Synopsis: Dorothy
surprises Sophia for her birthday by flying her Aunt Angela to Miami,
but it turns out they hate each other.
That’s What She
Said
Rose: “You can
take your mop and put it where the herring don't swim.”
Lewd Ladies
Sophia: “Even
though I've only made love in one position, I've led a very full
life.”
Picture It
Angela: “Picture
it. New York City. 1956. I was a young widow returning to Sicily.
There I was on the boat alone, watching Lady Liberty grow smaller in
the distance. When suddenly I heard a voice from the vicinity of my
knees. I looked down. There was a midget. It turns out that his name
was Pee-Wee Bonbunzi, and he was fleeing from the Mob. Well for the
next few days, we ate together, laughed together, and went for short
walks in circles. And then, one day, suddenly Pee-Wee disappeared.
Well we docked in Sicily and I was going through customs and I
noticed a strange odor coming from my suitcase. I thought it was the
veal shank that I was bringing over for Mother's Day. But when the
customs man opened the suitcase, there was Pee-Wee. Someone had
stuffed him in my suitcase between the veal shank and my beaver coat.
Well, the Mob had gotten Peewee after all… first I had to burn the
suitcase and then the beaver coat. And the veal shank never did taste
right.”
Zbornak Zingers
Rose: “I can keep
a secret, Dorothy. I'll prove it to you. You tell me what you got for
Sophia, and if I spill the beans, I'll give you my most prized
possession.”
Dorothy: “Oh, no Rose, I couldn't do that. I couldn't accept your favorite album, Hans Klebnermeyer Yodels Beethoven.”
Dorothy: “Oh, no Rose, I couldn't do that. I couldn't accept your favorite album, Hans Klebnermeyer Yodels Beethoven.”
Insult Watch
Sophia: “You're
nothing but a backstabbing Judas in sensible shoes.”
Angela: “Oh yeah?
Well you know what you are? You're a two-lira tramp with cheap
bridgework.”
Sophia: “May you
put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off.”
Angela: “May your
legs grow old and gnarled and withered like an olive branch. You
should be so lucky.”
Sophia: “May your
moles grow hair thicker than Jerry Vale's.”
Angela: “May your
marinara sauce never cling to your pasta!”
Sophia: “That's
it. Come here and say that to my face!”
Tales from the Old
South
Blanche: “My
sister Charmaine was insanely jealous of me from the time I was a
gorgeous little infant. See she was one year ahead of me in school
and we used to compete for everything. But there was one thing that
Charmaine did excel at: cheerleadin'. Not only could she twirl that
baton like a propeller, but she knew every cheer in the county. And
she could twist her body into the shape of the letter R. Well,
finally Charmaine decided it was her turn to be in the spotlight. She
challenged me to compete against her for captain of the cheerleading
squad. When the day came we had to perform in front of the entire
school, and Charmaine was fantastic. She twirled those batons so
fast, she looked like a DC3 comin' in for a landing. Then it was my
turn. So I did some cartwheels and only fell once. I did a handstand
and almost got my balance. And I only dropped my baton four times.
And when I was finished, I was unanimously voted captain of the
cheerleading squad. Underneath my regulation uniform, I was wearing
little, black French lace panties. Bearing the words "bon jour".
Or was it "bon appétit"? I don't remember. Anyway, it was
something in French. I guess, nobody minded that I couldn't do a
handstand, but they surely did appreciate me trying!”
Product Placement
Sophia: “Uh Rose,
after dinner, what do you say we ride over to the Dairy Queen for a
couple of chocolate cones? My treat.”
Rose: “With
rainbow sprinkles? They're five cents extra.”
Sophia: “What the
hell, I'm a sport.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “It's like
that old Scandinavian saying. 'You can let two angry mackerel fight
it out in a purse, but don't ever plan on carrying that purse to a
formal affair.'”
Best of B.E.D.
Rose: “I thought
it was the size of a man's feet that were a sign of virility.”
Blanche: “Really?
I always thought it was the number of newspapers piled up outside the
motel room door.”
Reel References
Sophia: “Angela??”
Angela: “No, Gina
Lollobrigida.”
The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “Ma, you want better presents, adopt Monty Hall.”
Sophia: “I wish I could. Jewish sons are the best. They give great gifts, they always call, and you don't have to worry about them getting hurt playing sports.”
Golden Quotes
Blanche: “You see,
I was a devastatingly beautiful child. Pink cheeks, cute little
button nose, red ruby lips, adorable, little ringlet curls.”
Dorothy: “I was
the tallest baby in the history of New York and had a rash on my head
till I was two.”
Critique: SISSTAH!!! Whoops wrong sister. So, I don't know if it's just me,
but at the birthday parties my family throws or attends, we usually have cake
and open presents towards the end of the evening. So does that mean that Aunt Angela has literally been sitting alone in a room during the majority of
Sophia's birthday party? (It's also one of those trademark GG parties where none of the other guests are allowed to talk out loud) Also, on
another note, does anyone else want to see the look on Mrs. Stofer's
face when Rose pinned her and her walker against a fence on a wide
right turn? But I digress.
Aunt Angela is probably one of the more likable family members that
have made their way to 6151 Richmond St. Her first appearance is
solid, though I think I prefer the one where they think she cooks up
Count Bessie. Sophia and Angela work great off each other and Estelle
and Nancy Walker could totally pass for siblings. This episode has
several pretty good moments, though the second half suffers from so
much backstory about why Angela and Sophia are feuding that its sort
of easy to tune out. Angela's outlandish
Pee-Wee story and Blanche's
cheerleading anecdote are highlights. I would of loved an episode
featuring Sophia, Angela, and their brother Angelo, but it wasn't
meant to be. I guess you
can only have so many guest stars at once on an 80s sitcom. GRADE:
B+
