loins on fire. As he spun her around, her dress ripping open.’ You know how many times I've experienced that?”

Rose: “Your loins have been on fire?”

Blanche: “Yes. ‘She melted into-‘”

Rose: “Where exactly are your loins?”

Blanche: “Rose, it doesn't matter. Just listen. ‘She melted into his arms, faint now with the animal musk of him-‘”

Rose: “I didn't know people had loins. I've heard of loin of pork.”

Sophia: “In her case, the same thing.”

Zbornak Zingers

Rose: “You're getting sicker and sicker.”

Blanche: “Just like my heroine. Sicker and sicker. Though, of course, my heroine doesn't look like you. This is a romantic novel, not science fiction.”

Dorothy: “Remind me when I feel better to kick the crap out of her.”

Insult Watch

Rose: “She is not fine, Blanche. Look at her.”

Blanche: “I didn't say she looks fine. I said she was fine. She looks like hell.”

Dorothy: “Thank you, Blanche.”

Oh Shut Up, Rose

Rose: “Gustav Ljungqvist got sick from something mysterious, and he nearly died. Well, he did die, in fact. Then at the cemetery, Beatrice Ljungqvist - his wife - kept screaming, ‘He's alive, he's alive! I can hear him from the grave!’ Well, everybody thought it was the hallucinations of a grieving widow, so they sedated her. But when she woke up from her sedation, she told them that he said, from the grave, ‘We never paid our '78 through '86 income taxes.’ And his partner said, ‘Only Gustav would know that. He must be alive.’ So they all raced to the cemetery, and the entire town started digging like crazy - kneeling by the grave, using their hands even, dirt flying and Beatrice screaming - and when they opened that coffin, there he was, dead as a doornail.”

Blanche: “What is the point of that ridiculous story, Rose??”

Rose: “The point is Gustav didn't die from his mysterious disease at all. He lived and recovered. Trouble was he recovered while he was buried, so by the time they got to him, he'd died of suffocation… The other tragic aspect was the IRS was waiting at the cemetery to arrest Gustav's partner, Bergstrom. So Bergstrom killed himself right then and there, by grabbing the gun from Sheriff Tokvist and shooting himself. What they did then was, since the grave was still open, and everybody was right there, and Gustav and Bergstrom had been partners, so they put Bergstrom in with Gustav and had a double burial. Unfortunately, later they found out that Bergstrom wanted to be cremated.”

Blanche: “Oh! Shut up, Rose!”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “I was in front of the class and I couldn't talk. I was too tired to talk. Not that they would have listened. They were too busy sniffing the Wite-Out they'd stolen from typing class.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “Well, let me tell you something, Mr. 100% Tiptop Mental. My daughter may be no spring chicken, and her jaw might crack when she chews. And she may have noticeable trouble digesting raw vegetables, but one thing she's not is mental.”

Dorothy: “Thanks, Ma.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “We never had a barbecue in St. Olaf after the tragedy.”

Dorothy: “I guess we have to ask.”

Sophia: “No, we don't.”

Dorothy: “She'll work it in anyway. What tragedy, Rose?”

Rose: “I can't talk about it.”

Dorothy: “Fine.”

Sophia: “Good.”

Rose: “But it had to do with barbecuing elk, a big fire and someone who lost his balance.”

Dorothy: “Got it.”

Sophia: “Clear as a bell.”

Blanche: “It's just like giving birth, Rose. Once you get started, you can't stop!”

Rose: “Actually, you can, Blanche. Ingrid Thurman stopped.”

Blanche: “What was she writing?”

Rose: “She wasn't. She was giving birth to Hans and Franz, the twins. And she stopped right in the middle, right after Hans.”

Blanche: “Well, what happened to Franz?”

Rose: “He stayed in.”

Blanche: “For how long?”

Rose: “I don't know. A long time. They were a year apart in school.”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “The fact is, I happen to be very good with sick people. I was once a candy stripper.”

Dorothy: “That's ‘striper.’”

Blanche: “Whatever. You know, volunteer.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Blanche: “What a waste. Rose Nylund in New York.”

Rose: “It's gonna be a great trip. You wait and see. You're gonna be cured. And I'm gonna get to see the Big Potato!”

Dorothy: “I said she was comforting. I didn't say she was smart.”

Literary Intelligentsia

Rose: “Doctors don't know everything, Dorothy.”

Dorothy: “You're right.”

Rose: “I mean, they think they do, but they don't.”

Dorothy: “You're right.”

Rose: “I mean, after all, Dr. Seuss was a doctor too.”

The Boob Tube

Dr. Stevens: “Sorry to keep you waiting, Dorothy, but there was something I had to take care of.”

Dorothy: “Oh that's all right.”

Dr. Stevens: “A famous person - very, very famous. But I can't tell you who it is, ethics, you know, we have to be quite careful about that. But if this was ‘Win, Lose or Draw,’ I'd draw a crown.”

Reel References

Rose: “I've never seen so much of everything in my whole life. I went to Bloomingdale's, the store. I swear St. Olaf could fit into it. I went to the top of the Empire State Building. You know what I don't understand? How come the fall didn't kill King Kong instantly? I mean sure, he was big, but that's 102 stories. You look down… I know, it was a sad movie. I cried too. Every time I see it I hope, ‘Maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time he won't die.’ But he always does. It was only a movie, Dorothy. That was really a fake gorilla.”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “I shall become a great Southern writer, carrying on the tradition of the other great Southern writers like, uh, all those others so famous they need not be mentioned. Oh, girls, it's gonna be so exciting. I am gonna make a fortune. And I won't even have to use my imagination. My life is a romance novel.”

Sophia: “Your life is a sports page.”

Blanche: “Well, now I know why Hemingway killed himself. Oh girls, I have writer's block. It is the worst feeling in the world.”

Sophia: “Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.”

Blanche: “You just sit there hour after hour after hour.”

Sophia: “Tell me about it.”


“Golden Girls” creator Susan Harris returned after a bit of a hiatus to write one last two part episode as a final GG hurrah. And what a hurrah it is. Everyone knows this as the episode where Dorothy has a mysterious illness, it gets diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (in which there is no cure) and yet it’s never mentioned again from here on out. Ah, the magic of 80s sitcoms. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, this is just part 1. This is a great set up for what will be an even better second half. Blanche declares that’s she destined for great things by becoming a romance novelist. Little does she know that her sister Charmaine will do the same thing in a later episode. But I digress. The real fireworks of this B story is coming up in part 2. Here, Dorothy is suffering from a flu-like illness that makes her tired all the time. Even if the episode takes a more serious tone, there are plenty of hearty laughs to be found. We basically get three St. Olaf stories (Harris obviously wanted to go out with a bang, like Blanche), an early appearance by George Bluth himself Jeffrey Tambor who brags that he’s treated one of the Saudis, and one of the series’ most golden lines: the bowel movement one of course. Bea Arthur takes center stage here in one of the more popular season openers and sets the stage for a fantastic fifth season.  GRADE: A-

Monday, July 24, 2017

We’re Outta Here Part 1 & Part 2 S4E25/26

Synopsis: After neighborhood boys move a for sale sign to the girls’ front lawn, Sophia sells the house to a prospective buyer leading to the dreaded clip show.

80s Flashback
Blanche: “Yakamora decided not to buy the house.”
Rose: “What happened?”
Blanche: “Well, he went on a shopping spree and he spent all his money. He bought a department store in Fort Lauderdale and a condominium in Orlando, a baseball team in Tampa, and I think one of the Landers sisters.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “I just love the legitimate theater. You know, I missed Mr. Lee J. Cobb in Death of a Salesman. I missed Mr. Marlon Brando in Streetcar Named Desire. Well, I was damned if I was gonna miss Mr. Dick Butkus in Pal Joey.”

That’s What She Said
Stan: “Is anybody eating that?”

Shady Pines, Ma
Sophia: “I couldn't sleep. I had a nightmare.”
Rose: “Tell me about it, Sophia. Sometimes I can interpret dreams.”
Sophia: “Blanche sold the house and I wound up back at Shady Pines.”
Rose: “Hmm. This is a tough one.”
Sophia: “Dorothy, please don't send me back.”
Dorothy: “Ma, I am not sending you back to Shady Pines.”
Sophia: “Oh my God! She found a cheaper home.”

Lewd Ladies
Rose: “What about that dance marathon? Whose butt got whopped that night?”
Blanche: “How did you know that Wally- Oh, you mean at the actual dance marathon.”

Picture It
Sophia: “Many years ago, my father had a similar problem when he was selling real estate.”
Dorothy: “I didn't know that Grandpa ever owned any real estate.”
Sophia: “He didn't. That was the problem. You see, it turned out he really didn't own the Vatican. Although he did have a very close friend who swore he was there the night Pop won the deed in a card game from Pope Ronnie the Magnificent.”
Blanche: “Sophia, you're not making any sense.”
Sophia: “Excuse me, Mrs. Kierkegaard, it's 4am.”
Dorothy: “Ma, is there a point to this?”
Sophia: “And if there wasn't, what are you gonna do? Put decorative bars on my window? Yes, there is a point. If you're gonna sell real estate, make sure you own it.”
Blanche: “Sophia, I do own this house.”
Sophia: “Oh. Is anybody else hungry?”

Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “Couldn't sleep either, Dorothy?”
Dorothy: “No, Rose.”
Rose: “Are you upset because Blanche is gonna sell the house and we can't live together?”
Dorothy: “No, I'm upset because Joe Piscopo didn't get the lead role in Rain Man.”

Insult Watch
Sophia: “Everyone around here acts likes a ham. There’s been more bad acting, bad dancing, and bad singing under this roof than a Suzanne Somers special.”

Product Placement
Blanche: “I have relatives scattered all over this country I don't get to see very much.”
Dorothy: “If it's relatives you want, you should stay right here in Miami. Howard Johnson's does less business than this house has over the years.”

Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “Sophia, honey, you can't just sell my house. Is this in dollars??”
Sophia: “No, it's in cucumber rolls. Of course it's in dollars.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Dorothy: “It's gonna be rough if we have to go our separate ways. We've all learned to depend on each other so much.”
Blanche: “Especially Rose.”
Rose: “What's that supposed to mean?”
Blanche: “Oh, honey, it just means that sometimes you tend to be a bit naive, simple, childlike.”
Sophia: “She's calling you a moron. You don't want to live with a woman like that. Tell her to sell the house.”

Reel References
Dorothy: “Ma, it's 2am. Where have you been??”
Sophia: “I stuffed pillows under the sheets so I could fool you during bed check. What is this, Stalag 17?”

I’ve been absolutely dreading this episode all season. Let’s be honest, clip shows are the worst. I am of course referring to the episodes that are so lazy they show better moments from previous, better episodes. Yes, I get it, YouTube didn’t exist back then. Neither did Hulu or DVDs. Clip shows existed in every sitcom before the internet. It’s no less lazy. And to add insult to injury this is another ENTIRE HOUR of it. I’d take a half hour with Rene and her empty nest than an hour of clips we’ve seen countless times before any day of the week (ok ok maybe not). But I digress. There is a bit of a story here and it’s certainly better than when Sophia was possibly going to move out and live with Phil. This time Sophia somewhat accidentally tries to sell the house to an Asian man who looks suspiciously like the guy who wanted to meet Rose at Benihana after class in “Yes, We Have No Havanas.” This season began with Jim Shu and ended with Mr. Yakamora. Unfortunately this won’t be the last time the season finale will be a clip show. Now, granted the clips they show are really great: how they met at the supermarket, the dance marathon, Lucy the slut, etc but I’d rather just watch those complete episodes. The Suzanne Somers insult is arguably the best (new) line. And finally… why the hell does Mr. Yakamora want this house so badly and why does Blanche insist at calling him back at four in the morning? Ugh what a crappy sendoff to a completely solid season. GRADE: C

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Foreign Exchange S4E24

Synopsis: Sophia's friends from Sicily come to visit and announce that their daughter Gina and Dorothy were switched at birth; Rose and Blanche take a Dirty Dancing class.

Crazy Continuity
Everyone recognizes Dominic as Vincenzo the guy in the wheelchair who helped remodel their garage and Freida Claxton has been reincarnated as Philomena. Also, Sophia once said Dorothy was born on a pinnacle table at McSorley's Bar so how could she have been switched at birth in the first place?

Musical Moments
Blanche: “Look into my eyes!”
Blanche and Rose dirty dance in the living room.

That’s What She Said
Blanche: “It was harder than I'd expected, but I'm sure that in time I'll be able to master the technique and absorb the subtleties.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “Dorothy, what are you doing up?”
Dorothy: “I couldn't sleep. I just keep thinking about Ma and whose mother she really is.”
Rose: “You're worried she might be Gina's?”
Dorothy: “No, I'm worried she might be Phil Rizzuto's. I've noticed the phrase 'holy cow' creeping into her conversation a lot.”

Lewd Ladies
Dorothy: “Let me get this straight. Blanche couldn't get the hang of dirty dancing but you could?”
Blanche: “Dorothy, now do you see why I'm so embarrassed? Can you imagine a dance with movements just like making love, and I can't do it??”
Dorothy: “Relax, Blanche. Maybe standing up is what's throwing you.”

Picture It
Sophia: “Let me remind you of something that may set your mind at ease.”
Dorothy: “Are you going to tell a story?”
Sophia: “No, I'm gonna sing a Negro spiritual. Shut up and listen. Do you remember the first day you went to school?”
Dorothy: “No.”
Sophia: “I do. You looked so adorable in that pink and white polka-dot dress. I loved that dress. Even after you outgrew it, it was tucked away in an upstairs closet for years.”
Dorothy: “You put it away for sentimental reasons?”
Sophia: “No, your brother Phil hid it there. He used to like to wear it when he visited the firehouse. Anyway, we got to the school and I walked you to your classroom, and as I turned to go you started to cry, 'Mommy! Mommy! I want Mommy.' But the teacher told me to go, so I did, and I left you there screaming, crying, with the tears pouring down your face… It took a good half-hour to calm you down, but that didn't last long. Every time the teacher turned her back, little Debbie Tansen did something she shouldn't. Of course, her mother was the same way every time her father turned his back. The woman was a real tramp… So, there's Debbie putting gum in your hair, hiding your lunch, stealing your toys when no one was looking. When I come to pick you up, I figure you'll say you never wanna go to school again. But what do you tell me? You love it. You made a new friend named Debbie.”
Dorothy: “Ma, what the hell does this have to do with? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. How did you know what happened? I mean if the teacher didn't see Debbie-”
Sophia: “I saw. I stood at the window and watched you for four hours, in case you needed me.”
Dorothy: “You didn't.”
Sophia: “No big deal. Any real mother would do that for her kid.”

Zbornak Zingers
Dominic: “Don't raise your voice at your mama. You know, you're not too old for me to take you across my knee!”
Dorothy: “You lay a finger on me, your teeth will be back in Sicily before you are.”

Insult Watch
Blanche: “This flier that came in the mail says they're gonna start a dirty dancing course down at Lawson's dance studio. What do you say, Dorothy?”
Dorothy: “Oh, no. I can't see myself swinging my hips and wildly gyrating my pelvis. I am not interested.”
Sophia: “And the world heaves a collective sigh of relief.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Dorothy, you got a cough drop?”
Dorothy: “No.”
Sophia: “A hard candy?”
Dorothy: “No.”
Sophia: “A Tic Tac?”
Dorothy: “Does it say Kmart on the back of my nightgown??”
Sophia: “As a matter of fact it does you cheapskate.”

Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “I don't need a blood test to tell me who my mother is. A mother is someone who raises you and loves you and is always there for you. I don't need any more proof than that.”
Sophia: “Me neither. I raised her, and I was the one who got her through that awkward period. The 50 toughest years of my life.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “You know Rose, all that dancing has just done wonders for me. I feel so energized. I feel so alive. I feel like working this body up into a manic frenzy.”
Rose: “Well, great. We still have time to get to class.”
Blanche: “Oh who cares about class! The circus is in town. I say we go look up the Flying Fanelli Brothers.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Will the Boscos be staying with us, Sophia?”
Sophia: “Unless there's a bidding war with the neighbors.”
Rose: “Well, even if we lose, at least they'll be close by.”

Philomena: “After Gina take her blood test for her marriage we find out it is not possible she is related to us. At the hospital there must have been some mix-up.”
Blanche: “You mean they switched the babies??”
Dorothy: “Oh, but this is ridiculous.”
Rose: “Absolutely. We can prove it. Dorothy, show 'em your driver's license.”

What, We Can't Learn From History?
Rose: “Blanche, if you can't do a simple dance, how do you expect me to believe that story about you and the Flying Fanelli Brothers?”
Blanche: “That was all true. To this day I get flushed every time I pass a jungle gym.”
Rose: “Oh, come on, Blanche. That story is no truer than the one you told about you and Buzz in the lunar module.”
Blanche: “Oh, that does it. Rose, I would never lie about the US Space Program.”

Reel References
Blanche: “Dorothy, have you ever heard of something called dirty dancing?”
Dorothy: “Well, of course, Blanche. They did it in that movie.”
Rose: “What movie?”
Dorothy: “Lawrence of Arabia, Rose.”

Golden Quotes
Woman with coffee: “Hospitals. Nothing ever works the way it's supposed to.”
Dorothy: “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Just because a hospital vending machine screws up a lousy cup of coffee doesn't mean the hospital did anything wrong. Oh, sure, a mistake like getting two babies mixed up makes the headlines. But the point is - statistics back me up - hospitals are remarkably efficient institutions. I mean, seriously. How often does a hospital mix up two babies? Have you ever heard of such a thing?? WELL HAVE YOU???”
Woman with coffee: “Are you here for the methadone program?”

Rose: “I'm really looking forward to dance class today.”
Blanche: “I can see that. You're wearing your heat-seeking stretch pants.”

Blanche: “Hi, girls. This is not what it looks like.”
Sophia: “What they do is their business, but if I ever see your hand on Rose's behind it'll kill me.”


I am I the only who gets weirded out by the fact that Sophia leaves her blood test results ripped up on a table in the waiting room? Like isn't there important information on there? But I digress. One thing most Golden Girls fans always appreciate when it comes to this show is the parent-child relationship that is so well-developed between Sophia and Dorothy. If “Two Rode Together” was a great example of the chemistry between Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur, than “Foreign Exchange” proves it without a shadow of a doubt. The mother-daughter dynamic here is phenomenal without ever being overly sappy. This is truly one of my favorite episodes. When Gina shows up as the exact same height as Sophia, and in the same outfit and with the same purse it's such a hilarious bit of great casting and costuming. Dorothy being a nervous wreck while Sophia treats the situation calmly is simply great. Her teasing Dorothy about the test results is a perfectly dark moment with such a funny payoff. These two ladies must have been wizards because what they have on screen is magical. And let's not forget the dirty dancing subplot that obviously is only an excuse to get Rose and Blanche to dance together in neon colored stretch pants. It's a hilarious, fan-favorite moment. So many good moments and lines here, this is a real classic. GRADE: A

Monday, July 17, 2017

Rites of Spring S4E23

Synopsis: The girls prepare to get in shape before a friend’s upcoming beach party and reminisce about former diet and beauty regiments.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Rose: “Maybe I should've done my own hair. I've been doing it for years.”

Sophia: “That's why it looks like something you buy on a stick at halftime.”

That’s What She Said

Sophia: “Who wants to lick the spoon?”

Shady Pines, Ma

Dorothy: “Come with me. Remember the first week you were here, we put a mark on the back wall to measure how tall we were? You said they did that at the home to show how your height was declining.”

Lewd Ladies

Eduardo: “You are an earth mother. Sweet, compassionate, but bubbling with sensuality just below the surface.”

Rose: “Oh that's a relief. All this time I thought it was gas.”

Picture It

Sophia: “It's too bad we're not back home. There's no place like Sicily.”

Rose: “Why do you say that, Sophia?”

Sophia: “Because in Sicily I could solve this with one phone call.”

Blanche: “To whom?”

Sophia: “Nicodemo the Ugly. Whenever you wanted to look gorgeous at a party, you hired him to be your date.”

Blanche: “You mean women paid him to stand next to them at parties and look disgusting?”

Sophia: “Please. They paid through the nose. That's also how he usually gave them their change.”

Zbornak Zingers

Yvonne: “I know you'll love aerobics. It stretches every muscle in your body.”

Blanche: “Honey, I've been stretching this body for years.”

Dorothy: “Blanche, sticking your feet out of the sunroof of a Chrysler New Yorker doesn't count.”

Insult Watch

Blanche: “Dorothy, do you realize it's only two weeks till Phyllis Strickler’s Memorial Day beach party? That means there's only two weeks till we have to get back into bathing suits again. Well, I just slipped into last year's bikini and I think I look pretty good, but you give me your honest advice. Can I still pull it off?”

Dorothy: “Right now I'd be surprised if you could cut it off.”

Oh Shut Up, Rose

Rose: “Nice outfits girls.”

Dorothy & Blanche: “Shut up Rose!”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal
Dorothy: “Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Leg warmers??”
Yvonne: “Well, you need to keep your thighs warm. What are you using now?”
Dorothy: “Friction. That's why we're here.”

Product Placement

Yvonne: “When you told me you were serious, I took you literally. Just forget this stuff. Wear your sweats.”

Dorothy: “Oh, no no no, Yvonne. We want all that stuff.”

Blanche: “We do. We really do.”

Rose: “Well, I don't. I'm gonna stick with my sweat suit and my PF Flyers.”

Sassy Sophia

Blanche: “Prove it. Put your money where your mouth is.”

Sophia: “If there isn't already a sweet roll there.”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “What's wrong with the nice coed gym we just saw?”

Dorothy: “Come on now, Blanche, that was nothing but a pickup scene. People running around in skimpy outfits, collecting phone numbers.”

Blanche: “That's not true. I was not in a skimpy outfit and I got all these.”

Yvonne: “OK, then you'll need new gym bags, water bottles, vitamin packs, and most importantly, a sports training bra to minimize jiggle and bounce.”

Blanche: “Yvonne, honey, I think you're missing the whole point of having breasts.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

“Look, ladies, if you're serious about training, you want to get off on the right foot, starting with good workout shoes. Now, these are beautiful, and a bargain at $85.”

“$85? That's a bit exorbitant!”

“And expensive too.”

Dorothy: “Oh, that is so typical. All those swamis are just out for a buck. I mean they can't teach you anything that anyone with any common sense doesn't already know.”

Rose: “I didn't know that.”

Dorothy: “A visual aid.”

What, We Can’t Learn From History?

Sophia: “I got weighed this morning. I couldn't believe what I saw. 98lbs.”

Dorothy: “What do you usually weigh?”

Sophia: “99.”

Dorothy: “Ma, you lost one pound.”

Sophia: “Thank you, Rene Descartes. I’m looking for advice, not arithmetic.”

The Boob Tube

Blanche: “Oh, I'm feeling younger and sexier already. Dorothy, how do I look?”

Dorothy: “Like something that came out of the air duct of the starship Enterprise.”

Reel References

Eduardo: “You are a vixen. For you, I see a saucier cut. An Audrey Hepburn look. Simple, elegant, and something to accent these delicate features.”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “98 pounds. I can't remember the last time I weighed 98. Probably college.”

Dorothy: “Where'd you go to college, Blanche? The University of Jupiter?”

Eduardo: “All right, ladies. Whose hair do I wash next?”

Dorothy, Blanche, & Rose: “Mine!”

Blanche: “I'm first. I'm the dirtiest.”

Eduardo: “My dear, in many respects, styling hair is like making love. To do it well, one must have trust, respect and a chair you can pump up and down.”

Blanche: “I am your clay, mold. me.”

Eduardo: “You could be a Greek goddess.”

Dorothy: “Oh, go on, Eduardo. I said go on, Eduardo.”

Dorothy: “I've been talking about both of you. I mean, how could I chose between you two? You're both my best friends.”

Blanche: “Dorothy, how sweet. Oh, that just gives me a warm, tingly feeling all over. If you'll excuse me I, I'm gonna go slip under the covers and enjoy it.”


Whirly Birds!! Jackhammer!! Windshield Wipers!! Charley Horse!! Is it me or at this point in the series has the Amazing Kreskin been mentioned about four billion times? But I digress. I freaking love this episode. I could watch the absolutely hilarious and all-time fan favorite aerobics sequence with Yvonne a million times (I already have) and never get sick of it. The scene with Eduardo is great as well and features delightfully funny dialogue. The looks on their faces when they realize all Eduardo did was give them old lady hairdos is simply priceless. The third segment that deals with personality enhancement is sort of dull and somewhat foreshadows an entire future episode. The first two segments are so great it doesn't even matter if the third one is dull and boring, God did that to give the show some variety, according to Blanche. I like the episodes that feature these unseen vignettes because these standalone scenes work so well and feature sometimes hilarious bits of physical comedy. Rose not realizing Yvonne has a cramp is one of the many highlights of the naivete that is Rose Nylund. Now if you'll excuse me I've got to change into my PF Flyers. Note: I'm adding a new category called "What, We Can't Learn From History" to get all those classic quotes involving historical moments and figures. GRADE: A