Synopsis:
Blanche's knocked up and single daughter Becky visits and causes yet
another rift with Blanche when she decides to have the baby in Miami;
Rose trains for the US Senior Sports Classic in ice skating.
90s Flashback
Sophia: “A little
more to the left. A little more to the left. A little more to the
left.”
Dorothy: “Ma. Ma,
wake up, wake up. You're having a nightmare.”
Sophia: “Oh, I
dreamt I was in bed with Mel Gibson and Kim Basinger was to my
right.”
Crazy Continuity
Not so much a
continuity thing but something I've always been curious about.
Ladies, tell me if I'm wrong, but if you're pregnant and about to
burst, do you travel to another state for visit and then just decide
to stay there to have the baby at a hospital with doctors you don't
know?
Let’s Get
Political
Blanche: “At least
Dorothy's pregnancy was an accident. My daughter did it on purpose.
And went to a sperm bank. A sperm bank. Just the very idea of a bank
havin' sperm.”
Sophia: “At least
the government didn't have to bail them out.”
Take Me Out to the
Ballgame, Stanley
Rose: “I'm gonna
enter the US Senior Sports Classic. And I'm gonna win.”
Dorothy: “I had no
idea that you could skate that well.”
Rose: “Oh when I
was young, my folks had me train for the US team. The day the Olympic
Committee came to St. Olaf, I was so nervous I put my skates on the
wrong feet.”
Dorothy: “Oh!”
Rose: “Sonya
Henderfinken's.”
Shady Pines, Ma
Becky: “I can't
believe you. Are you ever gonna get over my bein' a single mother?”
Blanche: “Well
it's just that I have a reputation in this town.”
Dorothy [immediately
feeding Sophia cheesecake]: “Cheesecake, Ma?”
Becky: “I had
artificial insemination. It's not like I slept with every man in
town!”
Dorothy: “Chew it
carefully, Ma. Like they taught you at Shady Pines.”
Lewd Ladies
Blanche: “Oh. This
is a birthing center? Well, where's the obstetrician? Where's the
equipment??”
Sophia:“Yeah,
she'd be better off having the baby in your bedroom. At least you've
got stirrups.”
Becky: “I think
one's coming on. Oh oh OH. YIKES!!”
Sophia: [knocking on
wall]: “Blanche, cut it out. I'm trying to get some sleep.”
Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: "I think it's great that you're taking part in the Senior Sports Classic. You know, I might try entering it myself in 15 years when I'm eligible. If I can come up with an event."
Dorothy: "The luge is the only one where you get to lie on your back."
Oh Shut Up, Rose!
Rose: “Boy, in St.
Olaf, the mother was always with the daughter when she gave birth.
And if the mother was out of town, then the mother of the father was
there. And if she was out of town, then we'd call Lucky Gunther.”
Dorothy: “Oh, what
the hell. She has a birthday coming up. Why, Rose?”
Rose: “After the
thresher accident, they replaced Lucky's arm with the forceps. Yep.
Lucky Gunther. He was in charge of delivering babies and handing out
corn at the Rotary picnics.”
Dorothy: “Shut up,
Rose!”
Insult Watch
Rose: “I'm wearing
weights to strengthen my ankles.”
Sophia: “Do they
come in headbands?”
Product Placement
Becky: “So uh,
Mama, what do you think?”
Blanche: “I think
it would cost less to squat in a Laura Ashley showroom.”
Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “I'm
really looking forward to Becky's visit, even though she is in a
delicate condition.”
Sophia: “Yeah,
knocked up and single. How dainty.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “I was
fortunate. I was at a picnic when I delivered Kirsten.”
Dorothy: “Well,
how was that fortunate?”
Rose: “Lucky
Gunther already had boiling water in his corn pot. Before you knew
it, I was kissing her little buttery salted head.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Oh! Oh
my G- Oh, will you just look at HIM!?”
Doctor: “Mrs.
Devereaux, that's the umbilical cord!”
Sweet,
Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Coach
Ninervini is really disappointed in my compulsory figures. The only
way I can make an "8" is to start with a snowman and then
erase his head and arms. By the time I do all that, the judges have
lost interest.”
Dorothy: “So have
I, Rose.”
What, We Can't Learn
From History?
Dorothy: “So, I
hear we only get you for three days.”
Becky: “Well, that
depends.”
Dorothy: “On
what?”
Becky: “On how my
mother feels about my having the baby in Miami.”
Blanche: “Here??
So close to Cuba?”
From Feud to Food
Dorothy:
“Cheesecake, Rose?”
Rose: “Let's taste
it and find out.”
Dorothy Zbornak is
My Spirit Animal
Dorothy: “It
doesn't matter what your parents want. Rose, you're never gonna make
them happy. They're just gonna nag you and nag you until you want to
grab their throats and choke 'em, but you don't, because you're in a
hospital with resuscitating equipment!!!”
The Boob Tube
Dorothy: “Remember
how Stan was working late when I went into labor with Kate, so I
called you, Ma?”
Sophia: “Yeah,
right in the middle of Uncle Miltie.”
Dorothy: “No, no.
Kate was born on a Friday. Milton Berle was on Tuesday nights.”
Sophia: “Yeah, I
know. Uncle Miltie was your father's pet name for – nevermind.”
Golden Quotes
Becky: “Well, I
love being pregnant. Except for the hormones. Yesterday I cried when
the mail was late.”
Rose [crying]: “Oh
no, her mail was late!”
Dorothy: “Can you
imagine what she was like when she had hormones?”
Becky: “I'm not
having my baby in a hospital. I'm going to a birthin' center. They
emphasize natural childbirth in a relaxed atmosphere with no
painkillers.”
Blanche: “Becky, I
know I told you where babies come from. Did I ever mention where they
come out?”
Blanche: “First
Becky conceives in a clinic, now she wants to deliver in a bedroom.
She's got the whole thing backwards. Oh, this is all wrong. What kind
of dope would want to have a baby here?!”
Rose: “This place
makes me wanna run out and get pregnant!”
Blanche: “Well,
darling, that is woman's lot in life, to bear the pain of
childbirth.”
Becky: “What's
man's lot in life?”
Dorothy: “Their
eyebrows grow together.”
Rose: “Am I crazy
or did I hear screaming?”
Dorothy: “Yes and
yes!”
Blanche: “How you
doin', baby?”
Becky: “I'm
scared.”
Blanche: “Oh
honey, there's nothin' to be afraid of. Just remember, pull! Pull!
Oh, no. That's skeet shootin'.”
Sophia: “It took
me three and a half days to have Dorothy. I finally coaxed her out
with a pork chop.”
Dorothy: “You know
Ma, you're really making me feel very bad. You keep telling me how
hard it was and how long it took to have me.”
Sophia: “Did I
mention the colic?”
Dorothy: “Ma,
you're hurting my feelings.”
Sophia: “Not as
much as you hurt my oonie.”
Dorothy: “Ma!”
Rose: “Oh, Sophia.
Big Foot, thank you. I mean, you're terrific. You made me realize you
don't have to please your parents. I don't know how I can thank you.
No more ice-skating. And I'm not gonna go over Niagara Falls in a
barrel.”
Dorothy: “No,
Rose, that you should do.”
Critique:
A new year, a new
season. And even better it's the second part of what I refer to as
'The Aurora Trilogy.' And it contains my all-time favorite off-screen
scream in television history (the mommy on fire obviously – and,
for the record, second place goes to Jaleel White in the first Myrtle
Urkel episode of “Family Matters”). Even though this is a very
Blanche-centric episode Rose gets lots of fun physical humor here.
It's a sheer delight when Rose walks through the kitchen door looking
like she's going to “a sanitarium up north.” Then she shuffles
along with ankle weights and Sophia thinks she's making fun of old
people. I wonder how long it did take Rose to get through the grocery
store with those things on? Anyways, so when Becky mentions Birthin'
Centers and Sophia makes a remark about those theme park people, does
anyone else picture an Epcot-like “Miracle of Birth” ride? I'd go
on it. On that note, what in the actual hell is a Birthin' Center?
But I digress. Rose's storyline, let's be real, is just plain silly
and is just an excuse for her to get Becky's birthin' coach mixed up
with her ice skating coach, but it's a funny gag and I can get behind
it. The fact that Becky, let alone the doctor, would even want the
coach in the room is beyond preposterous. Moving on, I'm on the
record as saying that aside from Season 2's “End of the Curse”
opener this episode is arguably the series' strongest season
premiere. The writing is as funny and crisp as ever and by season 6
the ladies have certainly found their grove, probably so much so that
at this point it feels like they ARE these characters. Finally, the
show's writers have always come up with clever euphemisms for
genitalia over the course of the series from oohoo to wee-wee but
Sophia's line reading of “oonie” takes the cake. A cake that's
probably from the Get It While It's Hot Erotic Bake Shop. Note: I'm
adding a new category called “Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal”
for any downright classic Dorothy Z. outbursts. Looking forward to
this season. GRADE: A
