Sophia’s Wedding – Part 2 S4E7

Synopsis: Newlyweds Max and Sophia move in with the girls since they haven’t found a place to live but end up opening a pizza-knish stand at the beach instead; Dorothy takes up smoking.

Crazy Continuity

Sophia says he hasn’t had a cold in 40 years but lest we forget she caught a cold going out in the rain t rent dirty movies in “Isn’t It Romantic?”
Also, you'd think Blanche would know her own address. In "Bringing Up Baby" Sophia mentioned the address as 6151 Richmond St (and Dorothy acknowledges that as correct) but here Blanche says the address is 5161.

Musical Moments

Max sings along to “It Had to Be You” with Sophia on the boardwalk.

St. Olaf Vocab

Vanderhoeven Rocket – a car manufactured by the St. Olaf Motor Coach Company, it had eight tires and was totally powered by cow manure. 

That’s What She Said

Max: “Hiya cupcake, it’s time to play Connect the Freckles.”

Zbornak Zingers

Dorothy: “I set off the smoke alarm.”

Rose: “How?”

Dorothy: “Cigarette.”

Rose: “Oh, no thank you, I don't smoke. Now, how did you set off the alarm?”

Dorothy: “I smoked a cigarette, you amoeba!”

Insult Watch

Dorothy: “I've just been under a lot of stress lately. My job, Ma getting married.”

Blanche: “You're growing older, you don't go out much, your chin is starting to droop”

Dorothy: “You know, since I've already had the cigarette, why don't you just blindfold me and shoot me?”

Product Placement

Sophia: “You want a Life Saver?”

Max: “What kind you got?”

Sophia: “Peppermint.”

Max: “I don't like peppermint. I like butterscotch, you got butterscotch?”

Sophia: “Does it say 7-Eleven across my forehead? I got peppermint.”

Max: “I'll try one. I like butterscotch better. What is this? Coconut??”

Sophia: “PEP-O-MINT!”

Sassy Sophia

Dorothy: “I need a cigarette.”

Blanche: “No, Dorothy! You sit right down here. Now, you need to exercise a little self-control. Dorothy, listen. You can quit smoking. Now, just do it the way I did it, just taper off - smoke only after sex.”

Sophia: “Good idea. One pack’ll last her a lifetime!”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “Boy, making pizza really brings back a flood of childhood memories.”

Dorothy: “Make a lot of pizza as a kid?”

Rose: “No. My favorite uncle, Uncle Gunter, used to sprinkle Parmesan cheese on his hair… He said it was the perfect complement to the croutons he'd taped to his eyebrows. He had a Caesar complex. Salad, not Julius.”

Dorothy: “Rose, maybe you ought to work on the knishes. Or did you have an uncle who was a Mr. Potato Head??”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “Hello, fire department? This is Blanche Devereaux at 5161 Richm- Oh! Well, of course you know where it is, hi Ed! I'm on fire. Why you naughty boy!”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Max: “How could the stand have burn to the ground?”

Dorothy: “I have a confession to make. The reason I sent you two ahead and said I'd lock up is because I wanted a cigarette. And I guess I didn't put it out.”

Rose: “Well, I wouldn't worry. How much harm can it do? The place already burned down.”

The Boob Tube

Rose: “Dorothy, I know what you're going through. I smoked for years.”

Dorothy: “You smoked? Rose, that's like finding out Lassie was an alcoholic.”

Rose: “Lassie was an alcoholic?! That explains why she always tipped to one side when she waved goodbye to Timmy.”

Golden Quotes

Rose: “I don't understand.”

Sophia: “You should have that printed on a T-shirt.”

and

Rose: “Never fear, Doctor Rose is here. I made you both an old-fashioned St. Olaf tonic. Guaranteed to get you back on your feet and put hair on your chest. That's the one nasty side effect they could never figure out.”

and

Dorothy: “It is always the same thing with you, Blanche. Sex, sex, sex. I am tired of hearing it.”

Rose: “Maybe that's because you're not getting any, Dorothy.”

Dorothy: “Do you want the pot again, Rose?”

Critique: In past episodes Sophia seemed to be an expert in curing a cold or the flu: She made Dorothy hot toddies and made a special concoction for the vaporizer in “The Flu” episode. But here she can’t seem to cure her and Max before the big beach festival, but I digress. The closing part of this double episode is great though for some reason there’s no mention of Rose and Blanche’s Elvis fan club. And the fact that Max just picked up and moved from New York to Miami at the age of 84 with no living prospects it just bizarre. This is probably the weaker of this 2-part episode. I never believed someone so level-headed like Dorothy would ever smoke and the dialogue here isn’t quite as consistently funny as the first part. However controversial Max is as a character, some people actually hate him for some reason, I enjoy this super-sized episode.  As a final note, I could watch Dorothy smacking Rose’s head in a sauce pot with a wooden spoon all day long. GRADE: A-

Sophia's Wedding – Part 1 S4E6

Synopsis: Sophia gets married to an old friend Max Weinstock to Dorothy's dismay; Blanche and Rose start a local chapter of the Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love Elvis Fan Club.

Let's Get Political

Rose: “We're sorry Dorothy, but the bylaws clearly state that any derogatory remarks about the King are grounds for immediate expulsion.”

Blanche: “Maybe you ought to join an organization that is a little less fanatical in its devotion.”

Dorothy: “Like what, Blanche? The PLO?”

Crazy Continuity

After Sophia and Max announce they're getting married Dorothy faints. When she wakes up Rose says she's never fainted before. But Rose did faint in “End of the Curse” when she thought Blanche was pregnant.

Musical Moments

The Elvis impersonators sing “Hawaiian Wedding Song” for Sophia and Max.

St. Olaf Vocab

“Keflectoflafen flafenflurfen, potetaflingin faflafen.” - Scandinavian wedding blessing

That’s What She Said

Max: “Nice to see you again Dorothy.”

Dorothy: “You too Mr. Weinstock, when did you get in?”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Rose: “Is that you, Sophia?”

Sophia: “No, it's Merlin Olsen. I'm watering my forget-me-not bouquet.”

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?”

Rose: “Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?”

Blanche: “Cleaning up the dirty dishes. You twit.”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “Dorothy, if you were picking out an Elvis impersonator, how would you pick a good one?”

Dorothy: “I'd thump on his belly and see if he's ripe.”

Insult Watch

Dorothy: “'Dear Rose Nylund, your application to start an unauthorized chapter of the Elvis Presley Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love Fan Club in your neighborhood and/or trailer park has been accepted.'”

Rose: “This is the happiest, most fulfilling day of my life!”

Sophia: “Which makes you the most pathetic human being on this planet.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “Ma, this is the biggest mistake you have ever made in your life!”

Sophia: “Fine! Don't come to the wedding! Who wants you?! But just remember one thing! If you wanna send us a gift, we're registered at Jordan Marsh.”

Sassy Sophia

Dorothy: “I'll pay for both tickets.”

Sophia: “Book business class. If I have to sit through the 'Three Amigos,' I'll need champagne.”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “My Charlie asked me to marry him ten minutes after we met. Course, we were only seven at the time. My mother was so cute when I told her. She said, 'Rose, honey, you're just a little girl. You have your entire life before you, and the whole world to see. Now, you wait until you grow up and get sophisticated, and marry at 15 like your sisters.'”

Blanche: “But you didn't.”

Rose: “No, I was always kind of the gypsy of the family. The rebel. I wanted to see the world. So after high school, I went to St. Gustave University to study Latin. I didn't know you studied Latin. First in my class, Orothyday.”

Best of B.E.D.

Dorothy: “How about you, Blanche?”

Blanche: “Oh, ab-so-lute-leh! If the right man ever came along. Course, he'd have to have the body of a Mr. Mel Gibson, the personality of a Mr. Johnny Carson, and the financial resources of Mr. Donald Trump.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Sophia: “Esther Weinstock is dead. We grew up together. She was my best friend.”

Dorothy: “Oh, I'm so sorry. What happened?”

Sophia: “She was fighting an oil rig fire in the Gulf of Mexico. She was 88!”

Rose: “Well, it's great that she was able to work right up to the end.”

Reel References

Caterer: “Now, look here, Stretch. I have a hundred cheese puffs and a sensitive assistant both on the verge of collapse. Whatever the problem is, overlook it. My mother did with my marriage. And if you say something smart, I'll slap you silly.”

Dorothy: “Listen, this is a private moment, so butt out, Rambo!”

The Boob Tube

Rose: “Uh-oh. Either I mixed the Elvis list with the wedding list, or everyone in Max's family appeared on 'The Ed Sullivan Show.'”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “I hope you're not too upset over this, Dorothy.”

Dorothy: “I've just been thrown out of an unauthorized Elvis fan club. I'll try to pick up the pieces and go on with my life. I mean, there must be a support group for people like me.”

and

Sophia: “Dorothy, I love you, but if you ruin my happiness, I will put a Sicilian curse on you that will be like hell on earth!”

Dorothy: “Ma, you can't put a Sicilian curse on your eldest daughter if the mother is marrying a man under five foot, seven! You're not the only one with Aunt Regina's phone number.”

Sophia: “Damn MCI.”

and

Caterer: “This is more moving than Susan Hayward's climactic speech in I Want To Live.”

Blanche: “You're ready to fly right outta here, aren't you?”

Caterer: “Well, excuse me for living, Anita Bryant.”

Critique: Sophia gets another standout story line in “Sophia's Wedding” in which she starts banging the guy who's she's hated for the past 40 years. And his wife dies and then he just flies down to Miami. Yeah sure. But I digress. The B story involving the Elvis fan club is a hotbed of classic GG lines. I'm not sure why Rose seems to all of a sudden be a huge Elvis Presley fan but whatevah. The Elvis story seems to have nothing to do with anything until Rose's delightful mix-up when dozens of Elvis impersonators show up at Sophia and Max's wedding. Were they surprised that they got no RSVPs? And how did none of them answer the door to let them in? So many questions but who cares I'm on my way to see Burt Reynolds!! And yes that is Academy Award-winning writer/director Quentin Tarantino in an early role as one of the Elvis impersonators. GRADE: A

Bang That Drum, Stanley S4E5

Synopsis: Sophia conspires with Stan to feign an injury she sustains at a baseball game for settlement money; Blanche and Rose audition for a local production of Cats.

80s Flashback

Stan: “You see, babe? It's all part of the big guy's master plan. I am but a humble servant.”

Dorothy: “Mr. Belvedere is a humble servant. Stanley, you're a horse's ass.”

Crazy Continuity

Dorothy's timeline of her marriage to Stan is always a bit… cloudy. Here she says she had sex with Stan and ended up three months pregnant at her own wedding. But in other episodes her deal is that she married Stan because she got pregnant.

St. Olaf Vocab

Gowhackanoggin – A game not unlike baseball, except you whack yourself on the head instead of hitting a ball. After ten whacks if you're till standing you take first base. It's allegedly a very low scoring game.

That’s What She Said

Sophia: “You were right, Dorothy. I was faking.”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Dorothy: “I can't think of anything in the world I would rather do less.”

Stan: “Reall? Would you like to go to bed with me?”

Dorothy: “Take me out to the ballgame, Stanley.”

Animal Alert

Dreyfuss shows up and chases Rose through the house because dressed in her Cats costume. We also learn he has a thing for lawn flamingos. 

Lewd Ladies

Sophia: “Hey, I just spent two days in the hospital naked under a sheet with strange men inspecting my body with cold metal instruments.”

Blanche: “Which reminds me, has Ed Tyler returned my call?”

Zbornak Zingers

Blanche: “Rose, don't be silly. Dorothy couldn't get a part. We're doing the award-winning musical Cats. You have to be agile, graceful, and sensual.”

Dorothy; ““You're right, Blanche. I mean how could I possibly compete with you? You've given some of your finest performances in back alleys.”

Stan: “Yep she's right Dorothy, sometimes just lying motionless is the best thing a person can do.”

Dorothy: “That didn't sound right when you said it on our honeymoon, and it doesn't sound right now.”

Insult Watch

Stan: “Dorothy, baseball was meant to be seen from the bleachers, in small, intimate parks with real grass. If there's anything I hate, it is artificial turf.”

Sophia: “That never stopped you from wearing it on your head.”

Tales from the Old South

Blanche: “I was still in high school at the time and I was having an affair with a very handsome exchange student named Jean-Pierre Fontainebleau. I think he was French or somethin'. He was always sneering and he wore a beret….Anyway, Jean-Pierre must have known about my reputation for playing the field, because right from the beginning he was convinced I couldn't be faithful. He would spy on me in my classes, he'd follow me home from school. Some nights he would even shimmy up the oak tree outside my bedroom door, hoping to catch me in the act.

Rose: “What act?”

Dorothy: “The second act of My Fair Lady, Rose.”

Blanche: “Finally, I had to tell Jean-Piere I could not take it anymore, and we broke up. I was completely crushed.

Dorothy: “I guess you really liked him.”

Blanche: “No, I really liked the American boy he was rooming with, Bobby-Joe Nugent. We'd been having an affair for months in the one place Jean-Pierre never thought to look!

Rose: “The Eiffel Tower?”

Blanche: “Actually, it was in the cutaway Oldsmobile that they kept in the Drivers Ed department at school. Oh, lordy, the things I did in that car! It's a good thing old St. Christopher had his back to me.”

Product Placement

Dr. Cauley: “Mrs. Petrillo. We'd really like you to stay with us for the next 48 hours.”

Sophia: “Please! For half the price I could go to Club Med, get a nicer room, better food, and not be forced to pee in a Dixie Cup.”

Sassy Sophia

Stan: “What would you say if I told you I've come up with a great way to make some fast money for us, and all you have to do is lie on your back?”

Sophia: “I'd say you're about 50 years too late on that one!”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “We were never allowed to wear berets when I was in high school. It was against the St. Olaf dress code. They did let me wear a paper cap a lot. It was long and pointy. More a cone shape than a beret.”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “Have you been talking to Ed Tyler?? That man has such a big mouth! Which reminds me, I wanna go give him a call.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Rose: “Dr. Jerry. Oh, it must be great having just one name. You don't have to worry about people misspelling your last name all the time.”

Dr. Jerry: “Is your last name difficult to spell?”

Rose: “Yes. But I'm getting better at it.”

Literary Intelligentsia

Sophia: “Stanley. Stanley, don't worry. I'm 82 years old. My bones are brittle. My muscles are atrophied. My circulation is worse than US News & World Report. There's no physical they can give that Sophia Petrillo can't fail.”

Reel References

Dorothy: “Are you ever gonna talk to me again?”

Sophia: “Dorothy, what you did was a mean, dirty, underhanded trick.”

Dorothy: “I had no choice. It was like 'The Exorcist,' I was battling Stan for your soul.”

The Boob Tube

Dorothy: “Hiya, Ma. How you doing? Oh, Ma, I feel dizzy! Oh, there's a pain going up my arm! My chest! Ma!”

[doorbell]

Sophia: “Will you answer the door Dorothy, please?”

Dorothy: “Ma, it's my heart! My heart! Run into the kitchen and get help!”

Sophia: “Who am I, Lassie??”

Golden Quotes

Rose: “Dorothy, our director said to prepare for our roles we must become cats. That's why I've been playing with your ball of yarn and Blanche has been making those high-pitched screeching sounds in her room at night.”

Dorothy: “You've been practicing for this part for a lifetime, haven't you Blanche?”

and

Rose: “At the counseling center we learn that the first reaction to catastrophe is denial.”

Dorothy: “Rose, I am not in denial.”

Rose: “Oh yes, you are. You're just denying you're in denial.”

Dorothy: “Rose, I am not denying that I am in denial.”

Rose: “If you're not denying you're in denial, then you're in denial.”

Dorothy: “Look, fluffhead! Why should I deny being in denial when I never said I was in denial? You are the one who said I was in denial, and don't you deny it!”

and

Sophia: “And the kid, is he an actor too?”

Woman in wheelchair: “Yes. Oh maybe you've seen him in the Burger City commercial.”

Sophia: “Are you the little boy who jumps for joy when you get two hamburgers for the price of one? You stunk!”

Critique: I want to see that Burger City commercial like now. I'm also 90% sure that kid is probably the son of Miami's answer to Meryl Streep Phyllis Hammerow. But I digress. “Bang That Drum, Stanley” is a very good episode for several reasons: we get the great physical bit of Sophia getting hit in the head with a baseball (one of the very few scenes I remember from the show's original run) and Rose and Blanche in their infamous cat outfits. Poll: which is better, the sight of Rose and Blanche in their nun outfits or the cat outfits? Tough call. Anyways, this episode has so many great lines and it's delightful to see Sophia and Stan team up in a great scam. There's no sappy undercurrent or important message here just pure comedy gold. Like with Dorothy, I could watch Sophia drop to the floor a million times and it would still be funny. GRADE: A-

Yokel Hero S4E4

Synopsis: Rose is nominated for St. Olaf Woman of the Year and Dorothy and Blanche secretly fudge her biography to help her win.

Crazy Continuity

This entire episode shows the crazy ways one must travel to St. Olaf, however, in the season 3 episode “Mother’s Day” we see Rose traveling to St. Olaf simply by bus. Also, previously in the episode “Charlie’s Buddy” Rose says you can’t get to St. Gustav by plane, you can only get there by toboggan.

And lastly, we learn in the Burt Reynolds episode that Butter Queen is St. Olaf’s highest honor. So which is it?

Let’s Get Political

Rose: “In St. Olaf this is the highest honor there is. Oh I never dreamed that someone as unqualified as I am would ever be nominated for anything so important.”

Dorothy: “I guess Dan Quayle really opened the floodgates.”

St. Olaf Vocab

Mount Losenbaden – a mountain, not unlike Mr. Rushmore, with four presidential losers carved into the mountainside. Not to be confused with Lake Losenbaden which is in the shape of a lake.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley

Dorothy: “Oh why is it they schedule the charity softball game on the hottest day of the year?”

Blanche: “I know it. I'm all hot and sweaty, I'm short of breath, and I'm physically exhausted. You'd think I had a good time.”

That’s What She Said

Dorothy: “Blanche, I’m glad we’re alone, there’s something I think we should do.”

Blanche: “Dorothy I like you as a friend but I think I’ll pass.”

Animal Alert

This marks the first appearance of Dreyfus from GG spinoff “Empty Nest.”

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “Only thing I really enjoyed was stealing second base.”

Dorothy: “When have you not enjoyed sliding under a man in uniform?”

Blanche: “Thank god you're here, this heat's driving me crazy!”

Repairman: “You're not the only one. The old lady next door is running through a sprinkler in her underwear.”

Dorothy: “There's no old lady living - MA!!”

Picture It

Sophia: “I'll never forget when I went back after many, many years, everything was just as I remembered it. Garbage in the street, prostitutes in the doorways, a couple of guys hanging from their heels in the town square. No I can't go on. Got a handkerchief?”

Blanche: “Honey, why are you getting all teary? Sicily sounds just awful.”

Sophia: “That wasn't Sicily. That was my first apartment in Brooklyn.”

Zbornak Zingers

Sophia: “It's great bringing two idiots closer together.”

Dorothy: “I think that's the motto of the St. Olaf telephone company.”

Insult Watch

Rose: “I just found out I’m the most boring person alive.”

Sophia: “Did something happen to Regis Philbin??”

Product Placement

Rose: “I don't believe it. This is incredible news! I've been nominated for St. Olaf woman of the year.”

Blanche: “Oh that's nice. Did the new TV Guide come yet?”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “Look, Rose. God doesn't make mistakes. We were all put on this planet for a purpose. Blanche, you're here to work in a museum so that art can be appreciated by humanity. Dorothy, you're here as a substitute teacher to educate our youth. And Rose, you're here because the rhythm method was very popular in the '20s.”

Best of B.E.D.

Dorothy: “This is unbearable. It must be 110 in here.”

Blanche: “I'll tell you a very simple way to beat the heat. JustiImagine yourself in a cool place. Like a snowy, windy mountaintop in Colorado. With a ski instructor named Fritz. And a bearskin rug and a bottle of brandy and a crackling fire. My God, Dorothy, it must be 120 in here!!”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “What's Mount Losenbaden?”

Rose: “It's kinda like Mount Rushmore, except they sculpted four losers of presidential elections in the mountainside. Let's see, there was Alf Landen, Wendell Wilkie and Adlai Stevenson and Adlai Stevenson.”

Blanche: “Why are there two Adlai Stevensons?”

Rose: “Oh Blanche, isn't it obvious? He lost twice. Oh, God, it's making sense!”

and

Blanche: “He is so sophisticated and charming and rich and handsome. He fairly screams Blanche! At least he will before I'm through with him.”

Critique: I’m definitely not the first one to observe this, but if it’s the hottest day of the year in Miami why the hell are they all wearing long pants and sweaters? But I digress. I absolutely love this episode and I’m certainly not alone. It has echoes of the misadventures that occurred in “Grab That Dough” as we follow the girls on their endless journey to St. Olaf. It’s a little disappointing that we never actually get to see Rose’s hometown but the journey is what really matters. Even four seasons in we're learning so much more about St. Olaf and it's residents. One of the show's biggest inconsistencies involves travel to this mysterious, crazy town. Sometimes you have to get there by toboggan, others you can take a bus. And sometimes you have to fly to St. Gustav and then take land transportation like the birds do. It's a fun, lighthearted episode that's pretty silly but shows the fantastic dynamic between all these fantastic ladies. GRADE: A-

The One That Got Away S4E3

Synopsis: Blanche pursues a man named Ham who remains the only man to ever turn down her advances; meanwhile Rose and Dorothy spot a UFO.

80s Flashback

Rose: “What are you doing, Dorothy?”

Dorothy: “Oh looking at the stars. Pondering the universe.”

Rose: “I've been doing the same thing, thinking how wonderful it would be if there really were aliens. Maybe it'd be just like 'Cocoon' and they'd take us away and we'd never grow old.”

Picture It

Sophia: “I wouldn't be so sure if I were Blanche. Sometimes these things aren't meant to be. Like me and Fabrizio Ribeno. We were on the verge of a passionate love affair when Destiny intervened.”

Dorothy: “Don't tell me. His wife, Destiny Ribeno?”

Sophia: “Right. Boy, did she have a temper. She dragged him away by the hair on his back, smashed his skull with a ravioli crank, and threw his limp body in the river. That's a Sicily you don't see on postcards.”

Insult Watch

Blanche: “Ham? Ham Lushbough. Just look at you!”

Sophia: “What else can we look at? The man's covering half the pictures on our wall.”

Dorothy: “Now, look, all this nonsense has to stop, Rose. What we saw was not a UFO.”

Rose: “Well, it wasn't a plane. Planes aren't that thin, or that bright.”

Dorothy: “Neither is Oprah Winfrey, but that doesn't make her a flying saucer.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “Blanche, are you in a good mood?”

Blanche: “Dorothy, you always could see right through me.”

Sophia: “Keep it up with those Chips Ahoy! and Superman couldn't see right through you.”

Sassy Sophia

Rose: “Hello, so, what exactly is "Ham" short for, Ham?”

Sophia: “My guess would be ham and potatoes.”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “It's like there's some kind of wild animal energy in there, pounding pounding and burning, yearning and lusting, just crying out to be released. I've never said this to another man Ham, but I feel a heat between us, kind of a flame cracklin' and hissin'. I want you to put that flame out, Ham. I want you to pluck me like a fruit, and wash me off in your kisses, and sink your teeth into my ripe, juicy flesh.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: "It's like with Santa Claus. The best Christmas we ever had was when all eight of my brothers and sisters, from Lily to Michael, all still believed. That must be ten years ago now."

Reel References

Blanche: “There's only one thing for me to do. I'm going to call him up, and tomorrow night I'm going out with that man again and I don't care what amount of seducing it takes, but as God is my witness, I am not returning to this house until he has begged, beseeched, and pleaded with me to go to bed with him.

Sophia: “You know, that was the original ending to 'Gone with the Wind.'”

The Boob Tube

Rose: “Dorothy, why are you talking that way? I think it's wonderful that there are other beings out there trying to meet us. They might have solutions to all our problems, cures for our diseases, new story lines for 'ALF.'”

Dorothy: “They might also have tentacles on their legs so that they can suck all the blood out of our heads.”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “How do I look?”

Rose: “Great, Blanche.”

Blanche: “Great? Or gorgeous?”

Rose: “Gorgeous.”

Blanche: “Well what about sexy?”

Rose: “Yes.”

Blanche: “Enticing?”

Dorothy: “I'll handle this. Blanche, no woman ever looked better than you look right now, and no one ever will.”

Blanche: “Thank you, Dorothy. Honestly Rose, sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get a little compliment out of you.”

and

Dorothy: “I like my life. I mean, I'm not president or anything. I'm just a teacher. A substitute teacher. A divorced substitute teacher, who can't even afford her own place to live. Beam me up!!”

Critique: What's with the people in Blanche's life ending up fat? It looks like Ham ate her daughter Becky. But I digress. “The One That Got Away” is a fine episode but on my eleventh million rewatch it feels insignificant compared to the best episodes. The two story lines have little in common and the UFO B-story is particularly ridiculous. Sophia's fat jokes come again fast and furious which I think are hilarious because Sophia is at her best when she's insulting people. It's also hard to believe that Ham is the only man who wouldn't sleep with her. Lest we forget that New Years Eve where she tried to devirginize Fred Willard. Overall, the episode lacks extremely memorable lines. Not that there aren't good ones, but again compared to the best episodes it's lacking. The girls take a serious backseat to Blanche because this episode belongs to Rue. She has several noteworthy moments including her blissful giggling as she scarfs down Chips Ahoy! cookies and the great gag in the restaurant that involves half the men in the place running after Blanche. And who knew Virginia was such a lousy lay? GRADE: B