Synopsis: Rose
becomes annoyed with Miles for being frickin’ frugal; meanwhile Blanche
is left in charge of Sophia while Dorothy leaves town on
a cruise.
90s Flashback
Rose: “Well, I
don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, what if he doesn't come back?
What if I've lost him? What if I turn into a lonely, old spinster and
never find love again?”
Blanche [reading
the paper, laughing]: “Look, Garfield caught a fish.”
Crazy Continuity
Is this supposed to
be the same Guido that she was married to just a few episodes ago in
“That’s For Me to Know?”
Musical Moments
Blanche: “Come on,
Rose. Just think about it. A delicious dinner at an elegant
restaurant. At night.”
Rose: “You mean no
coupons, Blanche?”
Blanche: “No
coupons, Rose.”
Rose: “Chefs who
don't wear pirate hats?”
Blanche: “Oh I
don't think so.”
Rose: “And he'll
pay for everything? I don't have to leave the tip?”
Blanche: “That's
right.”
Rose [singing]: “I'm
gonna cheat on Miles/I'm gonna to cheat on Miles!”
St. Olaf Vocab
Blanche: “Well,
you've always known Miles was frugal.”
Rose: “He's more
than frugal. He's frickin’ frugal.”
Blanche: “Why,
Rose!”
Rose: “It's a
Scandinavian term. Honest.”
…Until the Buffalo
Pooped
Blanche: “Let's
very quickly go over this checklist to see if you've packed
everything you're gonna need for your fun, fun, fun in the sun.
Nausea pills?”
Dorothy: “Took
‘em.”
Blanche: “Okay.
Seasick skin patch?”
Dorothy: “Wearing
it.”
Blanche: “Okay.
Those tiny little stop-you-up tablets that I got for my visit to
Mexico?”
Dorothy: “The
bottle was empty.”
Sophia: “Uh-oh.”
That’s What She
Said
Miles: “I ate
before we came.”
Animal Alert
Dorothy: “Now
look, as for instructions… Ma is to be fed twice a day. Walk her
after her second meal. And don't give her anything liquid after 10.”
Sophia: “Hey, what
is this? You're talking about me like I'm an animal. (sniffing
Blanche) You've been with a man, haven't you?”
Shady Pines, Ma
Blanche: “You
know, Sophia, finding this list was a sign. You must make things
right with that man. Now, go to your room and write him a long
letter. Make your words thorough, honey. Make them fearless. Don't
stop till you have said everything. Take two or three days if you
have to.”
Rose: “Thank you,
Blanche. You're a good friend.”
Blanche: “I just
wish Sophia were my mother. Then I could put her in Shady Pines.”
Lewd Ladies
Blanche: “Have a
wonderful time. And listen, don't forget to moan. Helps keep a man
focused.”
Dorothy: “Oh
God...”
Blanche: “Just
like that.”
Picture It
Blanche [reading
Sophia’s list]: “Three, ‘Make amends with Guido Spirelli.
Who's Guido Spirelli?”
Sophia: “Guido
Spirelli was my first husband in Sicily. It was an arranged marriage
I had annulled. I left him a broken man. And I vowed one day I would
make amends.”
Zbornak Zingers
Dorothy: “Now
listen, honey, while I'm gone, I'm putting you in charge of Ma.”
Blanche: “Me??
Why, why me and not Rose?”
Dorothy: “Rose
couldn't keep our rock garden alive.”
Product Placement
Rose: “You mean I
can have another Diet Coke?”
Guy from Texas: “Of
course you can, darlin'.”
Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “Sophia?
Sophia? Are you all right?”
Sophia: “I'm okay.
I'm okay. But that antique chest of Dorothy's? She's not gonna like
what you let me do to it.”
Blanche: “You just
listen to what I'm tellin' you. You live under my roof, you live
under my rules.”
Sophia: “Ah, live
under this.”
Best of B.E.D.
Rose: “It's Miles.
Lately he's gotten I don't know, really tight, and I hate it.
Blanche: “Oh?
Well, I'm just the opposite. I love a tight man. Tight man with
cast-iron pecs, thighs that could choke a bear, butt you could eat
breakfast off of. Then the two of us would- Rose, when did you get
in?”
Rose: “Blanche,
I've been here the whole time. I was telling you about Miles being
tight.”
Blanche: “Oh I
love a tight man! A tight man with cast-iron pecs, thighs-”
Rose: “No, tight
with money. He's cheap!”
Blanche: “Oh,
tight with money? Dump him.”
From Feud to Food
Miles: “Come on,
Rose. Admit it. Wasn't it worth a trip to the bad part of town?”
Rose: “That guy
almost got my purse, Miles!”
Miles: “Almost
doesn't count, Rose. How about those Cajun drumsticks? Oh, I can
still smell those Cajun drumsticks.”
Rose: “I'm not
surprised, you put one in each pocket.”
Rose: “I didn't
mean to eat behind your back.”
Miles: “I was
gonna take you to a lovely restaurant tomorrow night.”
Rose: “I know.
Cap'n Sam's Twilight Two-For-One Special. A nice piece of perch, your
choice of potatoes or rice.”
Miles: “Oh, yeah.
I see you conveniently left out the generous helping of slaw.”
Blanche: “Oh boy,
there's just nothin' like startin' out the day with a big pile of
eggs and cinnamon toast. Oh, damn, almost forgot. The old lady's got
to eat.”
What, We Can’t
Learn From History?
Sophia: “Hey, Mr.
Occupato, what are you doing in there, painting the Sistine Chapel?”
Literary
Intelligentsia
Miles: “You hum,
Rose.”
Rose: “I hum?”
Miles: “Softly,
happily, incessantly. Rose, I come over in the morning, and you hum
as you're cleaning the house: [humming]”
Rose: “It's free
music, Miles. I'd think you'd like that.”
Miles: “God forbid
we get into an elevator where there's Muzak.”
Rose: “You've made
your point. I hum.”
Miles: “Boy, do
you hum!”
Rose: “Listen,
Scrooge!”
Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “Now, Ma,
you're gonna do what Blanche tells you?”
Sophia: “Yeah.”
Dorothy: “You're
not going to give her any trouble?”
Sophia: “No.”
Dorothy: “You're
gonna be Blanche's little helper?”
Sophia: “Yes.”
Dorothy: “I love
you.”
Sophia: “I love
you, too. Goodbye, pussycat. [Dorothy leaves] Fasten your seat
belt, slut puppy. This ain't gonna be no cakewalk!”
Blanche: “1920.
Well, Sophia, you wrote this. ‘Things I Want To Accomplish Before I
Die.’”
Sophia: “The list!
The list! You've found my list! Oh, Blanche, read it to me. Those
were my dreams, my goals.”
Blanche: “Number
one, lose 200 pounds.”
Sophia: “Done it.”
Blanche: “Number
two, never be burden to children in old age.”
Sophia: “Moving
on...”
Rose: “Last time I
had champagne, Miles and I crashed a bar mitzvah. By the way,
Blanche, you have a large tuchus.”
Blanche: “That
better mean bosom.”
Blanche: “Rose,
this is terrible! What do you think Dorothy's gonna do? Remember what
she was like when you lost her keys?”
Rose: “She
uprooted a mighty sequoia.”
Blanche: “Of
course, on the other hand, she is off on a romantic cruise, so maybe
he'll fall in love with her and she'll come home happy. I'm a dead
woman.”
Angelo: “Sweets
for my sweet. Flowers for my flower, and cigarettes for after.”
Blanche: “Angelo,
what are you doing?”
Angelo: “May I
quote what you said on the phone? ‘Angelo, I need you. Come over,
quick. Sophia's not here.’”
Blanche: " I--I
didn't mean it that way.”
Angelo: “Are you
telling me I shaved my shoulders for nothing?”
Blanche: “As much
as that does sweeten the pot--”
Blanche: “Sophia
is missing and you are my last hope. I've already tried calling
Sicily's Department of Missing Persons. They just laughed at me.”
Angelo: “You
called Missing Persons in Sicily? You got it wrong. You call them to
lose somebody.”
Rose: “You know,
it's kind of nice not having to holler your order into the clown's
mouth. The trout amandine looks nice, doesn't it?”
Miles: “The trout?
Well, I'm, I'm not sure. Uh, oh, yes, yes! Yes, it does. Good.
Mmm-hmm. That chateaubriand that couple over there is eating looks
even better.”
Rose: “Then,
Miles, have it.”
Miles: “I
couldn't. I think they're gonna finish it.”
Rose: “Your own,
Miles. Order your own.”
Dorothy: “But
before I tell you about my weekend, I want to hear all about yours.”
Sophia: “You're
looking at it. All I did was sit. Blanche was all over me like a
cheap slut.”
Rose: “I think you
mean suit.”
Dorothy: “Not
necessarily.”
Critique:
Who else thinks the producers were testing the waters at this point
to see what the show would be like without Bea Arthur? Cause this is
the second episode this season in which Bea literally shows up for 3
minutes of screentime and it shows. This is a completely fine Season
7 episode: it has plenty of classic, funny lines, has some great
gags, and we get to see “Sicily” for the first (and only) time.
So, how many arranged marriages did Sophia have exactly? But I
digress. Blanche having to “babysit” is actually a pretty funny
concept as we all know how mischievous Sophia can get. Her slut puppy
line is a classic moment. And then there’s the B story about Miles
being frickin’ frugal. I wonder if he ever did live to be 100? I’m
not so sure why Rose made a big deal about the guy almost getting her
purse. She could of kneed him in his safe deposit box. Overall this
episode is funny and grounded (by season 7 standards) and we get to
see Sophia and Blanche riding a donkey so there’s that. And finally, does anyone else want to see Dorothy uproot a mighty sequoia like now? Fun fact:
This episode also marks the first official time that the end credits
contained an extra scene and not just a still image (and no the
weather report end credits in the previous episode didn’t count).
GRADE: B+
