Synopsis: Blanche’s
brother-in-law Jamie visits and she falls in love with him; Sophia secretly
borrows the girls’ cars to drive.
Musical Moments
Rose: “Sophia, if you needed a ride, we'd be happy to give
you lifts.”
Sophia: “You want to make me happy? Get rid of the Bobby
Vinton tapes. I have enough trouble staying awake at the wheel.”
St. Olaf Vocab
Dorothy: “What a charming man.”
Rose: “And so handsome. Oh as they say in St. Olaf, va-va-va
voom!”
Dorothy: “Is that where that comes from?”
Lewd Ladies
Jamie: “I never will forget back in high school in biology
class when we were studying the octopus.”
Blanche: “Now, I swear I meant to say eight tentacles.”
Zbornak Zingers
Blanche: “What has become of chivalry, when men used to open
doors for you, pull out your chair, tip their hat, kiss your hand, help you
down out of your carriage, leave calling cards on little silver salvers?”
Dorothy: “So how far back do you want to go Blanche? I mean
do you still wanna be able to vote?”
Insult Watch
Sophia: “I have a license.”
Rose: “It expired years ago.”
Sophia: “I went down and had it renewed.”
Dorothy: “Look, I absolutely forbid you to do this.”
Sophia: “Why?”
Dorothy: “Because you drive like Mr. Magoo.”
Blanche: “Why, you know, it's an old Southern tradition for
the beautiful married daughter to take in her pathetic spinster sisters.”
Dorothy: “Well, when she puts it that way, it's so hard to
resist.”
Tales from the Old South
Blanche: “After George and I were married, I began to realize
that Jamie had this yen for me. Poor boy. Trapped in a seething cauldron of
forbidden passion for his gorgeous sister-in-law. There were nights when he
actually bayed at the moon. But he finally realized that I was totally
committed to George, so he threw himself into a marriage that was doomed to
failure. After 20 years they realized they had nothing in common. I can't wait
for him to get here and see how good I look.”
Dorothy: “You know, Blanche, Jamie may not see this as a
happy reunion. I mean, after all, he just lost his mother.”
Blanche: “And I just ran out of gas, but life goes on.”
Product Placement
Sophia: “It's all those foreign cars. They're unreliable.”
Dorothy: “Ma, Blanche drives a Buick.”
Sophia: “So? I'm from Sicily. To me a Buick is a foreign car.”
Rose: “God, I hate going to the supermarket.”
Dorothy: “Rose, if you'd stop playing express-line detective,
people would stop yelling at you.”
Rose: “Oh, I see. So when you're standing in line reading TV
Guide and you toss it on top of your ten items, I’m supposed to look the other
way. I think not, Dorothy.”
Sassy Sophia
Sophia: “I had a blind date. Actually, he's just legally blind.
It's Mr. Panioli. He's good-looking, he’s a lot of laughs and he can't see his
own hand in front of his face. He's happy just as long as I brush my teeth.”
Back in St. Olaf
Rose: “I remember back in St. Olaf when Inga Engstran married
her late husband's brother Lars, and the whole town was shocked. Of course, that
could've been because at the time Inga was on trial for her late husband's
dismemberment.”
Dorothy: “It was probably a factor.”
Rose: “The trial went on for months. Attorney's fees cost her
an arm and a leg.”
Sophia: “Rose, get to the part where they steal the brain out
of the dead body and sew it into your head.”
Rose: “ So anyway, she got a suspended sentence.”
Sophia: “They let her go??”
Rose: “No, they hanged her.”
Sophia: “I'm going to sleep. I don't know how long I've got,
but I deserve better company in my final years.”
Best of B.E.D.
Blanche: “I think I'll take a stroll past that new mini mall
they're building.”
Rose: “Why?”
Blanche: “Passing construction sites is good for your morale.
The sound of guys in hard hats making that sucking noise through their teeth…
makes me feel like a lady again.”
From Feud to Food
Dorothy: “Well, since Blanche is having dinner with Jamie, we
have a very important decision to make.”
Rose: “How about pizza?”
Dorothy: “Sounds great.”
Rose: “Should we go healthy and get whole-wheat crust and
low-fat cheese?”
Dorothy: “Why don't we go really high-fiber and spread
ketchup on cardboard? Pizza, dammit! Get pizza.”
What, We Can’t Learn From History?
Dorothy: “Ma, why are you carrying that phone book?”
Sophia: “I can carry a book. It's a free country. Even the
Statue of Liberty carries a book.”
Literary Intelligentsia
Dorothy: “If they want to make spies talk, they should force
them to grade junior-high English essays. Kids today can't write the English
language: ‘The characters in The Grapes
of Wrath are so real that it's interesting.’”
Rose: "Weren't they?”
Golden Quotes
Rose: “You and Jamie were close?”
Blanche: “We were classmates in high school. I thought he was
cute, but I could never date someone from my own class. Well, I'd been dating
seniors since I was 12. I had my reputation to consider.”
Dorothy: “Shut up, Ma.”
Sophia: “In my village in Sicily we had a custom. If your
mother-in-law died, you were forced to wear a hair shirt, eat dirt, and pound
your head on a rock. Anything to keep you from laughing.”
Rose: “You wore red to George's funeral?”
Blanche: “George liked red. I thought I looked terrible, but
the pictures came out fine.”
Blanche: “I am nervous. My heart's just pounding away.”
Dorothy: “Just take a deep breath.”
Blanche: “I always take a deep breath before I greet a man. It
thrusts my breasts forward.”
Jamie: “Blanche! Honey, you always did look pretty when you
held your breath.”
Jamie: “Ladies, in her all-too-infrequent letters, Blanche
has spoken of you both in glowing terms. I feel real lucky to get the chance to
know you personally.”
Rose: “Why, thank you kind sir.”
Dorothy: “You'll have to excuse Rose. Every time a man speaks
Southern at her, she goes all… stupid.”
Blanche: “I'd hardly expect Mama Devereaux to leave me the family
silver.
Jamie: “As her executor, I had to go over her will with her -
the list of beneficiaries - and, well, she was pretty far gone by then, but
when we got to your name, she kept repeating in this weak little voice, ‘I want
her to have it. I want her to have it.’”
Blanche: “Well, I am surprised.”
Jamie: “She was talking about her disease.”
Rose: “The phone book is missing.”
Dorothy: “The car's missing, the phone book is missing. If
you had a car phone, this would all come together.”
Blanche: “What's more, my female instincts tell me that Jamie
feels the same way about me. Oh, it wouldn't surprise me if one day soon Mrs. Blanche
Devereaux were to become Mrs. Blanche Devereaux.”
Sophia: “I'll alert the mailman.”
Dorothy: “It helps knowing each other's idiosyncrasies. I
don't think Stan and I would have gotten together had I known that his entire
family smells their fingers all day after they eat chicken.”
Critique:
You know, for someone who doesn’t think she looks good in red
Blanche certainly wears red a lot huh? I mean even her wedding dress was red.
But I digress. This is a fine episode. It’s a showcase for Blanche’s character;
it gives her depth but not too many particularly outstanding moments. I always
welcome episodes involving her Southern kinfolk. As long as it’s not country music
singing Big Daddy. The other one. Oy vey. I enjoy Sophia’s B story about her
wanting to drive mostly because it’s fun to imagine what Sophia looks like
trying to drive a car. The storyline goes nowhere really and is just an excuse
for Dorothy and Sophia to argue and fling insults at one another, which is fine
by me. It really deepens their fantastic relationship. Poor Rose really has
nothing to do here except go all stupid in front of Southern gentleman Jamie. The
reason Blanche thinks Jamie looks just like George is probably because they’re
played by the same actor. George Grizzard will return in a later episode as
Blanche’s dead husband George. And if you’re ever playing GG trivia and are
asked to identify either of them, George has a mustache and Jamie does not. I wish someone had pass on that bit of street smart savvy to me. GRADE: B+
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