Synopsis: Stan’s
brother Ted comes to visit and Dorothy has feelings for him. Meanwhile, Rose is
suffering from insomnia.
80s Flashback
Blanche: “Try counting sheep.”
Rose: “I can't count sheep, I'm allergic to wool. I got to 23
and I broke out in hives. That's when I started counting the members of the
Jackson family. Michael, Janet, LaToya, Tito… And then there's Stonewall
Jackson but I don't remember him on the Victory Tour.”
Let’s Get Political
Rose [wearing a nightgown]: “It’s nice meeting you Ted, but I
have to go to work.”
Ted: “Oh what do you do?”
Dorothy: “She’s Gary Hart’s campaign manager. It doesn’t pay
much, but you don’t have to get out of bed to do it.”
Crazy Continuity
Sophia says she didn’t know Dorothy was pregnant until four
days after Dorothy’s wedding but in most episodes it’s understood that Dorothy
married Stan BECAUSE she was pregnant.
Also, Rose says she can’t count sheep because she’s allergic
to wool, but in a later makes references to her wool skirts.
That’s What She Said
Ted: “Have you checked your thermostat?”
Blanche: “Why don’t you check it for me?”
Lewd Ladies
Stan: “I have a surprise for Dorothy.”
Sophia: “What, now that you’re off the blood pressure
medicine, it’s working again?”
Zbornak Zingers
Dorothy, to an entire restaurant: “Ladies and gentlemen, may
I have your attention please. The gentleman at table five in the blue suit is
impotent. Bon appetit!”
Insult Watch
Rose: “Oh I get it, play dumb, I can play dumb.”
Sophia: “Play? You could manage the team.”
Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “After all, Ted is just a doctor and a pillar of his
community. While on the other hand, you were the king of padded toilet seats.”
Stan: “Hey, they sold real well for a while; even put our
daughter through college.”
Sophia: “They got me through some tough times too.”
Back in St. Olaf
Blanche: “Have you tried drinking warm milk before going to
bed?”
Rose: “No, I can't drink warm milk. It reminds me of the time
Cousin Enoch fell into the vat of milk at the dairy… In fact, it began the
annual tradition of the St. Olaf milk diving tournament. I won three times in
the low fat division. Eventually they discontinued the event when several
spectators were caught dipping their Oreo cookies in the winner’s swim trunks.”
Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “Why do men have to put up false pretenses?”
Sophia: “This from a woman who wears more padding on her
chest than Johnny Bench.”
Product Placement
Blanche: “You know that attorney I've been dating? I caught
him handling melons at the A&P.”
Dorothy: “And I take it they weren't yours?”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Well what's your hurry? Why don’t you come in for a
nightcap.”
Ted “Oh I don't wanna put you out.”
Blanche: “Well I like to put out. I mean, it’s no trouble.”
Literary Intelligentsia
Dorotohy: “Honey, where did you come from?”
Blanche: “Oh I was hiding behind the drapes.”
Dorothy: “What is this, Hamlet??”
The Boob Tube
Sophia: “Don't mind me. The best of Carson is coming on.”
Blanche: “In here?”
Sophia: “No, Blanche, in Hollywood, but they pipe it through
these little wires and it comes out here.”
Reel References
Dorothy: “I didn’t do anything wrong, Ted and I just talked
last night.”
Sophia: “Right and The Godfather made all his money selling
olive oil.”
Golden Quotes
Stan: “What about me babe?”
Dorothy: “Go hug a landmine.”
And:
Rose, half asleep: “Oh Blanche, you’re not a terrible person.
You’re just horny all the time.”
And of course:
Dorothy: “Blanche, have you heard the latest ad campaigns?
Join the Navy, see the world, sleep with Blanche Devereaux? Join the Army, be
all you can be, and sleep with Blanche Devereaux? The Marines are looking for a
few good men who have not slept with Blanche Devereaux!”
Blanche: “Just what are you trying to imply?”
Dorothy: “Slut!”
Blanche: “Trash!”
Rose: “Now girls, settle down before you say something you'll
both regret.”
Critique: We’re all convinced that Sophia’s Sicilian sleeping potion is just
Pepto-Bismol right? Anyways, whenever I watch this episode I feel iffy about it
because the scenes with Ted aren’t very interesting and then I realize there
are some truly great moments in this episode, even if the plot isn’t all that
special or memorable. The sight of Sophia about to knock Rose unconscious with
a sauce pan is simply priceless, as is her defense, “I was making a soufflé and
it got away from me!” Rose’s insomnia storyline (it turns out Rose doesn’t know
the difference between calcium and caffeine) gives Betty some truly great
moments as she acts zombie-like throughout the episode. It even ends with a
hysterical bit of physical comedy that finds Bea Arthur falling to the floor, a
sight that is one of my favorite physical gags of the series and is almost as
good as Patrick Vaughn tossing Dorothy to the ground. [Note: In honor of the upcoming Barbara Thorndyke episode I'm introducing a new category called 'Literary Intelligentsia' for all book, play, and other literary references] GRADE: B+
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