Synopsis: Rose
uncovers a photo of her husband Charlie in bed with Blanche; Dorothy
urges Sophia to have her hearing checked.
90s Flashback
Rose: “I'm talking
about this picture.”
Blanche: “Oh my
God, where did you find this? Oh, I'm so embarrassed. My hair, it
looks like a helmet... It's all bunched up and pointy. Honey, you
gotta burn this. I look like The Rocketeer.”
Crazy Continuity
It’s finally
revealed that Blanche’s married name initials spell BED (Blanche
Elizabeth Devereaux) but in the episode with Blanche’s Mammy she
calls her Blanche Marie Hollingsworth.
Also, this entire
episode revolves around Sophia not wanting to get her hearing checked
but in “The Impotence of Being Ernest” she says she can hear a
canary break wind in Lauderdale when her hearing aid is turned up to
ten.
Musical Moments
Dorothy: “I'll
drop the film off when I pick up our tickets to the Philharmonic
today.”
Sophia:
“Philharmonic?”
Dorothy: “Yep.
Beethoven's Sonata No. 29, one week from tonight, just you and me
under the stars. Ma, aren't you excited?”
Sophia: “I'm
lactating.”
Rose: “Say, where
is old Happy-pants?”
Dorothy: “She and
Ma went to the Philharmonic.”
Rose: “I thought
you were going to that.”
Dorothy: “Why
bother? It's not like I'd be able to enjoy it.”
Rose: “True. On
the other hand, Beethoven was also deaf, so you'd be hearing the
music the way he wrote it.”
Let’s Get
Political
Dorothy: “HI, MA.
HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU HAPPY TODAY?”
Sophia: “Oh, my
God, we're being bugged. Who is it? Immigration??”
Dorothy: “Ma what
are you talking about?”
Sophia: “Uh,
happy? Uh. I'm, uh, I'm happy, all right, happy to be a citizen of
the United States of America.”
Dorothy: “Ma, you
are a citizen.”
Sophia: “That's
right, Dorothy. As far as we know, I am a citizen, a citizen of the
US of A, uh home of presidents like, um, Ford, uh Lincoln.. Help me
out here, Dorothy.”
Dorothy: “Bush,
Ma.”
Sophia [talking into
a potted bush]: “Oh, and Reagan.”
Take Me Out to the
Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “Take it
easy, Rose.”
Rose: “How can I?
What do you think this makes me feel like?”
Dorothy: “What?”
Sophia [using
bullhorn]: “She said, ‘What do you think this makes me feel
like?’”
Dorothy: “Ma!”
Sophia: “It's out
of the park. Game over. I'm going to Disneyland.”
Rose: “How come
she gets to go to Disneyland?”
Shady Pines, Ma
Dorothy: “Listen
Ma, I made an appointment for you for 2:00 this afternoon. Either you
go and get your hearing checked, or I will make life miserable for
you.”
Sophia: Oh come on.
You said the exact same things to me before you took me to Shady...
I'll go pretty up.”
Lewd Ladies
Rose: “I'd
probably end up calling her a slut.”
Dorothy: “Oh, come
on. Honey, slut is a little harsh. I mean, Blanche isn't that
bad.”
Blanche [enters
limping]: “Oh my God, I can barely walk!”
Dorothy: “Although
slut does have a documentary feel to it.”
Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “Blanche,
you've been under more drunken sailors than... than...”
Dorothy: “Oh now,
Rose, don't drag me into this… a nautical toilet.”
Insult Watch
Rose [cleaning her
Exercycle]: “What do you think, Blanche? Am I through with my
cycle?”
Blache: “Well, I'd
say menopause is a pretty good guess. You're about as puffy as the
Pillsbury Doughboy.”
[Dorothy has her
arms held out in front of the Merry Christmas banner]
Sophia: “Oh, I'm
havin’ a vision. A religious vision. Oh God, it's so beautiful!”
Blanche: “Sophia
please, our Savior wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.”
Product Placement
Rose: “All right,
that's it. I'm sick of this. I am not puffy. And there's no
similarity between me and the Pillsbury Doughboy. Understand? None!
[Sophia tickles her stomach] HEHE!”
Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “Now, you
listen, Dorothy. I may not have your gift for word jumbles or your
ability to float or your way of making small children weep.”
Dorothy: “But?”
Sophia: “Or your
butt. Thank you. But there's one thing I do have.”
Dorothy: “Oh
what's that, Ma?”
Sophia: “Two
thousand shares of Xerox, which I bought at... My health. I've got my
health.”
Sophia: “It's not
a hearing aid that makes you old. It's what you're becoming by not
getting one. Think of what you're missing, all the things I hear. The
birds singing, the wind in the trees, the sound of the ticker tape
telling you Xerox has gone up to... my health. Did I mention I've got
my health?”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “Oh, look,
my bullhorn! Oh, this is the only thing I have left from my one day
as a Mountain Rangerette. Hey, you, get out of the pass. This is
avalanche country.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “You
know, I just don't understand it. How could I not remember Charlie?
Have I finally turned that corner? Have I finally become so jaded
that I can no longer put the name with the face? Oh, listen to me. He
was probably just lousy in bed.”
Sweet,
Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rope: “When I'm
upset, everything comes out wrong. Face it, Dorothy, I don't have
your quick wit, your conversation skills, your... Your way with...
with”
Dorothy: “Words?”
Rose: “Words.
Thank you.”
Until the Buffalo
Pooped…
Dorothy: “Hi, Ma.”
[Dorothy plays tone
on bullhorn]
Dorothy: “Aha!”
Sophia: “What,
Aha?”
Dorothy: “You
didn't hear that.”
Sophia: “Actually,
I was just trying to be polite, but since you brought it up, excuse
you.”
Dorothy Zbornak is
My Spirit Animal
Blanche: “Dorothy,
you're the one who's been talkin' about aging with dignity.”
Dorothy: “Not for
me. For her. I mean, look at her. The woman is hundreds of years old.
She should be carbon-dated.”
Reel References
Dorothy: “Look,
Ma, I am concerned. You're my mother. Can't you just check it out,
please?” [Sophia laughs]
Dorothy: “What are
you laughing at? I'm sorry. I thought you said, ‘I'm Mothra, giant
radioactive insect. REE-REE-REE!!”
Dorothy: “I
didn't, Ma.”
Sophia: “Too bad.
It was a good impression.”
Sophia: “Actually,
last night we went to see Dying Young. Terrific. I laughed till I
peed. And then I laughed at that.”
The Boob Tube
Blanche: “I never
met Charlie.”
Rose: “You not
only met him. You slept with him, just like you sleep with
everybody.”
Blanche: “I most
certainly do not.”
Rose: “Oh, come
on, Blanche. You've landed on your back more than… more than…”
Dorothy: “The
American Gladiators.”
Golden Quotes
Rose [sorting
coins]: “It's so hard to know what to leave here and what to put in
storage.”
Sophia: “What are
you doing, Rose?”
Rose: “Oh, I was
just going through the change.”
Sophia: “Well,
that explains the puffiness.”
Dorothy: “I picked
up this pamphlet on the four warning signs of hearing loss. I think
Ma may be having a problem… Warning sign number one, avoidance of
social activities. Number two, people who can't hear act forgetful.
Ma forgot about these tickets.”
Blanche: “Oh, that
was just an excuse. Sophia's not really getting forgetful.”
Sophia [entering
with an empty tray]: “Hot coffee! Coming through!”
Dorothy: “Number
three, they act cranky.”
Sophia: “Ah, the
hell with you. Get your own coffee.”
Dorothy: “Number
four, they usually laugh out of context.”
[Sophia laughs]
Rose: “What are
you laughing at?”
Sophia: “I'm
sorry. I thought you said, ‘My dog has no nose.’ Well, how does
he smell? Awful. Awful!”
Sophia: “Come on,
Dorothy, I'm kidding. I read that flyer you brought home. Every time
you get a pamphlet, I get that disease. And not just diseases. I
thought for a while I was a Jew for Jesus.”
Rose: “Hi,
Sophia.”
Sophia: “Shalom.”
Rose: “Why was
Charlie with that tramp if he didn't sleep with her?”
Dorothy: “Now,
come on. Blanche may be a little loose, but she's not a tramp.”
Blanche: “Okay,
here they are. The names of all the men I have dated since my husband
died.”
Dorothy: “What do
you know? The tramp keeps records.”
Rose: “If you
didn't sleep with any of the men in these journals, then how come it
says Bed on the cover?”
Blanche: “Oh, that
doesn't say Bed.”
Rose: “Right
there, it does.”
Blanche: “Oh,
silly, those are my initials. Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux.”
Dorothy: “Your
initials spell BED??”
Blanche: “Okay,
let's see. You said eight years ago, spring? That starts right here.
I'm gonna prove to you I am not a sexually indiscriminate person.”
Dorothy: “Or her
name isn't BED.”
Rose: “Wait a
minute. It says right there you slept with a traveling salesman.”
Dorothy: “Oh, in
fairness, it says that on her license plates.”
Blanche: “Rose,
you know I said I'm sorry. Can't you put yourself in my position?”
Rose: “Apparently
I'm not limber enough.”
[Rose looks at
Dorothy for approval]
Dorothy: “THAT was
good.”
Dorothy: “It
matters because it's a step I don't wanna take. Look, I don't mind
being divorced or having to struggle to pay my bills or having to eat
my weight in supplements every morning, but I will not do this. I
will not become an old person. [grabs shoulder] Ooo, rain's coming.”
Rose: “Charlie was
the most important man in my life, but as much as I cared about him,
I can't help but care about you too. You're like a sister to me, and
I can't throw that away, so, I forgive you for being a moralless,
emotionally needy, man-leech with an air bag in her headboard. And
I'm sorry I said you were insensitive.”
Dorothy: “Look,
here's Blanche in bed with Charlie, but this one's Blanche in bed
with a pontoon boat. Here's Blanche in bed with the big orange from
the Sunkist building, and here's Blanche in bed with the Country Bear
Jamboree. Honey, do you know what this means??”
Rose: “I sure do.
My God, you're an animal!”
Dorothy: “Rose,
these are double exposures!”
Rose: “Double
exposures??”
Dorothy: “Yes,
obviously Blanche took pictures with the camera over film that was
already in it.”
Blanche: “Well,
how strange! And what a great alibi for the future.”
Rose: “But wait a
minute. What were you doing taking pictures of yourself in bed?”
Dorothy: “You've
seen her Christmas cards.”
Sophia: “Oh,
you're beautiful. I told you, to me, you've always had the elegance
of a young Lauren Bacall.”
Dorothy: “Oh,
thank you, Ma… a young Bacall.”
Sophia “Amazing.
Sixty years old and she still falls for that young Bacall bit.”
Dorothy [shouting
from the other room]: “I heard that!”
Critique: Welcome to the wild and wacky 7th season.
Arguably one of the most divisive seasons among fans (some think the
show got too goofy and jumped the shark, while others prefer the
strong wacky, character-driven writing and antics). I do love the
seventh season but I admit that the show was obviously much different
than it was in its earlier seasons. The show was much more
slap-sticky by this point. There certainly weren’t many “important
issues” episodes. The writers just wanted to have fun at this
point and not make statements. This season opener is a fantastic
transition to the show’s final season. “Arrested Development”
creator Mitchell Hurwitz, who had joined the show in season 6, is
firing on all cylinders in this first episode. He has lots of fun
running gags, including the bit with Rose being puffy, great use of
the bullhorn prop, and outright clever writing (“Bush, Ma!”). The
thing is, this episode, like so many this season, feel like fan
service. New viewers can’t really watch these episodes and enjoy
them in the same way as someone who’s seen all the previous
episodes. But that’s sort of what happens when a sitcom reaches
this age: so many of the jokes only work if you’re familiar with
the characters (that is especially true with the murder mystery
episode coming up next). Having said all that “Hey, Look Me Over,”
despite it having inconsistencies (so is Blanche’s middle name
Marie or Elizabeth?), is a damn fine episode and offers plenty of
really funny moments and endlessly quotable lines (“Or her name
isn’t BED!”) GRADE: A-
via GIPHY
I always notice the muted audience response to a really great line: "our Savior wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit". Too many prudes? I mean, how can you beat dark humor mixed with a little jab at Christianity?
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