Synopsis: The girls juggle three storylines: Blanche rents a
Mercedes to attract men, Mile's daughter doesn't approve of Rose and
Miles' relationship, and Sophia has been hoarding checks from the
government that were sent by mistake.
90s Flashback
Sophia: “Have you guys ever heard of Totally Hidden Video? Well
underneath this gray wig is comedian Kaye Ballard. Thanks for being
on our show.”
Crazy Continuity
Later we find out Miles is in the Witness Relocation Program. So
really, who the hell is Caroline??
Let’s Get Political
Dorothy: “Now, just a minute. I have my own problems. I'm dealing
with a mother who stole money from the government.”
Sophia: “Come on! It's not like I'm an elected official.”
St. Olaf Vocab
Gerkinflunken – Rose's uncle who was the owner of St. Olaf's most
famous haberdashery. He came up with the slogan, 'You don't have to
be Amish to look Amish.'
Kerflugenglugen – candied herring. Rose refuses to serve store-bought because she likes to use Red Hots for the eyes
That’s What She Said
Blanche: “You can tell a lot about a man by the way he drives.”
Dorothy: “You know, that's true. Sometimes Stan couldn't even get
the key in the ignition.”
Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Dorothy: “Where'd you get the money?”
Sophia: “Is that what you say to someone who bought you a gift?”
Dorothy: “Ma, I asked you a question.”
Sophia: “I never told you this, Dorothy, but I'm a special friend
of Phil Rizzuto.”
Shady Pines, Ma
Dorothy: “Ma, can I see you in the kitchen?”
Sophia: “I've got no secrets from these people.”
Dorothy: “Shady Pines, Ma.”
Sophia: “Right behind you.”
Lewd Ladies
Dorothy: “Ma, why don't you take a moment and think what America
has given you?”
Sophia: “Besides this 170 grand? All right. All right, all right,
I'll send it back. All of it?”
Dorothy: “Yes, Ma, all of it.”
Sophia: “OK, OK. I just hope they want it back after an 83-year-old
woman rolled around in it naked.”
Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “The government is being kinder and gentler by sending me a
lot more social security checks than they used to.”
Dorothy: “The computer made a mistake. Ma, that money doesn't
belong to you. Now how much are we talking about?”
Sophia: “Enough to have you rubbed out if you rat on me.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “My first appointment's here, right on time. I've been out
there watching him. He's been looking at the car and smiling. I feel
just like a fisherman with a new lure.”
Dorothy: “You catch 'em, you clean 'em! Blanche, aren't you
embarrassed, going through all this subterfuge just to get a man?”
Blanche: “A man? I'm planning on getting a six-month
supply!”
Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose
Rose: “Your father tells me you're a classical musician. What do
you play?”
Caroline: “The English horn.”
Rose: “I didn't know horns had nationalities. But I guess it makes
sense, if jumping beans can be Mexican and fire drills can be Chinese
and flies can be Spanish!”
Literary Intelligentsia
Miles: “We saw a marvelous production of The Glass Menagerie.”
Dorothy: “Oh that is one of my favorite plays.”
Rose: “Frankly, I was a little disappointed.”
Miles: “Really?”
Rose: “Yeah. When you told me you were taking me to a revival of
Tennessee Williams, I was expecting something more along the lines of
a seance.”
Reel References
Dorothy: “Morning, Ma. You sleep well?”
Sophia: “No. I had that recurring nightmare – you know the one
where I'm in bed with Warren Beatty and he says, 'Sorry, this is too
sick even for me.'”
The Boob Tube
Miles: “Rose, I have never met anyone like you.”
Sophia: “Check the cornfield on Hee Haw.”
Golden Quotes
Blanche: “Don't worry about it honey. Men will be over, but they'll
be in and out all day.”
Dorothy: “Don't say it, Ma.”
Sophia: “I have to Dorothy. At my age, when you don't say it, it
can back up on you and come out some other way.”
James: “How much mileage has she got on her?”
Dorothy: “Let's just say she's been around the block.”
James: “...I can't believe anything that beautiful is so cheap.”
Sophia: “I'm cramping up!”
Dorothy: “Blanche will be here any minute she's out on a test drive.”
Thomas: “Oh, Blanche said I was gonna be the first.”
Sophia: “She's been using that line for 40 years.”
Rose: “Who wants birthday cake?”
Caroline: “What's in it?”
Rose: “It's a secret. And in some countries, a vaccine.”
Blanche: “Boy, Mother Devereaux was dead set against me marrying
George. She wanted her little boy to marry a virgin.”
Rose: “How did she know you weren't?”
Sophia: “Maybe it was all those 'Honk if you've had Blanche' bumper
stickers.”
Blanche: “Caroline, you think your daddy has become involved too
soon after your poor mother's demise, but, honey, a year is more than
respectable. Why, I've had men call me when their wives were in
intensive care.”
Dorothy: “Gentlemen, please! You don't seem to understand what I'm
trying to tell you - the car is not for sale!”
James: “Why not?”
Sophia: “It's.. haunted.”
James “What?”
Sophia: “The car is haunted. I should know, I rode in it.”
Thomas: “You look OK.”
Sophia: “I'm 27 years old.”
Critique:
Ok before I get into it. What exactly is the vaccine that's in Rose's
birthday cake? Discuss amongst yourselves, I'll wait. Rabies. It's
definitely rabies. But I digress. Holy cow I think this one of the
most underrated episodes. It's not particularly memorable. Because
they don't go on a game show or go to a murder mystery weekend. But
it has really snappy dialogue and truly hilarious moments. Most
people remember it for being the one where Miles' daughter is a
bitch. Which is true of course, but also remember that soon we'll
find out that Miles in the Witness Relocation Program and my theory
is that Caroline is just an actor. There's a reason she wants Rose to
stay away from Miles after all. Anyways. These storylines are great.
OF COURSE Blanche would rent a Mercedes just to attract eligible men.
There are so many great automotive/sexual double entendres it's hard
to keep track. I'd like to know how Blanche got away with falsely
reporting her Mercedes stolen. Probably the same thing that happened
to Dorothy when she reported her best piece of crystal stolen in “One For the Money.” Sophia even gets in on the fun as she's been
hoarding money from the government. She also says she rolled around
in it naked. There's a little part of me that kind of wants to see
that. Actually nevermind, that's too sick even for me. GRADE: A-
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