Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Not Another Monday S5E7

Synopsis: In a very special episode, Sophia's friend Martha wants to kill herself; meanwhile, the girls are babysitting a young couple's baby while an especially horny Blanche throws herself Dr. Harry Weston.

Musical Moments
Rose: “Boom. Boom. Well??”
Blanche: “Well what?”
Rose: “After my ‘boom’ comes your ‘boom,’ and then yours - until we're all ‘boom’ing.”
Dorothy: “How complicated is that herring thing?”
The girls then proceed into a rendition of “Mr. Sandman.”

That’s What She Said
Sophia: “I don't know, for me it was better the first time. What do you think?”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame, Stanley
Dorothy: “What is it, Rose? A boy or a girl?”
Rose: “Of course!”
Dorothy: “I mean, is it Frances as in Francie, or Francis as in Frank?”
Rose: “I don't know. It's wearing yellow.”
Dorothy: “We could find out, Rose.”
Rose: “How??”
Dorothy: “Put on the Dolphins game and see if it watches. BY LOOKING ROSE!”

Lewd Ladies
Martha: “She suffered so. It was a blessing in disguise.”
Sophia: “I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.”

Zbornak Zingers
Dr. Harry Weston: “Frank, talk to me. What's going on here?”
Blanche: “ Well he isn't feeling very well, so we thought we'd have you over for a drink.
Dorothy: “Hey, why don't we just forget the baby and go dancing?”

Insult Watch
Dorothy: “Oh, come on, Blanche, he's a doctor. He's used to seeing people at their worst. And if you comb your hair, you can be right in that ball park.”

Product Placement
Sophia: “Uh do you remember how we met?”
Martha: “Yes. About eight years ago. We shared a room in the hospital. You had the heart scare, I was the gall bladder.”
Sophia: “They gave you my sponge bath by mistake.”
Martha: “You ate my Jell-O.”

Sassy Sophia
Dorothy: “Ma, hello Martha. Where were you?
Sophia: “I'll give you a hint. The guest of honor had lipstick on her teeth and didn't give a damn.”

Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “You know, this reminds me of the story of Gunilla Ulfstader, St. Olaf's very own angel of death.”
Dorothy: “Tell it, Rose. Tell it.”
Rose: “Really?? All the way through?”
Dorothy: “All the way through. But please try to make the end come as close to the beginning as possible.”
Rose: “Well, Gunilla Ulfstader was a nurse at Cedars of St. Olaf Hospital. One night she was taking care of Sven Bjornsson, and he asked her if she would get him some more mouth moisteners and then kill him. Gunilla brought the mouth moisteners right away, but the killing thing, it seemed to go against everything she'd been taught… He begged and he begged, and by her coffee break, she couldn't stand it anymore, so she pulled the plug and he died. Well, she was racked with guilt that night. Not only had she parked her car in a doctor's spot, but she was never sure whether Sven's pleading was the pain talking, or the medication talking, or the guy in the next bed talking! You see, the guy in the next bed was Ingmar von Bergen, St. Olaf's meanest ventriloquist.
Dorothy: “Rose, we are going somewhere with this, aren't we? I mean, if not, I'm gonna cut out your tongue.”
Rose: “Yes! Sven came back to haunt Gunilla - since then, every Tuesday night at ten. Nine, Central. She hears noises. But some say it's the wind, but some say it's Sven's voice whispering back from the other side, saying, 'Turn around quick - his lips are moving!'”
Dorothy: “See that, Ma? You kill someone, you end up being a Rose story.”

Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “I'd better freshen up.”
Dorothy: “Blanche, he is not coming over to look at you. He's coming over to look at the baby.”
Blanche: “I will be holding the baby, next to my bosom. What a magnificent picture. God, I wish that thing didn't look so sickly.”

Dr. Harry Weston: “So, you've been keeping these ladies busy, have you?”
Blanche: “Oh, I didn't mind. I have such a highly developed maternal instinct.”

From Food to Feud
Martha: “Order anything you like. I'm going to have the shrimp cocktail, the cream of mushroom soup, asparagus with hollandaise sauce, and the filet mignon.”
Sophia: “I like cholesterol as much as the next guy, but you're never gonna get blood to your feet again.”

Golden Quotes
Martha: “I have so many things wrong with me - arthritis, high blood pressure, angina, just to mention a few.”
Sophia: “Who doesn't? You can't get into our canasta game unless you have at least two debilitating diseases.”

Blanche: “When are we supposed to sleep? Not that I mind. I was born to heal.”
Dorothy: “Heel, Blanche! “

Rose: “You know, back in St. Olaf, we had a surefire method for getting babies to sleep.”
Dorothy: “If herring, elk, or anyone named Sven figures in this, I don't wanna hear it.”

Sophia: “Boy you guys really stink.”
Dorothy: “We were just singing the baby to sleep.”
Sophia: “It was waking me up.”

Sophia: “Martha wants to commit suicide, and she wants me to be there with her.”
Blanche: “And what did you say?”
Sophia: “I said I'd think about it. You can't say no to somebody who pops for a $75 dinner. Tell them, Blanche.”

Suicide is about as funny as last year's election results. But that doesn't mean the GG don't know how to mix serious subjects with hearty, witty humor. This is a memorable episode, with classic moments, if you're able to put up with the darker subject matter. Let’s start with some of the lighter touches, like how freaking horny is Blanche in this episode?? I know I know, when isn’t Blanche horny. She gets all dolled up for Dr. Harry Weston (even going as far as to put on earrings because babies love shiny things) who we’re supposed to care about because he has his own show in the Golden Girls Expanded TV Universe. At least the budget has grown since season two and the producers actual got a baby this time, not a phony pile of blankets that passed for an infant in “And Then There Was One.” So, remember how Rose mentions that they took her off the suicide hotline at work in “Stan Takes a Wife?” Maybe they should of hired Sophia. She's able to convince Martha not to kill herself in about 63 seconds of screen-time. Impressive. It feels good. Sophia promises to be her best friend. And yet we never see or hear from Martha again. Hopefully she's enjoying some Harvey Wallbangers somewhere. The dual theme of life (the baby) and death (Martha) are balanced nicely with plenty of good moments including the classic “Mr. Sandman” scene and my favorite bit probably being Blanche slinging her leg over the arm of the chair as she tries to prove just how maternal she can be. It's certainly one of the heavier, depressing episodes, and the dialogue isn't quite as sharp, but at least there aren't any flashbacks. GRADE: B+

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