Synopsis:
The girls have guests coming into town so they reminisce about past
bedtime experiences
80s Flashback
Rose: “I forgot to
say my prayers.”
Dorothy: “Oh Rose,
God wouldn't mind if you skipped a night. He's very busy these days.
Most of his free time is spent talking to Pat Robertson.”
Crazy Continuity
So, it's implied in
the second vignette that Blanche came to Miami “for eligible men.”
But Blanche was married to George and raised her kids in Miami. Uh
what? Maybe that's why she STAYED in Miami?
Also, we learn
Dorothy always wanted to try a nudist camp. So why did she freak out
on Rose in the Valentine's Day episode??
Musical Moments
Rose: “My cousin
Milo's coming, don't you remember? He's gonna be in town for the 14th
Annual Hog Expo.”
Dorothy: “Is it
the 14th Annual already? It seems just like yesterday it was the 12th
Annual. Sunrise, sunset/Sunrise, sunset.”
That’s What She
Said
Sophia: “She was
more in the mood for something that wouldn't test her gag reflex.”
Lewd Ladies
Blanche: “Did you
hear that sound?”
Sophia: “Yeah, and
as long as I'm in my own bed, I'll do what I WANT!”
Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “Dorothy,
didn't you ever have something you always wanted to do, you know some
kind of secret desire you always kept on the back burner?”
Dorothy: “I always
wanted to try a nudist camp.”
Train Attendant:
“Some big pots belong on the back burner.”
Dorothy: “Uh,
don't you have a cousin you should be dating??”
Oh Shut Up, Rose!
Sophia: “What the
hell is everyone so particular about? In Sicily, four in a bed is a
treat. It means half your family is on vacation. I slept with my two
brothers until I was 17. I was engaged to one for a very short period
of time. But that's a separate story.”
Rose: “I wouldn't
mind hearing it!”
Dorothy: “Shut up,
Rose!”
Insult Watch
Rose: “I never do
very much with my eyebrows.”
Blanche: “That's
why, from the nose up, you look like Wilfred Brimley.”
Product Placement
Dorothy: “I'm
freezing to death. You're the only one who has an electric blanket.”
Sophia: “I'll die
under here with you. Your body is like a heat sponge. You'll suck up
all the heat and I'll get up in the morning a frozen fish stick.”
Dorothy: “Ma,
don't be ridiculous. Just turn up the heat.”
Sophia: “It's
already on nine. On ten you can cook a Lean Cuisine.”
Sassy Sophia
Blanche: “It
couldn't be any worse than trying to sleep on a hard wooden bench in
the middle of a railway station.”
Sophia: “Boy, you
do it anyplace don't you Blanche?”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose tells Blanche
about the St. Olaf Slasher who would sneak into unsuspecting farmers'
fields and mercilessly slash their scarecrows to shreds.
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “Dorothy,
I swear you snore worse than a sailor passed out at an adult motel
after a night of unbridled passion while I had to call a cab to take
me ho- never mind.”
Golden Quotes
Dorothy, pretending
to be God: “Rose thanks for the lovely prayer... now shut up and
get into bedddd.”
Rose: “AMEN!”
and
Blanche, telling a
frightened Rose a bedtime story: “...until finally they got so sick
and tired of Rose annoying them that they went off to sleep someplace
else. And two big ol' escaped convicts snuck in through the window
and murdered Rose IN HER SLEEP!!”
and
Station Attendant:
“Now y'all may think this sounds kinda silly, but we actually
printed "Our trains leave early" right on the town seal.”
Rose: “You have a
town seal? Can he play a song on those little horns?”
Station Attendant:
“No, but he can balance a ball on his nose if you throw him a
catfish first.”
Blanche: “This is
like The Twilight Zone. Somehow we got on a train that ended up
inside Rose's mind.”
and
Rose: “Excuse me,
Mr. Clown. Could you do something to put smiles on the faces of three
Gloomy Guses?”
Mr. Clown: “Buzz
off, lady. I'm on a cigarette break.”
Critique:
Is
it just me or is Miami the last place you'd find an annual Hog Expo?
Maybe I'm just ignorant. Anyways,
I always love the “flashback” episodes that feature new footage.
These vignettes are always some of the show's all-time best moments
and “Bedtime Story” is no exception. The centerpiece sequence
involves the four girls snuggling under Sophia's electric blanket
during a cold spell. Why anyone in Miami would own an electric
blanket is beyond me but again I've never lived in southern Florida.
I've also never been an 80 year-old woman (Which is funny because I'm
pretty sure I AM an 80 year-old woman trapped inside a 33 year-old
man's body). But I digress. This is an all-time classic GG moment and
is filled with quotable line after quotable line. This may, in fact,
be the first entire scene that I ever knew all by heart. There
are too many specific moments to recall here but there are two I want
to mention specifically. First, I love a good fart joke and Sophia
nails hers here and second, Dorothy pretending to be God is a top ten
Dorothy moment for sure. The other vignettes involve Blanche
comforting Rose after
she hears about convict escaping from a prison in Georgia,
one
with Sophia taking care of Dorothy who's sick with bronchitis, and
one with
the girls spending a night at a train station with a bunch of circus
clowns.
As
a final note, Dorothy must be a ninja because she's able to clear off
her entire plate of chipped beef and stash it in Sophia's purse in
complete darkness in about 3 seconds. Impressive, Ms. Zbornak. GRADE:
A
Is it just me or is the train station set in this episode the same one as that in the Mother's Day episode?
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