The Impotence of Being Ernest S4E13

Synopsis: Rose dates a man who's impotent; Sophia gets an ominous letter from Sicily.

80s Flashback

Blanche: “Well, he's perfect. He's absolutely perfect. I cannot believe a man like that would be interested in Rose.”

Dorothy: “Well, I guess he's not perfect after all.”

Blanche: “That's right, Dorothy. Thank you. I feel so much better.”

Dorothy: “We're living with Robin Givens.”

Let’s Get Political

Dorothy: “I remember when Stanley and I were going through this. We tried everything. Relaxation techniques, hypnosis. I fed the man so many oysters, when he passed a kidney stone I had it appraised. I mean this went on for two years before he found a cure.”

Rose: “What was it?”

Dorothy: “A blonde stewardess with a butt that would have made Gandhi throw in the towel.”

That’s What She Said

Rose: “Boy, there is nothing more frustrating than waiting for one of these suckers to rise and it just won't.”

Lewd Ladies

Blanche: “What have you all been doing all this time? How long can you make conversation?”

Dorothy: “Blanche, there is more to conversation than just, 'Can I have a hanger for my pants, please?'”

Zbornak Zingers

Dorothy: “Don't play dumb, with me, Ma. Everything from Sicily means something. A black rose means a family member is dying. A white carnation means a newborn is on the way. A dead rabbit means, 'My husband knows. Get out of town.'”

Rose: “Knows what?”

Dorothy: “The score to South Pacific, Rose.”

Insult Watch

Blanche: “Rose, just tell Ernie that sex is not the most important part of a relationship. Just ask anybody married to an Englishman.”

Product Placement

Dorothy: “Blanche, I'm sure it's a fluke that nobody called you for a date.”

Sophia: “They must have painted the men's room walls at the Pizza Hut.”

Sassy Sophia

Sophia: “While I was giving Sonny the evil eye, I noticed he was kinda cute. So, I decided to work in a little kiss of death too. Well, that livened him up, and we spent a very pleasant afternoon.”

Dorothy: “Ma, you are incredible.”

Sophia: “Those were Sonny's words exactly.”

Dorothy Zbornak is My Spirit Animal

Blanche: “Impotent? Are you sure??”

Dorothy: “Oh Blanche, what would you have done? Asked him to prove it?”

Back in St. Olaf

Rose: “I don't think I've had this much fun since I was a little girl back in St. Olaf. I remember once when I was about ten.”

Ernie: “You were about to tell a story. Why did you stop?”

Rose “Well, this is usually when Dorothy and Blanche interrupt me. Anyway, I'd always go to the movies every Saturday afternoon with all my friends. Oh, we'd have a ball. Of course the only problem was that our town theater was designed for silent movies.”

Ernie: “They never put in a sound system?”

Rose: “No. Luckily, our schoolteacher, Miss Sigerson, was an expert lipreader. She'd do all the dialogue. There were some problems sometimes. Through most of Citizen Kane, we all thought everybody was looking for a rowboat.”

Best of B.E.D.

Blanche: “If you don't want to wait, there are other avenues you can take. Well there are just dozens of ways to seduce a man, hundreds, maybe even thousands!”

Dorothy: “I think that you should forget the ones that involve swinging naked from a door frame.”

Sweet, Single-Digit-IQ Rose

Blanche: “Honey, it's as easy as riding a bicycle.”

Rose: “I never learned how to ride a bicycle.”

Dorothy: “It's as easy as falling off a bicycle.”

Rose: “Really?? Well that is easy. Thanks, Dorothy.”

Reel References

Ernie: “It's not easy for a man to say, Rose. I'm impotent.”

Rose: “I see. Well, in that case, why don't we see what's playing at the movies?”

The Boob Tube

Blanche: “Well, Rose has a date and I don't. What are the odds of something like this happening? There's probably a better chance of getting struck by lightning in a house you won from Ed McMahon.”

Golden Quotes

Blanche: “Honey, sometimes you have to stoke a man's fire a little bit.”

Sophia: “Words of wisdom from the human torch.”

and

Rose: “Were you three listening to our conversation?”

Dorothy: “Absolutely not. You know we would never eavesdrop.”

Sophia: “They made me do it. When I turn my hearing aid up to ten, I can hear a canary break wind in Lauderdale.”

and

Blanche: “Well, sex therapy is one solution, but there are other ways.”

Dorothy: “Oh Blanche, dessert toppings are not the answer.”

and of course:

Ernie: “What is sex, after all?”

Rose: “Two clunky old bodies thrashing around against each other. Like animals.”

Ernie: “You get all sweaty and flushed.”

Rose: “Your hair gets mussed.”

Ernie: “You lose your breath.”

Rose: “You lose your earring.”

Ernie: “Your mouth waters.”

Rose: “Your nose runs.”

Ernie: “Your heart races.”

Rose: “Your blood races.”

Ernie: “Rose-”

Rose: “Say it, Ernie.”

Ernie: “It's time, Rose!”

Rose: “Check! Please!”

Critique:

This is one of those middle of the road episodes. Now, there are some really great lines here and the storyline about Rose dating an impotent man obviously lends itself to risque, naughty dialogue which there is no shortage of. However, there's something just sort of vanilla about this episode. It's sort of unremarkable, like Ernie himself. It doesn't help that Sophia's B story about the vendetta is forgettable and doesn't provide many laughs. Of course, the episode still has plenty of good moments and strong dialogue. Though no fan is running down the street proclaiming this as their favorite episode. I will say that I’m pretty certain, had this show been around in the late 90s, there would have been Viagra jokes up the wazoo.  GRADE: B