Crazy Continuity
Rose says she hates
her sister Holly but in the season one episode “Transplant,” Rose
claims she doesn't know how anyone could hate their own sister.
That’s What She
Said
Dorothy: “Well
Rose, it's all out in the open now.”
Rose: “I can see
that.”
Take Me Out to the
Ballgame, Stanley
Blanche: “You have
no recollection of Dreyfuss since last Thursday??”
Sophia: “I have no
recollection, period, since last Thursday. Anything could have
happened in three days. I just hope I'm not carrying Steve Garvey's
baby.”
Animal Alert
Sophia dog sits for
Dreyfuss, thinks he runs away, buys another dog, Dreyfuss comes back,
and ends up stuck with two Dreyfusses whom she can't tell apart. 80s
sitcom hilarity ensues!
Lewd Ladies
Blanche: “Why is
there a big hairy beast in my house?”
Sophia: “My guess
is because he bought you dinner.”
Picture It
Rose: “So what
should I do?”
Sophia: “Please!
Socrates sat under an olive tree in a sheet for years thinking about
this kind of stuff. I'm a poor immigrant with a third-grade
education. Give me two minutes! OK. I've got it. My Uncle Carlo
always used to say, 'Honesty is the best policy.' Of course, Uncle
Carlo died a penniless drunk.”
Rose: “I don't
understand.”
Sophia: “The point
is, if you're honest every second of every day, it doesn't always
turn out for the best. That was the case with my Uncle Carlo. He
honestly remembered the license number of the trigger man in the
Sanducci vendetta.”
Rose: “So what
you're saying is that because nobody's gonna believe me anyway, I'm
better off if I let people find out what's going on for themselves.”
Sophia: “I
wouldn't chisel that into a stone tablet, but it sounds serviceable
at this hour.”
Insult Watch
Rose: “Oh, girls,
I'm so glad you're still up. I need to talk to you. I have a
problem.”
“Oh, honey, we
know you do. You gotta stop buying your hair colorin' out of the
99-cent-or-less bin at the Pic 'n Save.”
Rose: “This
problem has to do with Holly.”
Blanche: “Her
hair's not the color of a Twinkie.”
Tales from the Old
South
Blanche: “Oh,
these things happen between sisters all the time. I remember once my
sister Virginia wouldn't talk to me for a month, all because I smiled
at her boyfriend.”
Dorothy: “There.
Listen to Blanche.”
Blanche: “Of
course, I was skinny-dipping on his property at the time.”
Dorothy: “Don't
listen to Blanche.”
Blanche: “All
right, it was his bathtub. We were blowing suds off of each other
when she walked in.”
Dorothy: “Blanche,
what is the point of this story?”
Blanche: “Point?
Well there's no point. I just like telling it.”
Product Placement
Blanche: “Where
did those pants come from?”
Dorothy: “According
to the label, The Gap.”
Sassy Sophia
Holly: “She's
feisty, zesty, and full of old-world charm: Sophia!”
Sophia: “She's
mopey, dopey, and full of crap: Rose's sister. Don't mess with me,
kid. I have the home-court advantage.”
Sophia: “Please, promise me, on your mother's grave, you won't breathe a word of this to Dorothy. You promise?”
Blanche: “Yes sure, Sophia.”
Sophia: “Good. Now I can save what I know about you and the twin rabbinical students for another time.”
Back in St. Olaf
Blanche: “Oh,
Rose, honey, can you ever forgive us?”
Rose: “Well, it
all depends. Will you believe what I say from now on, even if it
isn't what you want to hear?
Blanche: “Oh, of
course we will.”
Rose: “Will you
believe me when I tell you that somebody isn't as nice as they seem?”
Dorothy: “Of
course we will.”
Rose: “Will you
believe me when I tell you about how our pig Lester always predicted
the Best Supporting Actor Oscar winner every year since 19-”
Dorothy: “Don't
push it, Rose.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Rose
Nylund, if I didn't know better, I might think you were tryin' to
steal my boyfriend.”
Rose: “I'm
innocent, Blanche.”
Blanche: “Oh I
know it. That's why Gary's dating me!”
Rose: “He's a
lewd, horny, oversexed beast with five hands.”
Blanche: “You
don't have to build him up to me, honey. I like him fine already.”
Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Hi, girls. Is she here yet?”
Dorothy: “Who, Rose?”
Rose: “My sister. I left you a note on your bathroom mirror.”
Dorothy: “Why did you leave a note on my bathroom mirror?”
Rose:
“Because it was the only one that had enough steam.”
Reel References
Dorothy: “Another
slice of cheesecake, Blanche?”
Blanche: “Oh, I
really shouldn't.”
Dorothy: “Honey,
what harm can it do? Lately you've been eating like a bird.”
Sophia: “Yeah,
Rodan.”
Golden Quotes
Sophia: “You think
I can't do it? You think I'm irresponsible?”
Dorothy: “Yes,
Ma.”
Sophia: “You think
I'm forgetful?”
Dorothy: “Yes,
Ma.”
Sophia: “You think
I'm irresponsible?”
Dorothy: “You
already said that.”
Sophia: “That's
emphasis. You never heard the "I have a dream" speech?”
Holly: “Wait,
wait! Let me! She's attractive, witty, and great fun to be with, this
must be Dorothy. And she's smart, sexy, and stylish to a fault. This
must be Blanche. Did I get it right?”
Dorothy: “You're
right.”
Holly: “Thank
goodness. I worried all the way over here I'd get it backwards.”
Dorothy: “I could
of lived with smart and sexy.”
Blanche: “You do
live with smart and sexy.”
Holly: “Blanche,
please let me explain.”
Blanche: “Why? So
you can make up some cockamamie story about how you were two ships
that passed in the night and it'll never happen again? Save your
breath, I've heard all that before.”
Gary: “You have?”
Blanche: “Yes,
only usually I'm one of the ships.”
Critique:
The
girls should call some paranormal investigators because their living
room coffee table vanishes without a trace in this episode. Obviously
it's because Dreyfuss
is visiting but it's still bizarre when random pieces of furniture
appear (piano) or disappear (the TV) based on whether the script
calls for it. But I digress. Why oh why
are Rose's family members such assholes? Her sister Holly is a slut.
Her blind sister Lily is helpless and almost burned down their
kitchen. Her daughter Kirsten acted like a stuck-up
bitch when she found out her
father Charlie wasn't
rich. And her other daughter
Bridget also slept around (she obviously learned a thing or two from
her aunt). I wonder if the writers thought
it would be fun to play off the naivete
and eternal niceness that is Rose Nylund. That also must be why they
almost gave her AIDS and took away her late husband's pension. So
yes, Holly is a jerk
to Rose even though Dorothy and Blanche are apparently, like Lily,
blind to it. She probably
eats at the Mortimer Club. One
other thing, at one point Holly is supposed to have given directions
to Rose about where to meet for lunch. Why the hell is Holly, who is
the one from out of town, giving directions to Rose, who lives in
Miami? Anyways, Dreyfuss
adds some lighthearted shenanigans to the proceedings as
NBC was in full-on “Golden Girls Extended Universe Mode” by then
(the show had three spin-offs: Empty Nest, Nurses, and eventually
The Golden Palace). But my
biggest gripe here remains
this: I realize pet stores today
aren't really the same as
they were in the 80s but could
you really just go to a
pet shop and take home any breed of dog you want? GRADE: B+
I hateeeee this episode! I might hate it more than the "empty nests pilot" ep! Everytime Blanche and Dorothy challenge Rose about Holly, I wanted her to yell "bitch, she's my f#n sister!" Only thing I like about this ep is Blanche's line abt being one of the shipppsss
ReplyDeleteoh come on, Rose outsmarting Sophia about how to tell the two Dreyfusses apart is SO funny every time I see it. Sophia's reaction is just priceless because I imagine no one in the audience thought of it either LOL.
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