The Monkey Show - Part 1 S7E8

Synopsis: Dorothy’s sister Gloria who is newly poor comes to visit; Stan is dating a fake monkey named Fifi on doctor’s orders; Rose volunteers to help with a telethon to help save a lighthouse; meanwhile Sophia insists that a hurricane is a-comin’.

90s Flashback

“I always thought of us as the Gabors.”

“Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.”

“No, hear me out. I'm Jolie, the mother. Your sister Gloria, she's Zsa Zsa. And Eva Well, Eva was, of course, your brother, Phil.”

“I'm not a Gabor?”

“You're telling me. Listen, big news. Zsa Zsa's coming to town.”

Crazy Continuity

You can see previously see Fifi in the background of Dr. Halperin’s office in the sixth episode of this season “Mother Load.”

Musical Moments

Man auditioning: “But how can you thank someone/Who's taken you from crayons to perfume?/It isn't easy, but I'll try/To Sir, with love”

Blanche: “Oh, bravo! Bravissimo! Encore! Encore! Date me!”

That’s What She Said

Dorothy: “I have a place for your monkey, Stan.”

Animal Alert

Stan: “Hi. It's me, Stan.”

Rose: “And who's that good-looking monkey with you?”

Stan: “Don't be condescending. I know it's silly, but it's doctor's orders. It's just a tool to help me get over Dorothy.”

Rose: “Can I hold him?”

Stan: “Are your hands clean?”

Zbornak Zingers

Dorothy: “Ma, even if there is a hurricane a-coming.”

Sophia: “Don't patronize me.”

Dorothy: “I'm not patronizing you. I'm a-mocking you.”

Insult Watch

Gloria: “What is it you do again, Dorothy?”

Dorothy: “I'm a substitute teacher.”

Gloria: “Oh, no, I'd be a real teacher.”

Dorothy: “I am a real teacher.”

Gloria: “Oh, look, Ma. Her ears are starting to get all red. Someone's getting maaaad!”

Best of B.E.D.

Rose: “You'd turn the telethon into a disgusting manhunt.”

Blanche: “A disgusting manhunt. What a great idea! Oh, see, we'll all get dressed in little safari outfits, and we'll have the men in cages. Then we'll let them out and they'll all run around in loincloths. And every man who gets caught will donate $50, and then we'll get to take them home with us.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Blanche: “Oh, you’re back from your session early, was it as cathartic as you thought?”

Dorothy: “Well, I don’t know if cathartic is the word.”

Rose: “You should do what I do. I find if I repeat a word that's confused me, I look smarter than I really am. Like, ‘Was it cathartic?’ ‘Oh, I've had a catharticism.’ ‘Of course, I'm not the type to kiss and cathartirize.’”

Stage manager: “Ma'am, we really do need some female acts. Uh, you might want to tell your friend not to be so capricious with her judgments.”

Rose: “Ah, yes, indeed. For, as we all know, it's the capricious person whose capriciosity is never truly caprified.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal

Dorothy: “It's so hard to dress for a psychiatrist. You wear black, they think you're depressed.

You wear red, they think you're angry.”

Blanche: “You wear a negligee, they think you want to sleep with them.”

Dorothy: “Why aren't you arrested more?”

Gloria: “I'm sorry I'm late.”

Dorothy: “Oh, no, I understand. Buses.”

What Do I Look Like, a Cross-Dresser?

Blanche: “You don't know what it's like to have a husband die and leave you with nothin'. Just a closet full of suits that you spend the rest of your lonely life tryin' to get rid of. [looking at Dorothy] What are you, anyway, a 42 regular?”

Reel References

Sophia: “Hurricane supplies, coming through.”

Rose: “What makes you so certain about the storm, Sophia?”

Sophia: “Because I'm old. I know. I've seen everything twice. Except Bonfire of the Vanities. Oof”

Golden Quotes

Dorothy: “Ma, what are you doing?”

Sophia: “Filling sandbags, Dorothy. There's a hurricane a-coming.”

Dorothy: “A-coming??”

Sophia: “That's right. People only use the ‘a’ when a really big storm is a-coming or a-brewing. So grab a sack and start a-shoveling.”

Sophia: “Dorothy, when you get around my age, two things happen. One, you get more intuitive about the weather. And two, corn becomes your enemy.”

Rose: “Boy, it's like you people don't pay any attention to me whatsoever.”

Blanche: “Hey, when did you sneak in?”

Dorothy: “Stan, please. She's out of M-O-N-E-Y.”

Stan: “Yeah well, she's not getting mine.”

Dorothy: “She's not out of MONKEY, Stan. She's out of MONEY!”

Stan: “Come on, Dorothy, we better get going. After our session, I have an important dinner meeting with some investors.”

Dorothy: “Oh my God, Stan, you're not taking your monkey, are you?”

Stan: “Please, they are Japanese investors. The last thing I would do would be to offend them. She'll be at a separate table with the other wives.”

Dorothy: “Stan and I went through a period where we had no marital relations at all. I totally cut off his sex.”

Rose: “You mean it grows back??”

Dorothy: “Yes, Rose. He's a lizard.”

Dorothy: “All right, leaving your husbands out of this, haven't you ever been glad when one of your relationships ended? Rose, how about that guy you dated last summer? Don't you remember? The one who played Goofy at Disney World.”

Rose: “I remember the passion, yes.”

Dorothy: “Do you remember why it didn't work out?”

Rose: “It just didn't.”

Dorothy: “Right. But why not?”

Rose: “I don't wanna talk about it.”

Blanche: “Oh, Rose, honey, there's nothin' to be ashamed of.”

Rose: “He took off the Goofy head.”

Critique:

As a kid who grew up wanting to be a weatherman, there’s no way in hell no one in Miami wouldn’t of known that there was a hurricane a-comin’. But I think we’ve all come to accept the fact that a show about 4 seniors sharing a house in Miami actually isn’t the most accurate television progrim of all time. But I digress. I live for two things about the first part of this two part episode: Fifi and Sophia’s “Take Me Hurricane ‘91” shirt. When Stan shows up with a stuffed monkey wrapped around a traffic cone it’s nothing but sheer hilarity. And the fact that Rose keeps insisting on how good-looking it is just the icing on the cake. As funny as some elements of this two-parter is, let’s be honest, the stuff with Gloria is sort of a snooze. I mean it’s funny to see Dorothy be such a bitch about Gloria losing her money, but I don’t really care much for this sibling. Of course as Gloria, Dena Dietrich looks the part – she’s just as much of a redwood as Dorothy is. But usually when I watch this episode I can’t wait to get to the silly stuff involving the telethon in the second part...  GRADE: B