Monday, May 9, 2022

One Flew Out of the Cuckoo’s Nest S7E25

Synopsis: In the series finale, Blanche’s Uncle Lucas comes to visit and she pawns him off on Dorothy. To get even with her, Dorothy and Lucas scheme to pretend to fall in love and get married. But then they fall in love for real. And the sex is so good they named it!

Musical Moments

Blanche, [thinking]: “Oh, look at her. I've never seen Dorothy look so happy. Okay, that once, but she didn't know I was watchin'. And she looks so beautiful. Oh, my God, if a woman with all my gifts is jealous of her, I can't imagine what a woman like Rose must be thinkin'.”

Rose, [thinking]:Hi-ho, the derry-o The farmer in the dell/The farmer takes a wife The farmer takes a wife.”

That’s What She Said

Dorothy: “What do you have in mind?”

Uncle Lucas: “Well, she jerked us around. Let's jerk her right back.”

Shady Pines, Ma

Dorothy: “Look, Lucas, no offense, but hardware doesn't sound terribly romantic. So when you come by tomorrow, why don't you tell Blanche that you took me to hear the Emerson String Quartet?”

Uncle Lucas: “I love it. Do you think they might buy that afterwards we frolicked in the ocean?”

Dorothy: “Oh, gosh, I haven't frolicked since... uh well, since... Since the day I dropped my mother off at Shady Pines. Coincidentally, that was the last time I did a cartwheel. It was a good day.”

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “Well, now to be honest, it is a little difficult for me. I mean, everything happened so fast. My God, you and Lucas probably haven't even slept together yet.”

Dorothy: “Blanche, don't be ridiculous. I mean, I know he's your uncle, but you have to realize that we're both adults and capable of a caring, warm relationship.”

Rose: “How was the sex?”

Dorothy: “So good we named it!”

Blanche: “You got everything you need?

Uncle Lucas: “Yeah, I guess so. Gonna be a great honeymoon. Me, Dorothy and Freddy Peterson.”

Blanche: “Who's Freddy Peterson?”

Uncle Lucas: “That's what we named it.”

Dorothy: “I have packed my last suitcase.

Uncle Lucas: “You ready, Dorothy?”

Dorothy: “Ready, Freddy.”

Uncle Lucas: “Dorothy, they know.”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “I don't know what to say!”

Dorothy: “Well, whatever you decide, make sure you start with ‘Aunt Dorothy.’”

Sophia: “Oh, pussycat, look at you. But to tell you the truth, I was hoping you'd use my wedding dress.”

Dorothy: “That's nice, Ma. As what? A hand puppet?”

Insult Watch

Rose: “If you ask me, Blanche, your Uncle Lucas is nothing but lonely. Desperate, pathetic, and lonely.”

Dorothy: “Right.”

Rose: “Hey, Dorothy, you two might just hit it off.”

Blanche: “Uncle Lucas is nothing of the sort. Dorothy, he is so excited about this date because I gave him a full description of you.”

Dorothy: “Well, I can understand that. I mean, women like me don't grow on trees.”

Sophia: “Too bad. We could use the shade.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “Ma, do you mind if we move Scrabble to Sunday?”

Sophia: “I'll live.”

Dorothy: “There's no need to be sarcastic.”

Sophia: “No, I mean it. I'm finally going to go out and live.”

Blanche: “How in the name of Mother Dixie can a woman named ‘Zbornak’ appreciate the majesty of Hollingsworth Manor?”

Sophia: “Sitting on the veranda with her mother.”

Blanche: And what makes you think the newlyweds are gonna welcome you on the premises?

Sophia: “What are you saying?”

Blanche: Uncle Lucas may not be as fond of nasty, hateful, life-scarring barbs as the rest of us are.”

Sophia: “And your point is?”

Blanche: “Dorothy and Lucas may not want you around.”

Sophia: “Say, there's a fly in the Metamucil.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “You know, Rose, I'm really enjoying this. You and I having a quiet cup of coffee together.”

Rose: “Me, too, Sophia. Because you know...”

Sophia: “I said quiet!”

Sophia: “So, you wanna be a Sophia? Okay. Lesson one. Criticism. I think it makes adult children stronger. It also makes them self-conscious, which I think is funnier. Okay, you're talking to your loved ones, complete this sentence. ‘I'm tired of spending time with you miserable...’ A. Gypsies. B. Bottom feeders. C. Howler monkeys.”

Rose: “Howler monkeys.”

Blanche: “Howler monkeys.”

Sophia: “The correct answer is... C. Howler monkeys!”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “Did anybody ever stop to think how all this makes me feel?”

Blanche: “Well, all right, Rose, how does it make you feel?”

Rose: “To be honest, a little bit like Mr. Snuffles.”

Sophia: “Blanche, would you mind? You're closer to the knife drawer.”

Rose: “One summer, when I was a little girl, Henrietta, our pig, gave birth to a litter of six. And the next day, my father won the annual St. Olaf watermelon-seed spitting contest and he brought home a prize piglet.

Blanche: “Mr. Snuffles.”

Rose: “Exactly.”

Sophia: “You're listening?”

Rose: “Anyway, I loved Mr. Snuffles. I watched him grow. I suffered with him. The way Henrietta's brood made him feel like such an outsider. It was an awful thing to see.”

Sophia: “Hey, hearing it is no walk in the park.”

Rose: “Mr. Snuffles never did get over his feeling of alienation. He grew fat and despondent. The last report we had on him, he stowed away in a truck to Chicago and tearfully surrendered himself to the Oscar Mayer people. I don't want that to happen to me, Sophia.”

Sophia: “We can't promise you that, Rose.”

Best of B.E.D.

Rose: “Blanche, it doesn't sound like a dilemma at all.”

Blanche: “You know, Rose, you're right. Family you can see any time. But a one-night stand only happens one night.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Blanche: “Girls, you will never believe what happened to me at the supermarket yesterday.”

Rose: “Um, you were in a real hurry and you needed to go through the express lane, but you had 25 items, so you went through three times. Once with ten items, once with nine items, and once with six items.”

Blanche: “No, Rose. What kind of a moron would do that?”

Uncle Lucas: “Dorothy, I know this sounds impetuous. I know we just met, but I'm at that stage in my life where I can't afford to waste time. Dorothy, I love you and I want to know. Will ya... Will ya...”

Rose: “I think he's gonna ask her out again!”

Lesbian. Lesbian? LESBIAN??

Rose & Blanche [hugging]: “Oh, I'm gonna miss you.”

Sophia: “I just love to watch you... Whoa! What is this? Wimbledon?”

What, We Can't Learn From History?

Uncle Lucas: “Dorothy, I didn't mean to intrude without calling, but I didn't sleep last night for thinking about you.

Dorothy: “Oh, no intrusion. I was afraid that I'd never see you again.”

Uncle Lucas: “Never see me again? I'd buy a julep for the ghost of General Grant before I'd let that happen.”

Dorothy: “Oh, I was hoping you'd say that.”

Sophia: “Now, listen, Johnny Reb. You marched through my front door a total stranger and asked for my daughter's hand in marriage without telling me two words about yourself.”

Uncle Lucas: “What do you wanna know?”

Sophia: “Do you have any money?”

Uncle Lucas: “Quite a bit, ma'am.”

Sophia: “Your mother, is she still alive?”

Uncle Lucas: “No.”

Sophia: “She is now.”

Uncle Lucas: “You're absolutely right. The columns must come down. The new Hollingsworth Manor should be red brick. Cape Cod. Blanche, I didn't know you were home. Haven't seen too much of you this trip, sugar plum.”

Blanche: “That's because you've been too busy Yankee Doodlin'.”

Dorothy: “Blanche, I'm sure you don't mean that. You'll feel differently when you come to the hoe-down we're throwing on the anniversary of Lee's surrender.”

From Feud to Food

Sophia: “Well, if it ain't the kinfolk!”

Dorothy: “Ma, where did you get that outfit?”

Sophia: “I bought it. Figured five Halloweens, it'll pay for itself. Hope you brought your appetite, young fella. I know you're gonna be pleased with the dinna. Corn pone, succotash, collard greens. And them's just the appetizers! A mess o' something. I'll skeer us up a mess o' something.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal

Dorothy: “Oh, look at this one. Scrunched-up little frown. Kind of reminds me of my mother.”

[smashes crab]

Sophia: “You know, I think he's just nuts enough to actually turn up at the wedding tomorrow.”

Dorothy: “You're a furry little gnome, and we feed you too much.”

Reel References

Sophia: “Con Dorothy into it.”

Blanche: “Conning Dorothy is a thought, but I don't know if I have it in me to do all the persuading, all the convincing, and... Oh, my God, is that Dorothy? Or Miss Lana Turner emerging from her morning toilette?”

Dorothy: “It's Lana with a message from Dorothy. Whatever the favor is, forget it.”

Dorothy: “Well, he was so thoughtful and considerate, affectionate...”

Blanche: “With whom?”

Dorothy: “With me. No, I had the time of my life last night. And even if he never calls again, at least we'll always have Don's Crab House.”

Sophia: “Ingrid Bergman had Paris, my pussycat has crabs.”

The Boob Tube

Sophia: “Cocktails!”

Dorothy: “Oh, how classy. A tribute to Hop Sing.”’

Final number of Neiman Marcus references throughout the show: 7

Golden Quotes

Uncle Lucas: “Are you kidding? A Brooklyn Italian living in Hollingsworth Manor?”

Dorothy: “But wait a minute. How did you know that I was a Brooklyn Italian?”

Uncle Lucas: “Oh, that's how Blanche refers to you in her letters.”

Dorothy: “Yes, she must be punished.”

Rose: “Oh, I think it's romantic. It's like something out of a '40s movie. Strong, handsome, daring, and now she's got a man!”

Rose: “I'm really enjoying this, sitting here, just the three of us, having quiet cup of coffee together.”

Sophia: “Me, too. Because we don't...”

Rose: “I said coffee! So, how does it feel?”

Sophia: “Shame. I feel shame.”

Rose: “Look, if anybody has a right to complain, it's me. When Dorothy gets married, think about this, she'll be a Hollingsworth. Lucas and Blanche are already Hollingsworth. Sophia will be a Hollingsworth-in-law. Everybody will be related but me.”

Sophia: “Now, that's what I call family planning.”

Uncle Lucas: “Dorothy... Dorothy, will you marry me for real?”

Dorothy: “For real?”

Uncle Lucas: “For real.”

Dorothy: “Oh, yes, Lucas. Oh, yes, oh, yes.”

Sophia: “Is it my stroke or did they do this already?”

Sophia: “Listen, Luke, I want you to know I don't feel like I'm losing a daughter. I feel like I'm gaining a sucker... son! Son. Where did that come from? Oh, the mind, huh?”

Uncle Lucas: “I can't wait to be your son.”

Sophia: “Oh, you are delightful. Such a gem. Here. Get yourself a girl tonight. We'll understand.”

Dorothy: “Ma, please. We're trying to have a private moment.”

Sophia: “Private, please. What's private? I diapered you.”

Dorothy: “Yeah, but you didn't diaper Lucas.”

Sophia: “I'd like to. Ah, listen to me, I'm as giddy as a 60-year-old.”

Dorothy: “We've all learned a lot from each other. Ma taught me life does not end because you've reached a certain age. And I've become much more comfortable with my sexuality because of Blanche. And Rose has taught me... Rose has taught me...”

Uncle Lucas: “It's not important.”

Dorothy: “No, wait, no, I can do this. Rose has taught me...”

Uncle Lucas: “Let it go.”

Dorothy: “I need some time with this. Anyway, because of them I feel that I'm ready to love you. A square knot! Rose taught me how to tie a square knot.”

Uncle Lucas “Pussycat, huh? Nobody's called me that since the Navy.”

Blanche: “Dorothy's not here right now.”

Rose: “Yeah. And if she was, what's the worst thing she could do to us?”

Blanche: “Right. Can she intimidate us?”

Rose: “Could she physically harm us?”

Blanche: “Can she make life miserable for us?”

Rose: “Blanche, she can do all those things.”

Blanche: “I know it. I know it.”

Dorothy: “All right, Stanley, the truth. Things have been going so well with Lucas I didn't want to deal with you. But, as Freud said, our beds are crowded. When I sleep with Lucas, I'm not alone. There's this phantom of you there, and he has the haunts of his prior relationships, and, well, I... I can't pretend you're not a part of me.”

Stan: “So, what are you saying, you slept with this guy?”

Dorothy: “Stanley, you're missing my point. We named it!”

Dorothy, [thinking[: “Oh, and there's Lucas. So handsome. So strong. And he's right here with me. Lucas, you can probably hear every word I'm thinking.”

Uncle Lucas, [thinking]: “Yes, Dorothy, I can.”

Reverend, [thinking]: “Remember, ‘ESP.’ Energy! Smile! Personality! They like me!”

Reverend: “Dearly beloved, we are assembled here in the sight of God and these witnesses to join this man and this woman in matrimony, to marry them husband and wife in both interest and destiny...”

Dorothy, [thinking]: “I'm here. I'm standing here and he's standing there. And I actually love him. I love the man. And not out of desperation. Dorothy Zbornak has finally conquered her desperation...”

Reverend: “Dorothy-”

Dorothy: “I DO!”

Blanche: “Dorothy, you don't have to say anything.”

Rose: “I mean, what can you say about seven years of fights and laughter. Secrets. Cheesecake.”

Dorothy: “Just that, uh, it's been very uh.. well, it's been an experience that I'll always keep very close to my heart. And that these are memories that I'll wrap myself in when the world gets cold and I forget that there are people who are warm and loving and...”

Blanche: “We love you, too. You’ll always be a part of us.”

Dorothy: “Your friendship was something I never expected in this point in my life and I never could have asked for a better surprise.”

Blanche: “That's how we feel, too.”

Dorothy: “I have to go.”

Rose: “Dorothy, is this goodbye?”

Dorothy: “I love you, always.”

Dorothy: “You’re angles. All of you.”

Dorothy: “You’ll always be my sisters. Always.”


This grand finale is a PERFECT episode of The Golden Girls. We get everything a good episode has, St Olaf stories, insults, references to Shady Pines, silly outfits, Rose being dumb, Blanche being selfish, Sophia being sassy, and Dorothy being sarcastic, and of course lesbian references. It sends the show off in style and grace and marries Dorothy off to Blanche’s uncle. Sure we’ve never met him before but it’s LESLIE GODDAMN NIELSEN. (Nielsen is one of several Airplane! alums to have appeared on the show including Peter Graves, David Leisure, and Ann Nelson) Bea and Leslie go perfectly together. All the jabs at Blanche and her crazy Southern ways are really fun. The way she reacts to Dorothy throwing a hoe-down in honor of Lee’s surrender is *chef’s kiss*! I’ve always enjoyed how the writers and producers ended the show. At the time there were really only a few stock ways to end a TV program. To either marry someone off, kill someone, or shut down the business of wherever the show was taking place. They almost killed Rose in the last one, and since the show didn’t revolve around a business (at least not yet), having Dorothy get married and leave the nest makes perfect sense. I’ve always wondered if Dorothy ever told Blanche that they were originally only joking? They obviously must have been confuse when Lucas proposed twice (but he probably would have anyways). I mean Sophia thought she was having another stroke. But I digress.

The episode is filled with classic lines, insults, and beautiful moments of poignancy. I love that Stan makes a return and he and Dorothy have a sweet moment. I guess I have to also talk about the DRESS. Yeah it’s pretty ugly but at this point it’s nothing less than ICONIC. Speaking of things that make you wanna cry, this finale makes me very emotional and every tear is earned. The show’s closing moments have me welling up Every. Single. Time. And I’ve watched this episode literally thousands of times. I’m pretty certain I cry at this scene more as an adult than I ever did as a teenager watching the Lifetime reruns. Even the way Sophia says “Goodbye my girls” to the Polaroid of Blanche and Rose gets me. The whole thing gets me. The way Dorothy back in through the door and then in from the back of the house – which is obviously a meta moment because it’s not a real house – is really wonderful. The way Rose turns around, expecting Dorothy to burst in through the kitchen door is cute. And that final hug and real tears on the actresses faces. It’s goddamn glorious and moving. Of course it’s odd that Rose and Blanche would still want to live with Dorothy’s almost 90 year old mother; it seems like a big responsibility, right? It’s not like they end up selling the house and buying a hotel together… GRADE: A

Note: And that concludes this meeting of the Hunka Hunka... uh, I mean my blog Oh Shut Up Rose. Today is May 9th, 2022 and it is the 30th anniversary of the airing of The Golden Girls series finale. I started this blog 7 years ago on September 14th, 2015 on the 30th anniversary of the pilot's airing. I want to thank all the little people for reading this blog. Thank you little people! But really, it's been an honor cataloguing the best quotes from the show and giving my opinions on every single episode. I hope you all had as much fun as I had writing it. And I hope you've enjoyed me photoshopping myself onto the Girls' faces. I hope it hasn't given you nightmares. You're angels, all of you. 



  1. Dorothy's final lines really are more moving than Susan Hayward's climactic speech in I Want to Live!

  2. You're ready to fly right out of here, aren't you? (I'm ready for my pie, now)