The Triangle S1E5

Synopsis: Dorothy begins dating Sophia's doctor Elliot Clayton, but drama ensues when he hits on Blanche and Dorothy refuses to believe her.

80s Flashback

Blanche: “You're just about the most attractive man I've seen in Florida since Mr. John Forsythe performed Hamlet at The Burt Reynolds Dinner Theater.”

That’s What She Said

Rose: “I'm like my father's tractor, I take a while to warm up but once I get going I can turn your topsoil until the cows come home.”

Lewd Ladies

Dorothy: “Wait a minute, now just where do you think you're going?”

Sophia: “Over to Mildred's to watch the Adult Movie Channel. She has a wide-screen TV.”

Picture It

Sophia tells the story about her and her best friend who shared a pizza recipe and a dream but their friendship was ruined when they meet a fast-talking pepperoni salesman. It turns out her friend became her eventual rival and is now known as Mama Celeste.

Zbornak Zingers

Rose: “Blanche and I were just having some coffee would you care to join us?”

Dorothy: “Frankly, Rose, I would rather use Willie Nelson's hairbrush.”

Insult Watch

Blanche: “Dorothy, you and Elliot have been out almost every night this week. He's obviously hooked. You don't have to look good anymore. What you have on is fine.”

Tales from the Old South

Blanche tells a story about how she lost her friend Anderbeau Johnson and her beau Clayton, “I lost Anderbeau and her beau.” And Rose responds with, “I don't even know who Anderbobo is.”

Product Placement

Sophia: “Rose, one of those girls was me. The other you probably know as Mama Celeste.”

Sassy Sophia

Rose: “What's the matter, Sophia? You couldn't sleep, either?”

Sophia: “No, I was sleeping great, Rose. I just wanted to show off my pajamas.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose says that back in Minnesota her family and her animals shared the same doctor but stopped once he started drinking hog liniment and tried to neuter the Swenson brothers.

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “Even my husband didn’t believe me on my wedding night when I told him he was the first.”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “Elliot made… Eliot made...”

Dorothy: “What did Elliot make? A ship in a bottle, what!?”

Rose: “Can you let that happen to little Mei Ling, hasn't she suffered enough?”

Critique: I've always found the episodes where the girls become antagonistic towards each other to be some of the most fun, and that takes the form of Dorothy and Blanche being at each other’s throats here. Rose finally mentions something about her past in Minnesota, but still doesn't refer to St. Olaf specifically. Dorothy stomping on Rose's foot as she hits on Dr. Clayton is a nice bit of physical humor. The entire scene between Rose and Blanche as they discuss Dorothy's hypothetical future with Elliot and their adopted daughter Mei Ling, is a total standout and a delightful piece of writing (and sort of foreshadows Rose's legendarily strange St. Olaf stories). Even though the focus of the episode is Dorothy and Blanche I find Betty White's performance here particularly strong. The scene where she pretends to seduce Elliot is standout proof of just how good of a range White has as an actress. And we finally get Sophia's first story about Sicily, though she says “picture this” instead of “picture it,” but it is her classic Mama Celeste story.  GRADE: B+

Transplant S1E4

Synopsis: Blanche's estranged sister Virginia comes for a visit and freaks Blanche out when she asks her to donate a kidney; meanwhile, the girls sit for a young couple's baby.

Let’s Get Political

Blanche says she wishes she had Nancy Reagan's decorator.

Lewd Ladies

Rose, referring to Blanche: “Wherever she goes she finds a man.”

Sophia: “So do hookers!”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche, referring to the baby Dorothy is holding: “Dorothy, what in the world is that?!”

Dorothy: “It's a flounder, Blanche.”

Insult Watch

Blanche, to Virginia: “So, you thinking about getting a face lift? For your, how do I put this delicately, turkey waddle or what?”

Tales from the Old South

Blanche tells a story from her childhood when Virginia electrocuted her by tricking her to place a broken Christmas star on her finger. She apparently did a “crazy, rubber dance.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “Ma, could you eat a little more quietly please?”

Sophia: “These are Fritos, do you want me to swallow them whole??”

Sophia: “I'm catholic, I can't spread a Wise Man on a Ritz cracker.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia says she nursed her son Phil until he was twelve years old, and he wanted to come home during lunchtime. She says “I've got nothin' left up here.”

Best of B.E.D.

“Hey I know a bar over in Coco Beach where you can pick up over-the-hill astronauts...”

Golden Quotes

Rose: “Why would she need a kidney?”

Dorothy: “TO FEED THE CAT ROSE!”

Critique: This is another solid early episode where we get to learn a little bit more about Blanche's family. We now know she has two sisters, Virginia and Charmaine. She seems to have a tempestuous relationship with both of them which makes sense because Blanche is always refers to how sisters in general are always jealous of each other. This is a great showcase for an episode with really serious subject matter with really funny lines of dialogue. The show balanced humor and drama pretty deftly and this is a prime example. The subplot of the girls having to watch a baby is a B plot that would be repeated in this series ad nauseam, but it's always funny watching Rose finding “someone she can talk to.” Sheree North who played Virginia would reprise the role later in the series when their father Big Daddy passes away. GRADE: B

Rose the Prude S1E3

Snyopsis: Rose's boyfriend Arnie invites her on an overnight cruise which causes her to become anxious since she hasn't been intimate since her husband Charlie died; meanwhile, Dorothy and Sophia play Gin Rummy.

80s Flashback

Blanche: “Honey, are you alright?”

Rose: “I'll be fine.”

Blanche: “Is this about Arnie?”

Dorothy: “No Blanche, she's upset because they keep changing the taste of Coke.”

Crazy Continuity

Arnie looks suspiciously like Rose's future boyfriend Miles.

Musical Moments

Rose and Arnie slow dance in their cabin to Glenn Miller's “Midnight Serenade.”

That’s What She Said

Dorothy: “Oh back off Blanche, not all of us are classified by the Navy as a friendly port!”

Lewd Ladies

Sophia: “So did you and Arnie play Find the Cannoli?”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “Most of the boys I dated in college were just for the stories.”

Dorothy: “You must have more stories than O'Henry.”

Reel References

While we don't get the full details Sophia mentions that Dorothy's Aunt Jean once slept with Charles Boyer.

Insult Watch

Sophia, to Dorothy: “You're too competitive, it's always been your worst feature. Actually your ears are your worst feature.”

Product Placement

Arnie: “I talked to the purser, another cabin is available and I'll move to it, but I need to go in the bathroom Rose, I hate to go anywhere without my Actifed.”

Sassy Sophia

Blanche: “I'm gonna have to meet men lying down.”

Sophia: “I thought you did!”

Back in St. Olaf

While we don't get an official St. Olaf story, this is the first time Rose mentions that her husband Charlie died while they were making love.

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche, discussing the first man she slept with after George died: “As the reverend was performing the funeral service, I knew for sure that he wanted me. I had always known there had been something between us. Sometimes from the pulpit he'd be talking about sin, he'd look straight at me.”

Golden Quotes

[Rose is droning on and on about her cruise activities]

Dorothy: “WHO CARES ROSE, DID YOU AND ARNIE HIT THE SHEETS OR NOT!?”

Critique: This is a decent early episode but hardly one of my favorites, though one scene saves the entire thing: the classic moment where the girls discuss the first men they slept with after they were no longer married. Since this is an early episode certain things that become commonplace in the series had yet to be established. Rose doesn't mention St. Olaf by name, Sophia still doesn't say her trademark “Picture it”, and even Blanche's accent doesn't seem quite at its Southern peak (though she seems more oversexed than in the past two episodes). This is the first time Rose is getting her own story line and it makes sense for her character to be prudish, but unfortunately for us it's not all that interesting. Arnie is not nearly as fun a character as Miles is later in the series. Though the girls' discussions about sex fuel the show and certainly helped it to quickly become a number one rated series. GRADE: B-

Guess Who’s Coming to the Wedding S1E2

Synopsis: When Dorothy’s daughter Kate announces she’s getting married Dorothy gets apprehensive about inviting her ex-husband Stan to the festivities.

Let’s Get Political

Stan: “Blanche, would you care for something? It doesn’t look like you’re fighting the Battle of the Bulge.”

That’s What She Said

Kate: “Do you think dad will like him [Dennis]?”

Dorothy: “Yes, as long as he stays young and firm.”

Insult Watch

Rose: “Cheeseball, father?”

Priest: “Oh yes thank you very much… Now I know what I’m giving up for Lent.”

Tales from the Old South

We learn that Blanche attended Miss MacGyver’s Finishing School

Product Placement

Rose asks Dennis, who is a podiatrist, if he’s ever met Dr. Scholl.

Sassy Sophia

Priest: “Sophia, there you are I’ve been looking for you.”

Sophia: “Buzz off, padre!”

Golden Quotes

Rose: “I don’t know what I would’ve done if Charlie had suddenly paid a visit.”

Sophia: “He’s dead, you would’ve fainted!”

Critique:

So, does anyone else notice that Kate dials Stan, who allegedly lives in Maui, and no one seems to mind that she’s making a call halfway across the world? But I digress. (And we all know that Dorothy can’t even get through to New Jersey with MCI) This is a solid early episode and, in fact, l enjoy it more than the pilot. You get a better sense of how the characters will eventually find their grove. Though things aren’t quite there yet. The scene in the bedroom with Sophia and Dorothy involves wise advice without a “picture it” story. This is also the first time you see Dorothy’s ex-husband Stan who becomes a staple supporting player throughout the series and a punching bag for most of the ladies as well. The numerous references to Stan’s bald head start right here. The episode really belongs to Bea Arthur as she forces Dorothy to confront the man who ruined her life. And when Dorothy squeezes Blanche’s hand, dropping her to her knees, it’s pretty priceless. Also, Dennis and Kate’s reception must go down in the annals of wedding history as the corniest and lamest wedding reception ever. Why the girls constantly felt the need to throw weddings and receptions in their own house is beyond me. GRADE: B

The Engagement (Pilot) S1E1

NOTE: I haven't posted in this blog since December of 2015 when I completed the entire third season (because it has my favorite episodes) as a test run. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but as is the case life got in the way. But I've recently felt re-inspired to continue on and so I proudly present the return of "Oh, Shut Up Rose:" A Quotable Episode-a-Day Golden Girls Guide (complete with newly customized URL). While I won't be able to post every single day, it is my fervent goal to get through the whole series as long as it may take. And, like Sophia, if I lay off meat and dairy it could be about five years! Sit back, relax, grab some cheesecake or some fluggelkaka, and enjoy!




Synopsis: Blanche gets engaged which causes a rift with roommates Dorothy and, especially, Rose who has a bad feeling about Blanche’s fiancé; Dorothy’s mother Sophia moves in after her retirement home burns down.

80s Flashback

Dorothy says that after Blanche is in a depressed slump even Julio Iglesias tickets couldn’t get her out of it.

Crazy Continuity

Where do we even begin? Like most TV show pilots, much changes from here on out. For starters, not only is Coco no longer employed at 5161 Richmond St, but he’s never talked about again. Blanche doesn’t have her trademark southern accent, and her married name is Hollingsworth (which becomes her maiden name later on).

Shady Pines, Ma

Sophia: “They set off the fire alarm, in a retirement home. Who can rush? Half the people have walkers the other half can’t get out of their chairs, but they got bells going off like crazy. You know what that does to hearts that only beat a few times a week?”

Zbornak Zingers

Rose: “What a day, one sad person after another.”

Dorothy: “Rose, you work at grief counseling, what do you expect comedians?”

Insult Watch

Blanche: “It’s me, Blanche.”

Sophia: “You look like a prostitute.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “She has more colors than Benjamin Moore paints.”

Sassy Sophia

Harry: “Well, you must be Blanche’s sister.”

Sophia: “You must be blind.”

Golden Quotes

Sophia: “I never have that problem, never. I sleep like a log. I never get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, I go in the morning. Every morning, like clockwork, at 7 am I pee. Unfortunately, I don’t wake up till 8.”

Critique: The pilot, like many of the show’s early episodes, was never one of my favorite episodes mostly because the writers (including creator Susan Harris) were still feeling things out. You could definitely see the spark of brilliance, however. There are some decent lines but like any new show the first few episodes are meant to set up the show’s premise and characters which doesn’t really give any of them much to do. It doesn’t help that the eventual established continuity is all screwed up. The pilot is interesting in that the biggest change from the rest of the series is Coco, the girls’ live-in house cook (whatever that is). There was literally no point in having this character around once Sophia proved to be such a strong and well-liked supporting character. Some of the physical comedy bits here are great, like Dorothy throwing Rose into the closet, but this episode remains something to see for those curious and doesn’t really need to be watched over and over again. There’s nothing truly bad about it, it just doesn’t have the same oomph as the later episodes but it does offer a terrific setup for a terrific series. GRADE: B-

Mother's Day S3E24

Synopsis: As the girls await phone calls from their kids before Mother's Day brunch, they reminisce about previous Mother's Days.

Crazy Continuity

If Blanche’s father is still living during Blanche’s flashback story, why wouldn’t he be with his wife in the retirement home? And where the heck is Virginia and Charmaine?

Here, in a flashback to 1957 we see Sophia's mother as an elderly woman in a wheelchair, but in a later season Dorothy says Sophia's mother died when Dorothy was six.

Let’s Get Political

Stan: “Here, Mama. This is for you. Happy Mother's Day.”

Mother Zbornak: “Oh, thank you, Stanley. 'The Artwork of Adolf Hitler.'”

Dorothy: “The minute we saw it, we knew it was for you.”

St. Olaf Vocab

When traveling by bus to St. Olaf, you have the option to take the Express or the Yokel. On the Yokel a family of first cousins plays banjo music but they don’t take requests.

Lewd Ladies

Blanche’s mother: “Wasn’t Virginia the slut?”

Blanche: “No ma’am that was me.”

Picture It

Sophia: “Picture it: Brooklyn, 1957, the second Sunday in May. Dorothy had gone to pickup my mother and I was getting the house ready which mostly meant trying to get my Salvadore into a shirt with sleeves...”

Insult Watch

Anna: “Excuse me. Are you waiting for the bus to Northern Falls?”

Rose: “No. St. Olaf.”

Anna: “I've visited there. Lovely little town.”

Rose: “Oh, yes. Yes, it is.”

Anna: “Rolling hills, charming homes.”

Rose: “Yes.”

Anna: “Full of idiots.”

Zbornak Zingers

Stan: “It’s from Dorothy too.”

Stan’s mother: “If I had to thank her, I’d choke on the words.”

Dorothy: “Please risk it.”

Tales from the Old South

In her flashback, Blanche recounts how when she was a senior in high school she ran off to marry Deck Bovinglow, a man in his 40s. She fell for the old reverse psychology and eventually decided against it once her mother gave Blanche her blessing.

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “So, when was it you visited St. Olaf?”

Anna: “Oh, Lord, it must be 50 years ago now. I went to a wedding. A distant cousin of mine married a local St. Olaf girl... Sonja Yongen-”

Rose: “Yongenfrauliksteinerbrau??”

Anna: “You know her?”

Rose: “Know her? I was flower girl at the wedding! Well, of course, there were no flowers that year because of what happened to Old Man Smith. He was our town florist. He was also our town's only blacksmith. Come to think of it, he was our town's only black man. Anyway when he first moved in, the town council decided to give him a traditional Scandinavian welcome gathering on his front lawn and singing songs and dressing up in bedsheets. 'Course, coming from Chattanooga, he wasn't familiar with the custom. He had a heart attack. He spent most of the summer in intensive care. After that, when somebody new moved in, the town council just handed out peanut brittle and free passes to the local movie house, which they hoped to build someday.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Sophia “That's Mama. She sees you looking like this, we'll never convince her to move in with us. Get moving. Move! Move!”

Sal: “Oh, boy. Boy, it's a dark day in Brooklyn today. The Dodgers are moving out, and your mother's moving in!”

Literary Intelligentsia

Blanche: “It's a really sweet story, Rose.”

Sophia: “Yeah right. So sell it to the 'Reader's Digest.' Let's get outta here!”

Reel References

Stan: “Would break Mama's heart if she knew I was a failure. To her, I have the business sense of a Rockefeller, the looks of a Gary Cooper, and the charm of a Cary Grant.”

Dorothy: “I'm not surprised. The woman drinks grain alcohol out of a measuring cup.”

Golden Quotes

Dorothy: “I’m sure that you’ll be proud to know that the name Zbornak has become synonymous with plastic vomit.”

Rose, on the phone: “Hey, everyone, it's Charlie Jr. Oh! Guess what. He says it's cold in Minnesota.”

Blanche: “Get outta here.”

Rose: “Charlie, is it cold enough that if you put your tongue on something metal, it'll stick? Sure. I'll hold.”

Critique: This is another one of those flashback/vignette episodes that feature scenes we luckily haven’t seen before and a couple of them are pretty decent. Going for the heartstrings most of them are overly sentimental than outright funny. The first one involving a visit to Stan's mother's trailer is the best one and the twist that reveals Stan’s mother actually hates her son and not Dorothy is a fun surprise. The second involves Rose getting to know an elderly runaway who gives an Emmy-nominated performance. The actress will show up again in Season Four's “Not Another Monday” (And you may recognize her as the grandmother from Poltergeist II). I’m still not quite sure where Blanche’s father is in her flashback since he doesn’t die until the fifth season but I digress. And of course we get another flashback to Brooklyn with a young Sophia and Dorothy. These scenes are always cute if not particularly laugh out loud funny. There’s a somewhat of a dearth of really memorable lines in this one but is by no means a terrible episode but, in the end, it feels sort of weak as a season finale.  GRADE: B

Mr. Terrific S3E23

Synopsis: Rose is dating a creepy, local children's TV personality named Mr. Terrific but things take a turn for the worse when Dorothy accidentally gets him fired; Blanche shops for a new bed.

80s Flashback

Rose: “Dorothy, how’s the show going?”

Dorothy: “Terrible. But better than ‘thirtysomething’”

Let’s Get Political

Rose: “I really met Mr. Terrific, at the mall. He was signing autographs in an empty storefront that used to be Jack Kemp’s campaign headquarters.”

That’s What She Said

Blanche: “Just slap the handcuffs on me. The bed's this way!”

Lewd Ladies

Sophia: “Didn’t you see that enormous thing in her bedroom?”

Rose: “I thought she’d stopped seeing Roger?”

Picture It

Sophia: “Hey we had comic books in Sicily. My favorite was Benito the Hood. He lived in the forest with his band of merry thugs. Benito was very popular.”

Rose: “You mean because he stole from the rich and gave to the poor?”

Sophia: “I said Benito the Hood, not Benito the Idiot. He stole from everyone and kept it for himself. Didn't even share it with his band of merry thugs. He was the idol of many a Sicilian youngster.”

Zbornak Zingers

Rose: “How’s he doing?”

Dorothy: “I’ll be honest, Squeaky Fromme has a better grasp on reality.”

Insult Watch

Mr. Hastings, the producer: “Dorothy, I read your memo. I like the way you think. You’ve got a lot of modern ideas for a woman your age.”

Dorothy: “Oh you’re just saying that.”

Mr. Hastings: “No, no I mean it, I really think you’re old.”

Sassy Sophia

Blanche: “I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in weeks. Every time I climb into bed I feel guilty.”

Sophia: “Take down the video equipment.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “Don't worry Dorothy. I was trained in psychology back in St. Olaf.”

Dorothy: “That doesn’t count Rose. In St. Olaf, they think Freud is a way to cook chicken!”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Rose: “Sophia, she can't keep that bed. That'd be like stealing.”

Blanche: “It's only stealing if they find out. Well the bed's in my bedroom, who's gonna know??”

Sophia: “Everyone who knows the bunt sign on the New York Yankees.”

Literary Intelligentsia

Blanche: “The bed I wanted cost more than the original down payment on my first house.”

Sophia: “In Sicily, beds were dirt-cheap. Of course it was because you slept on dirt. Just an observation. If my name were Mark Twain, you'd be writing this stuff down.”

Dorothy: “Mister Terrific, I think that Lex Luthor and The Joker are harassing an old lady in the stairwell. Could you come in and melt them with your X-ray vision?”

Rose: “Mister Terrific doesn't have X-ray vision.”

Dorothy: “Please, Rose! This is no time to point out his shortcomings!”

The Boob Tube

Rose: “Don't tell me you've never heard of Mister Terrific. 'Mister Terrific's Clubhouse??' Every weekday afternoon, one full hour on Saturdays?”

Sophia: “You don't mean that clown with the kiddie show?”

Rose: “No. He's not a clown, he's a superhero. You're thinking of Bozo.”

Sophia: “I'm talking to Bozo.”

Neiman Marcus Marker: 5

Blanche: “That bed back there must cost exactly what I paid for the one I ordered. They made a mistake. They charged me for the inexpensive bed!”

Sophia: “Merry Christmas from Neiman Marcus.”

Golden Quotes

Rose “You have no idea what it’s like dating a super hero.”

Dorothy: “Sure I can, why my Stan and Superman had a lot in common. They were both faster than a speeding bullet.”

and

Blanche: “Dorothy, what do you think I oughta do with my bed?”

Dorothy: “Put it in the Smithsonian, Blanche. It has more miles on it than the Spirit of St. Louis.”

Critique: This is one of the more unmemorable episode. There’s nothing really bad about it but it’s ridiculously corny, even by Golden Girls standards. Most fans find little to love about it. Everything about Mr. Terrific is just sort of, weird. He's just plain unpleasant and unlikable. Blanche’s subplot about having the wrong bed delivered doesn’t seem to fit in whatsoever until the episode’s last gag where Mr. Policeman shows up. Sophia also, yet again, feels way too underutilized here which is unfortunate. I do love Dorothy here with another one of her trademark “WOAHS!” after allegedly being flashed by the hand puppet Kolak. And strangely enough this episode contains the second reference this season to Baryshnikov. This is an episode for die-hard fans only; it can easily be skipped by others; still not as bad the dreaded clip show, however. GRADE: B-