Synopsis:
The girls attend Dorothy’s goddaughter Jenny’s wedding; Blanche and Dorothy
argue over dates, Sophia has cursed the groom’s grandfather, and Rose gets
really horny.
Rose:
“Morning, Dorothy.”
Dorothy:
“I didn't wanna hear it from Bryant Gumbel, and I don't wanna hear it from
you.”
The guy
who hits on Rose at the wedding ends up playing the doctor who performs her
triple bypass surgery.
Blanche,
locked in a bathroom stall: “Dorothy, will you let me out of here?”
Dorothy:
“No way, Blanche.”
Blanche:
“Oh! Well, you can't do this. It's a violation of my civil rights.”
Dorothy:
“Well you have the time, you have the paper. Why don't you sit down and write a
long letter to your senator?”
Waiter:
“Cocktail wiener?”
Rose: “Is
it just me, or did anybody else notice the buns on that priest?”
Rose:
“What's so special about this wedding?”
Sophia:
“Dorothy's goddaughter is marrying the grandson of Giuseppe Mangiacavallo.”
[spits]
Dorothy:
“So?”
Blanche:
“Let her tell the story.”
Sophia:
“When I was 14 in Sicily, my father arranged a marriage with a neighbor's son.
My dowry was two chickens, a ladle, and a goat to be named later.”
Dorothy:
“We came from a wealthy family.”
Sophia:
“But the day of my wedding, as I stood at the altar, the boy I was to marry was
on a cattle boat headed for America. That night, on a tear-stained pillow, I
put a curse on him.”
Rose: “A
curse?”
Sophia:
“Nothing fancy. I remember I said, 'Giuseppe Mangiacavallo, from this day
forward, may you and all your future generations never know true love. May you
be sterile, and may all your offspring be sterile. May your hair never lie
flat, and may your socks always slip down inside your shoes.'”
Dorothy:
“Oh, Blanche, don't you see? We were supposed to look after her. We knew that
she gets hot at weddings. She was counting on us.”
Blanche:
“You don't look after me when I get hot.”
Dorothy:
“That's because I also have a day job.”
Rose:
“Miles can't take me to the wedding. He's gonna be out of town at a teaching
seminar. Now I can't go.”
Dorothy:
“Well that shouldn't keep you from going.”
Rose:
“Oh, I have my reasons. It's a long story.”
Sophia:
“Gotta run!”
Blanche:
“Now, what's this all about?”
Rose:
“Well, it started forty years ago...”
Dorothy:
“Oh, my God.”
Rose:
“...at my wedding in St. Olaf's Great Shepherd Church. Oh, it was beautiful.
Especially when all those balloons dropped from the ceiling.”
Dorothy:
“You had balloons in the church?”
Rose:
“Well, it's not as if we filled them with air. We learned our lesson. I mean,
you put air in them, and the St. Olaf Boys' Choir would use them to make those
disgusting noises.”
Blanche:
“Go on with your story, darling. I care deeply.”
Rose:
“Well, after the wedding, Charlie and I had the most exciting, passionate night
of our lives. After that, whenever we'd go to a wedding, we'd end up going home
and putting on the cast album of Song of Norway, and going crazy on each
other!”
Dorothy:
“What are you saying, Rose? Weddings get you hot?”
Rose:
“Yes.”
Blanche:
“Oh, Dorothy, come on. Borrow one of my men. One of my many, many, many, many,
many, MANY men!”
Rose: “I
have a steady boyfriend, and he's out of town, so unfortunately I'm not
available. Unless, of course, you like jazz.”
Doug:
“Well, I've got Dizzy Gillespie back at my place.”
Rose:
“Does he like jazz?”
Doug:
“Why don't we find out?”
Rose:
“Okey-dokey, daddio.”
Giuseppe
Mangiacavallo: “Remember that restaurant in Sicily we used to go to on Sundays?
I'd save up all week for one plate of pasta that we'd share.”
Sophia: “The
checkered tablecloths, the candle in the Chianti bottle, bad paintings of the
Colosseum.”
Giuseppe
Mangiacavallo: “You remember!”
Sophia: “No,
but the odds were in my favor.”
Giuseppe
Mangiacavallo: “Sophia, I was hoping we could dance.”
Sophia:
“Don't try to kissy up. It's too late. The blight is coming. A plague on both
your houses.”
Giuseppe
Mangiacavallo: “Actually, I have four houses and a summer home.”
Dorothy:
“Don't worry, honey. Nothing to worry about. We're here to look out for you.”
Rose:
“Oh, I just hope the band doesn't play the St. Olaf Wedding March.”
Dorothy:
“I think the chances of their playing that are pretty slim.”
Rose:
“Well I don't know. It got awfully popular after Laurel and Hardy started using
it as their theme song.”
Giuseppe
Mangiacavallo: “No.”
Sophia:
“Good movie. Well, here goes. Oh, sorry, kids. Don't stop on my account. Curse
is over.”
Rose: “I
mean, it was fine while Charlie was alive, but oh, I'll never forget that first
wedding after he died. So now you see why I can't go if Miles is gonna be out
of town. I might end up almost going to bed with the caterer again.”
Blanche:
“Rose, I want to help, but first you have to tell me what the problem is.”
Blanche:
“All right, Doug. But listen. Don't you forget, you be careful. This man is on
loan from the Blanche Devereaux collection.”
Dorothy:
“Blanche, it was his appendix!”
Sophia:
“No, Rose. I think they're just waiting for someone to get them started.”
Blanche:
“Dorothy, you do that one more time, I'm gonna write on this wall, ‘For a good
time, call Dorothy Zbornak.’”
Dorothy:
“Blanche, this is the ladies' room.”
Blanche:
“Right!”
Sophia:
“She left with Doug. Boy, were her eyes twirling!”
Blanche:
“I'm sorry, Dorothy, what did you say? I thought I had established eye contact
with one of the guys in the rhythm section.”
Critique:
Ok where
do I start? I’m still a tad confused about how exactly Dorothy and Sophia are
related to Jenny the bride. She calls both Dorothy and Blanche “aunt” and she’s
apparently Dorothy’s goddaughter and yet she’s never made an appearance until
now. Kinda like Mary the knocked up teen (hopefully she turned out all right). And
what a strange coincidence that she happens to be marrying the grandson of the
man who shamed Sophia. But I digress. Can we talk about how horny Blanche and
Rose are in this episode? I love a wedding as much as the next guy but dear
God. I love when Rose is either mean, competitive, or horny, it always makes for
a fantastic episode. The way she lusts after the waiter after being offered a
cocktail wiener is classic. And then there’s Blanche’s “list.” If Doug is on
her B-list then I’d hate to see her C-list. I mean I guess he’s a catch for a menopausal
middle-aged woman but geez what a loser. Let’s go back to the whole “Rose gets
hot at weddings” thing. I’ve lost track of how many weddings the girls attend
on this show. Let’s take Sophia’s wedding with Max. You don’t see Rose grinding
up against an Elvis impersonator. It feels a little random but I can’t fault
it, it adds up to some great comedic moments. GRADE: A-
Jenny was Dorothy's goddaughter and she prob considered Blance a "play aunt", I've got at least a dozen lol...
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