Synopsis: Sophia
works as Activities Director at Cypress Grove Retirement Home, but
it’s just a clever ruse by Dorothy; Blanche and Rose are recruited
to model for a Penny Saver flyer.
80s Flashback
Rose: “So life
threw the dumb country girl a crumb for once. I mean, you're sexy and
beautiful all the time. Let's face it. You have Bette Davis eyes…
and Freddy Krueger hands.”
90s Flashback
Sophia: “Oh, look
who's here. Everybody remembers my daughter Dorothy. Or maybe you
know her by her Indian name, ‘Dances With Nobody.’”
Musical Moments
Sophia: “You put
your right foot in. Come on, get 'em in… get 'em in. You take your
right foot out. Let's go. Let's go. You put your right foot in and -
Hurry up, or we'll never get to the part where you shake it all about
on purpose. You do the Hokey Pokey…”
Dorothy: “Oh God.
They got into the medication.”
Let’s Get
Political
Dorothy: “Oh,
Blanche, haven't you had enough problems with photographers? Remember
the last time? Sure, the pictures turned out fine, but it cost your
friend his party's nomination.”
Take Me Out to the
Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “Can you
believe it? This is the most humiliating thing that's ever happened
to me.”
Dorothy: “Ah, how
quickly you forget the 1964 Tokyo Olympics.”
Blanche: “Big
deal. 80,000 people had to wait twenty minutes. The torch eventually
got there, didn't it?”
Animal Alert
Dorothy: “Where
have you been?”
Blanche: “Well my
plan with the truck drivers didn't work, thanks to Little Miss
Strait-laced here, so I have been in every front yard in a six-block
radius gettin' these Penny Savers from the paperboys.”
Rose: “She was a
woman possessed, Dorothy. Caught some on the fly, scaled a couple of
roofs. And she had a brilliant idea how to avoid guard dogs.”
Dorothy: “You made
her wear lamb chops again, didn't you?”
Blanche: “It's not
like they slow her down.”
Shady Pines, Ma
Dorothy: “Ma, look
at this place. It's lovely.”
Sophia: “Don't get
any ideas, Pussycat.”
Dorothy: “I'm not
getting any ideas, Ma.”
Sophia: “You're
scheming. Remember Shady Pines, Dorothy? ‘Honest, Ma, this is the
way to the new Dairy Queen.’”
Sophia: “Shady
Pines - now, there's a home. Luxury suites, tennis tournaments. Want
a massage? Dial nine. And the food. The filet mignon...”
Dorothy: “Oh,
really, Ma? Shady Pines had filet mignon?”
Sophia: “One.
They'd throw it in the pit and make us fight for it.”
Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “Hi,
Dorothy. Cooking?”
Dorothy: “No,
Rose, I'm developing pictures from the Magellan space probe.”
Insult Watch
Sophia [to Dorothy]:
“Some of those people stayed in front of that TV for eight straight
hours. Of course, throw in a bag of cheese corn, and I just described
your Saturday nights.”
Blanche: “Oh,
look, they have airbrushed liver spots all over us.”
Dorothy: “Tell me
about it. You guys look like you should be barking on the front seat
of a fire engine… I really would sue.”
Tales from the Old
South
Blanche: “I think
the worst part about getting older is that overwhelming sense of,
where did the time go? I mean was it really that long ago I was just
a little girl?”
Dorothy: “Oh, why
guess? Lift up your chin, and we'll count the rings.”
Blanche: “Dorothy,
I was about to share with you a significant memory from my youth. It
was the evening my mother gave birth to Clayton. In the spirit of the
happy occasion, Big Daddy and a few of his cronies tied one on and
went carousing through the streets of Atlanta, looking for some
trouble. Just then, as luck would have it, who rounded the corner but
two smart-mouthed New York lawyers. So, one thing led to another,
and, well, Big Daddy and his friends ended up sort of skimming them
across Higgins Pond. It was all in good fun. Least that was their
defense. Anyway, that was the night prohibition started.”
Dorothy: “Blanche,
prohibition started in the '20s.”
Blanche: “Oh, I'm
sorry. I meant probation. Big Daddy went on probation.”
Dorothy: “And, uh,
the point of this sordid song of the South?”
Blanche: “Just
that sometimes a daughter has to look after her own parent, as
unnatural as that may feel.”
Product Placement
Blan“Oh, girls, it
finally happened. The most wonderful thing happened to me at the drug
store today.”
Rose: “Oh no. Dr.
Scholl was there in person, and I missed it!”
Blanche: “Rose,
get new heroes.”
Sassy Sophia
Mr. Porter: “That's
Smokey. He fancies himself a ladies' man. Sort of the, uh, the
rooster of our little henhouse. Whatever you do, don't dance with
him. He'll put the moves on anybody.”
Sophia: “Uh
Smokey, I want you to meet my daughter.”
Dorothy: “MA!!”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “Well, it
wasn't unnatural in St. Olaf. We not only took care of our old
people, we revered them, honored them, put them on a pedestal.
'Course, that's how we got to be the broken hip capital of the
Midwest.”
Blanche: “That's a
beautiful story, Rose. Very inspirational.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Oh,
Rose, come here, sit down. Listen, I just got off the phone with the
Penny Saver. Now, I think I have an idea, OK? They have six delivery
trucks. By sheer coincidence, I know two of the drivers. I'm not
worried about them. They won't show my picture if I don't show
theirs. Now, as I see it, of the four remaining drivers, only Agnes
is a real problem. Now, Rose, here's a part of the plan you may not
like…”
Sweet,
Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Dorothy: “Like you
never told a lie?”
Rose: “That's
right. I've never told a lie. Well, just once, when I snuck out of
class to go to the movies.”
Dorothy: “That's
not much of a lie.”
Rose: “That's what
I thought. Turned out to be the day they taught everything.”
Dorothy: “The
final piece of the puzzle.”
Rose: “Can you
believe it? I'm beginning to think Blanche is hung up on her looks.”
Dorothy: “Boy, you
don't need lightning to strike you.”
Rose: “No, thanks.
Not again. Once was enough.”
Dorothy: “An extra
piece of the puzzle.”
Lesbian. Lesbian?
LESBIAN??
Blanche: “Now we
have to stop those Penny Savers. Come on let's go see if we can get
your hair greased back and find you a flannel shirt.”
From Feud to Food
Lucille: “Oh,
great, great party, Sophia, but where's the junk food?”
Sophia: “I've got
a great idea for free pizza. Let's call up that 30-minute pizza
place, tell them we're a bunch of college kids, and when the guy gets
here, one of us grandmas will open the door and say, “What took you
so long??’”
Dorothy Zbornak is
My Spirit Animal
Dorothy: “Now I
have to go to work, and I don't want you to worry about me. So I'm
going to say to you what you said to me the very first day you
dropped me off at school. ‘See if you can find someone who looks
clean to drive you home.’”
Blanche: “Do you
know what I think the worst part of getting older is?”
Dorothy: “Your
face? Rose's hands?”
What, We Can’t
Learn From History?
Sophia: “I haven't
had a paycheck since 1942, and then I blew it all on war bonds.”
Dorothy: “Well, at
least you got it back.”
Sophia: “No,
Italian war bonds. I fell for their slick advertising campaign: ‘Buy
Italian war bonds - the quickest, surest, fascist way to double your
money.’”
The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “Cypress
Grove has a great reputation. Did you see the story they did about it
on 60 Minutes?”
Sophia: “No.”
Dorothy: “Short
piece. It was just Mike Wallace saying, ‘Sorry I bothered you.’”
Reel References
Blanche: “I am
going to be a model. There I was, sitting at the lunch counter, and
just like Miss Lana Turner, I was discovered. Well, not exactly like
Miss Lana Turner.”
Rose: “You mean
she was sipping a soda and you were scarfing down your usual
lumberjack breakfast.”
Blanche: “Oh,
Rose. Silly, silly, water-retaining Rose.”
Golden Quotes
Dorothy: “Ma, you
wanna make a good impression? Matching shoes.”
Sophia: “They
should match my purse?”
Dorothy: “No, they
should match each other.”
Blanche: “Oh
girls, what a glorious day. I just feel so pretty and alive and young
as a teenager.”
Dorothy: “Oh,
that's terrific, Blanche. By the way, you got a phone call this
morning from your grandson. He got his driver's license.”
Dorothy: “Ah, Mr.
Porter. I'd like you to meet your new activities director, my mother
Sophia Petrillo.”
Mr. Porter:
“Activities director?”
Dorothy: “Oh
surely you remember the conversation we had last – [covering
Sophia’s ears] DO THIS FOR ME YOU PROMISED – Activities
director...”
Mr. Porter: “Oh,
of course I remember.”
Sophia: “Hi,
everybody. I'm your new activities director.”
Cypress Grove lady:
“What's your name, honey?”
Sophia: “Sophia.”
Cypress Grove lady:
“Sophia, move it. You're blockin' the TV.”
Sophia: “Tough
room.”
Blanche: “Oh. I
have had it with you. I'm going to my room, and I may never come
out.”
Rose: “Is it the
weekend already??”
Blanche: “Afternoon,
Dorothy. My, don't you look lovely today?”
Dorothy: “Why,
thank you.”
Dorothy: “Oh. And
don't you look, uh, beautiful, vivacious, exquisite and, uh, uh let's
see. Breathtaking?”
Blanche: “Dorothy,
you know, at some point I'm going to have to start questioning your
sincerity. When we get to that point, I'll let you know.”
Rose: “Imagine.
These hands, that once reached inside a chicken for a breech birth,
will soon grace the pages of a Penny Saver.”
Dorothy: “You've
come a long way, baby.”
Sophia: “We older
folks have to exercise our minds, too. And don't you forget it,
Gloria.”
Dorothy: “Ma,
Gloria is your daughter in California.”
Sophia: “Uh, I-I
knew that. A mere dramatization to make my point, uh… pal.”
Sophia: “I'm not
going to sit here while people are forced to throw in the towel. Have
you ever seen what happens to a person when their brain is allowed to
disintegrate and their minds turn completely to mush?”
Blanche: “Dorothy,
it finally came - the advance copy of our PennySaver ad.”
Rose: “Bet my
hands are better looking than your face.”
Blanche: “Bet my
face is better looking than your hands.”
Dorothy: “Oh,
ladies, ladies, can't we settle this with pistols?”
Blanche: “Oh, my
God!!”
Dorothy: “What's
the matter, Blanche?”
Rose: “Oh, my
God!”
Dorothy: “Oh, come
on, no matter what – Oh my God! ‘Does your face look like this?
Do your hands look like this? You need Ponce de Leon Anti-Aging
Cream…I'd sue.”
Sophia: “Hey
everyone, it’s 10 o’clock. Do you care where you’re children
are?”
Everyone: “NO!”
Critique:
I refuse to believe that Shady Pines had tennis tournaments and gave
out massages. I do, however, believe they probably had one filet
mignon that they’d throw into a pit and make the residents fight
for it. In fact, I want to watch that fight right now. But I digress.
This is a great episode with many memorable moments. It’s hard to
believe that Sophia would even come near a retirement home, let alone
want to work for one. But I enjoy all her interactions with the
residents. Rose and Blanche’s B story about modeling in the Penny
Saver is memorable for several reasons. First of all, I love a good
Freddy Kruger reference. It really shows how much the Elm Street
series had seeped into the popular culture by this point. And I
really appreciate a good lesbian joke; who doesn’t wanna see what
Rose would of looked like with her hair slicked back and all tricked
out in flannel? (Let alone Blanche scaling roofs and Rose running
down alleyways, lamb chops dangling from her waste, being chased by
dogs.) And finally, the next time I’m in Hialeah I’ll be sure to
check out their cappuccino on Sophia’s recommendation. And of
course one of Cypress Grove’s residents is the same familiar
actress who played Sophia’s friend Lillian... talk about being
typecast. GRADE: A-
