Synopsis: While
volunteering at the hospital Rose finds her biological
father; Sophia has a hernia operation.
Musical Moments
Rose: “Sophia,
where have you been?”
Blanche: “What are
you doin' on this elevator?”
Sophia: “I'm into
easy listening, how the hell should I know?”
St. Olaf Vocab
St. Olaf Fun Pack –
a box filled with gum, a bar of soap, and sock puppets
Shady Pines, Ma
Dorothy: “Honey, a
trip to the hospital is the best thing for you.”
Sophia: “Do you
think I'm stupid? This scam has 'Shady Pines' written all over it.”
Dorothy: “Ma, be
serious.”
Sophia: “Come on,
we're all adults here. I see the way you've been eying my bedroom.
Wouldn't a wet bar go great where the old lady is?”
Lewd Ladies
Rose: “Oh, what a
day this has been. I found my father. You found your mother.”
Blanche: “And I
found you can't give a sponge bath without the patient's consent.”
Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “Sophia's
practically my mother too. If we don't find her, I don't know how I'm
gonna respond. But I'd like to think I'm not gonna be any less sexy.”
Dorothy: “You're
just a great big pile of estrogen, aren't you?”
Tales from the Old
South
Blanche: “You know
Rose, I'm luckier than you 'cause I had a father, a wonderful father
whom I loved dearly. But right now you have an opportunity I would
give anything for, just to have ten minutes more with Big Daddy. Oh,
to hear that sweet old husky voice once more; 'They're admittin' who
to my country club?'”
Rose: “Aw, there's
a difference, Blanche. That bigot was there for you.”
Product Placement
Blanche: “Oh,
Dorothy, good God. You were cleaning out the garage and you asked
Sophia to move a sofa?”
Dorothy: “Don't
start with me.”
Blanche: “I mean
she is 84 years old, and you're asking her to do the work of two
men?”
Dorothy: “It was
wicker, all right?”
Blanche: “And the
La-Z-Boy?”
Sassy Sophia
Rose [filling out
Sophia's forms]: “I'm OK. I can do this job without thinking. OK,
name?”
Sophia: “Zulu,
Queen of the Dwarf People.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Will you
wait a minute? You just walk so fast.”
Dorothy: “I am in
a hurry.”
Blanche: “It's not
sexy. Well, it's not. A woman should take little delicate steps as if
to say, 'Yes, I may be slower than you, but maybe I'm worth waitin'
for.'”
Sweet,
Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “My mother,
did you love her?”
Brother Martin:
“Yes, very, very much. But then the abbot found out.”
Rose: “Bud Abbott?
Brother Martin:
“Sure'd be nice if you got one of these right. No, Rose, the
abbot.”
Dorothy: “Rose,
maybe you can help. We're searching the whole hospital. We can't find
my mother.”
Rose: “Maybe she's
lost.”
Brother Martin:
“Attagirl, Rose. You finally got one!”
From Feud to Food
Brother Martin: “I'd
like your forgiveness.”
Rose: “I don't
know. Lime Jell-O with pears or fresh lemon meringue pie?”
Brother Martin:
“Pie.”
Rose: “We don't
have any. We never did. Now we're even.”
Dorothy Zbornak is
My Spirit Animal
Dorothy: “It is
the middle of the night. My mother is missing. I am scared to death
and I'm trying to find a doctor. You'll have to excuse me if I don't
have the rolling gait of a nymphomaniac.”
Reel References
Rose: “OK, let's
just fill out these forms. Your name?”
Brother Martin:
“Brother Martin.”
Rose: “Occupation?”
Brother Martin: “I'm
a monk.”
Rose: “Oh good. I
almost wrote down 'Trekkie.'”
The Boob Tube
Brother Martin:
“Excuse me, but do I know you? You look awfully familiar.”
Rose: “I get that
a lot. People say I look like Wilma Flintstone. Not when she was on
the air. More the way she looks today.”
Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Hi,
Rose. How's it going?”
Rose [as sock
puppet]: “Hi, Blanche!”
Blanche: “God, I
hate morning people.”
Dorothy: “Oh
honey, do we have any orange juice?”
Rose: “Sure. Would
you like me to pour you a glass or have Sophia come in and bring
you the refrigerator?”
Dorothy: “Enough.”
Sophia:“Pussycat,
I moved that safe to the attic like you asked me to. Can I have food
now?”
Bother Martin: “What
do you know about your father?”
Rose: “There was a
rumor that he was a clown with Ringling Brothers, but I never
believed it. Just seemed too much to hope for.”
Blanche: “There's
a very handsome doctor coming this way. Dorothy, listen, if he walks
by, just pretend we're having a conversation and casually mention my
unparalleled ability to satisfy a man.”
Dorothy: “You
don't think he's read the men's room wall?”
Blanche: “Apparently
not.”
Rose: “You're not
going to believe it. I just met my father, my natural father.”
Blanche: “He's
alive?”
Dorothy: “He's in
Miami?”
Sophia: “He's an
earthling?”
Rose: “Oh, here,
Sophia, just sign this. I'll fill it in later. It's a standard
consent form, releasing the hospital of responsibility. Like if
you're missing any jewelry or they kill you.”
Sophia: “I'm not
gettin' out of here alive.”
Sophia: “What
brings a guy like you up here?”
Man on gurney: “A
lunatic. I'm a police officer. See, I was working a political rally
at the Civic Center when this madman pulls out a revolver and starts
blasting away from the roof. I took a bullet pulling a baby carriage
out of the line of fire. How 'bout you?”
Sophia: “Same.”
Blanche: “Have you
found her?”
Dorothy: “Oh, yes
Blanche. About a half-hour ago. But now I've hidden her again, so you
can find her.”
Brother Martin:
“Rose has told me all about you two. I know it's a little late for
me to start acting like a father, but do you think you two could stop
hitting my little girl with the newspaper?”
Dorothy &
Blanche: “We'll try.”
Dorothy: “I never
thought I'd be looking for my mother in the morgue. Oh, I can't
believe, you know, the last words I said to her were, 'Shut up,
Zulu!'”
Critique:
I love how Rose
finally accepts that her natural father is going to be in her life
and yet we never see or hear from him again. Maybe he didn't want
grandchildren or great-grandchildren after all. Or maybe he got food
poising from the halibut like in “Airplane!” and died. But I
digress. So how dark is Dorothy's fantasy parents story? She wanted
Amelia Earhart to be her mother so THAT SHE COULD GO MISSING AND SHE COULD BE
ALL ALONE WITH HER DAD ERROL FLYNN. I digress again. Anyways, this is a decent
episode. I do enjoy it because it's filled with many classic
lines. It introduced the world to Zulu, Queen of the Dwarf People, a
gag that they milk for all its worth. The storylines, however, leave
a little to be desired. I get why the writers would want to focus on
Rose's parents since it's revealed in “You Gotta Have Hope” that
Rose was adopted: it's season six and there are only so many plots to
cover with these four ladies. Enter veteran actor Dom Ameche (Who had
quite a career resurgence after winning an Oscar for “Cocoon” a few years prior)
as Brother Martin, Rose's biological father. Sure, it's a helluva
coincidence that Rose's father would show up in Miami, AND be an
earthling. I've always found Sophia's hernia B plot to be more entertaining even
if it feels insignificant. Dorothy and Blanche running around the
hospital looking for Ma is pretty silly stuff but it leads to
plenty of good jokes and gags such as Sophia thinking the elevator is
heaven. And for the record she's on Medicare, not Lloyd's of London.
GRADE: B
